Venus Trapped in Mars

07 May 2013

How to be the Perfect Little Lady

He deserves you at your best. If you are sick, suck it up. If you are hungover you better not show that or else he may divorce you. Stye, cold sore... STFU. He doesn't care you are ill. Now get to cleaning.

Dinner on the table by 6. If he isn't home until 930, sit at the table and don't move until his arrival. 

Clean every day. Even if you spent the whole day cleaning yesterday. Clean it all again today. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. 



And that is how it is done kids. Not that hard to please a man. Now get yourself together, go find you a boy and follow my steps. They will be putty in your hands, you sexayyy thing you! 


Venus Trapped

37 comments :

  1. thanks for the tips, i would be lost without you!!!!!!! my fave is the drinking collage.

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  2. Ha! Oh Sarah, I just snorted reading this.

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  3. i do none of these things. it's a wonder why my husband is still married to me LOL

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  4. Looks like I am set! Perfect lady over hurrrr.
    You should frame that drinking collage, stat.

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  5. ahh I see what I've been doing wrong all these years! Imma go find a man now!

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  6. I strive everyday to be the perfect woman for my manfriend. I am glad we have the same values! P.S. your pup is sooooo cute :)

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  7. My man will be so happy when I put these tips to practice!

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  8. This is just awesome! I need to start doing some of these and maybe I will get a man. ;)

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  9. My husband will be so happy that I finally got some pointers.

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  10. I love you (am I coming on too strong?) And my fiancé will be so thrilled once I implement these tips!

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  11. Haha this cracks me up. The pictures of Whataburger is making me hungry!

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  12. I love that there are more drinking pictures than anything else.

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  13. The drinking collage? Yes.

    The fast food collage? Now, I'm hungry. Gotta go get some whataburger.

    How will I ever keep my man?

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  14. Um can we talk about the neck brace incident above? What happened? And I think drinking one too many glasses of chardonnay on a Friday night and insisting that we finish some absurdly bad movie while ordering a pizza means I don't qualify for lady status.

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  15. Oh my gosh, Whataburger. You're speaking to my inner fat kid. Can I get a #1 with cheese and a Dr Pepper? And don't forget the ketchup for my fries! <3

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  16. Hahahaha! I love the drinking collage!

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  17. hahaha.. this is hilarious!

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  18. I must be the best wife everrrrrrr

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  19. Oh Whataburger, how I miss you...

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  20. so you're saying my burping (which is louder than his) is off limits. imma be a crazy cat lady at this rate and i don't even like cats.

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  21. OMG dying laughing at work!!! What a fabulous post!!!! xoxo

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  22. Fabulous. Thank you for making my morning. I feel much better about myself now.

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  23. haha love this post! i'm apparently not a perfect little lady... oops!
    -- jackiejade.blogspot.com

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  24. Hahahah!! This is insane! I love it! I guess I am the complete opposite of a perfect little lady.

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  25. BAHAHAHA. Nail on the head.
    Smart Ones is totally dinner. A fantastic dinner at that.

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  26. Hahaha so glad that I am not the only one that doesn't fit in the box. Oh. My. GOD. WHATABURGER!

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  27. Hi!! I just found you through Chits and Giggles. I'm a new follower!! Looking forward to reading through your blog. You seem pretty awesome!!

    Come check me out, and follow if you want!!
    www.hopelesslyeverafter.blogspot.com

    Kristin

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  28. I think i just died a little.

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  29. Haha this is great. It still amazes me a man wanted to actually marry me

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  30. Oh man, I'm screwed then. And girl what did you do that landed you in a neck brace!

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  31. HAHAHA I love this post!!! I'm gonna need a coach on this stuff because I am guilty of them all. I just keep it real sister - good, bad and often times ugly.

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  32. My laundry piles look similar to yours. We win.

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  33. shit. i need to revamp my un-lady-like life ASAP.
    WAIT. or can i just be the man and make shitler my lady wife?

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  34. So that's what I'm doing wrong! Now I want some Whataburger.

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