Venus Trapped in Mars

18 January 2017

Eggs Benedict Sandwiches with Beer Cheese Sauce

Messaging below is intended for ages 21+ and is intended to be enjoyed responsibly, in moderation: This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #BeersAndBuns #CollectiveBias

Has anyone seen the movie Julie and Julia? If you are not familiar, it is about a blogger (Julie) who cooks her way through Julia Child's cookbook. There are parts of the cookbook that freak her out, parts where she lies awake at night panicking over how she is going to be able to pull off some of the recipes (i.e. deboning a duck).

Well, this is how I felt about poaching an egg.

Ok so that is a bit dramatic, but I'm just really not good with eggs. I'm the biggest Eggs Benedict fan in the world though, and I knew I wanted to make Eggs Benedict for our friends when they came over for the next gameday. I've been lying awake at night, sometimes even waking up in a frantic cold sweat all over the fear of poaching an egg for these Gameday Pepperidge Farm® Eggs Benedict Sandwiches with Beer Cheese Sauce I told my friend I would make.

Jk jk jk.......... jk.
I wasn't worried at all..................

I did all of the youtubing, all of the googling to find the best way to poach an egg. I even looked up egg poaching kitchen gadgets on the web, but didn't see anything appealing. I grabbed a 12 pack of eggs from Kroger and some vinegar and I was armed and ready to get to poaching.

According to the internet (you can't put anything on the internet that isn't true) to get the perfect poached egg you need to do the following:
1. bring saucepan filled with water to a simmer
2. DO NOT add salt to water
3. Once simmering, add a dash of vinegar to water
4. Using a slotted spoon, create a whirlpool effect in the water
5. Crack egg in ramekin
6. While water is slowly whirlpooling (new word, by me) carefully drop egg in water
7. Whirlpooling water should wrap egg around itself
8. Cook egg 2-3 minutes and remove with slotted spoon
9. Place egg on kitchen paper (I was watching a British youtube channel, I will now, for the rest of my life call paper towels, kitchen paper instead because that is a way better name)

First egg I whirlpooled too fast. Second egg I still whirlpooled too fast. Third egg I whirlpooled at the right amount but dumped the egg in too slowly. Fourth egg I allowed my friend Taylor to both whirlpool and dump egg and VOILA! Perfectly poached egg!

Step 10: Find friend named Taylor to dump and whirlpool for you. (That sounded odd...)

Let's get real though, and I'm not just saying this. THESE SANDWICHES WERE THE BEST VERSION OF EGGS BENEDICT I HAVE EVER HAD. Maybe it is because I poured made from scratch beer cheese on it, maybe not. You be the judge.

Eggs Benedict Sandwiches with Beer Cheese Sauce

| Ingredients | 

For the Beer Cheese Sauce
(you WILL have extra, use like fondue and grab some carrots and cauliflower for dipping later during the second round of games)

1.5 cups Pilsner Beer

Clove of garlic minced

1 small yellow onion finely chopped

1.5 cups heavy cream

salt and pepper

6oz sharp Cheddar (grated)

6oz Swiss (grated)

4 tablespoons flour

For the Eggs Benedict Sandwich

(I got these from Kroger, they are perfect for gameday and created by bakers so you know they'll always be baked the right way!) 

Bacon (we just cooked an entire package because YOLO)

1 Avocado 

1 Tomato 

(if you've never poached an egg, get a pack of 12 so you have some extras for trial and error😂)

| Directions | 

If you have good boys and girls in your house, I suggest you start by giving them a small piece of cheese and then wash your hands so you can start cooking. 

Start by grating your two cheeses. You'll then want to heat your butter over medium heat in a saucepan. Once melted add your onions and cook until they start to get soft, about 3 minutes. Next, add in your flour and cook, stirring about 2 more minutes. Add your beer and stir until smooth.

Once beer is smooth, reduce heat and cook for another 5 minutes, allowing the alcohol to cook out. Add in your garlic and cream until the sauce thickens. Stir constantly, about 10 minutes.

Pro tip: have your boyfriend cook the bacon during this time. Steal slice of bacon and eat it while stirring.

Remove from heat and add in salt, pepper and gradually add your cheese until melted.
Set aside and keep warm.

Since your boyfriend is already cooking your bacon, you'll want to slice your tomatoes and avocados. Then POACH YOUR EGGS. Just take a deep breath and do it. If you screw up, you've got 11 more fresh eggs waiting for you. Don't sweat!

I added a touch of butter to the top of my Pepperidge Farm slider buns and popped them on to the toast for just a minute. Then assemble your sandwiches with your avocado, bacon, tomato, egg and beer cheese sauce and serve with LOTS OF KITCHEN PAPER! This will get messy.   

I'll give you a minute to pick your jaw up off the floor before I continue. 

I’ll wait for you to pour yourself a cold one, you know, to really get gameday ready!

All good? Ok here is your finished product! 

And then of course after the breaking of the yolk (aka the best part).... 

Add a frosty mug filled with your favorite Pilsner and behold, the perfect gameday treat! I used Warsteiner German Pilsener, but feel free to use your favorite pilsner-style beer. 

Be sure to grab these tasty Pepperidge Farm Slider Buns from your local Kroger and check out this site for coupons and discounts on their products! Here is the aisle where you'll find the Pepperidge Farm Slider Buns I used!

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12 January 2017

Hug Anxiety

Being a Dallas Socialite is not at the top of my wishlist. It is in no way, shape or form part of why I created Dallas Love List. I want to go to events - fo' free - with my friends and CB but other than that, while at those events, I kind of want to be invisible to the general public. For some reason I was led to believe that the minute I turned 30 it was like POOF! You'll love networking! I'm nearly a month into this whole "being 30" thing, and thus far -- still hate networking. 

It isn't that I don't want more friends, I love new friends

It's acquaintances I'm terrified of acquiring.  

Ready to hear how weird I am? 

Well, I have this thing with hugs. 

We will call it hug anxiety

I get hug anxiety way too often. I've considered becoming a "hugger" - you know, the people who waste no time at all - they just go right in for the kill the second you lock eyes. I want to be a hugger just so I can announce right off the bat, "I'm a HUGGER!!!!!" and settle the hug anxiety filling my skull. 

In a work setting, you'd think everything would be a handshake right?? Well a couple of years ago there was this work vendor who had visited the office a handful of times. I went to shake his hand and he instead hugged me and it really messed me up in the head. The entire meeting I was consumed with thoughts of, "When he leaves, are we shaking hands or hugging??????" 

When he left I went in for the most aggressive hug ever, just so there was no "hug or handshake?" question. Looking back on it, it was boarder line chest butt touchdown celebration. I was one butt smack away from joining the Cowboys O-Line. 

When I get nervous, I tend to take control and have little regard for the other person's feelings our thoughts on the matter. 

I'm nervous, so we're now hugging dammit. 

Friends - you hug.
Family - you hug. 

Acquaintances though???? 
Someone you've met 6 times, all in a social setting? 

HANDSHAKE OR HUG?????????????

And this my friends is why I don't like networking, volume 23423143234. 

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06 January 2017

We Run The East + $100 NFL Fan Shop Gift Card Giveaway

 NFL Levi's Denim Jacket (available in majority of NFL Teams, also available in Mens)
NFL Levis Western Shirt (available in majority of NFL teams and Mens)

IT'S PLAYOFF TIME IN TEXAS! My Dallas Cowboys are the number one seed in the NFC and to be quite honest, that terrifies me. I don't know what this says about me as a fan, but every week I sit there with my mouth gaping open as Dak and Zeke so casually move the ball down the field and say, "Wait, are the Cowboys good at football?????" Week after week, it freaks me out. 

Speaking of playoffs, I have some very important Fantasy Football housekeeping information to attend to. Drumroll please....

First, let's recap the VTIM 4th Annual All Girl's Fantasy Football League! BIG CONGRATS 💥💥💥are in order for our 2016 CHAMPION LARISSA! This was only Larissa's second season playing and she absolutely killed it! Her team, anchored by the league leading fantasy beast David Johnson, pulled out the championship win to bring the trophy home! Now, keep in mind this is not an easy league to win because there are 20 (YES, TWENTY!!) people in this league. So, big congrats Larissa, you should be proud of yourself!! 

Also, big shoutout to our second and third place winners who also bring home some cash money! Maddie from It's Von Miller Time took home second place and Olga's Team Rodgers That secured the third place spot!! 

Thanks to everyone who played in my league this year, it was a blast and plan on being back next year for the 5th season of our All Girl's Fantasy Football League!! 

Not to toot my own horn while we're at it, but to go ahead and toot my own horn while we're at it... I won the NFL Fan Style Blogger League! Would you believe I've been playing Fantasy Football for TEN YEARS and this is the first time I've ever won???? Needless to say, I was pretty freaking pumped for that! 

TO CELEBRATE MY VICTORY... How about $100 Gift Card Giveaway to NFL Fan Style?? All you have to do is enter on Instagram by leaving a comment on my latest post and tagging a friend. Want an extra chance to win? I'll also be giving away a second $100 Gift Card over on Dallas Love List this morning, so be sure to enter there, too!  

So, how about a little roll call!?!? Shall we?
Rep your playoff team in the comments below!! 
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05 January 2017

An Honest Review of Soul Cycle

An Honest Review of Soul Cycle

Dallas got its first Soul Cycle about a year ago, and as of my birthday, opened their second location in Uptown. Me being the super hip, posh, cool dude that I am, knew all about Soul Cycle. 

I heard about Soul Cycle from New Yorkers (I listened to Wake Up With Taylor on Cosmo radio for like 6 years- that is what I'm referring to when I say "New Yorkers") and they talked about it all the time. 

From what I had gathered, Soul Cycle was like the DryBar of workouts at $30 a pop, per class. Me being the curly headed, lazy girl that I am, would rather spend my hard earned dollars on a blowout while I sip champagne and watch closed captioning on a chick flick I never got around to seeing, than on a bike that makes my lady parts hurt. But that's just me. 

So when they offered me a few ride for free I said -- BOY, WOULD I?!?! After letting it in my account for a month and come one day from expiration, I decided it was time I tried out Soul Cycle. 

First,  I called to see if they could be used at DryBar instead. 
JK JK JK, jk. 

I had to decide what to wear. They sent me a Soul Cycle tank in the mail but I couldn't possibly wear that on my first day, so I went with my own tank I picked up at TJ's that said LAY-Z, but in the JAY-Z logo font. I felt fly as a mother. 

I walk in and I'm meeting my friend Heather, we are the first two to arrive. The studio is so bright and colorful --- literally the same colors, white and yellow, as Drybar. 

They have me sign a waiver and give me a pair of bike shoes to wear and a water bottle. 

Get this -- THE WATER BOTTLE IS SMARTWATER!?!? Like, what? Feeling real fancy RN. The shoes and the water, all free on my first visit. 

I only splurge on Smartwater if I have a UTI, so this was quite the treat for me. #JenniferAnistonVibes

We get our own lockers for FREE!!! Well, sorta free, remember class is $30 a pop. As I start to change into my bike shoes, in come the crowds. I'm not joking, literally every single person who walked in was wearing Lululemon or Soul Cycle gear from head to literally toe. Even though I'm holding smart water, at this point I'm starting to feel real poor in my target leggings that are 9+ years old. 

The door opens and we all rush to find our bike. I have bike number 22. I'm no stranger to spin class, so I'm able to get my bike setup all on my own. 

I climb on my bike and start to pedal aimlessly while I wait for class to start. Our instructor is HYPED up. He is the most adorable, spunky guy with so much energy. I then remember I'm 30 and he is probably 22 and I cry profusely. Luckily the room is black.... as are my tears.

We get up out of the saddle and turn our resistance. He cranks up the tunes and no more than 26 seconds into the class I realize I've made a massive mistake on the amount of resistance I've added. Not wanting everyone to realize that I'm giving up and decreasing resistance 26 seconds into the class, I try and think of creative ways to decrease said resistance. 

Giving literal meaning to the "thick thighs save lives" expression, I manage to turn the resistance knob to the left with my thigh and I feel like I've just solved Pi. Ahhh, much better and no one knows I'm a total slacker giving up 26 seconds in

The music they play (this class was a mix of EDM and Rap) is not only excellent, it is a thing of beauty timed with the routine. This class was fascinating, it was like spin class meets kickboxing meets zumba meets a choreographed hip hop dance routine. Even though I was dying a slow and sweaty death, I could still appreciate the work someone put into this routine. 

When the beat dropped, we dropped. We essentially did push ups to the beat of the music... WHILE still maintaining a gruesome spin class. It was every much an arm workout as it was a leg workout. Not to ruin my reputation here, might I even add that it was fun? Don't tell anyone I told you that. 

Although it was fun at times, I most certainly wanted to Alex Mack it on out of there by dissolving into a puddle of water and oozing through the room, and out via the crack in the bottom of the door without anyone noticing. Heck, I was already a puddle of water from sweat, I was halfway there. 

Would you believe there are arm weights secured to the back of the bike, and a full on 10 minutes arm weight routine during the class??? We did boxing punches and bicep and tricep lifts, all still timed to the beat of the music. I have what my family refers to as the "Burnette" arm (think a ham hock waving hello) so I won't argue that I needed this part of the workout. 

At one point the instructor told us that anyone who walks through those doors can accomplish anything they put their minds to. They also mentioned to the newbies that it takes 3 soul cycle classes to really get the feel for it. I bet it does, at $30 a pop. 

You know how Planet Fitness' motto is, "No Gymtimidation"? Well, Soul Cycle was the exact opposite of that, just a warning. I was intimidated the entire time, but it was still something I would absolutely do again. 

Soul Cycle was fun, it was exhilarating, it was a party, it was expensive (if I had paid), it was insanely difficult, it was addicting and it was intimidating all at once. The instructor was absolutely amazing, the music was perfect and the routine was outstanding. It was unique and it was nothing like anything you'll ever see offered at your gym's spin studio. 

They sent me an introductory offer after my first class last night, $60 for 3 classes. I'll probably take it because skinny tastes as good as money feels. Or something like that. 

I'll be a broke bombshell in no time! 

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