Venus Trapped in Mars

23 April 2013

Things I Admire


Good lord in heaven, how do you do this?
You must not own a dog, right? No dog hair or toys to pick up?
You must not have a bathroom? Right? I cannot keep that thing clean to save my life.
You mean to tell me that you take the clothes out of the dryer and fold them, in the same day week?
You really, seriously, make the bed each morning? WHY?
What about rings from drink glasses? You can't possibly tell me you are always using a coaster. 
You mean to say you are getting out the duster on the reg and cleaning that fan? For real?
I admire you, neat freaks. You impress me.

After 5 minutes I feel like Mimi from the Drew Carrey show is line dancing on my lungs.
Couch to 5k is exhausting. Ok maybe I can attempt it on the treadmill but never outside. 
What about hills? You just mosey up those hills like it is your job?
On the treadmill, I feel like I'm kicking butt and taking names at 4.5mph... I see you at 7.5mph. What gives??
Doesn't your butt hurt when it bounces up and down from the pressure? Maybe that is just me.
I admire you, runners. You impress me.

As I've mentioned a million times, I often find lean cuisines to be tedious. 
When I get home from work, I just want to eat. I don't want to stand there for more than 5 minutes.
But YOU... you cooks you... standing there, moving around, grabbing pans
mixing sauces, being patient...
READING DIRECTIONS?!?!
Where do you find the energy for such endeavors? 
I admire you, cooks. You impress me.

You thousand fan bloggers you. 
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
Are there even 1,000 people on the internet that know how to use the GFC button?
99.9% of people I talk to outside of blog land wouldn't know how to leave a comment here.
But you thousand fan bloggers, 
you.... with your 54 comments per post. Touche. 
I admire you, 1,000 fan bloggers. You impress me.

You dancers and your butt rolling thing you do.
You Zumba people and your ability to move your arms in a completely different direction than everything else.
DEAR GOD HOW DO YOU DO THAT SHIMMY THING WITH YOUR CHEST???
I can catch any kind of object that is falling at FREAK speeds, but shake my fanny. No.
I admire you, dancers. You impress me.



You Vloggers and your video blogs. I thought you would be easy. 
I started watching Daily Grace and I thought, well dang, I can do that. I'm funny (ish)
You are just sitting there making me laugh by being awkward and saying things that are constantly going through my mind. You are just answering people's questions! I do that every day!!!
Well, touche Vloggers, touche. 
Last night, I learned that YOU are incredible. 
As I sat down to do a Vlog last night and the camera timer ticked 3...2...1...ACTION
I was transformed into Ricky Bobby. Talk about camera shy.... 
Maybe I needed a script. Maybe I just should never do that, ever again. But dear lord, this was bad.
I admire you, Vloggers. You impress me. 

Here is my 10 seconds of hell I spent in front of the camera last night. 
Vlogging = not for me.
(Doesn't mean I won't try it again)


Venus Trapped

44 comments :

  1. My boyfriend is a neat freak. And we have two dogs in the house. I don't know he does it. I get too lazy. And then I feel bad because I'm not helping him clean. But seriously!?!?

    And I admire blogs with 1000+ followers. I have almost 400 but only like 8-10 comments per post. WHERE ARE THE REST OF THE 400 FOLLOWERS!?! lol

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  2. I can't even handle how funny you are- but I'm going to try- because I thoroughly enjoy your blog. To all of the above things, yes, except shimmying, I can do a mean shimmy. Your first vlog is fantastic.

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  3. I think you should do a weekly vlog, just like that. I can't even facetime people without getting awkward and hanging up (telling them I had a bad connection).

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    Replies
    1. OMG OMG OMG FACETIME IS TERRIBLE!!!!!!

      here are my FaceTime conversations:
      "Heyyyyyyyyy ok so whats up? uhhhhh okkkkk so what else is up? Anything else up? Ok I'm going to let you go now, bye"

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  4. I admire all of these traits too, except the cooking because I am pretty skilled in the kitchen (mostly because I like to eat!) I have no doubt you will have a thousand and five followers in like a week though, because your blog is just great. I attempted to run two miles last night and I thank you for describing the feeling I couldn't quite put into words as I was too out of breath from Mimi and her crazy eye shadow wearing ass dancin' on my lungs!

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  5. I don't cook, run or have a spotless home. The whole husband, two kids and two dogs makes that impossible. I almost have 1000 followers though. I did it the long, hard way. It took four years. I didn't have giveaways every week or have posts featured on big time blogs. I read many blogs, comment and network like a fool. Finally, the number 1000 is almost in site. What annoys me are the bloggers who get a 1000 in less than a month. Bitch, how did you do that?

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  6. And, I just watched your vlog. HAHAHAHA!

    Best 10 seconds ever.

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  7. i can't watch your vlog because it's blocked at work. but i promise i will. the end.

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  8. so like did your sheets ever make it back to the bed then or do you have to wait at least a week to put them back on the bed?!

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  9. I love this post...so great! I'm totally with you on the 1,000 fans thing. I'm holding steady at 39 followers and to me, that is success.

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  10. best vlog award goes to you! made me laugh out loud.

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  11. I just did my first vlog last week and it was a mess. I feel for you girl, I feel for you! Neat freaks can go to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks.

    xoxoxo,
    -- www.dysfunctionaleverafter.com

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  12. I think you are hilarious and fantastic :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you thank you thank you!! It wouldn't let me email you back, I hope you get this comment :)

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  13. Oh gosh hahaha I can not even handle how much you had me laughing! You are hilarious! I have to agree with everything you said! Especially about dancing.. Hahhaha I am the whitest girl around... I cannot dance! And have definitely looked at people and thought "DEAR GOD HOW DO YOU DO THAT SHIMMY THING WITH YOUR CHEST?" Ahhh if only! Love your blog, super glad I found it!

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  14. seriously LOVE your vlog! so amazing!!

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    Replies
    1. Haha! Thanks! Perhaps I am not meant to be behind a camera!

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  15. I was gonna leave a comment, but then I remembered my sheets are in the wash so I've gotta go remove them from the dryer and then let them sit there unfolded for a week.

    P.S. - You make my life happier.

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  16. I agree with Stephanie, weekly vlogs pleaase. It's okay, I get camera shy just sending pictures on snapchat, lord help me if I ever try a vlog!

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  17. This absolutely cracked me up! Hilarious!

    I am a neat freak...I wasn't always and the fact that I make my bed every morning actually scares me a little. I'm not sure how it happened.

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  18. I've never been able to shimmy to save my life. And oh how I wish I was a neat freak...

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  19. because i have a 4yr old, there is no way i could keep my house as organized as i want (i've tried and failed every single time) because living with a 4yr old is like living with the tazmanian devil.

    i don't get the 1000+ bloggers either... how do you have time to lurk all those blogs and make connections with them? that's like a second job!

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    1. I think 4 year olds and jack russell terriers probably fall into the same group level of destruction.

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  20. Good lord, please Vlog again. You are hilarious, girl!

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    1. Thank you!!! It wouldn't let me email you back a comment! I hope you see this :) :) :)

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  21. Shoot girl...those 1,000 follower blogs got nothin on you! You're well on your way.

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    1. I just cried a little bit! That was so nice thank you!!!

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  22. I think you are the funniest girl on the internet!

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  23. You are killing me! Stop. Seriously. Dying.

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  24. hahaha I am dying - this is great! and you'll be one of those thousand fans bloggers in no time. you soooo funnay!

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  25. Please vlog again. Also- I will totally come and cook for you. I have a feeling you will find yourself with lots of followers someday too!

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  26. I definitely admire all of those people too. I try so hard to be a neat freak, but with two big dogs and a son it is impossible (and no that stupid word doesn't spell I'm possible, ugh). Same with the running, it hurts my butt too much. There is way too much bounce going on back there for running to be comfortable, not to mention I can't breathe to save my life. However, I can dance! I freaking love Zumba!!
    & Girl, you are going to be at 1,000 readers in NO TIME. Your blog pretty much rocks my socks off, and I like to keep my socks on.
    That vlog was hilarious - do it again!

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  27. I love every single little thing about this post. I want you to move to Knoxville right this minute. You are GORGEOUS my friend and I love your vlog - hahaha!

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  28. SO i have to admit to loving to cook.
    so that means by default you admire me - you REALLY admire me.

    congrats on the VLOG - that shit was hilar. and awkward. so bravo.

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  29. I think on Neatfreaks you also need to add people that iron their sheets. Yes for sure!!!

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  30. ok testing out new credentials instead of the no-reply blogger thing....

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  31. Your hysterical and I adore you. YOU impress me!

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  32. While I am a neat freak (minus the bed making)... I totally stand with you on the dancers. WHY God, WHY can I not dance ot save my life?

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  33. hahaha, all of these- yes. :)
    xoxo Aimee
    bowsandbeau-ties.blogspot.com

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  34. Hellllloooo. This post currently has 41 comments. What about those apples, miss "54 comment big bloggers". I'm jealous.

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  35. As I am blogging newb and can't even figure out how to get GFC on my blog, YOU impress ME! :)

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  36. If I could do any one of those things I would be happy.

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