Things I Admire

Good lord in heaven, how do you do this?

You must not own a dog, right? No dog hair or toys to pick up?

You must not have a bathroom? Right? I cannot keep that thing clean to save my life.

You mean to tell me that you take the clothes out of the dryer and fold them, in the same day week?

You really, seriously, make the bed each morning? WHY?

What about rings from drink glasses? You can't possibly tell me you are always using a coaster. 

You mean to say you are getting out the duster on the reg and cleaning that fan? For real?

I admire you, neat freaks. You impress me.

After 5 minutes I feel like Mimi from the Drew Carrey show is line dancing on my lungs.

Couch to 5k is exhausting. Ok maybe I can attempt it on the treadmill but never outside. 

What about hills? You just mosey up those hills like it is your job?

On the treadmill, I feel like I'm kicking butt and taking names at 4.5mph... I see you at 7.5mph. What gives??

Doesn't your butt hurt when it bounces up and down from the pressure? Maybe that is just me.

I admire you, runners. You impress me.

As I've mentioned a million times, I often find lean cuisines to be tedious. 

When I get home from work, I just want to eat. I don't want to stand there for more than 5 minutes.

But YOU... you cooks you... standing there, moving around, grabbing pans

mixing sauces, being patient...

READING DIRECTIONS?!?!

Where do you find the energy for such endeavors? 

I admire you, cooks. You impress me.

You thousand fan bloggers you. 

HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

Are there even 1,000 people on the internet that know how to use the GFC button?

99.9% of people I talk to outside of blog land wouldn't know how to leave a comment here.

But you thousand fan bloggers, 

you.... with your 54 comments per post. Touche. 

I admire you, 1,000 fan bloggers. You impress me.

You dancers and your butt rolling thing you do.

You Zumba people and your ability to move your arms in a completely different direction than everything else.

DEAR GOD HOW DO YOU DO THAT SHIMMY THING WITH YOUR CHEST???

I can catch any kind of object that is falling at FREAK speeds, but shake my fanny. No.

I admire you, dancers. You impress me.

You Vloggers and your video blogs. I thought you would be easy. 

I started watching Daily Grace and I thought, well dang, I can do that. I'm funny (ish)

You are just sitting there making me laugh by being awkward and saying things that are constantly going through my mind. You are just answering people's questions! I do that every day!!!

Well, touche Vloggers, touche. 

Last night, I learned that YOU are incredible. 

As I sat down to do a Vlog last night and the camera timer ticked 3...2...1...ACTION

I was transformed into Ricky Bobby. Talk about camera shy.... 

Maybe I needed a script. Maybe I just should never do that, ever again. But dear lord, this was bad.

I admire you, Vloggers. You impress me. 

Here is my 10 seconds of hell I spent in front of the camera last night. 

Vlogging = not for me.

(Doesn't mean I won't try it again)

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I Want To Talk About The Gym Again and This is My Blog So I Do What I Want

Checklist... have you completed all of these tasks?

 *crap*

If you arrive past class start time, it is considered very rude to interrupt a class that has already begun.

Whatever you do, do not speed. Do not put yourself in ANY kind of danger.

Tell your friend to wait for you, you are almost there....

You wouldn't want her to worry 

Also, you wouldn't want her to go in without you... You will still need your drinking buddy for the bar.

For Several Reasons..

1. In case you are too late for class, you look great for the bar. Young professional = all the rage

2. When you walk in make sure people see you with your hair down and nice clothes, because when you leave looking like Who Shot John, they will remember you were once pretty. 

3. Be sure to spend a lot of time in the locker room getting ready. Tie shoes tight, maybe untie them and tie them again a few times just to be sure you are safe from ankle injuries. 

Warning: Number 3 may take some time, and you MAY miss the beginning of class. This is OK because you were being safe and safety comes first, always.

So you made it to class, lucky you. Now what?

                                                        

For the love of all things holy, you were forced against your will by your friend to go, you avoided highway delays, traffic violations, speeding, changing clothes, and shoe tying delays. Plus you are now going to have to wash your hair even though you washed it just yesterday morning. 

CHECK THE F IN. 

You deserve every last person on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Myspace, Friendster to know that you are at the GYM workin on your fitness.

If you don't have foursquare, here are good ways to let people know where you are. 

              

Front row: I'm the best in this class, no one try and mess with me or I'll kick you in the throat

Second Row: One day I'll be brave enough to go to the front row, but for now, I'm safe here

Third Row: I should be at the bar right now. Why was there no traffic??

Back Row: Please don't let me die today, please don't let me die today. Will they judge me if I leave early? Will anyone notice? Will I be made fun of? Maybe I can pretend to get water then leave instead.

                      

Do not ask someone what equipment you need for the class

Do not ask if the class is hard

Do not ask how long the class is

Do not make eye contact with anyone else around you

Give bitchy looks like you are in a fierce competition and questions will disqualify you.

Unless you want the instructor to be on you like white on rice for the remainder of the hour

Keep it to yourself that you are new.

They don't make these classes at Ikea... I promise you will be able to figure it out.

If you can't do this...

Just jump up and down like the white girl you know you are.

Jumping is good enough. 

            

You deserve it you marathon runner you. 

Great work today.

I am now having an aneurysm from that Beyonce gif, I should probably not go to the gym today.

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What Your Workout Clothes Say About You

Going to group fitness classes really allows you to see many different kinds of people from all different walks of life. Last night during Turbo Kick, and even the night before during Zumba, I got to thinking about workout outfits. I think they really say a lot about a person.

(That intro was just a ploy to impress you and make you aware I went to the gym two days in a row)

Head to toe Lululemon says:

I drove past Target, TJ Maxx, Dicks Sporting Goods, Nike Outlet Store, Under Armour Outlet Store, Reebok Outlet Store, Adidas Outlet Store, New Balance, then walked into the mall and walked right past Footlocker, Lady Footlocker, Champs, Famous Footwear, Sports Authority and Finish Line to buy these clothes. 

I will only shop at J.Crew

I light multiple candles every single night when I get home

Everything in my apartment is white

I had a salad for lunch

I do anything Pinterest tells me to do

My dog is white, fluffy and most importantly, hypoallergenic 

All Neon Everything Says:

I have to wear this or I won't go to the gym

If I skip the gym, at least I will still look good in these clothes at happy hour

I have a spray tan membership

I never go to the gym alone

I had to remove the tags from everything on my body for this workout today

I wish it was Summer all year round

I use an enormous amount of emojis 

I checked in on foursquare, facebook and twitter

Working Out With Your Hair Down says:

I am a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader

I'm doing yoga today

I'm insane

I like the feeling of wet noodles slathered all over my shoulders

I used a sunshine sticker in my planner today

I ordered a White Zin at dinner last night

Is this tuna I'm eating or is this chicken?

What Shorts and a Tshirt Says:

I played high school soccer

I come here a lot 

I am who you are dying to be in your after picture

I have had these shorts since freshman year of high school

Six races ago, I got this shirt free from a 10k 

You shouldn't get on the treadmill next to me, I'll embarrass you

I wear headphones while riding in my car

I don't do Zumba

You will see this run on instagram via Nike App. You will tell me great job, but really want to kill me

I take 1-2 selfies a day showing off my abs

Wearing Toning Shoes Says:

You can find me walking on the treadmill for 20 minutes at a 2.0 pace

I have tube socks on

I purchased multiple ab rollers over the years.

I work out at Curves

I am on Atkins // Jenny Craig // Weight Watchers // Zone Diet // Nutrisystem

I had pizza and three cupcakes for lunch

I drink Diet Coke all day long

I watch Dancing with the Stars

I'm 5 foot 3

Wearing Cut Up Tshirts says:

I have 16 DIY Dipped Glitter Projects in limbo

I have no idea what to do with the 467 Sorority Shirts from college

I'm not going anywhere near the gym, I made this to sleep in

I asked for gift certificates to the container store for Christmas

I pin a lot of Grumpy Cat

I follow 988 blogs on Bloglovin

I have a monogram on my iphone case

I am a newlywed 

I just poured a glass of wine

I have every season of the Bachelor recorded on my DVR and refuse to delete it. 

Wearing Class Themed Workout Gear Says:

I went to the teacher's office hours in college

I am a hoarder

You will get behind me thinking I'm an expert at this class, but I'm actually worse than you are

I go the opposite direction of everyone else during Zumba

I give high fives to my neighbors

When I say "Are You Ready to Sweat?" and you don't say "YES!!!" loud enough,

 I make you say it again, only this time like you mean it.

I'm Facebook friends with the instructor

I practice the dances in the mirror right before class starts

Wearing Workout Accessories Says:

I will be leaving this class halfway through

I came in late

I am wearing only a sports bra and bike shorts

I am pale

I did not shave my armpits

My calfs look like upside down bowling pins

I carried in a oversized adidas duffle bag, even though I came fully dressed in gym attire

I am the naked lady walking around in the locker room

I change into Birkenstocks when I leave

I am a women's rights activist. 

SO... which one are you?

EVEN BETTER QUESTION....

Which one do you think I AM???

Follow me on twitter if you want to find out!

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