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10 April 2013

I'm Jinxed.... This is my 12 Step Program with Unjeeenx, God of Unjinxing

Hi, I'm Sarah and I'm an Alcoh Jinxed.
The second I start rooting for a team, 
they crash and burn. 
It's not a slow downfall, it is like the great crash of 29 downfall. 

Proof is in the pudding:

Tennessee Vols Football: Not a fan prior to 2004 when I started attending college...
Then they plummeted.

Ok, how about that time I moved to Dallas right at the end of the Texas Rangers season? 
Oh right, went from best record in baseball to NOT EVEN MAKING THE PLAYOFFS.

Oh and there was that time that I wrote THIS post about Josh Hamilton and his incredible season and then he proceeded to slip into the biggest hitting slump of his career. 

I can't even begin to count the number of times I have said, "Well, looks like they got this won!"
Followed by complete and utter meltdown with seconds left in the game. (Celtics -- playoffs 2012)

So this is now an open prayer to Unjeeenx
God of all unjinxing
 I'm sure you are reading, I bet you read every day (obvi)
 Please unjinx me.

So here I am, admitting I have a problem and that is the first step right?
I'm gonna go ahead and knock out the other 11 steps right now...
Just to be sure you understand I'm serious.

1. I admitted I was powerless over jinxing, that my life has become totally jinxable
2. I have come to believe that only a power greater than myself can restore my unjixing-ness
3. I have made a decision to turn my will and my jinxing over to the care of Unjeenx, as I understand
4. I have made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself (not sure what this means but yes)
5. I have admitted to Unjeeenx, to myself and to another human being (bloggers everywhere) the exact nature of my jinxing
6. I am ready to have God remove all these defects of character (just jinxing, good everywhere else)
7. Humbly asked Unjeeenx to remove my short-jinxings
8. Made a list of all persons I have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all
Vols Football Fans
Vols Basketball Fans
Lady Vol Basketball Fans
Dallas Cowboy Fans
Atlanta Braves Fans
Texas Rangers Fans
Boston Celtics Fans
Boston Red Sox Fans
Dallas Mavericks Fans
New Orleans Saints Fans
Indianapolis Colts Fans
Denver Broncos Fans
VCU Fans
Cincinnati Bengals Fans
Cincinnati Reds Fans 
Any fantasy football players that have joined my team in the past 6 years, fans
Sergio Garcia fans
Chicago Cubs Fans.
Slot Machines I sit down at
Raffles I enter
Team Trivia teammates 
March Madness Brackets I fill out
Fantasy Football leagues I play in
Super Bowl betting
(I think I got everyone I have ever cheered for)
All these fans will say THANK YOU if you just unjinx me.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (Yuppers, See list above)
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when I am wrong, promptly admit it. 
(I promise to never call the game early, before there is no time left on the shot clock)
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with Unjeeenx 
(Does Tweeting to @Unjeeenx count?)
12. Having a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. 
Spirit is up, and said Spirit is never hittin that snooze button, like, ever. 
Pinky Swear.

So are we good?

Venus Trapped


  1. hahaha why is the god of unjinxing a big old green egg? i like it.

  2. you're hilarious. love your blog! I'm jinxed too. I've only ever been to one NFL game where my team won. It's a rough life. Good luck :)

  3. Please don't move to Chicago, the Cubs can't handle any extra jinxes.... the goat is enough!

  4. I'm sports jinxed too! not so much in the regular season (cause my favorite teams already suck as is.. gotta love Cleveland) but whomever I think is going to win the super bowl//college bowl games//march madness//etcetc they always lose. I'm fully convinced that there is a sports jinx, and I'm cursed.

  5. I like to think my teams suck before I pick them. I mean, the Cubs have sucked much, MUCH longer than I've been alive...
    But yes, I won't actually watch games of my teams. 100% of the time, they lose when I watch, win when I don't. So I just drink and watch the highlights on Sportscenter.

  6. Don't cheer for the Denver Broncos this upcoming season. Please and thank you ;-)

  7. As a UT fan, I appreciate that you're taking responsibility in our decline. Someone needed to. ;)

  8. stay awwwwwway from Knoxville this fall girl because we are due for a rise back to the top!

  9. I thought we were friends. And then I saw you were a celtics fan. I am sorry.
    I hate everything Boston

  10. i swear to god if you so much as THINK about loving the brewers or the packers i will lovingly punch you in the face. they can lose all on their own thank you very much.


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