Venus Trapped in Mars

03 October 2014

How To Spot A Gator // Third Down For What?

Before I get into today's post, I thought I would introduce you to my new bestie! 
Meet Lil Jon...

Mr. Jon has 1 million followers on twitter. Yes that is million, with an M. Well, on Wednesday afternoon, Mr. Jon retweeted me to his 1 million followers... Oh Em Gee.

And then, sometime around 7pm that evening, my phone started blowing up because my tweet was featured on ESPN's website. Oh ok so OH EMMM GEEE AGAIN. 

Just proving the point that if you work hard and are nice to people, Lil Jon will retweet you and you will have about 37 seconds of internet fame. Also, would it be inappropriate to email ESPN and ask them to link to VTIM rather than my twitter account? Hmmm....

And now on to our regularly scheduled programming. Since it is Florida Hate Week (aka Florida vs Tennessee this weekend... Tennessee is on a 9 year losing streak) I've got a special post for you today. This was originally a guest post I wrote for a fellow Gator Hater last year, and one I am quite proud of and feel needs to be brought back to life this year. 

*disclaimer, if you are a Florida fan, feel free to write a rebuttal! I'd love to see how you can spot a VOL :) 

1. They're Wearing Jorts.
I hope that red head has sunscreen on. Nothing worse than a jorts tan line, it makes your denim bikini look turrible. 

2. They're a Virgin (who can't drive)
If I had to guess, I would attribute this to the wearing of jorts 24/7.

3. They Look Like They're Inviting You to Play Miss Mary Mack
Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack all dressed in black black back with silver buttons buttons buttons. Warning: this can be deceiving. As a lover of Miss Mary Mack, I was disappointed when I got slapped across the face after trying to engage in the popular clapping game with that old lady.

4. They have beautiful blonde locks 
Just maybe not all over their head...

5. They're sporting the gator logo in pink
If you read my blog, you won't need any further explanation.

6. They're a killer athlete

7. They're Losing

It's all in good fun, gator fans. I'm sure you think us Vol fans don't have any teeth and we all marry our cousins. Well, he was a second cousin, only missing six teeth and it was just once, thank you very much. Go Big Orange! (No Gators Allowed)

Before I sign out today, I've got even more sports for you! Hooray... best Fan Friday EVER! Kate from Classy Living is here with HER story about how football sucked her in (finally, right? It is the best evahhh) Take it away girlfriend! 
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Hey y'all!  I'm Kate and I blog over at Classy Living.  I'm a fourth grade teacher by day and somehow manage to balance that with my life as a newlywed.  In my spare time, I like to cook and experiment with recipes that are naturally gluten-free, teach Zumba at some local gyms, and binge watch Netflix (OITNB anyone??)
So now that we're practically besties, can I tell you a secret?

My name is Kate, and I am TOTALLY over blogland's obsession with fall.  Also, I hate pumpkin spice lattes.

Can we still be friends?  Because it seems like everyone out there can't stop talking about Starbucks and its resurrected favorite fall flavor.


The other thing I've seen bloggers (especially Sarah!) talk about lately is football.  Based upon what you know about me, do you think I really care about watching men in tight pants run around and jump on top of each other?
Why do they ALL have to jump on top of the poor guy?  I mean, he's down.  One person tackled him. Isn't that enough?

Here's the deal.  I have never played a team sport.  I danced ballet my whole life.  I once hit a kid in the face with a frisbee.  And to top it off, I don't have any brothers.

If you'd asked me my feelings on football about two years ago, I would have laughed and told you I couldn't care less about the silly sport.  But now?  I've totally changed my tune.

It all started with Walker, my husband.  He was born in Dallas and lived there for a few years, so he always considered the Cowboys his favorite team and followed them religiously.  I am from a suburb of Philadelphia, and here in South Jersey, we like to call that Dallas team the "Cowgirls" (sorry, Sarah).  Let's just say that Dallas fans and Philly fans do not get along.  When my dad (a devoted Eagles fan) found out that Walker regularly rooted for the "Cowgirls", he was understandably displeased.  After about a year or so of bantering back and forth, Walker decided that it would be easier to choose a new team to support rather than argue with my father all winter long.

And so began the process of picking a new team.  The only concrete requirement was that they couldn't be part of the NFC East (the division of the Eagles and the Cowboys).  Walker, of course, wanted a team that was relatively high ranked, and all I really cared about were the colors and the team name.

For example, I was NOT, under any circumstances going to root for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  That's way too many syllables!  And the Miami Dolphins?  Teal and orange are not really my thing.  Oh, and can we please discuss the Redskins?  Who wants to think of SKIN while watching football?  (Plus, they're in the NFC East)

Ultimately, it came down to the Carolina Panthers, the Atlanta Falcons, and the Baltimore Ravens.  Aaaaannnnddd, we picked the Ravens!

Here's why I allowed it:
  1. Their colors are purple and black.  I'm totally down with the idea of wearing purple every Sunday!
  2. Baltimore is actually the city directly between our homes.  I'm closest to Philadelphia and Walker's closest to DC, so Baltimore is perfectly in the middle
  3. They had Michael Oher at the time we decided to be fans.  Have you seen The Blind Side?  I LOVE HIM!

Turns out, the Ravens are actually pretty good*!  They won the Superbowl 2013, which was super exciting to watch.  I now understand why people yell at their TVs and cling onto the arms of couches for dear life.

The only downside?  The games are crazy long and my attention span just doesn't last for all four quarters.  You could say that after two years, I'm still easing my way into the whole thing.  I wonder if writing a Ravens-themed blog post with the game on the background counts as "watching"...
*Disclaimer: I am absolutely disgusted with the Ray Rice situation and feel sick to my stomach about the way that the owners of the team handled everything.  I do not support the way that the NFL treated such a delicate matter, and it's a tough situation to deal with as a fan.  I know it was initially said that John Harbaugh (the coach) wanted to cut him immediately, and now that Ravens as a whole are saying something different.  To be honest, it's hard to know who or what to believe.  All I can say is that I am hopeful that the team will be able to move forward from this and the franchise will be able to right its wrongs.


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  1. haha this is so awesome on so many levels. first, you and lil jon won the internet. so amazing. and CRUNK. second, this post is hilarious I can just see you googling " ugly florida fans"

  2. This is gold. The Gators are the worst. So GO VOLS this weekend... Since the Dawgs already beat y'all, it's okay to say that.

  3. Congrats on you tweet being on ESPN.

  4. Nothing would please me more then seeing Tennessee take it too the Gators this weekend. It would be mass chaos down in Gainesville if that happened. And I would love every second of it!!!


  5. ERMAHGERRRDDDD LIL JOHN!!!!! Since you know me and know i'm in ATL you know I'm dyinnnnggggg right now! SO much so that I had to extennndddd myyyy wooorrrddddssssss!!!! You lucky duck! and I HATE THE GATORS! *rolltide ;)

  6. this is the most accurate description of Florida fans I have ever seen. Did you know they make orange denim? one year at Georgia Florida I met a man wearing orange denim jorts. You can't even make that up.

  7. I am a Gator Alum so you would think I would HATE this post but its pretty darn hilarious! But we are still gonna beat Tennessee's butt tomorrow :)

  8. You are too much. But really, what is WITH the jorts?

  9. fun fact: i tried to explain third down for what to shitler last night. i'd like to think that he's just not cool enough to understand it but the reality is that i celebratory drank too much because of the hurt the packers put on the vikings and i was probably just poorly explaining it. but the moral of the story is that i really, really like saying "THIRD DOWN FOR WHAT?!" like a lot.

  10. Absolutely Cray Cray Awesome, CB better watch it since Lil' John don't be turning it down he maybe making a move on VTIM. Seriously, this is fantastic. Congrats! And may your VOLS be making some gator burgers

  11. I am not a sports fan (blasphemy, I know) and maybe that's why I have never seen anything like this, but where on earth did you find all those hicks? Holy mother, makes me question my choice of moving to Florida.


  12. Miss mary mack mack mack all dressed in black black black.... Going to have that little ditty in my head all day. I may need to hit up my local elementary school to get a refresher on the hand movements though.

  13. Whooo hoo Sarah but OMG that game was freaking intense. The fourth quarter almost killed me.

  14. AH you're so famous! My team (East Carolina University) is playing Florida IN The Swamp in 2015, we haven't played them since 1983 so I am ecstatic. My husband and I already have a giant water jug we're throwing money in to finance our trip to Gainesville.

  15. Can I steel this for when FSU plays the Gators in November please?


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