Venus Trapped in Mars

02 October 2014

The World of Coupons

I've never clipped a coupon a day in my life. 

I roll my eyes at the lady who argues 3 minutes of her life away over a 30 cent off coupon for a 32oz bottle of simply orange. 

Coupon Lady: Ma'am, Ma'am Ma'am now wait a gosh darned minute... it didn't ring my 30 cents off this bottle of Simply Orange. 
Cashier: *Calls manager* 
Manger waddles over
Manger: now which item is it we are looking at? 
*all three dig through spinning plastic bag holder thing-a-mah-bob (yes that is the official term)
Coupon Lady: *Holds up Simply Orange*
Cashier: yah so I tried to scan her coupon but it didn't take the 30 cents off
Coupon Lady: Yeah this is the correct bottle this is what the coupon is for
Manager: *instructs cashier instead of just pressing the buttons himself (teach a man to fish and all...)* Now press back. Press Override. No, sorry hit override again. Wait why isn't override working? Oh, press back again. And hit zero. THEN press override. Press Back. Enter $5.49. Press discount. Enter discount. *Looks back at coupon to check what the discount was because remembering is hard*
Coupon Lady: *screams* 30 CENTS!!
Manager: Oh ok, enter -$0.30. Hit override. Enter. Enter six times. Override again. Ok there. Discount taken, ma'am. *Looks back at 40 people in line and apologizes for the wait.*

Me in line: *angry red faced emoji* 

So yeah, I'm not a coupon fan. 

I mean dang, just get the Kroger brand, why do you need Simply Orange?? Is your sensitive orange juice palette so refined that you require Simply Orange? Will your taste buds pack up and abandon you if you get the Kroger brand OJ? Why don't you just go and marry the Simply Orange if you love it that much??! 

I usually get my kicks by selecting the items that are 10 for 10 at Kroger, and buying six bottles of wine for that extra 10% off. 

That was until my life as I knew it turned upside down when I stumbled upon the digital coupon library on Kroger's website. I went to put my prescription on auto refill, when I noticed a little button that said savings. I like to savings and junk, so I clicked it, thinking I would miraculously get my $9 BC for free, or that it would come with a free box of tampons or something. 

I just add it to my Kroger Plus Card? I don't have to hand them an embarrassing wadded up 30 cent off Simply Orange coupon? Well, I bet it is all just junk I'll never buy, let's take a look, what else do I have to do while I wait for my BC to fill......
I mean, we're talking...
Swiffers (duh need that)
Laundry Detergent (duh need that)
Paper Towels (duh need that)
Trash Bags (duh need that)
SELF Healthy Kitchen Meals (OMGEE) (duh need that)
A BOX of Tomato Soup (didn't even know that existed but duh need that)

And before you knew it I had blacked out and there were 48 coupons pre-loaded on my card and I felt the sudden urge to smoke a cigarette for the first time. 

Seriously people, this is not a sponsored post. Did you know this digital coupon world existed? And not only that it existed but was full of USEFUL coupons like venus razors and swiffer sweepers???! 

Like, double you tee eff man

I suddenly have a new lease on life. I feel like I've solved PI. This is how Lewis and Clark must have felt. Also don't ask me to elaborate further on Lewis and Clark because I'm not totally sure what it was they found but it was for sure something equivalent to the world of digital coupons.


  1. I just started couponing also, and the first time I saved $18.00 and I sang "A Whole New World" as I exited Kroger. It was the best day of my life. I am now a believer.

  2. Paper coupons are a pain, but our grocery store has an app that lets you add coupons while you're shopping and that's pretty nice. Sometimes I still forget about it, and other times I load up coupons and then don't actually buy the right brands. :P Coupon-er failure right here.

  3. I love this and I love you. Kroger is my happy place. Is that weird?

  4. Digital coupons are the way to go!
    I feel about paper couponers the way I feel about people who still pay for things with a check...

  5. I don't have a Kroger in PA but I wonder if any of my stores do this.. I feel like my head is going to explode. I NEVER KNEW THIS WORLD OF COUPONS EXISTED. I get so annoyed with the coupon people (or worse.. the people who still write out checks *cringe*) I am doing research on this now!

  6. Sarah, just wait. After you've used the Kroger Digital coupons for a few months, a new link will appear that says something like "my exclusive coupons". I now get coupons off KROGER BRAND products. They often put coupons on there for weird items I buy that normally don't have one. AND they usually have coupons that are like $3 off when you buy $10 worth of produce.

  7. I love the Kroger coupons. They get loaded to my card and discount my price without me having to do anything at the register. It's MAGIC!

  8. ZOMG - I HATE extreme coupon peeps. I get it, saving money is awesome, and I get that it's a thrill but I really, really wish that Publix and EVERYWHERE would make a COUPONS ONLY line. So that I don't have to sit there and watch what you just described happen over and over and over again. I used electronic coupons at Publix too, when I remember. And I will use paper coupons at Target, which is usually a breeze because they are Target coupons but I agree with you 100% on this.

    Let's just say my husband and I have started doing the whole... watching for coupon shoppers at Publix w/ their binders o' coupons - yes, BINDERS, not plastic pockets. Hell there is even a CLASS you can take here locally for couponing, and the classroom is Publix... remind me again why I shop there besides the BOGO deals and electronic coupons?

    Needless to say it's almost like a military operation for us, just last night my husband pointed with two fingers to his eyes, and then to the woman with a binder like.. "Look out for her at the checkout line"... yeah, we're losers.

    PS I totally get why people coupon shop, single moms, struggling families, etc I GET IT. I also get the fun and the thrill, but that doesn't mean I don't have to like it. I mean, who the EFF needs 18+ tubes of toothpaste? That stuff DOES go bad people!

  9. GIRL! I had the same reaction! I just started adding coupons to my card like it was my JOB. Sick pleasure came from it.

  10. I do Kroger digital coupons. Now, if only they would offer coupons for fancy stinky cheese and sushi my life would be complete. Do you hear me Kroger?????

  11. I actually never heard of that!! need to look into this asap.

  12. I'm the awful coupon lady in line, and I'm only 21. I have quite an exciting future ahead of me.

  13. Wow I did not know that. Thanks for the info!

  14. hah. This is awesome. I had NO idea! I do all of my shopping at the krogs so this will be super helpful!

  15. I laughed so hard at this! Those digital coupons save me. iBotta is also a neat place for digital coupons. I don't have time to do the paper ones like I used to. Unlike OJ lady, I do not insist that a coupon should work. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

  16. Ohmygod. Just ohmygod to all of this. Coupons in store that require extra time? NO THANKS. But coupons online - um hell yes. I don't think I've ever paid full price for any online purchases.

  17. I used to use the digital coupons all the time at Kroger. There even a Kroger app for your phone. I will confuses I can be the .30 cent off coupon lady at time. I have save a lot with coupons but I'm in no way a crazy couponer with a stockpile. I just buy what I need and when I run out. I go and buy more.

  18. Have you had Simply Orange? It takes like sweet baby angels made it. I wouldn't waste too much time on a thirty cent coupon though... its worth full price all day every day.

    Now I am about to blow your mind for online shopping. Let's say I need some work clothes, so I hit up JC Penny. We all know about coupon codes and free shipping and all that shiz. Another way to save is to buy gift cards from resellers. Check out I can buy a $120 gift card for $100 (prices are set by the sellers so the % will vary based on the store). I have already saved 20%. Then you start adding in coupons and I swear I have gotten close to 50% off. I have done it several times and it's straight up awesome.

  19. Digital coupons are so much better than their paper counterparts. I always forget to use my coupons even when I bring them with me, but having them on a card that I am going to swipe any way is brilliant! Just brilliant.

  20. I am ALL ABOUT the digital coupons. I'll use them as long as I never have to clip anything or remember that I have them.

  21. OMG a coupon on neutrogena makeup wipes?!!! i need that shiz.

  22. Hahaha! I love this. I'm a bit of a couponer, if I don't save at least 45% on my order I'm not doing my job. Also, make sure your Kroger card is registered (all your info is filled out when you log in - especially the address). They will begin sending you "good customer" coupons. I end up with free stuff all the time (free 1lb bag of carrots, free window cleaner, free dozen eggs, free peanut butter). It's a good deal!

  23. Just reading the beginning of this made me angry! Ugh!! I can't stand when people pull that crap in the store. Like really woman? You're saving a few cents for 15 minutes of your time. Move along now!

    Now a digital one and done solution for coupons? Count me in! My mom tried that Walmart savings catcher thing and it surprisingly was worth it! I'll have to check out this Kroger thing since that's where I do all my grocery shopping.

  24. Hilarious... and I feel ya.. saving money is so chic.

  25. Lol. We don't have Kroger out here, but I do have a free Safeway app that works very similarly. Love that!

  26. The thing is.... coupons tend to make you want to spend more. I mean, half of those coupons are for things you never buy, but because it's on sale, OMG I need it!
    Sometimes they're worth it though! Especially when you're a broke university student...

  27. haha yesss Publix does that here too! It's great. However I'm a huge pro-coupon fan. Mostly because money is tight but also I am a cheapskate and would rather pay $60 instead of $100 (a real grocery scenario I just had) and that was actually WITHOUT coupons. I'm not great at the couponing thing yet but I'm easing into it with Walmart price match and Publix digital coupons. There's no reason to pay full price wehn you don't have to!

  28. I knew Target was big on digital coupons, and I have the RetailMeNot app, but I did not know Kroger was in on the party. Too bad I left Kroger behind when I moved out of Arkansas (maybe one day...). If you're big on Kroger, I could send you details on supporting a worthy cause while using your rewards card. Just let me know!


Comments make my heart go boom boom.

I respond to all comments, if you are leaving me comments and not getting a reply, you may be a no-reply blogger. Fix it HERE!