Venus Trapped in Mars

05 December 2014

The Girl's Guide to: Bowling

Tonight we are having a joint birthday party for our group of friends. Not only will I be celebrating the 7th anniversary of my 21st birthday on December 17th, but there are about 6 or 7 in our group with December birthdays! We all tossed around a few ideas for the celebration, like renting a party bus or a night of bar hopping, but finally settled on a night of bowling, laser tag and billiards at a place called Alley Cats! 

So I'm sure you've been bowling before. We've all been bowling. Not exactly the hardest sport ever, you throw a ball down the lane and knock down the pins. It isn't rocket science, and you don't have to have the athletic ability of Dez Bryant to play. 

But today I thought I would talk about some things you might not know about the bowling alley! I mean, not to brag but I did throw a 145 the other day *brushes shoulder off*. 

(For the record, a 145 that really isn't thaaaaaaat good).



1. Etiquette: The etiquette in bowling is to wait yo turn son. You never want to bowl at the same time as the person in the lane to the left or to the right of you. 

If you are lining up at the same time as the person to the right of you, motion for them to go ahead. You don't want to bowl at the same time, unless you want to get a very bitchy look from the 80 year old woman next to you with the arm brace and marbleized ball design. 

2. Scoring Terms: 

// Strike When you throw the ball on the first try and knock down every single pin. It helps to scream and jump up and down after doing so. That won't annoy anyone at all. 

// Spare When you throw the ball on your second try and knock down every single pin. Don't scream here, everyone gets lucky at one time or another. 

// Perfect game-  When you get nothing but strikes on your first time, every time, every frame. This gets you a total score of 300. If you don't get every pin down on your very first roll of the night, congratulations you blew your perfect game. YOU BLEW IT. 

I myself have 7 perfect games in my career. Also, I'm lying. 

// Turkey when you get three strikes in a row. 

// _____Bagger when you are freaking amazing and manage to roll 4 (or 5, or 6, or 7, etc.) strikes in a row. For example, I just rolled a four-bagger, now buy me a drink. 

// Split this is when you are totally F'ed. There is one pin on the far left side and one pin on the far right side. You might as well just throw it in the gutter because you ain't never gon get that bro. Go get yourself a beer instead, your time will be better spent boozing at that point. 

// Obama-ing This is the term for being the worst bowler ever. If you throw a 37 or below, like Obama did, you are Obama-ing. Also, this is a made up term by Venus Trapped in Mars. 


3. Strategy: Let me set a quick disclaimer: I'm not sure why you are taking strategy advice from me because I am not formally trained. But I did take Advanced P.E. in high school in both my junior and senior years. Also, I took one semester of bowling in college. Ah yes, that impressive Tennessee degree I worked so hard to acquire....

Ball Weight: I like to get the lightest ball I can fit my fingers into. 99% of people will tell you not to do this but you are reading my blog and I have your full attention, so I recommend 8 pounds. BUT if you are feeling brave, I would recommend going to the front desk and asking for a 6 pound kid ball with large finger holes. Then you've really got potential for that perfect game.

Aiming: I chuck the ball as hard as humanly possible at that arrow just to the right of the middle. I personally have to overcompensate because my ball always inexplicably goes left. So I aim right, and end up hitting just to the left of the front pin..... and voila, I throw strikes LIKE A BOSS. 
















 
Leaning: After you throw the ball, you always want to lean your body and wave your arms to the left or to the right, whichever way you want you ball to magically turn. Bowling is all about being a sorcerer. 





4. Hydration: Staying hydrated is key. If you aren't drinking beer of the cheap variety, you are doing it wrong. Your local hand-crafted fancy schmancy beers are all wrong at the bowling alley. Might I be so bold as to recommend pitchers of High Life or PBR? Personally, I get much, much better after a pitcher of High Life. 



So wish me luck at the party tonight! I even made a new t-shirt to wear that is perfect for tonight. Follow me on insta to keep up with the month of birthday activities! 
Because, yes you get a month.  



Venus Trapped in Mars

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17 comments :

  1. okay. I'm definitely using the term "obama-ing" the next time we go bowling. I can't go with the lightest ball though, because I usually end up tossing it in the air halfway down the lane and they don't like when you do that......

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  2. Ahahahaha! I love this! I have been on a bowling league(s) for about 7 years now and people still don't get the etiquette rule. It drives me nuts. I can't wait to yell "Obama" at my mom when she gutters. You are the best. Lots of luck and drink lots of beer!!!

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  3. Hahahahaha I loved it! Bowling is so fun and this term of 'obam-ing' it is just too hilarious! Sending you the best of lucks for tonight!
    With love,
    Vera
    http://theflashwindow.weebly.com/

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  4. I had no idea I was missing out on the complete guide to bowling! Apparently requesting bumpers like a 5 year old and just wildly throwing the ball down the lane is NOT the proper etiquette. lol

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  5. Hahahaha this made my day I love it!! So funny!! I'm going bowling for our staff Christmas party for work tomorrow, so I'm going to have to keep these in mind! Best blog post I've seen in a while:)

    drivinanddreamin.blogspot.ca

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  6. Bahaha! Bowling is definitely about using your magical powers. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was on the final at Hogwarts.

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  7. Haha I am the worst bowler ever! I've actually gotten gutter balls with the bumpers up...I'm that bad! I had no idea about bowling etiquette so that's one more thing for me to worry about besides sucking. Better make it two pitchers of bad beer :)

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  8. it's weird, sometimes i'm a pretty good bowler. other times i'm the worst. also what are you doing for your b-day (serious question!)

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  9. Have a fun bowling. I haven't been bowling in a long time

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  10. Sounds like such a fun birthday! I love bowling, but I'm absolutely terrible at it.

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  11. To quote Jim Gaffigan, "wouldn't it be hilarious if we all went bowling!"... yes yes it would...
    Hope
    www.hhdesignsblog.com

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    Replies
    1. OK BUT JIM GAFFIGAN IS MY FAVORITE COMEDIAN OF ALL TIME EVERRRR!!

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  12. Seriously laughed out loud at the "obama-ing" term. This will be added to my bowing dictionary! Loved this post. have a great weekend!!

    http://ablissfulhaven.com/

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  13. hahaha!! Obama-ing... I will definitely have to let my dad know that is a new term in bowling. lol! My dad is INSANELY good at bowling. He's in a league and has bowled 4 perfect games in his life! lol! I am the world's worse bowler ever. I'm lucky if I make it to 100...

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  14. The first (and last) time I bowled, I bowled a 4. I am not joking. I think I get worst bowler ever award

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  15. um I havent met you, and I love you. But seriously- these are all true. Nailed it!

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  16. OH! THAT'S what I've been doing wrong. I don't jump up and down when I get strikes, which must be why I don't get very many!

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