Venus Trapped in Mars

23 October 2013

How To Not Suck at Halloween

As I was thinking about what I would write about for this Halloween post, I realized how bad I suck at Halloween. Then I thought, come on Sarah, you can't write about how bad you suck at Halloween, you always write about how bad you suck at everything like Photography and Pinterest and DIY. But guess what, I'm going to do it anyway because I think people like an honest, hardworkin' man that struggles and isn't perfect. Or, that is what I'm going to tell myself.

1. Don't go as a Pirate. 
No one who ever went as a Party City Pirate won a Pulitzer. 


2. Don't go as a pale pirate
Spray tan is your friend



3. Don't go as a pirate trio
^^^^^^^Y'all look like morons. 

4. Put in a minor amount of effort
The Goodwill an hour and a half before the party is not a costume shop. "Cool little league baseball costume including used wrist sweat band," said no one ever.



5. Don't be a baby part salesman
Strangest thing I've ever seen. I don't know any of these people, but I have a picture for some reason...


6. When Halloween is over, be sure to put up your decorations.
Or else your friends will find them around your house and make fun of you come February.



7. If you actually have a cute costume, and you put in some effort, photograph the dang thing
Otherwise when you start a blog 7 years later you won't have anything show show for yourself when your friend Helene asks you to co-host a Halloween linkup. 



8. Don't dress your dog up as Tom Brady
It isn't fair to your dog. 
9. Do dress your dogs up in as many costumes as possible in the month of October
They are all adorable. Buy all the dog costumes.  


What tips would you add to the list of ways not to suck at Halloween?

Venus Trapped in Mars








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37 comments :

  1. Ahh all the Target dog costumes are SO cute this year! I still have my dachshunds dressing in a pumpkin and ghost costume like every year because I am cheap! Also, that aby parts salesman is THE creepiest costume I've EVER seen! haha thanks for hosting this linkup.. so fun!

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  2. I'd like to hear your thoughts on not sucking at slutty halloween. I just suck at Halloween all together, which is ok these days since Germany doesn't quite have a grasp on it yet.

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  3. I am terrible about actually taking pictures in my costumes too (hence why my pictures in my post jump straight from 2006 to 2011)! And I am going to have nightmares about "baby parts salesman", yikes.

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  4. I love that you don't know any of those people and now they are in your picture on your blog for all to see!

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  5. Ahh, puppy costumes. I completely agree. The more the better! :)

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  6. I should probably warn Floyd for the amount of costumes he's going to be wearing between now and next Thursday

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  7. i went to one halloween party a few years ago and everyone was all dressed up and it was the BEST ever! this one costume stuck out though; this guy came as a giant penis and somehow fastened a water bottle at the top (the head) so when he squeeze the bottle, water sprayed out. it was awesome! that's how not to suck! haha!

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  8. HAHA I need to go to more parties I think!

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  9. DO NOT go to a halloween party in college dressed as a bad ass Harley chick and then get punched in the face by a whorish looking "cowgirl" who is beating up on your 50s diner chick friend. (life lesson #453)

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  10. Okay what is a baby parts salesperson?! That is definitely the creepiest one I've ever seen.. and I've seen a breathalizer with the blowing part... well it was a guy so I guess you can use your imagination.. HA!

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  11. but but these are all really awesome. minus the tom brady dog one. although that looks like something i might wear. I made hugo wear a lobster hat last year and it was the best idea ever.

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  12. Hehe I like all of your costumes! I even think that the untanned pirate is the sexiest! Alabaster is what Kiera Knightly was rocking in the Pirates Of The Caribbean!

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  13. I would never become a pirate , I am with you!!!!!

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  14. I went as a pirate when I was a kid. I had a sword and everything. At that point, I think it's acceptable.

    Your little league baseball costume trumps my "I'm a basketball player" costume which consisted of me wearing a basketball jersey and carrying around a basketball.

    In my defense, I was invited to this party only a day before the party started. I was being creative!

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  15. I am putting in minimal effort and money this year. I'm cheap. Also, Walter's costume cost more than mine. :)

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  16. Ohh, I see what you did there... threw in a couple pics of yourself with a Red Sox hat on to make sure everyone knows who you're rooting for in the WS! You didn't think I wouldn't notice that, did you?!;)

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  17. How about ways to not suck at coming up with Halloween costumes! It's eight days away and I have no idea what to dress up as! (And actually, I'm going to a Halloween party on Saturday, so really I only have three days to come up with a kick-ass costume.)

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  18. My husband Rob was always drawn to the dog costumes when trying to find something for Alina. I would have to constantly remind him that it was for DOGS, not babies! But for some reason, the dog costumes are so much cuter. I have friends that give Halloween a try, but they just don't have it in them. They've come up with such costumes as; The Hoola Girl, The Hippy, The Sexy ________ <------ Insert Something Unrelated To Being Sexy There.
    I think my biggest pet peeve is the person that DOESN'T dress up! Urgh- way to feel like you're superior to all of us dummies in full makeup ya jerk..! Well it is YOU that should feel foolish, ya "Square Bran Flakes No Fun Pants!" (that is me being mean.. is it believable..???!)

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  19. Lol I love your pasty pirate photo, it makes me laugh. I've never been a pirate, I usually make my own costumes because I like to be different!
    Hawkeye has 10 costumes. I wish I was kidding but I'm totally "that girl." She was a shark last year, pretty sure she wanted to kill me. She's going to a party saturday at her day care, they have bobbing for hot dogs!

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  20. but never, ever as tom brady. might as well put your dog in uggs at that point.... uggs are the worst.

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  21. I always want to buy the dog costumes but I know my ball of fur would rip them to shreds in minutes. I still think about it though.

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  22. Dog costumes are the best!!! I am trying to convince my smaller one of that. He just looks at me like I am crazy and makes a run for it when I show him his costume.

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  23. I love dog costumes sadly my pup has a weird body so I always have to get super bigs ones heh swims in. But at least he looks cute.

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  24. These are really great rules, unfortunately I've broken all of them except for the one about being a baby part salesman. I've never done that (yet).

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  25. My dogs won't let me put them in costumes. They will wear things on their heads just long enough for pictures because they're trying to be sweet to me.

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  26. The Pirate trio ..... is really the worst part! You can feel my pain, I don't even have one picture from past Halloween #sadstory

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  27. Baby parts salesman.... awkward... loved your take on how NOT to suck :) Thanks for hosting lovely!

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  28. I completely agree, buying all the dog costumes is TOTALLY necessary. This year my dog is being a princess, you know to match my unicorn costume. We're being mystical magical realm creatures together...normal.

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  29. Haha--all good rules. And yes on #7! I don't have any full length pics from any recent years (when let's face it my costumes weren't that great... but still). Also I really need to dress my dog up more but he just kind of shuts down when you put something on him. Like he gets all "what is this? can. not. move."

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  30. I'd have to check, but I'm hopeful I've gotten a full length of all my costumes but this is good to remember for future! Baby part salesman?! Weird!

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  31. OMG!!! #8!! I'm dying of laughter!!! and I once used my then-boyfriend's football jersey as a dress and went as a "football player" hahahah lame i know

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  32. Oh I love the fur baby costumes! I too have way too many Halloweens where I have like no pics of my costume! I love love this linkup!

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  33. haha great list! i too suck at getting pics when i actually have a decent costume. (or outfit for that matter...) most of mine were blurry. oops.

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  34. Oh my gosh that is soooooo a Tom Brady sweater! I can see him wearing it now during his post game press conference.

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  35. I only really started celebrating as an adult...so I kinda suck at it all anyway.

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  36. I love the don't dress your dog up like Tom Brady. Ugh I hate Tom Brady.

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