Venus Trapped in Mars

04 September 2013

#NailedIt

You know how you stumble on blog posts that just ooze creativity and make you say, "Oh my gosh, what a genius idea!" 

This post is the exact opposite. I have no idea how to do these things on Pinterest. I follow the tutorials, I try and recreate the images I see that seem easy enough, I follow each step meticulously... yet mine looks nothing like theirs. What gives? 

1. Clean, bright, artistic and trendy office spaces with character and flare. 

Damn you Glitter Guide. Damn you and your Style at Home Pinterest Boards. All of the office spaces I pin are so clean, chic, effortlessly beautiful bright and feminine. And most importantly, they all look so simple. Get some big fashion books, an odd item turned paperweight, a quote that makes no sense to anyone and a cup of pens. I have all of those things, yet mine looks nothing like theirs. No one would ever repin mine :(









2. Recreate a consistent cat eye

I cannot do a good cat eye to save my life. Why is the left eye is so much harder than the right eye? The left cat eye always points down instead of up, no matter how high I attempt to make the cat eye go. Mother trucker. How are you people getting this right every time?? I followed your dang steps. Why is my eye pointing downward and yours is pointing upward??











3. Why Can't I Make my planner look like your planner?

I own washi tape, and highlighters, and colored pens... but I just feel weird putting tape in my notebook. And at what point am I just highlighting the entire book? I feel like the boy who cried highlight, what if I highlight everything and then when I really need to do something that is highlighted, I ignore it.




4. Why are all the homes on Pinterest so white? How do they stay so white?

White walls, white floors, white couches, white cups, white pillows, white rugs, white chairs, white lights, white picture frames, with pops of color that would even impress the color blind dude down the street. These people make me feel like I live in the taupe dungeon from hell.








5. How can you afford all these furnishings for your place? 

I think I make a pretty comfortable living. I work hard, I try to save, I have more than one job, yet a couch or large piece of furniture would wipe me dry after bills, rent and savings. I just got this new apartment, bought a new couch and I'm done for a few months. What are these people's professions? Cowboy-astronaut- big shot- millionaires? Well, at least my couch is white. That is a good start.








6. Making these fake phones for iphones look so cute.

 Mine just looks like a cheap fake phone. Theirs looks like a bronze beacon of fabulocity.





7. Braids

How are you getting them so thick? I have THICK hair. Very thick hair. Mine look woven noodles. Theirs looks like woven poop (woven poop in a good way).






8. Amazing pictures of NOTHING. 

These girls on Pinterest that can throw 4 totally random objects in a picture and I'm repining it like a mindless fool. I can't tell you how many times I've repinned a keyboard with some cheap headphones plugged in and a pen sitting on top of a sheet of looseleaf.






















Dang it. Stupid Pinterest.





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59 comments :

  1. Haha so true. Did you happen to read this Buzzfeed article? http://www.buzzfeed.com/newu1085/17-pinterest-fails-654m?s=mobile
    Glad I'm not the only person who wonders about the fancy furnishings and the staged desktops and bookshelves. I try. I fail. Then like an idiot I try again :)

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  2. :))) You are so darn cute in these post :D I guess it takes years of practice to throw things around and create art :P but who wants a fully white home?! Let us face it: creme and beige are much more chic ;)

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  3. This is...AMAZING! Seriously, I think this same stuff ALL the time. Also, I LOVE that Canon camera in #6.

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  4. I 100% agree with you on everything!

    If you ever figure out how to do the cat eye (or a braid), I volunteer you for creating a Youtube tutorial that actually makes sense.

    The furniture is a big one too. I'm buying a new couch for my new place too and I plan to use the box from it as my dining room set.

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  5. You should try a dutch braid instead of a french braid, I have thinner hair and it even makes my braid look thick!

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  6. I like your house decorations! And your braid looks great even if it doesn't resemble "woven poop." You made me laugh out loud with that one.

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  7. i have to disagree with you because i think you're good at braiding AND decorating. really tho... have you seen my house (yes, you have) it's pretty dismal. but really, how do they keep it so white?

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  8. OK you can come decorate my apartment when I move out. Lol your office space looks so relaxing!!!

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  9. hahahaha so.true. Nothing is ever as good as the original, but how did they make that original? Pinterest is such a tease, but I can't stop!

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  10. Things I learned from your post: poop can be woven in a good way! hahaha I like your "noodle" braid better anyways!

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  11. I can never get anything on Pinterest to look the same way when I try to do it. I'm just resigned to looking at all the pretty pictures and hoping one of those Pinterest girls knocks on my door one day to give me a life overhaul.

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    1. LOL when the Pinterest girls come knocking, I hope it's my way too!

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  12. all i know is i want that living room you pictured in the furnishings category...holy guacamole is that lovely

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  13. I love pInterest, but I definitely know that none of it will ever be the same in real life.

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  14. I love the look of all-white places, but seriously, we have a cat, that shizz would not stay clean for a SECOND.

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  15. I'm on a mission to master that stupid cat eye. Mine does the same thing- down instead of up and they are NEVER even. And then Pinterest is all "look it's sooo easy" and then I feel like a failure...over eyeliner.

    PS- cute office! :)

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  16. But seriously. I think these Pinterest people just edit the heck out of their photos to make everything look optimal... and then when we try to recreate it? It's destined to fail from the start. *sigh*

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  17. Yours is cute!

    Pinterest ALWAYS makes me like my place is a hot mess of ugliness. LOL.

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  18. bahaha! I love this! I can truly get behind the braids one too!

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  19. lmfao these are the best. Oh and the only reason your apartment doesn't look white in pictures is probably because of the white balance setting. Change that and I promise your walls will look as white as theirs!

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  20. Okay but really homegirl, you know that shiz is not realistic. You and your bloggy goodness are perfect just the way they are!!!

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  21. the braids one...I try and try to do all these cute braids that would work and it looks like poo. EVERY SINGLE TIME. gah!

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  22. I loved this post. As a pinterest-obssessed gal, I wonder some of the same things. And tried to re-create and it just doesn't happen.. lol

    P.S - I would pin your pictures. :)

    I'm officially obsessed with your blog. Glad I found it. :)

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  23. hahahah amazing pictures of nothing is the best - like what the hell? how is it possible?

    but seriously, give yourself some credit because you JUST moved into your place and it's lookin goooood

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  24. haha i tried to make a chevron canvas with paint. worst idea ever. the stupid tutorial had me drawing pencil lines on the areas that i wasn't even painting. dumb.

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  25. I feel your pain. I like to think all those assholes aren't human. Like they shit rainbows and burp butterflies, everything they seem to do is just perfection. I'd like to hire one to do everything for me. Maybe there's money for big couches in that.

    XO, samm
    www.dysfunctionaleverafter.com

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  26. babahahaha TOTALLY TRUE!! i'm currently lusting/going after the "white office look" and i just KNOW its going to turn out Nothing like the pics!

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  27. Just look at this site (http://craftfail.com/category/pinterest-projects-gone-wrong/) and you'll feel infinitely better. Also, I now want to go out and buy ALL WHITE THINGS. That must be what I've been doing wrong...

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  28. Just look at this site (http://craftfail.com/category/pinterest-projects-gone-wrong/) and you'll feel infinitely better. Also, I now want to go out and buy ALL WHITE THINGS. That must be what I've been doing wrong...

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  29. Just look at this site (http://craftfail.com/category/pinterest-projects-gone-wrong/) and you'll feel infinitely better. Also, I now want to go out and buy ALL WHITE THINGS. That must be what I've been doing wrong...

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  30. Your apartment looks super cute! I always think that the white rooms look so pretty, but when the practical side of me gets to thinking about how much time would be spent cleaning and bleaching, I say Nope!

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  31. This made me laugh. Especially the cat eye! You are so not alone!

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  32. HA! that last photo is so true. SO true.

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  33. So true! I could never live in the homes of Pinterest. Sure it looks cute, but are you afraid to sit down and mess it up?! Could you spend a sick day in that room, nope! I will take my home any day. And I love color!!

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  34. Hahahaha girl this post was spot on. I always feel this way, especially since I am house hunting/house selling. I have found that the key to "white" is sheets over the furniture. I have white couches that look pretty amazing in our ad for our house--why? 1--the pic is taken from far away and 2--I keep sheets over them for our day to day use. You surprise me by coming over? I will make you stay outside chatting until Forrest hides the sheets of shame!

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  35. i think all the home pins are all fake or photoshopped because it can't be THAT organized and clean! they certainly don't have children, that's for damn sure because any house with kids is always a mess!

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  36. Ok, your braid looks awesome and so does your apartment! The office, though...eeesh.

    Haha keep on trying! you're sooo close!

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  37. hahaha I love you and this post! But seriously girl. Your apartment is GORGEOUS.

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  38. i read an article recently that was about women suffering from pinterest. like they feel inadequate, they don't feel like a good enough wife, mother cook, not creative enough. it's sadly very true. i've had many pinterest fails :(

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  39. Thank you for keeping it real and saying what we all were thinking. I've been working on the cat eye thing for years and it still doesn't look right!

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  40. Seriously though yours are real life and idk who those people are but they don't live real lives (this is how I make myself feel better about my failed attempts). Also I'm really jealous of that planner you took a picture of... mine looks like yours.

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  41. Ok this was just a. Great a d funny pst. Thanks.

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  42. LOL - great post. I often think the sameeeee thing - where do these alien women come from? This is why I stick to pinning raunchy Someecards and pies!!

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  43. This is hilarious! And so, so true!

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  44. I'm totally with you on this one. I love Pinterest, but wish I could hire someone to Pin my life and make it all fabulous. Even when I "succeed" at a DIY pinterest project, it never seems to fit into my house like it does in the pictures.

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  45. I'm totally with you on this one. I love Pinterest, but wish I could hire someone to Pin my life and make it all fabulous. Even when I "succeed" at a DIY pinterest project, it never seems to fit into my house like it does in the pictures.

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  46. I'll take your desk space thank you! It's ecelectic, fun, and I like the lights... even if they are Dallas colors.

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  47. I totes agree. I mean I just don't get it about all of the above. Especially the braid. But then again if I could actually do the cute side braid on myself I would be happy :(

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  48. omg the white rooms in every house on Pinterest gets me every time!! My couch is dark blue and currently has at least 6 unidentified stains accompanied by about a dozen juice, milk, yogurt and honey mustard stains.

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  49. I love this! Probably one of the most creative posts I've seen. I totally feel you on the planner and the four-random-things-that-look-great-in-this-picture. Pinterest can be so depressing....

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  50. First of all; Love the title: #NailedIt

    "woven poop in a good way" You are my favourite person to quote. In fact I think I'm going to tweet that quote. It's that good.

    This is one of those posts that you probably started out thinking.. well this isn't going to be a great post and half way through you probably realized how funny it turned out to be.

    I used to go on Pinterest all the time. Then I just stopped because it was starting to make me feel bad about myself. All of the things I COULD do in my free time.. but never will.....

    Great post Sarah- had me laughing. I am SO the same way with everything.. especially the wet noodle braids and yes, I have very thick hair too!

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  51. First of all -- that braid of yours is fab.
    Second -- If I took time to make my planner look that awesome, I'd have to pencil that time into my planner. And then, well that would become a vicious cycle.

    -Kate
    www.theflorkens.com

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  52. Personally, I think you rocked all of these!
    P.S. I think I have the same desk as you :)

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  53. 1. That's my problem - there are so many CUTE office spaces, yet when I try to make something that I could possibly be happy with, I end up not being happy at all with it or as much as I would like to be with it and just letting it get all messy again. :x

    3. Same tbh.

    4. I think maybe white and black are the new minimal chic - use various objects that you add to the room for display to bring out the color? Meh.

    5. Maybe they thrift shop?

    7. My cousin can do those braids like a PRO. But she's also in high school, so I think that they like practice on each other or something. o_O She can do them on other's hair and her own. .-.

    8. LOL

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  54. LOL, you are hilarious.

    "I feel like the boy who cried highlight..." TOTALLY feel ya. I would also add people's journals into this category. They always look so cute and creative and inspiring with all their doodles and highlights and typography-like handwriting. Mine is straight up boring next to that!

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  55. Well..the braid thing...you're doing underhand vs overhand. Common mistake ;)All the other stuff I chalk up to pinterest being the mothership of people with too much time/money on their hands. Nothing the the real world works like that.

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  56. I just commented on another blog moments ago in regards to the white houses on Pinterest. Who lives like that? No one.

    Or, if they do, they're rich with a live-in maid.

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