Venus Trapped in Mars

18 September 2013

Things Old People Do


1. Complain about the coffee not being hot enough
As an iced coffee drinker, I do not understand this. I drink iced coffee because hot coffee leaves deep burn lesions on the roof of my mouth for weeks. That is not an enjoyable feeling for me. But for old people, they love it.

Here is how to trick old people into thinking you are giving them HOT coffee.
          1. Fill a coffee mug with water
          2. Put coffee mug with water in microwave for 1 minute
          3. Dump out water, refill with coffee
The coffee mug will be so hot that their hands burn, their mouth burns and they will think you gave them the hottest coffee in the entire world. They will love you forever and give you lots of Werther's Originals.

2. Quadruple Check Their Receipts
Ok eggs... $2.69 was that right? Yes I think that was right.
Baking soda... $3.76 ok that is right, she took the coupon off. Good.
Cheddar cheese... $4.27 right. That is correct.
Ensure... $4.96 NO the sign said $4.95! Excuse me, Miss! The sign said $4.95 and you charged me $4.96. See this receipt. And see the sign. You charged me a penny more than you should have. I need to speak with your manager about my refund.

3. Eat Hard Candy
Ok so why are the only people in this world that eat hard candy, old people with no teeth? Riddle me that.

4. Use the self check line, but have no idea how they got there, nor have any idea how to get out. 
Step one... pick up the item from your cart.
Step two... locate the bar code (pro tip-- it is a bar, with codes at the bottom)
Step three... wave the barcode over the bright red light until it goes beeeeeeeeep
Step four... pay and get the heck outta my way.

5. Flirt inappropriately with women that could be their granddaughters
When a middle aged guy makes an inappropriate, sexual remark in an elevator, we get disgusted and blast him as creep all over the nearest social media outlet. But when an old man says, "Ohhh where you goin tonight you sweet little honeyyy you, can I come along?" Girls just giggle and proceed to list every last detail of their upcoming evening. Why is this ok??


What else did I miss? I'm sure there are a million other annoying things...

Venus Trapped

42 comments :

  1. I'm so guilty of #2! I just can't help it! No telling how bad it will be when I'm older!

    ReplyDelete
  2. leaving their blinkers on for the entire trip, even though they never move out of the fast lane.....while going 20 under.

    ReplyDelete
  3. haha. to be honest old people kind of drive me nuts, i know that is mean but it is the truth. some are awesome, but most of them just irritate me!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. the hard candy. SO TRUE. My grandma always has tons in her purse and is offering it up every chance she gets. It's a never-ending supply, I swear!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I was distracted by the tv as I was reading this post. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the first pic and was all... Is there steam coming out of that coffee cup??? I realized it was indeed a GIF and that I wasn't going crazy.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ha ha this is hilarious! I don't understand hot, hot coffee either. It burns! I don't want to burn my mouth.
    I double check my receipts.. but I am getting kind of old ;D ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
  7. So true. I love hard candy.

    ~Ashley @ A Cute Angle
    http://acutelifestyle.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. but i love the original Ws too! get that hard candy in my mouth. i mean...

    ReplyDelete
  9. OMG.. yes checking the price of things. They won't remember what you tell them and think you are trying to jip them..gah!

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's okay because the old dude's most likely to break a hip before getting very far if he tried something. I think they like being thought of as adorable old me, to be honest. Well, the non-grumpy ones at least.

    ReplyDelete
  11. It's okay because the old dude's most likely to break a hip before getting very far if he tried something. I think they like being thought of as adorable old me, to be honest. Well, the non-grumpy ones at least.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Before I worked in admissions, I worked on the long term floor of our facility and there are a lot of things old people do. The number one thing is that old people completely stop caring about everything to do with thier body. Boob hanging out of their hospital gown? No big deal just stuff it back in. Farting in the hallway? Whatever. They seriously couldn't care less.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Old people scare the crap out of me. That's all there is to it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. my parents aren't officially old old yet, but they go to dinner at 5 pm. olds love that.
    -- jackie @ jade and oak

    ReplyDelete
  15. you forgot line up at the bank for a simple deposit instead of using the teller because they have no idea about technology.

    cause major traffic jams with their slowass driving.

    just switch lanes without looking because they think that putting on their signal is enough.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm being a total creep with the random comment... again... but you are my new favorite person haha. I think I spent two hours last night religiously reading your blog design tutorials, like I was a disciple reading the Bible. And this post just made me laugh out loud sort of inappropriately at work.

    ReplyDelete
  17. #2 drives me crazy and I thought it was just a customer service employee pet peeve, it's like ma'am, it's a quarter difference, I'm pretty sure a uarter isn't going to make or break you!

    ReplyDelete
  18. My great grandparents ALWAYS had some hard candy for me. You would think either them or a small child would get choked on that stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  19. LOL...oh, this made me laugh so hard! #2 drives me crazy. My mom drives me crazy with that! My dad ate nothing but hard candy too. :)

    Maria @ The Good Life

    ReplyDelete
  20. Love this! I'm laughing so hard right now.

    ReplyDelete
  21. These are all so true! I grew up in a retirement community though, so I love old people so much (for the most part)!

    ReplyDelete
  22. My husband triple quadruple checks his receipts, so he must be old. ;) (I joke about that because he's 2 years younger than me!)

    ReplyDelete
  23. This is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ummmmm hi. You need to enlist me as your senior citizen go-to. I live in a retirement community. We have the highest population of senior citizens in all of Canada. Why, you ask.. do I live here? How.. you ask did I end up here? Don't ask.. but it IS a gorgeous place to live.
    So yes....... I think I need to rewrite this post but add.. like 15 more things.. because I deal with these oldies all. of. the. damn. time.
    They are the two extremes.. either SUPER cheap and always checking their receipts to.. way too trusting. I have a lady that is legally blind that just opens her wallet to me.. to grab the bill that I need. (Um.. what!!??!) AND- it's not like she has thirty dollars in there.. She has like two hundred dollars.. fifties, hungees... tens, twenties, fives.. The amount comes to $12.52 and I'm reaching in for a ten..but who else does she do that to??
    Anyways, if you want more material on senior citizens please, come to me. I have plenty to share.

    OH-- and don't even get me started on how RACIST, SEXIST, ENTITLED, IMPATIENT and just down right RUDE some of them can be!!!!

    BUT- having said that.. I have A LOT that I absolutely adore too. One lady leaned in to see my baby the other day and said, "Oh what a happy baby. You must be a good mommy." Awww.. how sweet.

    Take the good with the bad, right!!?

    ReplyDelete
  25. LOL I work at a long term care facility and so much of this is true...I could add at least 10 more but the last one on your list is the one that makes me laugh every single day

    ReplyDelete
  26. Haha I actually love old people! And Werther's, so it all works out. Maybe I'm the old one.

    ReplyDelete
  27. The hot coffee one made me think of my dad, last week at Friday breakie he complained his coffee wasn't hot enough and had me take it back twice the second time I got his money back, granted they checked the machine and said it wasn't working right but still.........mum said she would had drank it......as for checking receipts yeah my dad does that too much to mums annoyance and mum is older than dad.......lol

    ReplyDelete
  28. Buy cell phones they don't know how to use. My grams drives me insane "Can you show me how to..."

    ReplyDelete
  29. This is so true. I've got another one for you! Old people also love to ring up a business or write a letter to complain about things! x

    Rowdy Fairy Blog
    Follow Me on Bloglovin!

    ReplyDelete
  30. i think old people eat hard candy bc they can just suck on it! right? lol!

    ReplyDelete
  31. hahaha! this is basically my boyfriend. always knew he was old
    kw ladies in navy

    ReplyDelete
  32. I can't drink iced coffee. I can't even drink room temp coffee. I also check my receipts pseudo religiously. I love me some hard candy, but because I like to crunch it. I don't mean too, but I attract youngins. Shit. I'm old.

    ReplyDelete
  33. They ALWAYS want to pay with exact change, and will hold up the entire line to pick pennies out of their change purses one at a time.

    #cashierproblems

    ReplyDelete
  34. Bahaha is it bad that I identify with #1-3 all or most of the time? I knew I was 23 going on 83.... This is a really funny list though!

    ReplyDelete
  35. hahahaah I love this! I don't understand the hot coffee thing either! Their mouths have to be complete blisters!

    ReplyDelete
  36. haha the coffee trick is genius!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Hahaha This is so very true! Don't tell anybody, but I use the hot coffee trick all the time (server), I use it for soup too! They just lose their sense of temperature when they get older, if my grandfather's soup isn't boiling, its not hot enough!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Unsolicited advice! I have run into this with old people and not-so-old people. If I wanted to know your advice- I would ask. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  39. Oh, I love old people. They just make me smile and giggle most of the time with their out of touch with the millenial age way of doing things.

    ReplyDelete

Comments make my heart go boom boom.

I respond to all comments, if you are leaving me comments and not getting a reply, you may be a no-reply blogger. Fix it HERE!