Venus Trapped in Mars

16 August 2013

The Devil Wears Ziplock

I was doing some research for today's post when I stumbled upon an article that left me nothing short of flabbergasted. I had to check about 4 sources before I began to realize, wow, this is real.







The NFL has introduced a new policy stating that women can't bring purses over a certain size to any NFL game. By over a certain size, I mean larger than a wallet. If you want to bring a larger purse, you can either bring one of the logoed clear bags, or you can bring a ziplock bag.

A ziplock bag. I guess I would recommend freezer proof for women in New England and Minnesota.

Really? Can't wait to roll up to the cowboys game once a month ziplock in hand.










Does this ziplock bag match my outfit? I'm worried that it is so last season?

I messaged Erin yesterday when I first heard this news to get her expert opinion, since she works in the NFL. She actually told me the Bengals would be handing out some of the logoed bags free for the first couple of weeks! I think that is a great gesture, especially in the short term to get the word out.

Although each team will offering freebies in the short term, my biggest issue with this (besides all of my lady stuff in plain view, my debit cards showing for the word to see, my cash floating around the bag for someone to come rob me) is the fact that many women will come to the games unaware of this rule. They then have to go back and put their bag in their car. The cars in the parking lots will be screaming, come break into me, there's purses allllll up in hurr!

Then I got to thinking of several things the NFL should have banned instead of my innocent HandM cross body bag...

1. The Pink Jersey (or any shirt that is not the color of the team)


2. Whatever these fluffy scarf things are




3. The Crop Top Jersey - What am I supposed to do with these? 



And what on earth would anyone in BOSTON do with a crop top in pouring snow, 16 degree weather? Here, you look cold. Try putting on a crop top. 




4. House divided plates - Do you live in your car? Is your car your home? No? Then put your favorite team on your car and let your husband put his favorite on his car. You can hang a poster in the house that says house divided so that I don't have to look at it. Problem solved.




5. 'Your_Name_Here' Personalized jerseys- Who the heck is Big Freddy? Is he the corner back?  Exception: if you made a personalized Leon Sandcastle jersey, that would be awesome. But then you'd have to wear a chiefs jersey and that would be unfortunate for you. 






6. Wearing a team's jersey that isn't playing- i.e. Atlanta Braves jersey at a Oakland Raiders game. Lakers jersey at a Dolphins game... or in this case, a Golden State fan at the Spurs / Heat game.









7. Stupid sayings - I don't want to profess my desire to play the field, hangout in anyones dugout, go all the way and I most certainly don't want to be anyone's halftime show. Unless you enjoy watching a girl consume cheese dip like it is her job and throw back miller lights... in which case, I still won't be wearing that shirt. 



8. Kristen Cavalari's NFL Line- What. Is. This.


















67 comments :

  1. how about a skinny fanny? those aren't larger than a big wallet. it's not fashionable but it holds important stuff like phone, lipbalm, tampons and keys.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  2. Yes, yes, YES to all of this!! Love that list! And I absolutely adore Kristin (girl crush!) but puhh-lease with that line! Who would wear something like that to a football game?! Even she wouldn't... case in point: https://twitter.com/KristinCav/status/368121380765990912

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  3. Dear god those scarves are horrendous. Why does women's stuff have to be pink and/or sparkly? Why can't they just make normal jerseys in women's sizes???? And just no no no to any type of team dress or crop top.

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  4. This is a huge inconvenience to me because I carry a woman bag. The bigger the better. Oh and all of that shit needs to be banned. I got one of those VS rangers shirts for my birthday last year that says my heart belongs to the rangers....waste of money. Get me some tickets to the damn game!

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  5. I CANT BLIEVE THIS IS REAL! And I am really glad I read this post seeing as I am going to a game next Thursday! Thanks for the heads up! And no, I will not be wearing a crop top or pink jersey :) Love this!

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  6. Completely agree with EVERYTHING. Especially the ridiculous women's fashion for NFL. The
    Although, I do have a personalized jersey. I got it as a gift for Christmas though, so it's okay, right? (I do love it.)

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  7. Pink jersey's should be against the rules EVERYWHERE, they are so not cute. I saw E News "styling" some NFL gear the other day, it was awful. Contrary to what E News told you DO NOT pair your jersey with a skirt, heels, and blazer and thinks it's office acceptable.

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  8. Wait...Kristin had an NFL clothing line? Wtf?

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  9. Wow, I didn't know that Kristen C. was making an NFL line. Who would wear that stuff? I'm also all for banning those scarves and crop tops. Gross.

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  10. Wow! I can't believe this! It certainly does not seem like a safe idea at all to be showing off all your monies is a CLEAR ziplock bag. I feel like this rule wasn't completely thought through.
    ps. Totally agree with the crop tops and pink jerseys.... Not cool. Ever!

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  11. You are fantastic. This list is SPOT ON. It got me excited for football season all over again. I want to carry this list in my pocket and show it to rule breakers. "Excuse me ma'am, CLEARLY your scarf is trying to suffocate you, here's a handy list to follow."

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  12. those scarves... shudder. i live in steeler country and people pull out the fugliest gear come football season. i would like to ban most of it, including the creepy scarves and scrunchies. i'm all about supporting your team but the fashion around here during sports stuff is cringeworthy.
    -- jackie @ jade and oak

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  13. Yesssssssssss! The pink jerseys DRIVE ME CRAZY. Well, actually, all of these things do! Just can't stand them. Bleck.

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  14. Ok this ziplock thing is ridiculous. I could not deal with having to bring around a clear bag!

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  15. My ex-boyfriend wore his Texas Rangers jersey to Atlanta Braves OPENING DAY last year. Way to piss off a lot of people, bro. I think this explains why he's probably my ex...

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  16. This is INFURIATING. Ugh I just mentioned it to someone at work and they tried to say "Oh it's because of Boston." BULL SHIT. Nobody goes through BAG CHECK to spectate the Boston Marathon. You DO go through bag check at NFL games. This makes me so angry. I hate when people use things like the Boston Marathon to institute ridiculous rules.

    UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH. This just ruined my Friday. (Not you, don't worry...I loved the rest of this post). SO stupid. 100% agree with you about having a giant parking lot filled with women's purses.

    Anyway, YES pink jerseys and crop tops? Oh HELL no. And those House Divided plates? Pathetic. When I moved to NJ from Texas, I saw a house with a flag that said House Divided with the Cowboys and Giants logos...umm this is sacrilege and anyone who would put those two logos next to each other is CLEARLY not a big enough fan.

    Also...wearing another team's jerseys...I agree with you 1000% but what grates me even more than wearing another team's jersey...is wearing the WRONG SPORT. I went to a Nationals ball game a few weeks ago and there was a guy wearing a DEVILS HOCKEY JERSEY. WHAT THE WHAT?! It's 102 degrees outside and you're at a baseball game in July. WHY are you wearing a NJ Devils jersey to a Nationals v. Dodgers game?!?!

    #endrant

    Sorry ;)

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  17. Haha, yes to every single one of the things that SHOULD have been banned. My exact quote to my husband when I found out about the new clear bag rule? "So now everyone is going to see my tampons floating around in a Ziploc? I don't think so." Great minds, girl :)

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  18. wait. that ziploc bag think is insane. also insane is that line of clothing. NO. that dress?!!?!?!?!?!

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  19. Here's another thought on the clear bag thing.... What's going to stop someone from just putting their PURSE in a clear bag? Oh, I can only carry the clear bag in? I'll just put my purse/wallet/whatever in it!

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  20. While I understand the need for increased security, this is crazy. Like you said about cash and cards, that's not safe for the individual. The trade off seems unbalanced.

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  21. God, I agree with all of this. I HATE the pink jerseys. The only time pink is good in the NFL is on the players in October. Otherwise, GTFO. I didn't even know they made house divided plates. I'm going to go back to pretending I don't know about them. It was better that way.

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  22. What the F is with her football dress line?! A.) Why make dresses for football? If there was ever a perfect place and time to wear jeans and a hoody thats it and b.) Why does it have to be so skimpy...oh wait she was on the hills question answered.

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  23. First, pink jerseys are the worst. Second, I thought I liked KCav, I was clearly mistaken. Finally, I can't stand people who wear football jerseys to baseball games and vice versa - just a personal peeve of mine!

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  24. Omg I love this! Pink jerseys are the worst! And WHO decided that Kristen Cav a clothing line?? My dog could have designed a nicer line.

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  25. Girl, I love this post top to bottom. I wonder if the NFL teamed up with politicians to make up that bogus rule?

    Pink jerseys suck, but I AM glad that there are now jerseys/shirts that are cut for women. And OMG, on wearing the wrong team's jersey? My husband seriously was going to do that but I put my foot down and threatened to take away the jersey.

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  26. Change this to hockey (only because that's my sport of choice) and I agree with you 100%.

    Pink jerseys - just NO!

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  27. Okay, numero uno-- they banned purses??? What the hell? Who wants all their goods visible to the world? Not to mention that ziploc bags don't have a strap so now I have to carry all my shiz in my hands, which is kind of the point of having a purse...

    Numero dos-- the pink jerseys and the VS Pink sports line are my most hated sportswear items. We get it-- you're a girl. But pink is not the color of any team. You can look cute and still wear your team's colors. Just buy a shirt with the damn logo, not some stupid catchphrase.

    And finally-- WTF Kristen Cavallari...

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  28. I don't know what you're talking about ... I would totally rock a couture redksins dress to a game. And I'm being dead ass serious lol... Gotta go hard for your team or go home right?

    As for these ziplock bags ... Tampax should make football edition decorated tampons so the plastic wrappings match your team's color... Then women won't worry so much about exposed toiletries. We can just wave our ziplock bags in the air at a game with team spirit. Can I get a copyright!?!?!

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  29. Ugh I loath when people wear a jersey or shirt when that team isn't the one that's playing. And that Fashion line? GTFO Kristine Cavalari. She hasn't been revelant since that The Real OC show.

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  30. I could not agree more! put some real sports apparel on and pay attention to the game or get the hell outta the stadium!

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  31. This post just made me laugh so hard. That plastic bag rule really sucks.. good thing I don't go to NFL games very often.

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  32. Also don't understand the whole wearing another teams jersey that isn't playing, especially when they have a home game the same night a couple train stops away.

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  33. haha, i didn't know she had an NFL line. that is beyond stupid, and ugly, and hideous. i wonder how many idiots will buy that crap. i agree with you on the pink jerseys, except maybe i think it's okay during breast cancer awareness month. but other than that, why would you want to wear a pink jersey? it screams "look at me, look at me! i'm a girly girl attending a manly football game! hehehehehe!" so stupid.

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  34. preach girl! You are reading my mind. K-cav needs to chill and pink jerseys...UGH

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  35. Macy's has been making their employees do that shit for years. Total BS!! If we have to have everything out in the open for everyone to see simply because they don't want to hire extra people to wave a wand over my bag then I think the policy should be universal. We use a clear bag if men wear clear pants pockets. What?? That doesn't seem like a good idea, men walking about w/ all their junk on show!?? Oh, ok, I don't like it either.

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  36. Hahaha this is too funny! I love that you took this issue and turned it into a really funny list. So genius. :) Also, maybe you could get a logoed bag and tape your tampons behind the logo? ;)

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  37. The Kristin Cavalari line is terrible. Is that even real? And my FIL has Giants season tickets and said they send him a logo bag. You can take a not-clear clutch the size of the palm of your hand but that can hold, what? A credit card and a twenty?

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  38. Okay so I wont be going to any games until they change that. Where the hell am I suppose to hide my snacks at!? Kristen Cavalari needs to be punched in general.

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  39. Okay I didn't know this and I think it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Do you wanna know the last time I had to use a clear plastic purse? WHEN I WORKED AT NORDSTROM.. where I could steal things if I was a criminal like that. The 1000's of men I'm trying to hit on at a football game do not need to know the contents of my purse. ROOD NFL, ROOD.

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  40. Good call on the freezer bag. Those ladies from New England and Minnesota don't want freezer burned tampons. - I guess I'll go post this comment on Buzzfeed too! You are famous!

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  41. Kristen's line of NFL clothes are so ridiculous! Who'd really wear that to a GAME?!? Ha ha ha! Also, I had no clue about the ziplock bag instead of a purse. Good to know...

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  42. WHAT?! This is ridiculous! Shame on the NFL.

    Shame shame shame. I don't wanna go to football games no more more more.

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  43. I would just make a vest, like think cop style with a surplus of pockets for any and all to see. Tampons spilling over every pocket, just to prove my point.

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  44. A man definitely made the new bag rule. It is one of the dumbest rules I have ever heard. But, your list is pretty amazing too

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  45. I have a brand new Decker jersey waiting to be worn in my closet right now... #gobroncos

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  46. haha this is aweseome! SO happy I found this link up! I totally agree about the other things the NFL should have banned...especially the pink jerseys and crop tops, wtf? I've got my clear baggie for my last game at Candlestick park :(

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  47. That new rule is dumb as truck! They gave out those bags to all season ticket holders in SD and sold them at the gate for $5. Not bad, but FML you don't need to see my tampons security!

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  48. I can't even with Kristen's line. NO. NO. NO.

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  49. oh my lanta. make it all stop. especially baby cutlet's mom's clothing line! ps. way to get this up on buzzfeed.

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  50. Haha..love this post! I particularly agree with wearing colors that aren't your team colors. I'm hoping to write a football themed post next week to link up. I'm excited for college football season to get started. :)

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  51. Hi here from Sarah's blog and love General's post!! and this post on the NFL..pure genius!! I saw K.Cav's "design" clothing and had to double check with my husband to make sure I heard her right lol!! I don't mind the logo sayings...but the crop top is ridiculous!! oh and the house divided thing too...agree with you 100%

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  52. I seriously hate pretty, dulled up girls that look like they have no business out in a crowd at any sporting event. Makes me mental! And I loathe pink jerseys!!

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  53. I totally agree with the one about wearing a team's jersey that isn't playing...what's the point? I personally don't care for people wearing a shirt/jersey with a player's name that no longer plays for that team unless they're retired. Don't know why, but it bugs me.

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  54. All of those are such no nos!!! I hate hate hate pink jersey's, why do they even exist! I love this post!!

    xo Becky

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  55. Whoa whoa whoa so many not ok things. But really it drives me INSANE when fans wear random jerseys - what.is.the.point. But KC's line is heinous, too. All treacherous.

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  56. This is your funniest post yet. Those scarves are stupid

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  57. "I guess I would recommend freezer proof for women in New England and Minnesota." BAHAHAH! Seriously though. Not sure what was going through KC's head... ESPECIALLY with that Viking's dress. Totally wouldn't go well with snowpants and parkas... Just sayin'.

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  58. I went to the Bengals game last night and they did hand out those bags to people in suites...they may have handed them out to other people, but we got there a little late. But I'm with you, NOT COOL NFL! My solution = a jacket with LOTS of pockets!

    And I'm pretty sure your list of other things that should be outlawed should go straight to the commissioner!

    -AJ
    FitTravelerAJ.com

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  60. Oh my gosh. I seriously did not think this was real. Kevin read this post with me and we are dying laughing! yes, yes, and YES.

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  61. It's seriously the size of a ziploc bag?? At least NASCAR lets you bring in a normal sized clear bag and whatever you can put inside of it. At least then you can arrange your bag so the valuables don't need to be on display for all the world to see and it's so much easier to carry around.

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  62. I'm still trying to process everything in this post. A ziploc bag? WHAT? (and good point about EVERY lady needing to run back and throw all valuable things in her car). Kristin C (is she officially a 'Cutler' now?!) having her own fashion line of sports gear?! NO. It cannot be true. And I agree about everything you said that should be banned, especially the pink jerseys. Why do things have to be pink for women to (supposedly) want to wear them?! Weird.

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  63. I'm sooo late to this post, sorry! Still catching up after being away. Anyway... I got an email about this very thing for the NFL game I'm going to at Wembley. At first I was a bit like "huh?!?!?!" - but at least I've been notified beforehand and am well aware of what I can and can't take! I imagine the situation will be very different in America for people who go regularly and don't happen to see this beforehand.

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  64. Oh this is great...........hahahahhahha. Even my husband liked it, so you know it's good. I have to ask though, is this rule still in effect?

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