Venus Trapped in Mars

23 August 2013

5 Jobs in Football I'd Be Great At

1. The Red Hat Referee. 
I have been saying for the past ten years that this is my dream job. This guy's only job is to one, wear a red hat, and two walk on and off the field as instructed. He (soon to be she when I get this job) is the TV time out referee. Standing on the field watching my vols play football, so close to the action I can literally touch it. Then every few minutes I would move forward, 90 seconds later, take a step backward. And repeat for three hours. Yup, dream job. 


2. Dallas Cowboy's Cheerleader
Ever been a cheerleader? Nope. I can kick really really high though. One night in college at my favorite fraternity house I showed everyone how high I could kick... then my bottom leg slipped and I went flying backward. But that is neither here nor there. Would I have to lose maybe 2-3 pounds to get in that uniform. Perhaps. But I would be willing to get new boobs, new hair, new nose, new laugh... anything Kelli would want me to do! Bring it. 



































3. Sideline Reporter.
I'm sure you knew this was going to be on the list. But really people? I love Erin Andrews... but Pam Oliver has the weirdest hair I've ever seen in my entire life and don't even get me started on Holly Rowe unless you want to be here for the next several years. Let's be real here, a sideline reporter's only job is to stand there and look pretty. Occasionally they give us information about an injured player, but that information was just relayed to them from someone else. They really have got it made. Give me this job, now!


4. Lee Corso
I would be really really really excellent at traveling all over the country and hyping up home team fans who are already totally hyped up. I'll put on masks, I'll even put on a gator head if I have to. I'd be really good at voice over on a video game too. Just don't make me actually play the video game because then I'd be terrible. I love costumes. Bring it on Mr. Corso, I'm ready for my closeup. 
And this picture leads me to my next job....

5. Mascot
I'm not talking about the guy who gets in a stinky sweaty suit in 98 degree heat, hopping all over the stadium and never catching a single minute of the game because he is busy trying to get the wave started the entire time. No. I don't want that job, like, at all. I want to BE the animal. The horse, the bear, the ram, the goat, the bird, the boar, the steer, the buffalo, the tiger or my personal preference, the dog. Lay on the field the whole time, when the team gets a touchdown we do a quick lap and everyone cheers for me, then I get to lay back down again. Plus I'd get more jumbo-tron appearances than the chick with her boobs painted black and gold in the front row! Woof. 



Go vols.
Abc's Monday Night Football Theme by Hank Williams, Jr. on Grooveshark  I miss Hank :( Linking up with Whitney
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34 comments :

  1. You'd be my favorite sideline reporter in the whole wide world, because I hate pretty much all of them. Erin is alright, but only because she's a Gator ;)

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  2. Ironically enough the Cowboys organization is looking for a legal assistant right now. I thought about applying but then I'd have to move to TX, and I'd have to transfer schools, and well, it's the Cowboys - JUST NO!

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  3. My first time linking up - it's great to see strong women liking sports when it really is a bit of a man's world out there!! :-)

    Missy x

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  4. the red hat refs - they hand out the fouls right? like in soccer they give out the red/yellow flags? did i just show how stupid i am with sports?!

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  5. But how did you not include the gif of poor Pam Oliver getting smacked in the face with the ball during that game last weekend? It was terrible but she handled it like a pro and not a hair out of place.

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  6. YEAAAH BOY! Lee Corso is a FLORIDA STATE SEMINOLE, which means if you were him you'd be all up in my garnet and gold life.

    And I'd never... ever ever ever let you wear a gator head. NO!

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  7. AHHHHH I love this! I'm ready for gamedays in Knoxville!!!! Smokey handler would be the PERFECT job! Running through the T every Sat with that handsome devil sounds amazing!

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  8. Before college, sideline reporter was my DREAM JOB. Thats what I went to school to do! Then I got to school and got a job sideline reporting for my school's football and basketball games...I hated that shit. It's harder than it looks! But red hat ref? That's something I would be all about.

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  9. HAHA sideline reporter is awesome! I would watch more sports if you got that gig.

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  10. I would want all of those jobs too, especially the red hat guy, sideline reporter and Lee Corso!! Like how to I become that? I love Erin Andrews and Sam Steele/Ponder! I seriously can't wait for the season. I'm like a kid waiting for Christmas morning!

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  11. One of my good friends from college, Jill, is #3. F-ing jealous.
    http://www.linkedin.com/in/jillsavage

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  12. Ha! As soon as we moved to Texas, my sis was like, go try out for the DCC and you can be on the show! And I said, " yeah as one of the chubby, delusional girls!!"

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  13. I happen to love that last picture but a little bit sad that you didn't even mention it was Kenny Chesney!;)

    Sideline reporter?! Yes please! I totally have girl crushes on Erin Andrews and Jenn Brown.

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  14. so one of my best friends (you haven't met her) tried out and made it to be a DCC but then quit bc it was so stressful, literally that's all some of these girls do an they don't make any money! but hey, i would love it.

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  15. Love, love, love this! Being the guy in the red hat seems to be where it's at.

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  16. last picture = best picture
    kenny + smokey is amazing

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  17. These jobs all seem to have major perks! Except maybe the DCC. I think there are a lot of negatives there too. Lee Corso is one of my favorites. I love the mascot heads every saturday morning!

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  18. I mean have you seen the set up that Ugga gets? Ice and an air conditioned dog house?!

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  19. the question is, did you see pam oliver and her weird hair get hit in the head by a football the other day?! classic.

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  20. I have wanted to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader since the age of 2. Don't think that last year, I tried on a DC Halloween uniform and took a selfie in the dressing room. I wouldn't do such a thing. Ever. :)

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  21. LOL I love this. Shoot, I could be that referee. I might get in trouble for constantly trying to touch the players as they walk by though.... ;)

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  22. Ok I am SO with you. I love that red hat guy. I could totally be him--how hard is it? I mean, they tell you when to go on and off--you can't even jack it up! I'd make the outfit into a dress though. Annnnnnd I'm in freaking love with the DCC. I have been watching their show since day one and I totally know the names of the girls in the pic with you. I'm there. I can't kick, but I can be the cute short one that stands on the end, right?
    I will not be a sideline reporter unless it is for my own team because duh, I might not get to watch MY game if I'm at some lame-o game.

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  23. I think that there are some sideline reporters where you go "they did NOT hire her for her sports knowledge" and Pam Oliver's hair changes color EVERY WEEK

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  24. I could totally be a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. I've been cheering since I was 6, I competed in High School and College and thought about going pro.
    Except I'm not actually sure what any NFL cheer squads actual do.

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  25. I think having a job in football would be so much fun-especially because of all the perks! Unfortunately, being in the marching band will probably be the closest I'll ever get to a "football job." :)

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  26. Yes yes yes to all of the above jobs! Well except the DCC. Ain't no way I would make it any where close to making the team lol. Closest I will get is watching Making the Team from my couch.

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  27. Haha just make sure you don't let an f-bomb slip on national television if you take Lee Corso's job. ;) That was one of the funniest moments of college football last year for me.

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  28. Love this!
    Lee Corso is going to give himself a heart attack on air one day. God love him.

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  29. I love this post! And I am so sad I missed out of the fantasy football fun :) Thanks for making me laugh this morning :)!

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  30. I love me some Corso and Herbstreit!

    My husband CANNOT STAND Holly Rowe. And my father-in-law hates every single female sideline reporter. It's hilarious. "I'm sorry, but she just has no business doing this. Nobody cares what this woman thinks."

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  31. I. HATE. HOLLY. ROWE. And I will contribute to any fund that would put you in her place on the sideline!!

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  32. We call the TV time out guy the "red shirt guy" because sometimes they wear a red shirt too. Love that job!

    -AJ
    FitTravelerAJ.com

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