Venus Trapped in Mars

14 August 2013

8 Reasons It Would Suck to Have A Blogger for a Daughter



1. You Constantly have to hear about percentages, numbers, increases and decreases. 

Blogger: I had 2500 page hits today!
Mom: "That's wonderful sweetie"

Blogger: I'm only 28 away from 1,000 followers on GFC and then 18 away from 1,000 followers on Bloglovin and on Twitter I need 48 followers to hit 1000 and on facebook I just need 56 more people to click like in order to get to 400 and then on Pinterest I have over 700 followers already!"
Mom: "That's wonderful sweetie" 

Blogger: You won't believe how many page hits my blog got today. Well yesterday it got 2500 page hits, then the day before it only got 1300 page hits but then the day before that I got 3500 page hits on that post but then three days before that it just got 1700 page hits and then four days before that it got 2200 page hits.
Mom: "That's wonderful sweetie

2. Everything is a milestone, that seriously must be difficult to keep up with

Blogger: I hit 1,000 followers on GFC today.
Mom: That's incredible!

Blogger: I hit 500 followers on Bloglovin today
Mom: But I thought you hit 1,000 a couple of weeks ago?
Blogger: Yeah, but this is different. This is bloglovin, that was GFC.
Mom: Oh, well that's wonderful sweetie.

Blogger: I hit 586 followers on Pinterest today
Mom: Well what does that mean for your blog?
Blogger: Nothing, I was just telling you.
Mom: Oh, well that's wonderful sweetie.

3. You need to pretend to be excited about dish detergent and popsicles. 

Blogger: Someone contacted me to write about their dish detergent. They want to pay me to try their dish soap!
Mom: But you don't do dishes.
Blogger: Yeah, but they want me to write about it.
Mom: Well, that's wonderful sweetie

4. You have to do the crap we don't want to do

Blogger: Mom can you proof read this post for me?

Repeat x6 per week.

5. You have to keep from laughing at the absurdities we stress about

Blogger: Crying Someone left a really mean comment on my post today
Mom: Well you put the blog out there, not everyone will like it, you have to take the good with the bad
Blogger: crying harder because she just doesn't get it, clearly No you don't understand, it hurt my feelings!!!!
Mom: Have you ever met this person?
Blogger: No
Mom: Is it going to hurt your blog?
Blogger: No
Mom: Then who cares?
Blogger: Me!! I care, ME CARES.

6. You have to play photog whenever you're around

Will you take my picture?
Will you take my picture again?
Try again, I wasn't ready.
Take a few steps back then try again.
Now go over there and take my picture from that angle.
Let me change clothes, then take it again, don't move.
Let's walk 15 blocks that way, that will be good for the blog.

Blogger the entire time: Snaps picture of food, of her feet with a hint of skirt and arm bling,  snaps selfie, snaps selfie again, third selfie in a row, takes picture of drink, takes picture of second drink, takes picture of third drink, takes artistic picture of drink with bar bottles in background.

7. You have no idea what your daughter is talking about 98% of the time

Blogger: I'm going on a blate!!!!!!!
Mom: A what?

Blogger: This sweater I just ordered online is my JAM!
Mom: Your what?

Blogger: I'm worried no one will linkup with me
Mom: You're worried that no one will do what?

Blogger: I'm going to start taking sponsors
Mom: In AA?

8. Bloggers are totally self absorbed.

Mom calls.
First 15 minutes spent talking about the blog
Blogger: Ok well, gotta go work on tomorrows post
Mom: Ok well my day was ok too thanks for asking.
Blogger: Oh did you want to talk about that?


What if the roles were reversed? What if our moms were bloggers and every single phone call involved 15 minutes worth of blog updates? I'd go insane and maybe not even answer the phone if it got as bad as I can be at times. Sorry Mom, thanks for being patient and for acting interested in all of this silliness.

Ok love you bye.

78 comments :

  1. HAHA. Not to mention the fact that our moms have to read about our incessant boozing, less-than-professional shenanigans and sharing WAY too much on the internet

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL! my mom doesn't know one end of a computer from another so even if I were to mention my blog, she wouldn't even know what that was.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

    ReplyDelete
  3. THIS. ENTIRE. THING. (And my blog isn't even popular...) Husband has to deal too, oops.

    ReplyDelete
  4. No one knows about my blog, so I just keep all my stuff to myself. And I take terrible selfies, there's a reason there are very few pics of me on my blog lol! Just ask your mom about her stuff first, then bombard her with yours, you'll feel less kid guilt!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lol! This totally just made my morning. It's not my mom who gets it, it's my husband. He does this smile and slight eye roll...JERK.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ha, the only one of my family who knows about the blog is my husband. this is too funny! i bet a lot of bloggers can totally relate to this though :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I do that to Matt and he's like uhhh, what?!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Awww, so sweet! My mom reads my blog and we talk about it on occassion. I think I may have to have her guest post one of these days.... (hint, hint to you)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Some days I don't even know how or why my mom still talks to me.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is hilarious! I love it! I don't talk to anyone IRL about my blog. Sometimes I wish I did. But, I don't think my friends would understand honestly.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I know my Mom reads my blog and that my parents know about it, but they don't even try to pretend to understand it.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haha. So true. Luckily (for my Mom), she lives cross-country. So she's not subjected to proof-reading and being my personal photographer. In fact, over the weekend when she was in town, I asked her to take a photo and it turned out completely out of focus. So even if she lived in town, she'd probably not have to perform camera-duty!

    Lauren
    Fizz and Frosting

    ReplyDelete
  13. This was great. Chuckled the entire time I was reading it - yes, I said chuckle.

    ReplyDelete
  14. There's only 1 friend of mine that's an actual IRL that knows about my blog because she blogs too. I don't speak to anyone about it. I'm very secret about it. Plus like Stepahnie said I don't think many people understand blogging.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm getting sponsors!

    In AA?!


    hahahahahaAHAhahah

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hilarious. I was talking about my blog last night and my sister was making fun of me. hahah... loved the part about picture taking.. so true! But no-bloggers or even people that don't read blogs just don't get it!

    ReplyDelete
  17. "But you don't do dishes." Bahaha..you crack me up :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hilarious! It's like when I talk to my friends about blogs I read, & tell them something really dramatic that happened. And they say "Do you even know these people?"

    ReplyDelete
  19. I wish you wrote this on Monday because this made my week! Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm printing this out and giving it to my mom...and then asking Boomer to be a guest poster and tell you all about what its like to have a mom that's a blogger. Yes. This is happening.

    ReplyDelete
  21. hahahahahaha yes and yes. my mom probably hates menow. shit i need to stop talking about blogging.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Good thing mom doesn't know that I'm a blogger yet... ssssshhhhhhhh!!!!!

    -Kate
    www.theflorkens.com

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hahaha this is hilarious! My mom already talks nonstop so if she had a blog I'd go crazy! Thankfully she really likes my blog and I never really bug her with numbers.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hahaha! My mom doesn't talk to me about it, but I'm certain she'd just keep repeating "that's nice honey"

    ReplyDelete
  25. bawahahhaaha... this is hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hahahah my mom is about to throw me out a window some days because I can get so stressed over my blog. I love this post!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Oh man...this is so so true! HAHA! I love this post!

    ReplyDelete
  28. ha your mom is a saint. my parents don't even have smart phones or know how to use a computer so i don't even mention any blog things to them. though i think they get confused when i'm always taking photos of food when i'm with them.
    -- jackie @ jade and Oak

    ReplyDelete
  29. To funny, I text my sister the other day to tell her my blog made it's first $2. She text back AWESOME, she was probably thinking $2 really?!?

    ReplyDelete
  30. this is so perfect, Sarah. My poor mother has NO idea what I'm talking about most of the time

    ReplyDelete
  31. I am SO guilty of number 6. My poor mother.

    ReplyDelete
  32. My mom tells me that I missed a day of posting. She's like people are not gonna read you if you don't post every day!

    Ha!

    She also says that I don't blog like I talk because I use the F bomb more in day to day life. Hahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  33. See if we lived in the same city we could at least take care of the photography situation and probably the editing part....we really need to meet up soon, K....loves you!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Haha That sound like mine and my boyfriend's conversations. He just doesn't get it. You also forgot about all of the talk about drinking. So much wine!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Your mom is such a trooper! lol so hilarious

    ReplyDelete
  36. i am pretty sure my mom has never read my blog she is way too cool to spend her time messing with things like her children's hobbies. my dad on the other hand loves to leave ridiculous comments

    ReplyDelete
  37. My mom reads my blog but she can't figure out how to comment so she'll call me and talk about it and sometimes tell me that I got some memory wrong or some BS. In one conversation she said "oh, and that one girl that commented said she's following you now! That's so nice!" For real.

    ReplyDelete
  38. This is hilarious!! I seriously have most of those conversations DAILY with my mom!! She has no idea what I'm talking about. It's so hard to describe the difference between Bloglovin and GFC to her!

    ReplyDelete
  39. I love this! Except it could be changed to husband instead of momma. The hubs has no idea.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I was bouncing ideas off of my mom this weekend and she was doing the exact same thing. "ok sweetie" ha moms who put up with us are awesome

    ReplyDelete
  41. Ha! One day I'll get there and get to that point of irrational obsession. But not today, I'm too new for this. ;)

    xo,
    Ana Paula
    {Visit me at Mommyhood, PhD}

    ReplyDelete
  42. This is hilarious and so true!
    New follower from Life According to Kenz blog!

    xo
    Caroline

    lovecarolineblog.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  43. haha! this is awesome. i'm a new follower :) looking forward to more!

    xo
    jenna
    www.mamadazeblog.com

    ReplyDelete
  44. haha at least she is concerned at the thought of you taking up sponsors in AA...

    ReplyDelete
  45. I love this! Although I don't talk about my blog to anyone ever. Sometimes I want to because I love it so much, but I don't. So my parents are spared. :P

    ReplyDelete
  46. This is accurate, except instead of my mom it's my husband lol!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Aside from being hilarious, this post made me jealous that I don't actually talk about blogging with anyone in 'real' life! (I'm fairly certain my mom has NO idea what a blog is... and I think that's for the best!)

    ReplyDelete
  48. Hhahah love this. You should have heard my mom when I told her we had invited complete strangers to spend the weekend at our house...

    ReplyDelete
  49. My mom wants to know where I find time to blog and she said she tried to leave me a comment once. I said let's not get crazy mom - no need for comments!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Did your Mom proofread this post ;) Just kidding. I'm pretty sure my Mom just drowns me out when I talk about blogging.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Love this. My mom is always wondering why I take pictures of everything and I'm like "uhh...itsformyblogkbye" haha

    ReplyDelete
  52. Moms are so great! I am pretty sure that my mom has never read my blog though.

    ReplyDelete
  53. My mum will sometimes say to me I have something to tell you but don't put it on your blog...........yes mum............bugga.........gossip and can't blog about it.........

    ReplyDelete
  54. Your mom is a trooper that's for sure!
    Are those stats real!? If so- WOW you have a lot of people following you- good job!! I'm sure you work hard for every one of em though;)

    ReplyDelete
  55. My mom (and any one else I know IRL) are lucky that I haven't talked about my blog to them so they're saved from all of the above. :)

    ReplyDelete
  56. This is so true both for my Mom and my Husband LOL they both try to act like they give a crap but I know they have no idea what the hell Im talking about LOL. LOVE IT!

    ReplyDelete
  57. My husband agrees with you 100%. Hilarious post!

    ReplyDelete
  58. #7, omg. totally had those conversations with my mom the other day. although she initiated the sponsorship conversation, so i don't feel so bad for rambling on.

    A what? Your what? haha, exactly.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Haha I love this post! It's lucky I don't really speak to my mum about most of my blog stuff, only if I'm doing something exciting...but what I consider exciting could be very different to what she thinks! x
    www.LaurasHaven.com

    ReplyDelete
  60. Hahaha yeah the difference between GFC & Bloglovin is too complicated to explain! None of my IRL friends know about my blog, my blog is open for family only!
    Areeba @ Aree With Umbrella

    ReplyDelete
  61. This is too funny!! Luckily my Mom doesn't really get on the internet much, she is still figuring it out! Thought my friends get to hear some of it!

    ReplyDelete
  62. LMFAO this was hilarious

    www.3girls1apple.com

    ReplyDelete
  63. This is perfection. I recently asked my dad to take a picture of me eating some chips for a sponsor post and he was like "but are those really healthy?" Dad. Take the picture.

    ReplyDelete
  64. My mom and I have the same conversations all the time. I think she is starting to not listen to me though.

    ReplyDelete
  65. This is hilarious! And most of these are actually my mom's reactions!

    ReplyDelete
  66. Haha precisely why I just don't tell my poor tech-overwhelmed mother anything about the blog. Reading is enough of an ordeal for her

    ReplyDelete
  67. "of her feet with a hint of skirt and arm bling"

    Love it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  68. BAHAHAHA! This is awesome! My mom doesn't really know about my blog yet, but I'm pretty sure this is how our conversations would be too!

    -AJ
    FitTravelerAJ.com

    ReplyDelete
  69. funny, lol. I want my mom to read this. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  70. Hahaha... this doesn't happen with my mom too much, but this is how a lot of stuff goes with my boyfriend. Hahaha. :)

    --Erika
    http://www.chimerikal.com

    ReplyDelete
  71. haha funny post, luckily I can give my mom a break since I have the girls at the Indie Chicks. But we also send these kind of questions and stats about every hour

    ReplyDelete

Comments make my heart go boom boom.

I respond to all comments, if you are leaving me comments and not getting a reply, you may be a no-reply blogger. Fix it HERE!