Whatever, I just really don't get it.

1. Candy Crush 
 When I first started playing Farmville back in 2009 I set an alarm from 3:30am to harvest my soybeans and plant new poinsettias. That is a level of psychopath that no one person should ever admit to, let alone put to print via blog land to live on forever and ever. I have an addictive personality so I vowed to never play these nonsense addict games ever again. 

So, when I see you crushers tweeting about your candy crush level jumping issues and being stuck in level 29 with a layover in level 33 jumping to 47 with credits and life help from friends. I'm sitting over here all....

Whatever, I just really don't get it...

2. The Bachelor and The Bachelorette
Is this show on every single night of the week? 

Monday
Me: "Hey Mom, watcha doin?"
Mom: "Watchin the bachelorette."

Tuesday
Me: "Hey Mom, watcha doin?"
Mom: "Watchin the bachelorette."

Wednesday
Me: "Hey Mom, watcha doin?"
Mom: "Watchin the bachelor."

Thursday
Me: "Hey Mom, watcha doin?"
Mom: "Watchin the bachelorette."

Friday
Me: "Hey Mom, watcha doin?"
Mom: "Watchin the bachelor."

Saturday
Me: "Hey Mom, watcha doin?"
Mom: "Watchin the bachelorette."

Sunday
Me: "Hey Mom, watcha doin?"
Mom: "Watchin the bachelor."

So you are saying he/she dates 47 people and that is not cheating? And then gets a proposal after being cheated on with 46 other people for the past 8 weeks? Then accepts said proposal, then can't see that person for another 8 weeks? And we are surprised when they don't make it as a couple? 

Whatever, I just really don't get it.

3. These Wine2Go things.
Ohhh, I'm gonna get yelled at by blog land on this one. 
What about red solo cups? Remember... they are the best receptacle for barbecues, tailgates, fairs and festivals. Last time I checked, driving and drinking wine at the same time was frowned upon. So where are you going with this thing?  

It is not often I join an impromptu game of double dutch with the little girls across the street while simultaneously drinking wine.... but next time I do, I'll be sure to get a Wino2Go thing-a-mah-jig for the occasion.

Someone. Help me out here, I just don't get it?
Whatever, I'll keep my cheap solo cup because, I just really don't get it. 

4. SnapChat

me: "Why can't I just text it?"
snap chat lover: "Well, you can send anything you want and it'll be gone in seconds"

me: "Why would I want someone to see an ugly picture of me?"
snap chat lover: "Because it is funny"

me: "Why would I take a picture I wouldn't want to keep?"
snap chat lover: "Well you just send funny faces and stuff that is meaningless"

me: "What if I want to keep the picture I take"
snap chat lover: "Just get the app and add me, you'll love it."

Whatever, I just really don't get it.


5. No iphone?

me: "Wait, you mean you don't have an iphone 5? Well that is ok I just upgraded only recently." 
them: "No, like, I don't have an iphone, like, at all."

me:"Oh, because you dropped it and are just using a replacement for now?"
them: "No, like, I don't have an iphone, like, at all."

me: "You mean, like, no iphone on your person, at the moment? But it is at home?"
them: "No, like, I don't have an iphone, like, at all."
Whatever, I just really don't get it.

6. No Twitter Account
But, like, where do you get your news from?
And, how am I supposed to reach you?

Whatever, I just dont get it. 

7. You don't watch Bravo
Like, you don't watch Bravo when they play Boyz in the Hood on Sunday afternoon?
Like, you watch all of Bravo, but you don't watch Top Chef?
You have never seen an episode of any of the Real Housewives?
You mean you just haven't seen New Jersey Housewives?
Like, none of it?
Whatever, I just really don't get it.

8. You don't like to shop
You mean, you just don't like to shop, for men's clothes?
You mean, you just don't like to shop for telescopes on Tuesday afternoons?
You mean, you just don't like to shop in the nude?

Whatever, I just really don't get it. 
9. Calling Sarah Jessica Parker Ugly
Why do all guys think she is so ugly? Why do all guys say she has a horse face? Are we looking at the same girl? Killer body, killer hair, gorgeous eyes, insane fashion sense? That Sarah Jessica Parker is ugly? THE Carrie Bradshaw, you think THE Carrie Bradshaw is ugly? Kill me now. 

Whatever, I just don't get it.

10. You haven't clicked on all of my friend's buttons on the sidebar?
Wait, what?
Those pretty girls up there to your left...
...and those pretty girls up there to your right?

You haven't clicked on any of them?
Whatever, I just don't get it.

I love you all. Even if we don't always get each other! :) 
Venus Trapped

90 comments:

  1. Well this was fantastic. I can agree with it all. Well except that one time I played Candy Crush until it started telling me to give it money or ask my friends for lives. No thanks.

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  2. One of those posts where I have to say "Can I get a A-men?" ... And I'm not even religious haha. Although, I'm a little late on the Twitter game since I just joined last week, better late than never right?

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  3. ALL these gifs are fabulous haha! I will say- I'm not an iPhone user, I know.... it's like a sin, I understand. But our android plan/internet is bundle. Darn being on a budget!!

    I was also a snapchat hater until I got it... now it's a daily habit baha!

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  4. nailed it.
    except i love candy crush and i'm supremely embarrassed.

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  5. I just got an iphone in the last year and I am seriously wondering how I lived before. I use to set an alarm for my farmville stuff too. Which is why I avoid candy crush like its the plague.

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  6. bahahaha get out of my head! I don't get any of these things either. And as far as the Wine2Go cups - I'm all about convenience buuuuut a regular cup holds much more wine? so....I'm not really sure I see the point. cheers to you and your red solo cup!

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  7. This is so true!!!

    But I have to admit, I do play Candy Crush, but not addicted.. yet! ha!

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  8. Bahaha love this. Yes, yes, and yes to (mostly) all of it! The only reason I use my vino2go cup is if I think things might get a little sloppy and I'm drinking on my white couches. Oops? But candy crush? I stay far, far away from.

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  9. Lol this was hilarious I don't do snap chat all the news reports about photos getting published on the web pretty much terrifies me. Also candy crush ceases to be fun when you have been on the same level for two weeks...over it

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  10. I don't get the Bachelor/Bachelorette either...I mean...I just don't get how you can date a shiznit-ton of guys/girls and just poof! fall in love. and you make a good point about the cheating part!

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  11. Hahaha! I don't understand Candy Crush either. I was into Farmville but I learned my lesson on that one! I will never play a Facebook game again...not worth it! And I don't have an iPhone. This will be changing soon...I am up for a renewal. I haven't had an iPhone since the 1st one...so yea...lots has changed!

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  12. Thank you for this! I needed a laugh to get my day going!

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  13. Thank you thank you thank you for the first 3! I don't actually know what Candy Crush is and I certainly don't watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette. I don't get the appeal! But I have a vino2go and I do kind of love it. I would NEVER drink and drive however there are several states where you can completely legally drink in the passenger seat. True story. I may or may not live in/near one.

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  14. I love this post... Snap chat? Yea I'm there with you on that one!

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  15. I totally agree with you on the Bachelor and Bachelorette. As well as Snap Chat. But listen, I'm working on getting an iPhone (if not an iPhone, than an Android. Don't hate). If you want to contribute to the "Alex is too poor to buy a phone that doesn't suck" fund, you're more than welcome to. Until then, I'm going to continue to not watch Bravo. What? I only have basic cable!

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  16. I honestly have NO idea how I kept up before my Iphone, I just got it in January(the 4s, but whatevs.) and I love it. & no twitter? what the what? I love me some twitter, that's where all my random thoughts go!

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  17. Haha-- I love the Cosby gif. I literally lol'd. And I don't get snap chat either-- it's just another app for me to keep up with when i can just text those same people a pic... Oh, and I don't watch Bravo. Don't hate me.

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  18. I knew I loved you for good reason. You already know my thoughts on the wine cup thingie, but I also share hatred of The Bachelor and all forms of it. I do play Candy Crush though, and I'm not sorryyyyyyyyy!!!!!

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  19. Everything on here made me laugh, specifically the wine cups, the bachelorette, and candy crush. seriously, I just don't get them!

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  20. I could not agree more with all of these. except the wine thing only because i have no f-ing clue what they are. I have real expensive wine glassed the bf gave me for christmas so i use those bad boys and feel fancy. I have never played a facebook game i choose to waste my time on twitter and what the frick is snapchat...i mean i have heard of it, but no thanks. I also feel personally offended when people say SJP is ugly. I find her to be absolutely gorgeous...don't get it. sorry this is long, too much coffee

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  21. I absolutely freaking love this post! Yes to everything!

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  22. Uh oh. You may have issues during your sleepover in Alamo Heights. I don't have cable at all. We don't watch TV. We're always at the pool, on the internet, drinking somewhere, or shopping.

    We'll have too much fun for you to care. Promise. :)

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  23. Agree with all of this especially the no Bravo! What is up with that?

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  24. You had me at the beginning. the Fuck is candy crush? Boo to those idiot "bachelors" and that wine cup- it's literally a glass in a cup! Just drink from a glass OR a cup! Like the snuggie! Wear a robe OR use a blanket! But I have no Twitter and I use a droid

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  25. Bravo is seriously the main thing I miss about us not having cable!! I could spend dayyys watching Bravo.

    I really wish I didn't play Candy Crush though...talk about a time waster.

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  26. Number 5.. seriously!! My best friend had a FLIP PHONE up until about a month ago! Not even a smartphone! I don't know how people do it..

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  27. Everything but the Wine2Go has me in full agreement! I love my wine2go because I spill things and it has a lid :) I also just think it's cute cute cute, even if I'm not drinking wine out of it. Buuuut WHO DOESN'T HAVE AN IPHONE ANYMORE? I met a kid in COLLEGE who still uses a FLIP PHONE. How heavy are these rocks people must be living under?

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  28. I con't get the bachelor either. I can't even believe that it is still on.

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  29. So, I totally and purposefully DO NOT have an iPhone. Most of the people I knew who had one told me not to get it when I upgraded. Sorry! I don't play candy crush but I do not think the SJP in all of her gloriousness is attractive. A fashionista? Yes! But pretty? Not so much. SATC is one of my all time favorites but yea, I GET that people call her ugly (although I wouldn't use that word exactly). I don't get snap chat. I only watch Bravo because my husband does- I don't like reality TV. Can we still be friends?!

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  30. I agree with most of these, but snapchat? I love it. Can't get enough of it.

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  31. I don't get the SJP thing either?? I love her and think she's gorgeous!!!! GRRRRRR
    K

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  32. I didn't care for my vino2go much at first but as soon as a realized it was great to take into to the grocery store while shopping ( or any place really) I was hooked. Now I can pick out veggies while drinking my pinot grigio. I only got one weird stare last time.

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  33. LOL this made me laugh.

    i also was all "what's so great about candy crush? imma check it out" and so i downloaded it and now i hate that game so much because i'm waiting for my 3rd quest in order to continue and it's making me wait like, for 34hrs. not cool candy crush; not cool at all.

    and i'm an android lover. does that mean we're enemies?

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  34. This might be the best blog post I've read this month.. maybe this year. I've NEVER played a Facebook game and I REFUSE. I'm sorry you were addicted to Farmville, but I'm glad you've overcome your addiction. However, I am addicted to random other iPhone games. Also, how do people function without iPhones?!

    -Frances @ Keynotes

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  35. I have no idea what candy crush is. clearly I'm very cool

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  36. I def don't get the SJP thing...I just love her to pieces!! I did have a friend tell me recently she has never watched a SATC episode...WHAT?!?! Now, that I just don't get!!

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  37. Yeah.... Snap chat and The whole Bachelor/Bachelorette craze?? I can't seem to catch on... But Bravo shows? I basically refuse to have conversations with anyone that won't get what I am talking about when it comes to Bravo shows..it's just not normal.

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  38. honestly I agree with you on the Bachelor/bachelorette. That show sucks and it's stupid that you have to go through that many people to find the person you want to "marry". lame.

    I'm a candy crush addict lol not kidding. I got my boyfriend hooked to it now.

    Real Housewives of NJ is my shit! Love that show. THank you for my dvr I finally was able to catch up on the last 2 episodes. Anyone that doesn't have an iphone i worry about them. Twitter not many people like it. idk why because its the best thing ever! Lol

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  39. SUCH a great post! I truly truly truly do not understand the Bachelor/Bachelorette obsession (and you can throw American Idol into that mix as well).

    Also the whole Candy Crush deal...yes I played it until I had to ask friends for lives or some stupid shit and then I was out. Hell no I'm not going to post up on FB for my friends to give me lives, if that's ever the case then my friends need to tell me to get a life.

    That is all I have to say about that. :)

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  40. Sarah Jessica Parker is amazeballs! Can't live without my iPhone. Haven't watched The Bachelor/Bachelorette since the second season. It got old REAL QUICK and that was before it was all over social media. I have candy crush on my phone, but I'm over it. Ain't nobody got time for that. Haven't downloaded Snapchat.

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  41. Seriously Bravo is the only channel I actually do watch.

    The only instance I've heard of the Wine2Go cups being super usual is golfing and wanting to drink wine so it doesn't spill. I am not above trying one out though if someone were to give me a free one.

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  42. you're wonderful! Also here's a secret: I'm horrible at the vino2gos. but I knock my glasses over too often not to have a lid..

    and really? the confused puppies? LOVE IT

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  43. I got pretty addicted to Farmville too, I had to delete the app and back away from the computer slowly. Haven't gone back since :D I haven't tried Candy Crush either, I don't need another thing to be addicted to.
    I never thought that way about the Bachelor/Bachelorette.. but I do watch this show and love it ha ha! Whoops :D
    I freaking love my iPhone. Won't be seen without it. Glad I'm not the only one!!
    Your posts are always amazing.

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  44. i don't get the wine cup thingies either. also never watched the bachelor/bachelorette. i want that puppy gif in my life forever. i'm going to try to save it to my phone so i can watch it all day long. thank you.
    -- jackie @ jade and oak

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  45. what?!!! those wine cups prevents the biggest party foul, spilling your wine!
    I don't get why people say SJP is ugly either. I mean please....it's carrie. bow down.

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  46. I agree with all of these things!!! Especially Snapchat. My friends think I am an alien. They feel about me how I feel about people without iphones.

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  47. I have no clue what these vino2go things are but I can say I'm sick of reading about them on giveaways and twitter. Just pour the wine from the box into an empty soda can and you'll be spill proof (there's also an episode of It's Always Sunny about this..I believe it's the one on interventions).

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  48. I don't have an iPhone...Don't want one, never have, never will. I have a Droid which I'm not super in love with but I have a vendetta against Apple products....womp womp.

    YES to The Bachelor/Bachelorette and everything else.

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  49. Totally cracking up! I don't play those games either because I know that is all I will want to do once I start.

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  50. my bf doesn't have an iphone. the green text bubbles really make me angry. he is the worst.

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  51. hahaha I REALLY don't get the bachelor/bachelorette craze. Then again, I don't watch Bravo either sooo... ;)

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  52. I am the same way with snapchat. I don't have an iPhone, sorry bout it but I lurve my Motorola. I hate the bachelor/bachelorette. I don't watch bravo but then again I don't watch any TV so you can't hold that one against me. I love all of your sleepover friends and I can't wait until its my turn to staaaayyyy!!!

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  53. I just can't get behind candy crush. I played for like two weeks but it isn't that exciting. And I thought the same thing about the wine to go or whatever. That's still an open container!

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  54. I don't get a lot of the exact down things! Where are you from? I saw some TN pics.

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  55. THIS. I don't understand the Bachelor/Bachelorette thing at all. I mean, yes I want the man I am falling in love with cheating on me with 4 other women, I mean, that's normal right?!

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  56. ALLLLLLLL Of this. yes. and yes. how do people not have an iphone?

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  57. oh gosh, I'm team no iPhone, I love wine2go cups, don't watch Bravo, and love snapchat...but I hate the bachelor/bachelorette soooo that's a good thing.

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  58. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. There is no accurate way for me express how much I just freakin' love you...

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  59. This is seriously the best thing ever. I'm kind of obsessed and the GIF usage is seriously on point. SJP is my fave. I think she is so stunning!!

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  60. Hahahaha! I don't watch Bravo but I am gif obsessed so maybe I can get a pass??

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  61. Lol! This is great! I was nodding in agreement up til #4...after that we went our separate ways. I don't have an iPhone...never have and probably never will. And I have no desire for one. I'm pretty much anti-apple. I have a Twitter account but don't know how to use and have no desire to do so. I hate Bravo and everything that comes with it. Oh and I hate shopping...like REALLY hate it...for myself, for others, whatever...I put off buying clothes and shoes and accessories for myself until my things are tattered and falling apart on me and I basically have no choice. I also hate chocolate and coffee. And most people just stare at me in shock. Oh well. Whatever.

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  62. OH MY WORD. i used to set alarms to harvest the grapes. because those bitches ALWAYS died on me. hahahahaha. how embarrassing.

    another thing i dont get ???
    VINE.
    maybe its just me. or the weird friends/people i follow. but 10 million videos of an entire bar singing at close, or drinks being chased down, or the side of the street as you drive by....
    i dont get it.

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  63. I had to laugh about the SnapChat one--I go to school with a bunch of teenagers and they are obsessed with it. I do not understand at all. And I don't understand my Mom who hates shopping so much that she'll only go when the refrigerator is completely empty or when her children are quite obviously too big for their clothes.

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  64. Ok ok ok I Iove all the bachorette stuff but I don't say that to her every night!

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  65. I agree with all of these. Especially SnapChat - I just don't get it. Not only do I not get it, but I don't *want* to get it - what's wrong with a text? Maybe we're just getting old... ick. :/ And don't worry, there will always be a place for red solo cups in life. A very important place.

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  66. I love you so dang much. I will only use a Vino2Go if I win one. I would NEVER pay for something like that when I have a perfectly good plastic cup.
    I HATE when people say SJP is ugly, just thinking about it makes me angry. And no twitter!? I'm sorry... even my MOTHER has a twitter, you should have a god damn twitter.

    On that note... one day you will learn to love the Bachelor(ette), it's not about the premise, the premise is redonkulous. it's all about the drama. The drama is better that cupcakes filled with ice cream baked by a puppy/kitty hybrid.

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  67. Oh my god, I loved this post. I agree with all except for the Vino2Go cups, but it's okay because the puppies gif was cute enough to make up for it. ;)

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  68. Haha I was the same way with Farmville but I just don't find Candy Crush addicting and that is the first time I have admitted that. I don't get the bachelor/bachelorette crap either I find it boring. And if you have your wine in a to go cup with a lid does that mean if you get pulled over you won't get a DUI because you are using a Vino2Go? I don't get it.

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  69. yes! I love this!!! It's taken me all day to get my blog reading on and this was first up! hysterical girl, you crack me up and those gif's had me rolling!

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  70. I ask myself the same thing with snapchat... why can't I just text it? The candy crush thing, however, I have to say is pretty fun. Except when you're stuck. Ugh.

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  71. Hahaha I finally gave in to snap chat and I use it sometimes but I still don't get it lol. This was such a funny post, loved all of the gifs and everything! :)

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    ReplyDelete
  73. I played candy crush till roughly level 40 something when it told me to go any further I needed to link to Fb and ask for lives and I was all like "H to the no CC, you gots to go" but I abhor iphones, as in...abhor. and all my friends who sang its praises and made fun of my droid changed their cultish tune after they used my galaxy. haha Which, I love my galaxy but I have zero attachment to it, if it pisses me off, I will move on. Ha, I get mad when my phone dies and I have to use my husband's iphone. I pout like a muther.

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  74. Noooo you gotta start watching the Bachelor, if only for the fact that it makes you feel really sane and normal, which I am not, so I need to feel that way every once in awhile. Also, open your mind to the world of Android! Why? Because yes, iOS7 looks great, but it's because they simply ripped all the best features off Android, which, if you use any Google products really is hte best phone in the entire world because your life is synced together fabulously. But really agree with the entire rest of this list. Like especially the candy crush and snapchat - although I do love getting a good snap chat, I never send them.

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  75. This is amazing!!! Love this post. All of it.

    I watch the bachelor/bachelorette, but always give my husband a lecture afterwards about how if we'd been in that situation, he would definitely have needed to dump all the other girls after the first day if he wanted to keep me. If he was kissing 20 other women, even though we weren't "official" yet, I would be pissed!!!!

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  76. I am badly agreed with each and every point , wooooosh . But the farmville & twitter story are SOO mine!!
    Noor's Place

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  77. Yes- yes- YES!! I was a crazy, too, that woke up in the middle of the night to farm and plant crops ha ha. My bf still makes fun of me! xox

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  78. oh.my.god. HOW have I NEVER been to your blog before? this is so so funny. i love it all.

    p.s. i don't have an iphone, like at all.


    :D

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  79. i Just died with laughter - DIIIIIIEEEEEED.

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  80. This is by far one of the greatest posts I have ever read! I agree with you on everything!!!! Thanks for saying it!!!


    XOXO

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  81. I do not get Snapchat. It was clearly created for pervs to send naked pics to each other!!

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  82. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  83. Oh my goodness you are hilarious. I'm so happy Adriana introduced me to your blog! Can't wait to read more!!

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  84. Well I love this post more than I love candy. And that's a lot. I really just don't get why people have Wine 2 Go cups. Put it in a wine glass or a solo cup. Why does your wine need a lid?! Are you 6? I'm also not on the snapchat trend.. or why people I haven't talked to in 3 years feel the need to send me a selfie. That's weird.

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  85. Sarah, this is amazing and completely made my day.
    I legitimately thought I was the only one who wasn't into candy crush, snapchat, vino2go, etc.
    Red Solo Cup, yes please.
    SnapChat - don't get it. I'll stick to sending pictures via text/iMessage.
    No iPhone? What world are you living in? I mean really though.

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  86. Ok now I'm just following all the posts that Jessica listed as her favs. Several of these gifs made me LOL. Nicely placed. And OMG every single guys I talk to about SJP (and there are several) say the same thing! And I'm like, the big hair! The clothes! Gahhh!

    perfectly priya

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