Venus Trapped in Mars

20 June 2013

The Headband Formerly Known as Lebron's + {Giveaway}

Hi. I'm the headband formerly known as Lebron's.
I'm really good friends with Venus's headband, so Venus was kind enough to let me come over to talk to you today and plead my case. 
See! There we are together hanging out! xoxo love you BHFFL

Well, I'm here to talk about the land of the misfit accessories and toys and other stuff that couldn't do stuff good. The land of toys/people/headbands that get tossed aside never to be heard from again. 

Tomagatchi
Dream Phone 
Peace frogs
AOL instant messenger
Crimped Hair
The Houston Astros
The Dixie Chicks
Stick on earings
Furby
Slap Bracelets
Mood Rings
Crimpers
Pogs
Butterfly Clips
Caboodle
Polly Pocket
Trix Cereal Color Changing Spoons
Crocodile Mile
War Heads
Worthless beanie babies
Surge
Magic Eye Posters

Well Lebron I'm here to tell you that I will NOT become just another forgotten headband. I can do stuff good.  I know that people were saying that I was holding you back in the first three quarters of game 6 of the NBA finals. They said I was causing you insecurities, keeping you from being a-g-g-r-e-s-s-i-v-e. Some even said that I was screwing with your mind worse than the sorting hat screws with Hufflepuffs, making them think they are going to be placed in Slytherin. 

I would never put you in Slytherin, Lebron. Never. 
Slytherin would eat you alive.
We talked about this when we watched The Chamber of Secrets together last Tuesday. 
Don't you remember?? 
In the forth quarter, when we were separated from one another, I went to the lost children's booth in section D387 and waited for you,  just like we talked about. But you never came. YOU NEVER CAME FOR ME, LEBRON. 
"Cuhhghh Attention Heat Fans..."
"A large off-white sweaty headband has been turned in at the lost child center in section D387"
The lady called over the loudspeaker at American Airlines arena.
"Could the owner of this headband please bring two forms of I.D. and come to section D387 to claim your belonging. The headband is beginning to cry."

While she continuously paged you, I sat crying. I have never felt more alone, or unloved. But I never stopped believing in you. I closed my eyes and imagined being on that receding hairline of yours. I imagined slowly inching backwards, higher and higher on your gigantic head, like a King's crown. You wearing me so proudly. 
In that moment, I felt something. I felt a connection I had never felt with you before. I realized that we didn't have to physically be together to have an effect on one another. I knew, in my gut threads that you were ballin. Not only were you ballin, you were ballin HARD. Ball so hard mothertruckers wanna find you. It was cray.

So here I am, sitting patiently waiting to see if you pick me up for game 7 from the lost children's booth in section D387. Think of me like your bra. Yes, it is nice to take me off at night... rejuvenating even. But we all know you can't walk around bra-less for the rest of your life because your nips will show and you will have premature sagging. That just won't look right, Lebron. 
See, we work so much better as a team.
So come pick me up, I miss you buddy.

------

The Headband formerly known as Lebron's is not here to bring you a giveaway, but I am, and so are some other awesome bloggers! 
The stars have drunkenly aligned and these AMAZING bloggers have all come together in one place, at one time to present you with the best Boozy Bloggers Giveaway there ever was.
Adriana // Sara

Alyssa // Cortney // Kate // Emily // Sarah // Carly // Candice // Stephanie
There will be 3 winners.
Will you be one of those lucky lushes?
      
**Brew2Go provided by The Product Farm**
     
**Party straws provided by RubyPop**
      
**Vino2Go and Vino2Go XL provided by The Product Farm**

Venus Trapped

29 comments :

  1. I'm thinking about how great it would be if you were making all these graphics while at work and someone came in and saw one of them over your shoulder. hahahahaha

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  2. hahahaha this is great!! I hate LeBron, and not just cause I'm from the CLE. I've never really liked him. sure he's good, but let's be honest, he's no MJ.

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  3. hahaha I love the graphics too. I'm glad it was a happy ending!

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  4. I still have my Beanie Baby collection. I refuse to get rid of them (even at my husband's urging) I SWEAR they will be worth money some day... just saying.

    And...oh dream phone...how I loved thee...

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  5. jesus...this was incredible on so many levels. I will never be able to unsee that boob forehead. I also now want to sip on some surge while sliding on the crocodile mile.

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  6. You have tabatha's salon take over in the background of your first pic huh.
    I love this! I will now be thinking about this all night while watching game 7. Maybe for the rest of Lebron's career haha.

    20somethingbusinesswoman.com

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  7. I just laughed SO HARD through that entire post. Thank you so so so much for that! Although, even though you now have me feeling for the headband, I'm still rooting for the Spurs. I can't stand the Heat!

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  8. I can't even handle my damn self over here right now. I'm just dying at your brilliance, once again.
    I should just give you all of my readers, I swear they'll all like you more than me.

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  9. Hahaha I cannot with you right now. You are out of your goddamn gourd and I love every second of it.

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  10. i want to know where you come up with this stuff because its the greatest. and my fave part was "I can do stuff good"

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  11. The boobs on his forehead. I'm dying.

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  12. This post was hilarious!! And POGS!!! I may or may not have had a shit ton of pogs back in the day. It was probably the height of my coolness, I know.

    PS. GREAT giveaway here ladies!! :)

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  13. This is hysterical. I am a Celtics fan sooo.... def not a Lebron fan.

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  14. Hahahaah "I can do good stuff, too"! Love that...and that list of old stuff? I think I owned every one.

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  15. Seriously laughed hysterically loud in my office...

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  16. damn girl you funny. you can do good stuff!

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  17. I cannot handle the hilarity with this haha and I barely even know who Lebron is! (Also this is my test post...testing testing!!)

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  18. This is hilarious! And, I'd completely forgotten about stick-on earrings.

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  19. this is so weird and perfect. love it! oh and i have a post ready to go tomorrow that is sorta, kinda, almost, not really at all about sports. hope you approve.
    -- jackie @ jade and oak

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  20. i mean, i can only imagine it was bound to fall off and best lost at some point with that receding hairline he is working with these days

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  21. everytime i get a little courage to start a blog i read yours and think, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet i could never be that awesome. and why try? i might just start a creepy fangirl page with pictures of you all linking to your site.

    jk. maybe.

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  22. it's a good thing I like you....

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  23. LeBron didn't lose his headband, he threw it off his head. Like some rachet ghetto bitch throws her weave off her head before a fight. (Don't ever go to Long Beach)Tony Romo needs to get a hold of his twin brother about all this crying. And doesn't his cry remind you of when Kim Kardashian cried. Same face and everything. Priceless.

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  24. So glad I started reading your blog BEFORE you posted saggy boobs on it. 😊 Hilarious little tale. So jealous you hang with Lebron's headband!

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  25. As a college senior I am OBSESSED with this giveaway! Thanks for hosting, have a great weekend!

    xo Shane

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  26. Oh my god, so funny! And as ridiculous as Lebron is with the headband...without it is just not a good look! He looks like an old man!

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  27. I'm seriously dying right now. I don't even know what to say except thank you for making me laugh so hard and remembering good times.
    Now I want to play with my badass pogs and glitter slammers. Amazing.

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  28. Gtfo with the peace frogs. And sorting headband, and saggy boob forehead. Cracking me up lady! Now I want a trix spoon again too. eBay here I come!

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  29. OMG This Post was..... AMAZING!!!

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