photo So_Fabulous_Darlin.png

06 June 2013

The Tale of Sand Pit

It is fourth grade Monday morning. It also just so happens to be pet week.  Every student gets to talk about their pet in front of the class for 10 minutes. If you want to bring in pictures you can, or tell stories or even bring in a bag of their crap to show off. Totally up to you. 

At recess that day Mrs. Huffer pulls me aside and asks if I want to be skipped on Thursday since I don’t have a pet. Well, not only has she now embarrassed me on the playground in front of the other students but she's calling me out for being a pet-less, poor child. I think there was a religious slur in there somewhere too. I’m 99% positive she said down with Catholics.

So just like any kid would do in this situation I said, “Oh no, did you not hear? I got a puppy a few months ago! He is blackish, brownish, reddish, whiteish—well he is very colorful. Many colors.”

“Oh! That is wonderful Sarah. What is his name?” she just had to ask.

“His name?” I frantically look around for inspiration. “His name is uhh, Sand Pit! Yeah, Sand Pit. I originally named him Four Square, but Sand Pit fits his personality better. He is just precious and I love him and he loves me too and we are best friends.”


“Oh Sand Pit. What a unique name. Ok, well I look forward to seeing pictures of him and hearing about him on Thursday.”

A few days pass and before I know it, it is Wednesday night. How am I going to find a blackish, brownish, reddish, white-ish pup by tomorrow morning? A light bulb goes off. Stuffed animals!

Thursday morning rears it's ugly head. It is my turn to present Sand Pit to the class. 

“Sarah? Are you ready to tell us about Sand Pit?” Mrs. Huffer asks.

I slowly and sadly walk to the front of the class with my stuffed animal in hand, dragging his legs dramatically. I had been rubbing my eyes constantly all morning for effect.

“This was Sand Pit’s favorite toy.” I say as I force a tear to roll down my face. I couldn’t cry on cue but I could muster out a bit of fluid when needed. “Sand Pit died tragically last night. He was playing outside in the sand pit behind my house when a freak thunderstorm hit. He was killed by a bolt of lightning. My parents tried to give him CPR but it just was too late.”

I took a Kleenex I had stashed in my back pocket and pretended to blow my nose as a mouth fart sounded into the tissue. 

“Now Sand Pit is go-go-goooooooooonnneeeeeeee!” I screamed hysterically.

Man check out these gullible idiots, I thought to myself.

Everyone throughout the day asked how I was holding up and the teacher even gave me three bon bons at lunch to cheer me up. I ended up getting an A on the project, French candy and extra attention. Basically every only child's dream day. I just wish I could say the same for poor Sand Pit.

Life Lesson Learned: A harmless little white-ish, brownish, reddish, blackish lie will go a long way every once in a while. How do you think I made dean’s list?

I also guest posted on Back East Blonde today! Go check it out! 
Link up with me tomorrow for Fan Friday. You guys blew me away last week. 
I double dog Sand Pit dare you.
Venus Trapped in Mars

Venus Trapped


  1. please tell me this is a real story. I'm not sure if it is, and I'm not sure if I care. I love it.

  2. hahah sounds like you were a little asshole kid just like me.

  3. Hahahaha you were they weirdest awesomest kid ever...I mean Sand Pit? I wanted to name my (real) dog Donk Head when I was little..not as cool as Sand Pit though

  4. Everything about this made me laugh. Amazing. Sand Pit. Classic.

  5. Sand Pit. What a guy! This is amazing.

  6. OMG that is hilarious! Sand Pit, what a great name. I once had a goat named Butt Head.

  7. That is the best thing ever. Oh elementary school lies.. I have so many.

  8. hahaha omg, you would. love it.

  9. Yay to Sand Pit. Best childhood story ever! Love little liars! I was one, too. ;)

  10. If this is a real story, it is hilarious. If not, YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON.

    You know what is sad? I bet they could NEVER have a pet day in today's schools, because people would feel left out and some parent would sue or something.

  11. Cheers to Sand Pit. Kids are such bad liars, but it's hilarious.

  12. Oh. my. god. You would! I snorted when I read the lie. That is the best

  13. This is so great! I was never that creative in elementary school but I did have my fair share of lies!

  14. Oh that's sneaky and smart!

  15. stop it. that is so tragic and fantastic. I love everything about this story, but mostly I love your sweatshirt.

    1. Wasn't she the cutest kid ever! Still is.

  16. shut. up. this can not be true. so hilarious!!!

  17. Hi love! This post completely made my morning and gave me an ab workout too, I was laughing so hard! I also was trying to look into sponsoring you, but the passionfruit script isn't working! Just wanted to let you know, I'll check back later this week to hopefully buy an ad!


  18. Hahahahahaha this is hilarious! Quick thinking for a 4th grader!

    Exploring My Style

  19. I was laughing reading this and getting dirty looks from my co-workers! Great post!

  20. This shouldn't be funny, but oh man it is.

  21. you DID NOT create a fake dog and then kill said fake dog off as a tiny child. you're literally my hero.

  22. You faked a dogs death in order to save yourself. Priceless haha. You just wanted to be part of the cool kids. I love your take it back stories!

  23. I love all the posts, I really enjoyed, I would like more information about this, because it is very nice., Thanks for sharing.
    i like play happy wheels demo online and play happy wheels 2 games full friv4school , games for girls , games go girls


Comments make my heart go boom boom.

I respond to all comments, if you are leaving me comments and not getting a reply, you may be a no-reply blogger. Fix it HERE!