Venus Trapped in Mars

26 March 2015

Thoughts I Have When Posting to Instagram

Date: March 17th, St. Patrick's Day 
Time: 6:00pm
It's 6pm, on St. Patty's day, and I haven't posted anything to Instagram yet. If I don't post on Instagram on a holiday, did the Holiday even happen? No, is the answer to that question.

*Gathers all the green things in the apartment: a cup, a cocktail umbrella, and a second hand bookstore book that often doubles as a coaster for guests.*

I'm going to toss these next to my keyboard. The best instas have a keyboard.
 


boring. maybe point the camera closer???
 
*boyfriend takes a seat and grabs a beer.... knows we will not be going to dinner for a while.* 

 "That isn't quite it yet either, maybe I put the mouse back in...?"


Why is everyone with a pulse better at staging photos than I am?

Forget this, maybe I'll just hold my drink and ask CB to take my picture. 

I feel bad asking him to get up, he just sat down....

"HEY WILL YOU TAKE MY PICTURE?"

*patient boyfriend sighs deeply, sets beer down and rises from couch reaching for iPhone*
*patient boyfriend takes 4 steps backward---*

"NO NO NO NO, WHY ARE YOU SO FAR BACK?? I JUST WANT FROM THE CUP, UP."

*patient boyfriend takes 4 steps forward, snaps picture, hands iPhone back. He remains standing, waiting... knowing we aren't even close to done....*
poor kid... it must suck to have a blogger for a girlfriend.

*glances down at picture on phone*
"SICK"

the devil called, he wants his "muahahhahahaa face" back.

*takes braid out, hand phone back*
*patient boyfriend takes two more* 


"OH DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN --- NO!

"JUST FORGET IT, THANKS ANYWAY"

*patient boyfriend, feeling like a failure at life now, sits back down with his beer*
hmmm... now what? 

duhhhhh, why didn't I start with this... selfies + dog = instagram... and look, there's a dog right there!

"VEENIE, VEEEEENIE.... VEENIE LOOK AT THE CAMERA... VEENIE CAMERA. WHOOO! VEENIE. HEY VEENIE. VEEEEEEEEEEN!

*snaps fingers next to iphone camera* 

 if you can't beat em, join em

 meh.

how about I channel my inner fashion blogger?


ok but, how the heck do they do this so perfectly? I've been blogging for 2 years and am totally baffled by the "over-the-head" outfit picture...

hmmm... let's try no face...




orrrrrr pretend like I'm drinking it?

 effing stupid. you and your stupid face suck Sarah.
let's go back to no face at all





not the worst ever... but I'm sure I can do better...

*lightbulb dings above head, like in the cartoons*

"GREEN BEER! FOOD COLORING! YAAAAS!"

*moves back to computer desk*




 nails are kiiinda painted, maybe i should open the book?




i need a beer. 

oh right, i have a beer, I could take a picture of me drinking the green beer!!!! #genius


*sits on couch next to patient, failure-stricken boyfriend*

*takes boyfriend's hand and apologizes* 

*drinks green beer*

*posts absolutely nothing to Instagram*
description

42 comments :

  1. Ba ha ha! Hilarious and so so true. I try to hide most of my picture taking crazy from my husband but he's always a good sport when I make him take them. My poor husband. I need a tripod asap.
    PS. LOVE the giraffe silhouettes in the back!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL! This is my life. I can 100% relate to this.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahaha this is awesome and very accurate!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Haha yes!!! The amount of pictures it takes for me to get a good one is ridiculous. When it happens right away, I assume that I am the Queen of all things Instagram.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bahhah I love it. YES how do they do the over the head shot?! Can someone puhlease do a tutorial about that?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Just yesterday, I told my BF he needs to get better at taking pics of my outfits! He said, okay...and proceeded to ask how to do this? I shrugged my shoulders. I just wanna have cute photos for my blog! These are my fave posts, what really happened behind the IG! xoxo, ganeeban

    ReplyDelete
  7. 100% accurate. And then at my house all the green things proceed to sit on the desk for approximately a week.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow. I'm SO GLAD to know I'm not the only one who goes through this!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I want to scream "YES" at this very moment but I am sitting in my office and that would require explaining why I am on blogs not working oops. But thank you. Why is it that the guys think we want full shots ( and not liquor) Kent always takes 4 steps back and then I am Oh never mind I'll do it ( enter iphone remote) , I want to learn the art of staging LOL

    ReplyDelete
  10. this is fantastic! *posts absolutely nothing to Instagram. -- this happens all too often after all that effort!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes! Everything about this! My poor husband is a saint for putting up with me. "Wait, I just have to post this one thing to Instagram, it'll be so quick!" 20 minutes later . . .

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haha I'm so glad I'm not the only one who goes through the crazy conversation with myself for every IG photo :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. hahaah I died laughing at every word! This is so true!

    ReplyDelete
  14. yep, this is so spot on. i freak out right before i share. now i'm just like whatever, i'm gonna share it! these were all insta worthy to me!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. So freaking true. Why are we so crazy?!

    ReplyDelete
  16. That's why I never post on instagram, unless its a picture of the animals. Lets me honest that's all anyone cares about anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who relates to this completely. My poor guy rolls his eyes, takes the picture, and heaves the biggest sighs when I ask for a re-take. Oops.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hahahahah! I do the same thing to my husband.

    ReplyDelete
  19. OMG this is totally me, haha. I just... suck at selfies.

    ReplyDelete
  20. bahahahhahhahaha story of my instagram life!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Yep. I totally get it. I staged my own breakfast a few days ago. SICK.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hahhaha, I loved this! And I feel this way allllll the time -- and my boyfriend feels/ acts the same way as your's did!! (we've got some good men that try and help out when they can!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. That made me laugh so hard! Maybe this is why I have few instagram followers...because I don't put any thought into my pictures...definitely not enough!

    ReplyDelete
  24. hahaha dying!!! This is so true, I definitely can relate! Im pretty sure my husband thinks it sucks to married to a blogger ;)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Too accurate for comfort. Thank you for making me grin :D :D :D :D

    ReplyDelete
  26. This was absolutely HILARIOUS. :) Have a great weekend! xx

    ReplyDelete
  27. hahaha yep, this is me every time!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Haaha my ig account is not fancy at all so I don't have these problems but this made me LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Yeah it is ridiculous how much time and energy it takes to get the perfect pic. I have started just using my DSLR and uploading them to instagram. I hate my phone pics these days. Most of them are grainy and not as good of quality as my DSLR.

    Ginny
    www.buttergirldiaries.com

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hahahahahaha!! Totally what goes on behind the phone for the hubs and I too when I take 50 of the same pictures.

    ReplyDelete
  31. This is hilarious ... because it's true. I think we all go through some variation of this.

    ReplyDelete
  32. The dark side of being a blogger. We're really all quite weird beings, thankfully those around us put up with our crazy antics behind the scenes.

    ReplyDelete
  33. hahah I know this struggle all too well except ALL of your attempts look better than any of mine. However COMPLETELY relate to the boyfriend taking too many steps back thing. like....I want to see my face. I want my focus to be my face. Thats my best feature. Hahahaha

    ReplyDelete

Comments make my heart go boom boom.

I respond to all comments, if you are leaving me comments and not getting a reply, you may be a no-reply blogger. Fix it HERE!