Venus Trapped in Mars

15 October 2015

The Story of Longhorn Polo Shirt Guy

In April 2014 I first signed up for Match.com, and it was mostly awful. That is, verbatim, what I tell everyone who asks me how Match was. 


My Match Profile Pic  

The messages I received were about half pre-generated messages that they sent to 100 other girls, and half crafted just for me. In my humble opinion, I thought my profile was pretty good, and allowed for what I would have thought to be an easy introduction for a dude. With that said, I deleted anything that went something like this, 

"Hello you have a beautiful smile can we chat and be something?
This was an actual message. Dudes are clueless! You've left me no path of response other than, No!

As a blogger for a couple years now, I know what kind of posts will allow for easy comments from readers. Posts that have simple lists of likes/dislikes = easy commenting. Pick one thing on the list, write a comment, BOOM! There you have it. Easy Peasy. 

That's what I did with my Match profile. If in that entire list of likes and dislikes, you couldn't find a single thing to talk to me about other than my smile, I deleted it. Is that brutal? I don't think so, but I was looking for someone who might one day be a father figure in my dogs' lives. I was taking this very seriously. If not for me, for them. 

I'd message back and forth with guys, then I would just stop responding to people, for no real reason -- their hair is just simply too fluffy. I think I secretly didn't really want to be dating because I was petrified of it.

A total of three boys somehow managed to make plans with me. I was so damn nervous to go out with someone I'd never met before. Looking back, I'm shocked I managed to get the courage to leave the house the first time, let alone a second time and third time. 

The first date I went on, the guy drank 6 different drinks. On a Monday. All of the drinks were vastly different. He told me he didn't like to have the same thing twice. Yikes. He had a white Russian, a glass of merlot, a daiquiri, a craft beer, a whiskey and coke and a glass of chardonnay. It was weird, he was weird. He then got furious at me when I told him the next day that I didn't think we'd be a good fit.

Not a good start to online dating for Sarah. 

The guy from the second date was really cute. Too cute. He made me so self-conscious. All I could think was how fat and ugly he must think I am. He didn't message me ever again after that first date and it kind of broke my heart. Not because I liked him, but because it left me feeling like I was an atrocious beast that didn't even deserve so much as a follow up message. 

After that second date, I pretty much stopped participating, stopped looking at profiles, stopped responding to messages. I was honestly just really sad over the whole idea of dating. Yes I'm aware I was being dramatic, but that's how I get. I overreact. 

About a month later, I finally logged on simply to look at who had sent me messages. I paid for 3 months up front, so might as well just look. It was depressing, but I really just didn't care to respond to a single one of those messages. Not even the ones clearly written just for me.

I was at work at the time, and up pops this message in the chat app. I'd been messaged in the chat app 2 or 3 times before, all by shirtless bathroom selfies, with messages that read, "wanna meet up 2nite?

This message though, was not from a shirtless bathroom selfie guy, but rather a seemingly normal dude in a Texas Longhorn polo shirt. 

"Fantasy football and sports fanatic? What are you trying to do, get every guy in Dallas to message you?


I giggled at my desk and wrote him back. We had a few witty comments back and forth and I felt genuinely excited about this whole thing for the very first time. Then the chat app crashed. 

THE APP CRASHED. 


I didn't have access to his profile anymore, I couldn't find him. I was frantic trying to find his profile again. Go damn figure, the first guy that I was into, now I can't find him. It was like reverse Cinderella. I was looking for the Longhorn Polo shirt that fit my guy, in a sea of Longhorn Polo shirts.

Turns out, based on the next email I received, he was frantically trying to find me too. An email pops up on my screen...

"That chat app is terrible! I had trouble finding your profile again, but I hope we can talk again soon!"

A big smile popped on my face. It was Longhorn polo shirt guy. To my shock, I liked Longhorn Polo Shirt Guy. I messaged him back, immediately, as fast as my fingers would allow. Like I tell anyone who asks, Match.com was mostly awful.... that is until it introduced me to the love of my life. 

So yeah, I met Chalupa Batman on Match.com. Big whoop, wanna fight about it? 




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44 comments :

  1. It's really awesome to hear a success story from Match.com! I've done online dating off and on for three years. I'll go on for a couple weeks, then cancel it because I'm sick of the disgusting or boring messages I get from guys. I unfortunately haven't had success, but I think it's so cool that it worked for you and the man! :)

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  2. It only takes 1! So happy for you!

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  3. This was the perfect online dating post. I've never read one that summed it up so wonderfully. Bravo!

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  4. I love online dating. It's like online shopping! But for ROMANCE! I've met half of my total number of boyfriends (yes I did the math and no, I will not share my work) online and I think it's great!

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  5. I tried it...it was mostly awful. I deleted it. I'm glad it worked out for you and CB though. I think I was sabotaging myself at the time because I didn't really want to be dating. I wasn't really ready ya know?

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  6. This is so great! I HATED online dating.. I only met up with two guys but both times I drank like 3 glasses of wine beforehand because it was SO intimidating to meet strangers.

    I can't get over that your first date ordered 6 different drinks.. WTF.

    Thank god my best friend convinced me to join that "stupid kickball team" or I wouldn't know the love of my life :)

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  7. Girl this gives me hope! I was recently dumped and am so nervous to get back in the dating scene but I really have nothing to lose :) thanks for sharing this story. Totally needed it today!

    xo Lacey
    http://www.myboringcloset.com

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  8. Aw, I was hoping that's where this story was going!

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  9. My sister met her boyfriend on Match! They've been together for over 3 years now!

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  10. The second date I went on from Match blocked me immediately following our date. It wasn't a great date, but I wanted to thank him for dinner and HE HAD BLOCKED ME. So rude. I feel ya, but this totally gives me hope. Hopefully I'm getting back into online dating soon... Just gotta get a paycheck haha

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  11. I love this story! I was totally hoping the ending of this involved CB.

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  12. My husband and I met online!! I love this story. I was the same as you were...pretty picky about who I met up with. One of the guys I went out with literally talked the entire hour about how he had never been on an airplane and never planned to be on one either. He had no interest in travelling outside our province EVER and insisted on being up front about that. It was super weird... like your story, me and my hubby hit it off right away and everything was super normal and comfortable even on our first date. Love this post!!!

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  13. I was very anxious when I couldn't find Sarah's profile again. I knew I needed to meet this girl! 17 months later and so far, so good...

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    1. 17 months, 12 days, 14 hours... but who's counting?

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    2. I of course made those numbers up...........

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  14. Met my fiance on OkCupid! At least you're app is not as ridiculous to tell people. But no shame when you find the person who just totally gets you!

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  15. I love this! My husband and I met on Yahoo Personals back in 2008 haha. He had just moved to Birmingham from NC and I was still in college in Birmingham. He didn't know anybody and I was bored. So we both made those profiles and by what I can only describe as divine intervention he contacted me...and now we're married with a 3 week old baby. He wasn't the only person I met from there, but I pretty much had the same experience as you until I found "the one". I love hearing other's online dating success stories :)

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  16. This is so cute Sarah!! Really trying to find the courage to actually go on a dating site/app myself. Of course not tinder but I hear bumble is all the new craze. I just don't know if I can stop freaking out about going out with a complete stranger yet. Blah. Maybe...just maybe...one day I will.

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  17. Yeah...so...I met Chris on Tinder. What of it?

    No, I think it's awesome! There are some pretty great guys out there, once you sort past all the...less than stellar ones.

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  18. YAY! I'm so glad it's worked out for you two :)

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  19. I totally did NOT expect Longhorn Polo Shirt Guy to be Mr Chalupa Batman! Lol! I love this story & am so happy that he found you after the app crashed!
    :)<3

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  20. omg sarah. I LOVE this post. i've heard this before. man i love blogging.

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  21. Ohhh I love hearing "meet cute" stories! Online dating sounds a lot like real life dating. I met plenty of weirdos when I was on the dating scene (all out at the bars, which could also be the problem), until one night I saw this guy making eyes at me...he bought me a drink, made out with me on the dance floor, and now we're married.

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  22. I love reading stories about how couples met. What a great story! Thanks for sharing :)

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  23. Our stories start the same, but end differently! So happy you found happiness on there. I was chased off by a creep and logged off for good after about a total of three days. I love hearing how couples met, it's fun to hear it all over again. I would love to hear CBs version too! Xoxo, ganeeban

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  24. I love this! I also spent some time in the online dating world and even though I didn't meet the love of my life on there, I have to say it isn't totally awful. The creeps definitely outnumber the "Longhorn Polo Shirt" guys, but it led you to the right one for you and that is AWESOME! Thanks for sharing such a sweet story :)

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  25. I think that it's totally awesome to try and meet people on a dating website, especially if you're new to a city. One of my friends just got married to her husband who she met on eHarmony! She had just moved to Atlanta for a job and was trying to meet people and a few months later she met the love of her life!!

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  26. I think this post is a sign. Its literally the second time Match has been suggested to me today.

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  27. OMG I was hoping it was him!!!! I man how perfect is he based in that chat.....

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  28. I love hearing people's love stories. They make me feel all warm and happy.

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  29. I love hearing stories like this as well! The last guy I dated I met on Plenty of Fish, it wasn't terrible (I mean we did date for 5 months) but it just wasn't what I wanted. It's promising to hear happy stories! My cousin met her husband on Match so I know it does work but honestly I can't even bear the thought of going back on one of those sites. Dating is exhausting!

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  30. How exciting! Love this. :) Also, did you come up with the alias Chalupa Batman or did he? That's an awesome name.

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  31. Such a fun story! I've totally had that same mentality- "his hair is too fluffy, so no thank you!" It doesn't make sense... but yes it totally does. And that's great that you met online- it doesn't really matter where you met these days. I'm going to a wedding next weekend and they met on Tinder!! :)

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  32. That's a great story! I met my husband online too ... on MySpace, lol. People are always surprised by that. Almost 6 years into our marriage & still head over heels :)

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  33. I met my husband online! Sometimes, it's worth it to weed through the duds when you find the one! :)

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  34. Oh my goodness, ugh. My membership expires next week and I am still holding out for the one normal guy!

    xx Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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  35. Here I was thinking this story was going to end badly, and then it didn't! That's a really lovely story and something you'll definitely cherish for years to come.

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  36. I met Sergio (the husband) in April 2012 and we were married by December 2012. We met on Match, too, and we are a perfect fit. He messaged me with a sweet tailor made message right as I was about to give up! Match works. I'm so glad you're happy with Chapula. ;)

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  37. It's so fun to hear how you two met finally!!

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  38. Technology is great when it works. They so need you for the next Match.com commercial lol

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