Venus Trapped in Mars

11 February 2013

What's With The Visor?

The ultimate mystery to me has always been and always will be : THE VISOR. Dun Dun Dunnnn...

I could understand the visor if two variables were present:
1. You are a woman with long hair and a ponytail. 
2. The only thing that existed in the world are new era hard brim fitted caps.

Well the wide world of baseball caps has evolved and now has openings in the back to slide that pesky ponytail through. This is neither here nor there but I'm pretty sure the adjustable cap came first. 

So why then, are all these dudes wearing women's tennis visors? 
Do they have a ponytail? 
No
Do adjustable caps exists?
Yes

Jump to page 28.
You are a creepy dude wearing a women's tennis visor. You kill yourself. 
Game over.

So here's to you, you old woman you! Get on with your bad self. God speed with menopause, I hear it can really be a doosie, but who are we kidding, you wear an oversized tennis visor, you and your massive amount of estrogen will be just fine!

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Holy Moly. Autographed tennis visor, none the less. Wait is that Martina Navratilova's signature. Totally jel of you right now, Steve. 
disclaimer: I found this picture of Steve Spurrier by googling Woman in a Tennis Visor

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Lane Lame Kiffin. I hate you. 
You know, this easy, breezy, beautiful visor isn't going to cool you off from that hot seat you live your life on. Just a tip from me to you. 

Furthermore, I'd really like to get the photographers name who snapped this picture of Kiffin in full on Vols gear. You have the fastest shutter speed ever. If I am ever doing a documentary on the blazing high speeds of a Cheetah I will for sure get your digits to photograph the project. 
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Ok so Chip Kelly just agreed to be the coach of the Philadelphia Eagles. By agreed, I mean I'm sure they really had to twist his arm to accept that multi million dollar deal and move the heck out of Podunk Oregon. 

I've never actually been to Oregon, unless you count the Oregon trail computer game, in which case I spent most of 3rd grade in Oregon. 

I guess compared to Oregon's highlighter-give-you-an-aneurism-just-from-looking-at-them uniforms...
I'll let the visor slide. It could have been worse I suppose. 


Consider this a warning fellas ladies. I know it sounds scary as hell, but ditch the visor, be a real man and wear a full on hat. I mean, take a page from this burley man, Justin. Look at all that hair he can fit in such a constricting hat, I promise you will be ok. 

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2 comments :

  1. A post this brilliant needs to have at least one comment.
    Here it is.

    ReplyDelete
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