1. Internet haters that troll every single major brand's facebook posts, but don't know how to use their/there/they're.
2. People who try to cut over last minute in rush hour, even though I've been patiently waiting in line. I of course do EVERYTHING in my power to block them out. Sometimes, I've even been known to backwards block, if the person behind me isn't doing their part. Note: Backwards blocking is an advanced skill. Don't try that at home.
3. Scotch (the liquor, not the tape. Tape, ok)
4. Hangovers at work
5. Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton as a couple (wtf, just stop)
6. Action movies
7. Being surprised by genitals on Snapchat
8. When my chair makes a fart sound and I have to try and recreate said sound so people know I didn't actually fart
10. When I think a picture is phenomenal and it BOMBS on instagram
11. These. No.
12. When my pizza is over
13. Tool (CB's favorite band, I'm sorry, I just can't)
14. When people come up and beg for money. I'm sorry, I just get frightened easily, and if a woman is by herself I think this is just SO wrong. I once had a homeless man ask me for money while I had a pint of Ben and Jerry's in my hand and I said, "Sorry all I have is this ice cream..." and ran away. It hadn't occurred to me he probably would've been ok with the ice cream (BUT I PUT ON PANTS FOR THAT ICE CREAM THO)
15. Going to batting practice at an MLB game and the player throws a ball to the little kid beside me, instead of throwing it to me. DAMN KID, GO AWAY! I NEED A BALL.
16. Vague recipes -- next you'll add a splash bit of oregano (NO NO NO... A SPLASH ISN'T A MEASUREMENT. I'M NEW TO COOKING AND I NEED SPECIFICS, MA'AM)
17. Vague bathroom signs. I have a list in my phone of vague bathroom signs that made me want to walk straight up to the manager and punch them square in the mouth.
"Sitting Pretty + Standing Tall" F YOU.
18. People that post 24 times a day on Instagram
19. Blog emails that start out with, "Hello VENUSTRAPPEDINMARS. We really love your blog and your strong love of fashion." Kewl. BYE.
20. Southwest's free-for-all seating
22. When a bitch kills my vibe. Don't do that.
29. Emails that go a little something like this, "Call me when you get a chance"
30. Phone calls
31. Deformed grapes
32. *Shares new blog post on Facebook*
*Checks stats 5 hours later*
*5 people reached*
GEE, gosh darn Facebook. THANK YOU. You fine people over at Facebook are just TOO good to me. Too good. #blessed
Ok that's all I've got.
No one is allowed to talk to me until April 2nd.