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01 April 2016

Even 32 MORE Things I Hate More Than April Fool's Day

CB and I were lying in bed last night while Veenie clawed to get out of the crate she was so rudely contained to (who do we think she is? Some kind of dog or something? Why is she not in the bed, under the covers? (oh yeah, in the event she projectile voms again)) when we made a firm pact. I said, "UGH tomorrow is April Fool's Day, I hate April Fool's Day..." and he completely agreed with me. We made a pact at 10:30pm on March 31st to never ever play a prank on each other. I was so wildly in love with that man at that very moment. Thank you, sir.  

I so appreciate this, because if you've been around this blog for the past couple of years, you'll know my extreme displeasure in the first of April. Each year, I've written the 32 Things I hate More Than April Fools Day, first in 2014, then again in 2015. Today, I'll continue the tradition!  

1. Internet haters that troll every single major brand's facebook posts, but don't know how to use their/there/they're. 

2. People who try to cut over last minute in rush hour, even though I've been patiently waiting in line. I of course do EVERYTHING in my power to block them out. Sometimes, I've even been known to backwards block, if the person behind me isn't doing their part. Note: Backwards blocking is an advanced skill. Don't try that at home. 

3. Scotch (the liquor, not the tape. Tape, ok) 

4. Hangovers at work

5. Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton as a couple (wtf, just stop)

6. Action movies

7. Being surprised by genitals on Snapchat

8. When my chair makes a fart sound and I have to try and recreate said sound so people know I didn't actually fart 

9. This meme. Punch me in the face.

10. When I think a picture is phenomenal and it BOMBS on instagram

11. These. No. 

12. When my pizza is over

13. Tool (CB's favorite band, I'm sorry, I just can't)

14. When people come up and beg for money. I'm sorry, I just get frightened easily, and if a woman is by herself I think this is just SO wrong. I once had a homeless man ask me for money while I had a pint of Ben and Jerry's in my hand and I said, "Sorry all I have is this ice cream..." and ran away. It hadn't occurred to me he probably would've been ok with the ice cream (BUT I PUT ON PANTS FOR THAT ICE CREAM THO)

15. Going to batting practice at an MLB game and the player throws a ball to the little kid beside me, instead of throwing it to me. DAMN KID, GO AWAY! I NEED A BALL.

16. Vague recipes -- next you'll add a splash bit of oregano (NO NO NO... A SPLASH ISN'T A MEASUREMENT. I'M NEW TO COOKING AND I NEED SPECIFICS, MA'AM)

17. Vague bathroom signs. I have a list in my phone of vague bathroom signs that made me want to walk straight up to the manager and punch them square in the mouth.
"Sitting Pretty + Standing Tall" F YOU. 

18. People that post 24 times a day on Instagram

19. Blog emails that start out with, "Hello VENUSTRAPPEDINMARS. We really love your blog and your strong love of fashion." Kewl. BYE.

20. Southwest's free-for-all seating

21. Camping

22. When a bitch kills my vibe. Don't do that. 

23. Monkey King's Hours - arguably the best noodles you'll ever eat, open for business for about 4 minutes every third day of the week. 

24. The day after Super Bowl Sunday... well EFF, now what do we do? 

25. People who post spoilers on social media. SPOILER ALERT: You adding the words SPOILER ALERT doesn't mean that I can't very clearly see the next several words you have written. Phone a friend instead. You're a jerk. 

26. Real Housewives New Jersey... meh

27. Soccer. Last year we went to an FC Dallas Playoff game in Frisco. Mind you, Frisco is about an hour away. The game ended in a 0-0 TIE and we all went out to our cars and sat in traffic trying to get out of the poorly designed stadium parking. ZERO TO ZERO. IT WAS A PLAYOFF GAME AND WE LEFT AFTER SEEING NOTHING HAPPEN. ZERO TO ZERO, PEOPLE. No, never again. 

(Unless you have free tickets... I don't turn down free tickets to anything

28. Toy Story 3. I'm physically unable to watch this without getting severe dehydration from excessive tear loss. 

29. Emails that go a little something like this, "Call me when you get a chance"  

30. Phone calls

31. Deformed grapes

32. *Shares new blog post on Facebook*
*Checks stats 5 hours later*
*5 people reached*

GEE, gosh darn Facebook. THANK YOU. You fine people over at Facebook are just TOO good to me. Too good. #blessed 

Ok that's all I've got. 
No one is allowed to talk to me until April 2nd. 

Veenie Update: Thank you guys all SO VERY MUCH for your messages yesterday. You are so incredibly kind, it's amazing the support you can receive from the blog world when you really need it. We've been monitoring Veenie, but still no new info. She had a good night last night though, and fingers crossed for another good day today! She woke up very chipper, which was a great sign! I'll without a doubt keep you guys updated over the weekend via snapchat

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  1. I totally don't get Blake and Gwen at all. Like, they are from TWO different planets. We're not talking A little Country, and A Little (Whatever the hell she calls herself these days). I miss old Gwen... And I miss Blake and Miranda together, but I feel like Miranda could do so much better. Blake has always been a charmer and a player, she deserves a man that's all about her! (And she's a lot of woman to handle - she's feisty and I love it!)

  2. All of these and back blocking is not for the faint of heart, I have tried it its scary in Dallas traffic. Prayer for Veenue

  3. Bahahahah! 4, 5, 16, 21, 30 .... glad Vee is doing better

  4. Love this post! You've totally vented about all the things I've been ranging about recently! Blake and Gwen - worst couple ever. Rush hour assholes give me road rage. Toy Story 3 just about scarred me for life.

    xx, Caitlin

  5. Amazing. I HATE April Fool's Day; always have. If I had time this week I would have ranted about it, but alas, I didn't so...maybe next year.

    Also? THIS:
    32. *Shares new blog post on Facebook*
    *Checks stats 5 hours later*
    *5 people reached*

    GEE, gosh darn Facebook. THANK YOU. You fine people over at Facebook are just TOO good to me. Too good. #blessed

    I CAN'T HANDLE IT. Zuckerberg is the worst.

  6. How do you not love New Jersey housewives??!! The first two seasons are so incredibly quotable! I also can't stand when a picture I posted without any thought gets ALL THE LIKES and a photo I staged, spent 15 minutes editing and posted at peak times struggles to get any

  7. HAHAH "deformed grapes". Actually though. Are you a grape or a raisin? Quit playin'.

  8. Bitch, this did definitely NOT kill my vibe. Loved every second.

  9. love your list and I so, so hate April Fools

  10. #16 is my life! I love this whole list and hate every bit of April Fool's Day. This post just made my day.
    x Jen |

  11. I'm not the best driver, I admit, but when it needs to be done and everyone else is whimping out, I will never fail to block a bitch.

  12. I also hate April Fool's Day, because I'm just SO gullible. I'm a sucker for RHONJ...meh

  13. flew southwest once and found the whole thing to so stressful. no thanks. never again

  14. hahahaha Derrick and I made the same pact! Like, literally, we shook on it at 12AM when we realized what day it was.

  15. Hell yes I agree so much with most of these, camping, I love to camp in a room with a toilet and a bed and a shower you know we call those camp sights Motels, or Hotels just me but have to say a cheap and nasty motel is better then a tent, just saying

  16. Posts bombing on Instagram and reaching five people on FB, girl, you are preaching to the choir!

    xx Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

  17. hahahaha this is a great list! I swear, I must've nodded and said "YUP!" to 99% of these. Blake and Gwen need to quit it. NOW. There's also a special place in hell for people who drive on the shoulder or the construction lane to try and get ahead in traffic.
    I definitely can't agree with camping though. That's the shiznit!

    Oh, and I also have a very passionate hatred for people who come in last minute in restaurant and those who overstay their welcome.

  18. haha this day seriously does suck (even if I participated!!) gwen stefani and blake shelton. Thank you. UGH. Also, I didn't Love Money Noodles. SORRY. But i've only tried it once. When I come back we should go!

  19. I personally enjoy a good practical joke, but I just wasn't feeling it this time around.

    That being said, I agree with so much of this list.

  20. I loved this post! I agree with so many of these but especially #8, #14 and #16! Xo, Stephanie

  21. i LOVE this post and idea! do you mind if i do something like it?

  22. i LOVE this post and idea! do you mind if i do something like it?


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