Venus Trapped in Mars

01 April 2014

32 Things I Hate More Than April Fool's Day

April Fool's Day.

If the Devil had a birthday, it would be today. I don't like pranks, I don't like pranking, I don't like being pranked, I don't like people telling me they are pregnant when they are not, in fact, pregnant. It is just a ploy for attention. I bet April Fool's Day may have been a little more bearable before social media came along, but I can't remember that long ago. 

Everyone's Facebook status should be ignored. I'm such a grouch, so this is the worst day in the world for me to be near a computer. Or near people. 

Hardy Har Har, you posted on Facebook that you are quitting your job because you're pregnant with triplets. "April Fools!" Hardy Har Har. 

There are very, very few things I hate more than April Fool's Day. Let's discuss. 




1. Scary Movies. Particularly those involving ghosts, mirrors, night vision goggles, people with bloody thinning hair, babies that have scary eyes, babies in general, etc. and so on. 

2. When someone I don't know asks me to take their picture. 
Girl: "Um, will you like, totally be a doll face and take our picture?"
Me: "Sure."
Girl and her friends: Adjusts hair, repositions themselves about 12 times, puts hand up and points at me to hold on, adjusts hair again, switches places with her taller friend.
Me: ............... Finally takes picture
Girl: "Oh, I didn't like it, would you mind to take it again?"
Me:
3. Ikea on Saturday at 1pm

4. Forever 21 on Saturday at 3pm

5. Mall Parking at Christmas Time

6. Not being able to Open a Jar

7. The other team's fans

8. "Uploaded by User" Pins

9. Bathing Suit Shopping
10. The fact that there isn't a "quote retweet" button for twitter, when you're on your computer. 

11. When my brilliance isn't acknowledged properly

13. When those aren't the droids I'm looking for. (Just kidding, I have no earthly idea what that even means) 

14. That 1 minute clip about 40 minutes into Bravo shows after I've just watched 10 minutes worth of commercials, to simply have to go back to watching more commercials. 

15. Sharks. 

16. When people invite me to play their candy farm saga on Facebook.

17. When someone invites me to join "birthdays" on Facebook, when it is in fact, the day of their birth. 

18. Comic Sans

19. People who don't like Family Guy (or don't know that 94.3% of the things that come out of my mouth are Family Guys quotes)
20. Same Side Sitters. (If you don't know what this is, you are probably one)

21. One Uppers 

22. Getting beat at Sorry!

23. Hangovers

24. iPhone cases that cost more than $19 - you aren't fooling me and your 1000% profit

25. When I accidentally say "You Too!" Enjoy your movie...

26. Accidentally liking something on social media from 73 weeks ago. Posted by an ex('s new girlfriend) Hah. I've never done this. I would die. Dead, I would be dead. 

27. Showering at the gym vom.it.all.over.everything. 

28. Dog abuse commercials make them stop. I'll give you all of the money, just stop showing these commercials.

29. When a 4 year old has more expensive electronic devices than I do

30. When this happens

31. When someone says, "You look tired" Well you look like crap too, thanks. 

32. See Also: String Cheese


 What do you hate more than April 1st?

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82 comments :

  1. Haha you pulled out all the stops on this one and I'm dying. I'm a fan of April Fools but I never actually inconvenience the people I'm fooling with.

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  2. DYING AT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE

    14. That 1 minute clip about 40 minutes into Bravo shows after I've just watched 10 minutes worth of commercials, to simply have to go back to watching more commercials.

    ^^^ GETS ME EVERY TIME! May have to steal this idea from you and do it too!!

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  3. I'm sure glad I read this post first thing this morning, because I totally forgot it was April Fool's. Gracious...I was bound to be pranked by someone and end up pissed off and annoyed. I'm seriously laughing my head off at all of these. SO TRUE. You are hilarious, my friend.

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  4. I agree with most of these! I kinda think this day is the worse too... but, maybe it's just because I can't pull off pranks that well lol

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  5. Hahaha! I agree with you on most of these. The Bravo one really gets me and damn people learn how to eat some string cheese!

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  6. I so want to make a list of my own, but I'm pretty sure I'd end up copying half of yours. #26 may or may not have happened to me last night, except it was the ex's teenage niece. (omgiamsuchadorkus.)

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  7. This list is genius and there aren't many I don't agree with. But my favorite one is the Bravo one. How about how they also always give a 20 second preview about the next segment. Hey Bravo, you realize if you just went to commercial instead of a preview your "hour" long show may actually be at least 45 minutes.

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  8. I cannot tolerate any store on the weekend! Being a flexible grad student has spoiled me - the semester I went grocery shopping at 8pm on Tuesday was like people-free heaven. And that sad monkey is adorable - and has the same shape as me, so I feel her bathing suit pain! (Oh, monkey tummies are too cute!)

    I will say, however, that there is some perverse appropriateness about the Astros having their season opener today, rather than yesterday like everyone else...

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  9. I looooove these. I may need to create my own.

    And the Bravo thing---- totally thought this last night during the reunion.

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  10. This list is great and too funny! I agree, April Fools Day is horrible. Enjoy the day!

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  11. all of the above. all. of. the. above.

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  12. These are hilarious! I agree with so many of them, but my top two are "Other teams fans" and "One upers"!

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  13. This is SUCH a good list! I have a couple more though
    - When you search everywhere for a pen because you have SUCH a good idea but after writing 3 words it runs out
    - Fantasizing about what you're going to have for dinner before getting home to discover that someone (probably a boyfriend) has eaten the entire contents of your fridge
    - Being woken up by the bin men rolling past your house, only to remember that you've forgotten to put the bins out
    - Automated phone calls
    - People who sit next to me on public transport when there are tons of empty seats
    - The abused donkey adverts
    - Channels that not only have ridiculously long ad breaks, but also put four adverts on loop. All. the. damn. time.
    - People that jump out at you from a dark room and think it's hilarious and/or a good way to cheer you up after a bad day.

    Ok so I don't understand the concept of 'a couple' but I'm stopping now, promise!

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  14. hahah I love it! I pretty much think all commercials should go away, but especially the sad puppy ones!

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  15. Thank you!! I can't even stand the sight of my FB feed right now... ughh.

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  16. Clowns. Clowns tying balloons at malls. Kids crowded around clowns tying balloons at malls.

    And onions.

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  17. Hey Sarah I am totally with ya! Love the btw! I HATE A.F.D! See I dont even want to type it lol! I am sooo over it. Like for realz.

    Lisa,xo
    http://chiclittlethrills.blogspot.com/

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  18. Every single one.. except Family Guy. I don't do cartoons, sorry charlie! DON'T HATE ME.

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  19. I am obsessed with this list!!! I hate April Fool's Day too...I just don't get the point.

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  20. This morning I poured the last of my coffee creamer in my cup, then poured my "coffee" in. Joke was on me, they filled the coffee pot with Kool-Aid. But really the joke will be on them, because I am less productive without my coffee in the morning.

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    Replies
    1. SEE. THIS. THIS IS WHY I HATE APRIL FOOLS. Never mess with a girl's coffee in the morning.

      Delete
  21. Yes to so many of these!! Ugh, I was so frustrated last night with that stupid one minute clip in between commercials. I mean, seriously?! And why would you sit on the same side? I just don't get it.

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  22. I TRULY hate those 1 minute clips of Bravo TV shows too. I hear that the show is back on and then I run out of the kitchen/bathroom/hang up the phone because I don't want to miss anything, when truly it's just a commercial filler. That is so freaking annoying.

    I think April Fool's Day is pretty funny though...probably shouldn't tell you this since it's my first comment on your blog, but...just keeping it real

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    Replies
    1. If you like April Fool's Day, you must be one of those (unlike me) who is really good at it!! I think I'm just bitter cause I have gullible written on my forehead!! :)

      Delete
  23. You. Are. So. Smart. This post is golden, my friend.
    Except I never, ever drunk text. Duh.
    #thatwasalie #aprilfools?

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  24. I totally still read your blog everyday I just am an ass at commenting. But I couldn't NOT comment on this one.

    "these aren't the droids your looking for" is from Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

    Also I HATE April Fools Day.

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  25. April Fool's Day is the worst. So I stole your post idea.

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  26. "That's what the Spaniards call 'el terrible'". Each of those are far worse than April Fool's day.

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  27. Thirty. Seriously. Thirty. And the rest of them too but mainly thirty.

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  28. OMG this post is EVERTHING!!!!
    Gah, I loathe April Fools's Day so much I don't even acknowledge it. Except for I just did but it doesn't count!
    All of these are perfect. 25. ALL the time

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  29. #10 - there is if you use Buffer ;) And all the rest of them - TRUTH.

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  30. IKEA and Forever 21 on Saturday afternoons... NO THANKS!

    And YES to Family Guy quotes.. I use them in daily conversation and sometimes there are crickets and I'm like seriously?!

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  31. I obviously hate April Fools Day more than you do because most of these don't sound nearly as unbearable. I especially hate the two-line "jokes" where someone goes "we're done! we're moving!" or "we're having a kid" on a blog and then quickly go "april fools!" Dude. Dude, I don't give a shit if you're moving or having a kid. It's embarrassing that you think I do. Stop it.

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    Replies
    1. "24. iPhone cases that cost more than $19 - you aren't fooling me and your 1000% profit"

      I actually make the least profit off my phone cases than I do off anything else. Getting phone cases custom printed properly (as opposed to like, a sticker on a phone case) is costly unless you're buying in bulk, and you have to factor in shipping costs as well if you order and don't drop ship. I price mine at $40 plus postage and I make less than $20.

      Delete
  32. Ah all of these literally have me laughing out loud! I hate April Fools Day! I dont even understand why its still a "thing"

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  33. Love this post, it made my day! :P

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  34. oh my lanta i hate april fools too! it really is the worst. almost as bad as same side sitters. almost.

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  35. Dog abuse commercials I totally agree with you there. I have actually cried over them before. It's horrible.

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  36. I seriously hate April Fools day. Just saw the first "I'm pregnant........just kidding" Facebook status' of the day and I wanted to scream.

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  37. So I guess you hate my Birthday then! I'm kind of hating my Birthday too right about now so that makes two of us.

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  38. Bahaha love love love! It kind of reminded me of when I posted about the things I'd rather do that go swimsuit shopping - LOVE that gorilla picture! And oohhh the great qualities of wine :)

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  39. I am so impressed you came up with 32, I hate April Fools day! #10 drives me crazy, sometimes I see something I want to quote on twitter and then grab my phone just so I can, which is completely ridiculous!

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  40. 13 made me LOL But I am 100% on #19 and #25. Hell, I agree with MANY of these. Especially hating April Fool's. This day blows. Everyone thinks they're hysterical and it's just so damn annoying. "If the Devil had a birthday.." <~~ So much yes.

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  41. I have to agree with you on the bathing suit one you made my day.

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  42. Haha so true I hate bathing suit shopping.

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  43. oh man there is just so much i agree with. pretty much everything but some highlights: family guy, sharks, when people ask me to take pics and the fact you used an emoticon
    but what's wrong with same side sitters?!

    JK
    APRIL FOOLS

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  44. Yes to so many of these!!! I hate only getting 3 likes and 1 comment. I get so embarrassed and just want to delete it. Some people I know can post basically nothing and get literally 95 likes and 21 comments. Can you say jealous? Yes yes, I am :-\

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  45. #25 cracked me UP. I totally do that EVERY TIME!

    Pretty much all of these were spot on. Except Family Guy. I just don't love it.

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  46. Hahah, these are PERFECT! I love #30 the most - that's me almost every weekend. =/

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  47. IKEA. On a Saturday. I swear all of Atlanta + all surrounding cities within an hour come to this one IKEA every weekend. And of course, despite the fact that there are arrows on the ground to keep people from trampling each other, there's always that one family of SEVEN who is going the wrong way. And then there's the mom and daughter who just stop in the middle of the path to look at something. MOVE! The worst part: For some reason it takes the cashier more than 15 minutes to check one person with 8 items out.

    IKEA during the work day, however, is lovely.

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  48. This list is horrible. Although I like scary movies. But I can't believe there are people who don't love Family Guy?! And my ex was totally a same side sitter... it made dates awkward.

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  49. I now despise April Fool's Day too, ever since I fell for the "Saint's Released Graham" article link this morning! The false engagement with a photo of a supermodel on my Facebook newsfeed this morning takes the cake though.

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  50. My plan for today is to largely ignore Facebook. At least social network pranking seems to be mostly contained there?

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  51. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  52. April Fool's Day has me so suspicious of Facebook. While scrolling through my feed I kept thinking, is that REALLY a picture of the best frozen yogurt ever? Did your kid REALLY lose her first tooth this morning? Gah!
    I will admit though that sometimes C and I are same side sitters, especially when it is one of those half booth-half table set ups. Why should one person sit on the table side? We don't always do it this way, but sometimes it just works better, depending on the set up of the restaurant and table.
    - Rachel @ With Love, Rachel

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  53. Just brilliant. Honestly, who plays Facebook games anymore? There's an app for that.

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  54. This list is brilliant. If I saw someone bite into Bubble Tape like that, I'd slap them. I don't do scary movies either, but I will watch the ID channel non-stop. It's totally different. And yes, I feel you on the other team's fans, especially when they are... GATOR FANS!

    I don't like Family Guy. I just don't. I feel the same way about people who don't like Friends though because I think it's the best and quote it daily.

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  55. Every single one of these is perfection and I wish I had written this post.

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  56. Oh my gosh. The description of taking girls' pictures--flawless. Holy crap.

    This list was fantastic!
    Though it makes my nerdy heart sad that you're unsure the meaning of, "Those are not the droids you're looking for" . . . (http://www.ststeve.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/droid-regrets.jpg).
    Have a fantastic April Fools' Day! Thanks so much for sharing!

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  57. Saying "you too". It is embarrassing how many times I do that! Unless they just said "you look tired". Then the appropriate response is in fact you too with a hint of f-you.

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  58. When you tell someone something really serious and they say....really?
    Nope, I made it up.

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  59. Although I feel like the missing #12 might have been your prank.

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  60. bhhahaha love this. especially the "you look tired" awesome. thanks. what exactly should I do about that?! and OMG kids with expensive tech devices who wont EVER look up from those crazy things! so glad we are getting together for the holidays so i can watch you play a video game!! argh. xo jillian - cornflake dreams
    ps stop by im hosting a giveaway i think you'll like (but i hope you dont hate giveaway plugs... bc i promise this one doesnt actually suck)

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  61. I dislike Halloween a lot more than April Fools, but either way, I'm not one for surprises!

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  62. I am so with you April Fools is for other people not me

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  63. #11 is one of the main (and probably pettiest) reasons I quit Facebook. I would put a lot of thought and effort into status updates, and get about 2 likes, probably from my mom and sister. Someone else would post "working out and then shopping!!" and get approximately 2359304. Comedy just isn't appreciated when there's mundane oversharing to be had.

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  64. The fact that working at a zoo and aquarium on April fools day is the worst thing ever and extremely unproductive because of the amount of prank phone calls you receive for "mr lion" or "mrs ray". Real creative people!

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  65. This is beyond brilliant! I am in complete agreement with you - April Fools Day needs to die.

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  66. OMG perfect!!! And add drunk Snapchatting to that!!! You can't even go back and see what you sent! Oh! and here's a jar opening tip...Bang the side of the lid on a corner of your counter a few times. Opens right up!

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  67. I don't think I've ever liked a post more in my entire life. This was absolute perfection.

    Don't want to play Facebook games. What about jellyfish? Because I hate them bastards. I always say you too when I shouldn't. Uh, just love everything about this.

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  68. Hahaha these are great & so true. I don't do April Fools well either. I just ignore people and think everything they say is a lie.

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  69. Scary movies with mirrors OR dark hallways.. ack. The bubble gum tape is pretty hilarious and oh so true. I wouldn't be too pleased with someone messing my tape up like that.....

    "Happy Birthday!"
    "You too!.. er... well I mean.. ..................................................(trails off...) thanks."

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  70. Check out Mophie cell phone cases. It is a case with an extra battery that isn't super heavy. It's like $90 but it gives you 8 hours of extra life. #worthit

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  71. "same siders" as we called them, are the devils spawn

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  72. Ummm Yeah.. I .Love.Every.Single.One.Of.These..

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  73. Brilliant post! haha notice the word BRILLIANT!
    I agree on so many of these, scary movies (children should be banned from these), IKEA (any day of the week really), candy farm invites on Facebook (argh!), and #31 - I know I feel like crap and look it but must you comment on it?? so rude....

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  74. This is hilarious. It has inspired me to do kind of an opposite post, because I do some of the things you hate, haha.

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