Venus Trapped in Mars

10 April 2014

Sarah's Nightlife

Last night I jetted on home. I open the door around 5:30pm and walk in to find out the dogs had an exciting variation of the game 52 pickup while I was gone. So like any good mother would do I yelled, "THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!" and promptly took photographs.
















As you can clearly see, they were quite remorseful over what they had done.

Then I get their leashes on them and we head outside. As we are running down the steps in the stairwell, I get pulled from behind and I look back to see General peeing in the stairwell. Something he has never done. Mind you, we are on the 3rd floor and it is 5:45pm in a large apartment complex. 

I tug at General to stop, but all that does is create a zig zag pattern that spews pee through the 3rd floor stairwell, pours down to the 2nd floor and eventually dog pee drip drops in zig zags all the way on to the first floor, right where the door opens to the parking garage. 

When he was finally done with his 49 minute pee session, I ran those stairs faster than anyone ever has, hoping to not only personally dodge pee pouring down on my head from three flights of stairs up, but to also dodge anyone seeing us. Miraculously, we got out of that stairwell before we were spotted. 

So that was fun. 

Moving on... Earlier in the day I had gone to Target on my lunch break to pick up the ingredients to do this DIY Lip Scrub I found on Pinterest. I also like to refer to DIY as an abbreviation for... "this is going to cost way more, and cause more stress than simply buying the item."


So I pulled out all of the Ingredients I Bought at Lunch:
Vaseline 
Granulated Sugar
Chapstick 
Hone---- wait. 

Where is the honey? I know I bought it because I remember looking at the price of honey totally astounded... Isn't there a version that isn't shaped like a bear that will save me a dollar or two? I really don't need a bear shaped honey bottle!? ... as I grabbed the bear shaped bottle and threw it into my cart. 

After searching the same plastic bag 478 times, thinking Mr. Bear would magically appear on the 478th search, I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't there and I'd have to use something else. So I grabbed olive oil instead. That is pretty much the same thing right? 









Oh well that is horribly runny, maybe I should add more sugar?






See Helene!! Look, I'm reading and learning!! #prevention.

So did it work? Well if by work you mean did I taste the combination of olive oil, granulated sugar and vaseline in soup form, getting more on my hand and on my tongue than on my lips, then yes it worked. 

It was some point into the 13th minute of trying to clean up this mess that I realized my phone speakers were crackling mother trucker i must have spilled lip scrub soup on the speakers. I searched for rice because I hear you are supposed to put your phone in rice if you spill. Couldn't find the rice. Thought about using the granulated sugar but concluded that would be way worse. So I put my phone in a box of sea salt, waited about 30 minutes, pulled it out but it was still crackling. I started getting hysterical in my head, thinking about my lack of iPhone upgrade for the next year and 9 months. I then decided to try the totally crazy, this-will-never-work idea of turning the phone off and back on. Speakers then worked just fine #christmasmiracles. 

It was finally dinner time, and I realized I had no food in the apartment (well other than olive oil, sea salt and granulated sugar). I had already taken my bra off so leaving the apartment wasn't an option. 
Go ahead and hit "Pin It" I know you want to recreate this...



So I heated up the only thing in my freezer, slapped some ketchup on there that expired in Dec 2013, and used an ugly, boring, depressing straw in my water.... because some duo destroyed all my new straws.













Oh, and look what I found in the trunk of my car this morning...


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62 comments :

  1. The dog parent in me just died laughing, all while feeling mass amounts of sympathy for you, at the beginning of this post. Now I will tell you a quick story about what sir did this morning, you know, to make you feel a little better. So, we're on our morning stroll when she decides she's going to pop a squat right in front of someone's door... mid-squat, guess which door begins to open... I quit.

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  2. hahaha pets are such a blessing, yet such a pain in the ass sometimes!

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  3. Oh my! I have never laughed so hard because of a blog post! I'm definitely laughing with you rather than at you because the morning after you're definitely laughing about it, right? :)

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  4. LMAO!!! You know how many times I have "misplaced" something and its rolling around in my car somewhere....god damn that bear to hell I tell you! haaaa

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  5. Ah, i love this. Havent we all had those days with the pups? Too funny :) Hope you have a better night today!

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  6. hahahaha whomp. What a day. At least you found the bear? I saw the Veenie instagram, she looks guilty! The General looks like 'wasn't me ma. It was THAT ONE.'

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  7. Just pour a little salt and a little olive oil in your hand (or coconut oil and sugar if you don't like a salty mediterranean flavor lol) for a quick and easy lip scrub!

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    1. ohhhh mannnnn!! Where were you last night with this info? I had salt AND olive oil! Argh!

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  8. HaHaha poor pooch! When you gotta go ...

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  9. Those trouble makers... tsk tsk tsk! But I must say, the fact that turning your phone off & back on again actually fixed something... that really is a miracle! There is a God!

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  10. HAHA this whole post had me laughing..sorry to laugh but it was a funny one!!!

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  11. The "I had already taken my bra off so leaving the apartment wasn't an option." part made me laugh out loud! And that's exactly how all of my Pinterest projects go..except even worse because things in France are 100x harder to find, and 100x more expensive.

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  12. I've tried using olive oil as a replacement ingredient several times, it's never successful on my end either.

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  13. hahaha, this is too funny! i'm sorry your night was crappy, but your pain is our gain! lol

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  14. oh my goodness!! LOL Today will be better =)

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  15. Dogs and car trunks are why we can't have nice things.

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  16. Daww But they ares so cute right? The other day I came home and found that my dog had somehow figured out how to get the cupboard door open where the garbage is kept and pulled the Corned beef wrapper out of the garbage, leaving little pieces of shredded wrapping all over the house. I'm waiting to smell the pieces I missed any day now.

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  17. Hi Sarah!! Aww they looked so cute with the straws!! ;P And kudos to you for trying that DIY lip balm! I really don't do diy for the reasons you had mentioned. It takes up way too much time and moolah. Love the photo, but don't worry no Meme making here lol (I cant believe they did that, cringe haha)

    Lisa,xo

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  18. Isn't it weird what animals will decide they want? My cats have gotten into the strangest things! I'm sorry your night was so frustrating, but this post made me laugh this morning and I thank you for that. I hope your day is better today!

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  19. I just had to laugh at the pics of the dogs! They are too cute! My favorite is walking in to plastic shopping bags that have been destroyed because the dogs always look so proud of themselves.

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  20. *sigh* the honey is always in the trunk.

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  21. Seriously laughing out loud over here when I saw that honey in the trunk! ;)

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  22. Well, on the bright side - if these things didn't happen you would be down a couple of hilarious stories and one blog post. I love DIYing, but mostly for the "heeeell yes I made that" satisfaction vs. actually saving money.

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  23. General looks very sorry. In a not sorry kind of way.... :)

    Dog parents. Some days we are the angry ones that find pee in the stairway, some days we are the ones running from the crime scene. It happens!

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  24. Good thing we love our dogs. Beef peed in a friends house on Sunday, which he hasn't done since he was 9 weeks old! Baine is also testing us, chewing 3 pairs of shoes in the last 3 weeks. Ugh. I still snuggle them just the same. And you will HAVE to share that recipe.

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  25. Seriously laughing my butt off over here! HAHA!!! Dogs...can't live with them, can't live without them :)

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  26. Everything about this post is just AWESOME!

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  27. Lol their faces are like "Ehh whatever..you'll get over it"..im terrified to leave Porkchop alone for too long I can just imagine walking in and seeing the tv on the floor or something .

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  28. Posts like this make me miss the single life! So funny! I had a smile on my face the entire time I was reading.

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  29. This post completely cracked me up! You are too funny!

    I especially like your warning about not using your photo as a meme. Way to learn from others' misfortunes!

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  30. Bahahahahaha dyyyyying about "don't steal this and use it as a meme"!!!!

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  31. I wish my life was this eventful, hahahahaha. At least you had a wonderful blog post!

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  32. I'm laughing so hard. Have you considered vlogging? I feel like this hilarious day would go really well in video form.

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  33. That sounds exactly how my life is (minus the dogs, plus two kids), I can never do DIY's right and constantly sabotage myself when it comes to home made stuff. Glad you found the honey!

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  34. The pups are SO proud of themselves... As mine would be, too. Don't you hate when you think you're going cray not being able to find something then it shows up in the most obvious place? Ugh first world probs ferrrr sure.

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  35. I just laughed so hard at this. What a hilariously unsuccessful evening

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  36. Hahahahahhahaha!!!! I laugh because this IS the actual "real" night life of fur parents. Or just me in general ;)

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  37. You are not alone. My dogs never pee inside until they discovered that another dog has peed on the doorman's stand in the lobby. Real cute when you're picking up mail and they are lifting legs in front of all my neighbors (and yes, even my female dog lifts her leg.) GRRRR. Hope you enjoy the shit outta that honey.

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  38. Hahaha! I have so been there when you can't find something you know you just bought only to find it laying somewhere the next day.

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  39. oh my gosh this is awful but amazing. and the lack of dog remorse is my life. my dogs are too bad to be left out during the day or I assume I would come home to a similar scene. oh and, as I've previously mentioned on my blog, bowie has peed on pretty much everything in my house. and agreed = most diy's end up being 100 times harder/more expensive.

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  40. Thanks for sharing this to make us all smile today :) Don't you wish sometimes you had a video camera to record what your dogs are doing while you're gone? I would love to see what my dog is during when I'm not around!

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  41. Haha, best DIY story ever. I couldn't stop laughing at the pee down the stairs moment. Thank you for sharing.

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  42. I think you need a drink after a day like that!

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  43. How can you be mad at those faces? ;P

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  44. This was absolutely hilarious. And by saying the lip scrub worked, what does that actually mean? Removes dead skin?

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  45. Those rascals!! Cute ones, but still rascals :)

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  46. oh my goodness, I was so laughing through this WHOLE thing. I am so sorry you had such a night. But those straws oh my! than the picture haha Love it!

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  47. Those pictures have me crying..totally fleeing the scene!

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  48. I am still laughing so hard over the honey bear in the trunk. Living in an apartment building with a dog, Oh Boy, can I relate.

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  49. um just saying "holy crap" I would have freaked if I had walked into my apt and saw this. I literally cringed when I saw it, however those babies looked very remorseful. Hope the weekend will makeup for any stress caused by your fur-babies!

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  50. Bhahahah those dogs. I love that last picture so much.

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  51. Ohhh this is great!!!! I love your definition of DIY, it is SO true!!! And as a dog mommy I cant relate to you 100%!!! How a dog can peel every key off of the computer keyboard and chew through a metal tuna fish can is beyond me!!!

    Brianna
    http://keepingupwiththekeens2428.blogspot.com/

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  52. Oh my I freaking loved this. Why is it that are best laid plans must always go awry? Also the banner across your trying out the lip scrub picture is priceless! I would love to see a pirate meme with that picture.

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  53. Hehehe... I love that the honey bear was in your trunk. It always happens that way..

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  54. hahahahaha these pics of the dogs are amazing. but what';s more amazing is the meme photo. lesson learned.

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  55. All I can do is laugh. I'm sorry, that's so wrong, but this whole post is just plain funny (since it wasn't happening to me!)

    -AJ
    OccasionallyAJ.com

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  56. I'm dead - so funny. I can totally picture all of those things happening to me. Running with my german shepherd and having him squat in the middle of the road mid-stride. No bueno.

    And don't make me share my pink glitter explosion story...pinterest DIY's and I are no longer friends haha.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Jacquelyn
    www.livingbold01.wordpress.com

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  57. This cracked me up, because it is so much like my life!

    Alyssa
    www.feathersandstripes.com

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