But it got me thinking, what else do I do that makes me feel like a dumb loser?
1. When someone watches me do basic addition: The other day I had to order food for work. The BBQ delivery man handed me my receipt and asked me to sign. Total was $44.81. Left a $9.00 tip. Then it came time to add it all together and I could feel his eyes on me like lazer beams. I started to sweat and second guess my work... $53.81 total. $53.81 right?If I was tipping $10 + $44 would be $54, minus $1 brings it to $53, right? Right? RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?
2. Multiplication: My Boss: "So we have 7 nights worth of hotel rooms in Miami, and 8 of the guys from Japan flying in on Monday, and 2 more on Friday. Each room is $232 a night. So that brings our total tooooo what? Sarah, just off the top of your head, what's our rough total?"
Um. Um. Uh, carry the 4, add the 9, put the 0 on the second line, add those two lines together, total plus equals times 6... um um um....
I know you aren't going to believe me when I say I was good in math in college..... but I was given a calculator.
3. When I can't tell where a line starts:
*sees people lined up from all different angles*
Me: "Ma'am are you in line?"
Walks over to the middle....
Me: "Excuse me, miss, are you in line?"
Walks over to the other side...
Me: "Sir, are you in line for the register?"
Me: "Hi, are you in line?"
Them: "Line ends back there." Points to a group of 12 people scattered around, lacking any sign, what so ever, of single file formation.
4. When I push instead of pull. Well, actually, doors in general: The other day I got a spray tan, the girl behind the counter thanked me and smiled, I waved back, then pushed my shoulder into a door that didn't budge. I stumbled back a bit, looked up and noticed a large sign that said USE OTHER DOOR.
I then felt the need to tell the girl behind the counter my reasoning for pushing that door, as if it was something other than I'm a gigantic moron... "Oh this door worked for me just yesterday (I wasn't there yesterday) is this a new thing you're trying out with the door exiting system?! I will remember this next time, for sure!"
5. Can't figure out the phones At work: I accidentally hangup every time I put someone on hold. I can't transfer calls. I can't figure out how to successfully use the intercom. I somehow manage to get the speaker phone turned on right in the middle of listening to voicemails. Yet everyone else at work has zero problems using the phones...
6. Trying to read a map: I'm a firm believer that north is always straight ahead of you. Always. South is behind you, east is to your right and west is to your left. That is how it works. At all times.
7. Left on red from a one way to a one way: Ok, I'm on a one way road right now, correct? And I'm trying to go left, correct? And that road I'm trying to go on is one way too, correct? And the light is red, but there is no traffic at all, so I can go now, correct?
*sits with left turn signal on for 5 minutes waiting for light to change to green*
8. Tripping: The other day I was walking up to a bar, through grass, wearing heels. I twisted my ankle and stumbled when I stepped in a hole in the ground. Immediately turned around, walked right back to my car and left the premises.
9. Working with tools / building things:
Dude: "Can you pass me a bolt and also a phillips head screw driver?"
10. When people talk about scents or taste notes: "What flavor stands out most to you in this pinot noir? Is it the cherry flavor? Or is it the hearty floral tones? Or maybe it is that sweet vanilla with a hint of black pepper that stands out to you?"
Me: "Umm.... the wine flavor?"
11. Crosswalks in big cities: Everyone walks when there is clearly a big red hand telling us to HALT! But I don't walk, and everyone whizzes past me. But guys, there is a big red hand!
Me: "Uhh you guys go ahead I'm just gonna sit this one out. I'll get with you guys next time"
Do you do anything that makes you feel like a total dumb loser? Or is it just me....