Venus Trapped in Mars

09 July 2015

The House Hunters Episode That Never Was

During our house hunt --- wait --- before I start on that, I want to talk about one of my life goals. Ever since college, when I'd fall asleep to episodes of House Hunters, I dreamt of the day I could apply for the show. I told everyone I'd be on that show if it killed me. 

I'd constantly walk around in my apartment and practice the required phrases you have to say when you're a guest on the show. You know, since it is fake and all. 

*while standing in my apartment non walk-in closet*
"Ok but honey, where will your clothes go?" 
"So this closet *might* fit all of my shoes" 
Then my husband would joke to the real estate agent, "It's true, she sure has a lot of shoes! Ha. Ha. Ha." 

*while standing in my apartment bathroom*
"Oh I'm so disappointed there's not a clawfoot tub I really wanted a clawfoot tub." :(
"Yikes, no double sinks? I don't know how we can live with just ONE SINK, honey." 

*while standing in my apartment kitchen*
"Sigh, the countertops aren't granite. That'll be a big project. I really wanted something move-in ready."
"Is this enough space for all of our entertaining? We do a lot of entertaining and we really need enough space for entertaining while we entertain." 

*while standing everywhere*
"Capret. Meh."
"There just isn't enough charm. I really wanted more charm."

My life goal of publicly finding a dream house with my significant other on House Hunters flashed before my eyes the first time CB told me he didn't want his picture or name on my blog. My first thought was not, "aw man I can't share our pics on the blog", it was "There goes house hunters." It's amazing I stayed with him after this gut wrenching news was delivered. True testament of my feelings for him, if you ask me. 

I gave up House Hunters for you, now scratch my back for at least 8 minutes. 

Ok now that I've spent this whole post ranting about House Hunters, I'm pretty much out of time for keeping everyone's attention. I'm going to wrap the rest of this post up quickly, you're welcome. The point of my post was to talk about the crazy stuff we saw when browsing Trulia and

Many, and I do mean MANY, of the pictures people posted in an effort to sell their house boggled my mind. We saw it all. Everything from no pictures, to blurry pictures that looked like they were doing the elliptical while simultaneously photographing their home, to keeping every single window shut to the point where each room was just a black mass, it was terrible! 

But then there were these gems that take the cake (the cake that could potentially be sitting on non-granite countertops, GASP! The Horror!!)...

How about a framed picture of Lucille Ball prominently displayed in the kitchen? 

A solution for our microwave problem, perhaps? They must love Lean Cuisines as much as I do. 

Now that's a tiger portrait done tastefully...

Saved this one because, GO VOLS! CB insisted that we couldn't get this house just because they were Tennessee fans. Agree to disagree on home purchase motivation. 

*Insert TV here*

Wow. Bravo. Did Annie Leibovitz take these??  I'd like to make a full list offer, sight unseen. 
All the Instagram likes. 

 Hey, friend! We can see you! Bless your heart at least you tried. 



  1. Haha, that always cracks me up. It's the same when looking for apartments. I mean, you're trying to sell a $$$k house, can't you at least hire a $300 photographer for some decent shots so you have a chance?

  2. I LOVE real estate photos. I'm a graphic designer at a real estate company and I edit photos for the agents. You wouldn't believe some of the fantastic things I see.

    Midwest Darling

  3. Holy EFF these are THE BEST, and exactly what I needed on this boring AF afternoon at work.

    Now back to real life...

  4. Wow. It really is amazing what people think they can get away with when trying to sell their house. I mean, why bother making it look good anyway?

  5. You must somehow know exactly when I need a belly laugh. The insert tv here picture is perfect. I literally laughed out loud.

  6. I can't believe some of the pictures on Trulia, Zillow, and Realtor. I'm in the process of buying my 2nd home. I also hate when I see pictures where every room is so cluttered that you can barely see the floor or the room at all- and I'm definitely not over exaggerating. And then some don't even put up pictures of all of the rooms. And then there are the ones who put only 1-3 pictures- those are the kind I'm not going to waste my time going to see b/c they're either lazy or there is something majorly wrong with the house that would cost a lot of money to fix. Ugh, I hate house hunting and then I hate signing all of the papers at closing.

  7. When I started apartment hunting online before my move to Ireland I realized it made the realtor photos in the US look magazine worthy. In our price range most apartments were either student or senior living conditions, and most rental photos are taken while the previous tenants live there and they never bother to clean up for some reason.

    My favorite was one that I was actually kind of liking because it was clean and spacious until I got to the last photo which was a different view of the living room and hanging in the corner staring at me were two very large marionette puppets, an old man and an old woman. Surely the landlord could have left that photo out? They haunted my nightmares for weeks. I wish I had thought to screenshot it...

  8. haha these are the best. when we were looking at apartments online we saw some pretty interesting things but that tiger tapestry tops the list.

  9. Those House Hunters quotes and those pictures were amazing. Great morning pick-me-up!

  10. LOL oh my gosh, these are horribly awesome! I've been looking at house listings lately because my in-laws are looking for a house here and there are definitely some very interesting pics out there! Love the giant tiger picture!

  11. Tremendous. I like to imagine you creating a folder of these picture fails on your laptop. Hilarious.

  12. It always amazed me house mess someone house can be when they are showing it off. For sell or rent.

  13. Yeah I cannot believe some people and the pictures they post to try and sell their home. When I was looking for my house, there was a lady selling her home by owner and she had even posted a selfie. Like when you go to take a picture and it is accidentally on the front facing camera and you take the picture....couldn't stop laughing!

  14. I also love the listings that only have a blurry picture of the outside of the house. Dude, I can google map that picture, I need more!

  15. LOL!! I look at house ALL the time. Like, almost daily- so I've seen a lot of hilarious stuff to!! Have you looked at this blog? Hourssss of entertainment:

  16. Right?!?! I've seen so many awful photos during this house hunting process. Are they taking them on a camera phone from the 90s? Nothing says 'buy me' like a dark blurry picture of a wall on the inside of the closet. Sold.

  17. HAHAHA seriously, those are some solid options. However will you choose?!

  18. ALL of this cracks me up!!! The photos... NEVER do a house justice but if you can't even get a good shot to begin with, no one will want to come see your home! There were two homes my dad randomly found for me (he's in MD and we're in AL) when we were house shopping - they were further from town than we wanted, but I was SO thankful that when we did a walk through that the homes looked better online vs. real life so I didn't have to love them, or lie to my dad when I viewed them. That TN fan home has a bomb ass dining room!!! I can't wait to see the home you DID pick!

    PS Don't forget you must always, always remember to talk about the lack of fenced in yard or space in the back for pets / kids etc when on House Hunters. :)

  19. Hahaha, this is great. Nikki and I were looking at houses and were thinking the exact same things. Hey, I saw one that left a tv dinner out. I almost wanted to ask if it came with the house. Lol.

  20. I have a friend who is actually going to be on House Hunters (next Thursday at 9c, fyi) and I'm so excited to watch it because I know I couldn't ever do it!

  21. I still look at Zillow and I bought my house last year. I think its just habit now. Its like watching hoarders to feel good about yourself, I look at house pics to feel like I know how to decorate. I really love when everything is a super cluttered mess, its like they are telling me the house is too small and that's why they are moving.

  22. I told you about the microwave!!! It's not just an apt thing! Um, that last one.... but why wouldn't you turn the bathroom light on? Like, I don't get it... As for the tiger, that's a huge entryway and I kind of dig it... if it were an elephant. Ha, get it! Elephant in the room. No really though, I love elephants. Ok, I'll stop now.

  23. I am laughing out loud at my desk this morning. These are great examples. I always love walking through people's houses when we were house hunting. So many unusual things that people keep in their houses. I'm sure if someone walked through my house they may say the same thing though :)

  24. Your comments are cracking me up! My parent's did the whole 'fake tv' thing when they were selling their house, too. It was strange but I guess it works!

  25. Seriously! When we were looking at houses back in October of last year, I couldn't believe the stuff that made it to realtor and trulia!!!

  26. It's amazing to me how many horrible pictures there are of houses. It's like they forget that they're trying to sell their home. Sorry, I have no idea what that room looks like because its so dark. Is that a dining room or a bathroom? House hunting is hard! Glad you found a great one!

  27. that's so funny! friend was on an episode of house hunters lol. I still haven't caught the episode!


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