Venus Trapped in Mars

19 June 2015

What You Need To Know Before You Watch The US Open

One of the biggest tournaments in the golfing world started yesterday, The US Open. May I be so bold as to make a suggestion for your weekend plans? You with an ice cold beer in your hand + a couch + a golf major on television = your weekend. Since I have plans to do just that  -- post up on the couch all weekend, with the channel flipped to The US Open on Fox and an ice-cold Shiner in my hand -- I bring you The Five Things You Need To Know Before You Go : The US Open Edition!

Chambers Bay Golf Course
Location: Washington State

image via 

This is the first time the US Open has ever been played in the Pacific Northwest. To those of us in the central time zone this is fantastic news because we don't have to pull the "it's 5 o'clock somewhere" card. Golf will be on prime time television (FOX), and it's the very first time FOX has ever landed a major.  

The color and consistency of the greens at Chambers Bay are very controversial. When I first saw the greens yesterday, my initial reaction was, YIKES! That first picture I showed above? Someone filtered the crap out of that image. Here is a more accurate picture of what the greens looked like yesterday. 

 image via
The players are not happy, either. After day one, Sergio Garcia, one of my favorites,  took to Twitter.
What do I think about it, you ask? 
Well, they are all playing on the exact same course, no? This is professional golf with a grand prize of about 1.6 million dollars. Figure it out. 

If I can putt through a windmill, up and over a volcano and past a gorilla for a hole in one, they can putt on brown grass. 

 I was wrong. Very wrong. Tiger Woods is not playing us all

Poor little guy. 
There there. 
It'll be ok, buddy. 
Golf isn't for everyone.
I'm sure you'll find something you're good at! 

Let's talk about the current co-leader, Dustin Johnson.

imaga via 
That's his fiancee Paulina Gretzky, as in daughter of Wayne Gretzky. These two like to party. Dustin Johnson was suspended from the tour last year for six months after testing positive for cocaine. This was his third positive drug test. It was also reported that he had an affair with at least one wife of a another golfer on the PGA tour.

Dustin is now back on the tour, and he and Paulina even welcomed a little boy into the world. Dustin seems to have a new attitude as a new father, so only time will tell if he can keep it in his pants and out of his nose. 
If this doesn't make you feel old I don't know what will. There is someone on the tour who was born in the 2000s. 
image via

Cole Hammer, from Texas, is just 15 years old. Dear Lord. 

That's all I got for today. 
BRB, going to go pray for Tiger in this difficult time.


  1. Id cole friends with Speith?? Gosh, these babies. And MAN are those greens ummm brown. Dusting looks like my kind of person.

  2. Golf on TV...I just can't for the life of me sit and watch golf on TV. It's one of the few sports that just doesn't work for me. However, if they had championship Putt-Putt, that would be awesome!!!

  3. Have you been watching much of it yet? If not, good luck to you. The Fox + USGA combo is ATROCIOUS. The camera work is shotty and the commentary definitely leaves something to be desired. Here's the only thing I've found to make it tolerable haha:

  4. Born in the 2000's? Jeez, I can not hang!

    xx Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

  5. That was beyond intense last night. Blame my love of hockey, but I was pulling hard for Johnson. I couldn't get over the Gretzky shots in the crowd. What an epic collapse. It actually felt like someone punched me in the stomach.


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