Venus Trapped in Mars

05 May 2015

Please Don't Give Up


Last year at this time I was at my lowest of the low. I tried to be honest with you guys on how I was feeling (read more here), but I also tried to put on a smile and stay positive. Saying that I was hiding my fear and loneliness is not the right word for it. I was doing my best to stay positive, because there is a fine line you walk when you are a blogger going through a difficult time. Your readers want honesty. They want to help. They want to support you. But they, like your friends and family, also have a line of how much woe is me they can take. 

It helps to write things on a blog, but you're not helping anyone by swimming in sadness. So I tried to put my positivity hat on. I was so sad in Dallas, I knew I could love it here, but I was really struggling with intense loneliness. 

So many nights I cried myself to sleep thinking, "What the hell am I doing here?? What have I done? I've wasted two years on a random move halfway across the country... *insert about 5-6 more f-bombs*" 

But guess what, those nights that I spent crying myself to sleep, did they help me at all? Other than the fact that I think a good cry is absolutely vital for my personal sanity, no they didn't. After about a year and a half of not really trying, instead just talking about trying, I realized these things don't just fix themselves, I had to be brave and put myself out there

Honestly, not everything I tried worked. I struck out, and then I spent time pouting about striking out. And feeling sorry for myself about striking out. I'd go to events alone, with a goal of getting there and making friends. Instead, I'd get there and would hover by the bar, too shy / petrified / embarrassed / *insert a billion other synonyms for wuss here* to walk up and start a conversation with a group of strangers. 

I'd order a drink, and every time I'd start to move my right foot forward in an effort to walk over and join a random group of people, my brain would start entertaining the thoughts of self-doubt that were pulsing through my mind. The hope in my heart that tonight was the night that would change everything would wash away. I'd quickly decide that the thoughts of self-doubt were a totally viable excuse for my front foot to retreat back to its original position next to the left foot. Then I'd slink out the door and wonder why that didn't work. Why didn't everyone come up to me and say "Hey girl HEYYY let's be besties!"

In May of 2014, right when the thoughts of, "Whelp, I failed at this, what's next?" progressed from a brief fleeting thought, to moving in, unpacking giant boxes and hanging items in the closet, I met CB. My point is absolutely not that a boyfriend is the solution to your problems. Heck, I didn't even want a boyfriend! My point is that, no matter how many attempts it takes, you have to put yourself out there and be brave. You have to come out of your comfort zone. 

It does not matter how many times you step up to the plate and strike out, or how long you feel sorry for yourself for striking out. When you finally get the courage to place the right foot down in front of you, the left foot will follow and lead you to the solution for your problems. That solution might be new co-workers at a new job, or it might be a rescue puppy who will save your life as much as you just saved theirs, or it might be a group of girls that love and inspire you, or it might be the most unbelievable love of a lifetime you never even knew existed.  

If you're sad and lonely, don't give up. Trust me, I know it's hard. Life is hard. Cry, complain, bitch, feel sorry for yourself, but don't give up and don't stop putting yourself out there. A year (or maybe two years, or maybe three years, or maybe 24 hours) later you will wake up wondering what on earth you did to deserve such happiness. 



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27 comments :

  1. so true. it may seem like forever to be happy and to find peace. but time DOES help and heal. Such a beautiful message my friend!

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  2. So very true! I have lived in many different states, and moved many different times. All it takes is that first step! So glad you took it, and so glad you are happy now! Life is funny, isn't it?! A day can change a lifetime! xo

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  3. Such a wonderful post! I struggle with these same feelings sometimes, and it's nice to be reminded that we'll make it through. :)

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  4. Oh man, I love this! All though your story is a little different, it is so similar to mine in so many ways. This time last year was the toughest time I've ever gone through in my entire life. I ended a relationship with the man I thought I was going to marry, I moved out of my parents house, I swore I wanted nothing to do with the male population and I was just working on myself, my new job and focusing on my new apartment. However, fast forward to now,...I am in such a wonderful relationship and everything in life seems just right. Like you said...never give up!

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  5. You know I love this so much! Well written friend. So super bummed that we didn't get to meet up this weekend but now that I know you're stuck in Dallas for the immediate future I'm sure I can catch you next time :)

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  6. This is absolutely wonderful...and so, so true. When I moved to Indianapolis for grad school, I was terrified. I went to undergrad with a close group of friends and spent all my time with them, so I was convinced I'd forgotten how to meet people. I was right - for a while, anyway - because it's STILL really hard to make new friends as an adult, but I did meet my fiance. I'm still struggling to meet girl friends and I certainly don't want to be one of those 'boys fix everything' girls, but it made all the difference in the world. So happy for you!

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  7. Thank you for being so transparent, this post is wonderful and beautifully honest. I'm so glad God turned things around for you and you're so very happy!

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  8. LOVE THIS. It's so true. We have to take that step, no matter how small, no matter how scary. And good things will come.

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  9. I love this post so much! I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone lately, especially in the dating arena. It's super hard. The fear of rejection is real. But, I'll never get anywhere sitting on the sidelines.

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  10. I love this so much. And I can relate way too much. I almost gave up on my cross-country move at the one year mark, and another year later I'm SO glad I didn't. I have a similar post cooking up in my brain. Thanks for sharing. So glad you're happy. :)

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  11. love this post. We all have been where you have.

    http://www.amysfashionblog.com

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  12. I so needed to read this today, going through one of my own "why in the hell am i doing this?" moods

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  13. Love this
    "Cry, complain, bitch, feel sorry for yourself, but don't give up and don't stop putting yourself out there"

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  14. PREACH!!!!

    Also, the major thing I got from this - it's been a year {give or take} for you and CB?!? YAY!!!

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  15. I just moved halfway across the country for a job and I literally know NO ONE here...and my little social butterfly self is struggling mightily. You're so right, one of the hardest things in the world to do is just walk up to a random group at a bar and start talking, but I'm trying to be brave! Thanks for this, especially today!

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  16. I'm sure some girl (or fella) right now is reading this and you just helped them tremendously. So thank you for that. I think we all have had a similar moment and need that 'ah-ha' moment, whether it be a boy, a friend, a co-worker, or a pet! xoxo, ganeeban

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  17. This is such a great post -- it is so easy to curl in on yourself and give up trying if things don't pan out. Putting one foot in front of the other is difficult but so rewarding! I am so glad you found such a wonderful guy :)

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  18. Life is perfect, everything is perfect, I moved cross country and it was perfect...if someone says this ALL the time, then I know they're hiding something. It is refreshing to read your honesty. You are still trying to be positive, saying to hang in there in spite of the tough times, and we don't want those tough times to beat us, do we? I have had a couple of big moves. I remember going to concerts by myself thinking and hoping I'd meet music loving people to be my friends. Way to keep pushing through the challenges, and good luck with CB.

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  19. I was in a very similar mindset this time a year ago and I never thought I'd get past it but i am so glad that I put on my big girl panties and braved it because I can see the other side its great!

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  20. What a wonderful post, I truly like this post, in some ways I could relate in others not so much but that is ok too

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  21. thanks so much for this! i've felt this before and it's not a fun place to be in but you are so right that we need to not give up. life will change, whether we want it to or not so let's hang on. glad you are feeling in a better spot!

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  22. This is so good! You just never know when things are going to turn around.

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  23. Thank you for posting this. And for being vulnerable and honest with us. I am so glad you didn't give up and I'm glad I didn't either. I was in a similar situation when I moved to Ohio 3 years ago. But now I have a ton of great friends and I know I came here for a reason!

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  24. As always, thank you for sharing!!! I needed a reminder :)

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  25. Thank you for this post. I've found myself really struggling with feelings of failure lately. It's been three years since my college graduation and I kept asking myself "What do I have to show for it? Nothing." I felt like I wasted time, my degree, and was more confused than three years ago. While I have been feeling at some of my lowest times, I know in the back of my mind that I choose this path for a reason and while it's had it's bumps it's had it's highlights too. I just have to remind myself to not give up and reading posts like this and hearing from people who have been there and seen it get better are really refreshing to hear.

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  26. This is a perfect reminder for all of us! Doesn't matter the situation, just don't give up! I love it. Xo, Stephanie

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