Venus Trapped in Mars Sports and Lifestyle Blog Dallas

26 June 2014

Why I've Decided I Like Soccer and You Should Too

I said some things on Social Media last week, and after watching my first World Cup game on Sunday, I'm here to issue a public apology to the sport of soccer. And by sport of soccer, I mean the USMNT. I'm still standing firm on my opinions of all other soccer, for now. But FIFA bandwagon, wait up! This little blogger is hoppin' on, and here's why...

Name one other thing you can watch on television that doesn't have commercials--- don't say Reading Rainbow, because you know you were watching that on VHS, not PBS. Plus it hasn't aired live since 2006, not that I'm keeping track, dammit LeVar we miss you.

Think Red, White and Will Ferrell. 
Thanks to Brooke Lyn for retweeting this and making it fresh in my mind. 

But really, name fan gear better than covering yourself in America from literally head to toe? Here are my suggestions for the best shirts to watch America in. 

I say, if anyone can get this excited over a sport while dressed as Teddy Roosevelt, well then that sport needs to be given a chance.

Although, I thought he was supposed to be the guy from Jumanji. Total lack of American history knowledge, for the win! 

Regardless, as we found out in the final seconds of Sunday's game, literally every last second in soccer has the potential for pee your pants excitement (or poop your pants disappointment as the case may be).

Here is a fun fact, alcohol was banned at stadiums in Brazil eleven years ago to curb game-related violence. Here is the kicker though (hah), Budweiser is a major sponsor of the 2014 FIFA World Cup. Guess who won that shootout (hah)? That's right, America did. 

I mean, Budweiser. I mean, America. I mean, FIFA. Beer.

No for real, nothing. Because it is at 11 flipping AM. Well, other than Reading Rainbow VHS tapes, but I haven't watched those in like, weeks. 

But really, it's a slow time in the sports world right now, might as well tune in. Not like you have football to watch... #sad

And always want to support the US in everything we do!

Did it go in? Yes? We scored. Hoorah. -- Soccer, as explained by Sarah. 

Sooo, yeah. May I have Tim Howard, orrrrrr???

And just because I'm a know-it-all-my-sports-are-better-than-yours brat, here are the things I would change if I were in charge of soccer:

1. Get the acting in check
Dude sneezes from 30 feet away, opposing dude falls down. Foul called.

2. Make the clock count down, not up.
Math is hard.

3. Stop the clock throughout the game. 
So that 5 more minutes don't appear out of thin air for the other team to score. I realize that would lead to commercials, but still, no commercials, thanks.

4. Amendment to change #3:
If US is losing at the end of the game, give them 5 more minutes to score. But no one else, just them.

5. Give Sarah Tim Howard
At the end of regulation. Or after another 5 minutes. Or whenever is fine, I can wait.

(Isn't it funny how everything revolves around hashtags these days?! #deepthoughtswithSarah) 



  1. Oh, Tim Howard. Sexy man. He's the main reason I watch. Oh, and to be patriotic, too, duh. I love any sport/event when I can get dressed from head to toe in a theme, especially when it's red, white, and blue. #IBELIEVETHATWEWILLWIN

  2. Haha this is awesome. Since I am now living in Europe and soccer is all they think I have been thrown into the World Cup madness but I am really enjoying it. I can't stand the acting though, that needs to be banned!

    1. Seriously!! It is so hard to watch all that flailing over nothing!

  3. I read somewhere that Reading Rainbow is coming back with LeVar. I am loving those shirts. I think I need them and since I started my birthday month a few days early, I think I REALLY need them.

  4. I agree with all your changes. And I also agree that soccer (futbol) is making me like it a lot more. I just got an idea... what if I meet you for a late lunch today and we watch the game? i know i could have easily texted you this but this is more fun.

  5. Teddy GOALSevelt, amirite?

    sorry. that was bad. I really like when they get excited about something and rip their shirts off. I also like that buzzfeed has articles ranking each team's hotness. that's important.

  6. Couldn't agree more. Not a soccer fan, but I'll root for the US Mutant Ninja Turtles all day, everyday. Your Tim Howard is my Clint Dempsey, so we don't have to fight over them. Also, I can't deal with the elated Teddy Roosevelt. Tremendous.

  7. I seriously want that superman USA tank really bad

  8. OMG this was fast :) I am sending you a link on twitter, and you might just pee your pants


  9. I knew I woud be a fan for life when I seen the pictures of some of the players.gorgeous sweaty men? yup ill take one of each please!

  10. Wait, you have Reading Rainbow on VHS?

  11. I love that you can make any sport fun to read about! My husband LOVES soccer, and I just find it really hard to watch an entire game. But, go USA!

    Now, if I could only find a 'merica shirt that I like...that isn't sold out...

  12. I've been watching soccer like crazy since the World Cup & am actually liking it. Funny how those things happen. ;)

    Also, I COMPLETELY agree with loving some Tim Howard!

  13. GIRLLLLLL this did make me giggle, but I played soccer for 15 years, shit is intense. I agree some of these dudes are way more dramatic than any woman but if you want to rough up some chics and get a good dirty sweat is your thing. I I don't have any fun Team USA gear though, just rocking some red underwear.

  14. Make the clock count down, not up: i laughed so hard. i like it this way! and i like that the clock doesnt stop, though the last few minutes they add are stupid (unless my team needs to score). and Tim Howard, yes please.

  15. I'm not a huge soccer fan, but I totally agree with your post! The #America t-shirts, the excitement of the US being involved... it's so great!


  16. You can have Tim Howard, I will take Geoff Cameron.

  17. I've said for a long time that football should adopt the way rugby league counts time: the clock is stopped for stoppages and when time is up, time is up. No quibbling. I can't get on board with counting down instead of up, sorry. I don't think that will catch on!

  18. The American is Germany. Are wearing both team color. Also a lot of them are calling this game will be a tie

  19. HAHA I love all of your reasons and I definitely love no commercials. I'm totally on the World Cup Bandwagon and my sisters make fun of me for it. Whatever, GO USA!!!!!

  20. I grew up in a household where soccer was pretty much life (well at least for my parents and brother) so I think I get a little too into the world cup. But seriously, any sport that allows me to drink beer at 11am while cheering on my team... that is a win in my book!

  21. I LOVE soccer. Sporting KC is the best.. I mean my other choices are the Royals and Chiefs, whom I also purple sparkly heart love, but soccer has my heart. It helps that my Mr. also loves soccer, so we get to go pretty often. What about the chants and singing?! That's also the best part of the game.

  22. Just watched my first game and damn, was it good! Especially all that action at the last minute - my heart is still pounding. I think I've been missing out all this time.

  23. Number 7 though. All the World Cup education you need. Well, that and pictures of Tim Howard. And Cristiano Ronaldo.

  24. Nailed it! The reason I love soccer is because even when you don't know what's going on, you know what's going on. Also, cute outfits :)

  25. Perfection, yet again. Also Tim Howard? How have I never even heard of him before? Oh yeah, cuz I never watch soccer. I did know Cristiano Ronaldo though, and uh, he is delicious.

  26. I love this post! I still don't love soccer, but there IS something about being able to cheer for Team USA in anything and everything.

    Also, did you hear LeVar Burton started a Kickstarter campaign and got funding to bring back Reading Rainbow? It's true!

  27. Since I speak for the entire soccer world, we welcome you with open arms. A fan for one game or ALL games, we don't care! We will take the support, especially during a WC year! #IBelieveThatWeWillWin (yes, I just hash tagged in a comment)!!

  28. Haha these are great! My one addition would be getting to go out and drink margaritas at noon (paid for by the company lol) in the middle of a Thursday! There is NO other sporting event I can think of that I'd get to do that (not counting all of the weekend sports that don't apply haha).

  29. All of the changed that you'd make to the game are pretty funny! I can't believe how many people on twitter are hating on soccer though. As someone who's been watching world cup since I was a little kid, I have no idea what's not to like :P

  30. As much as I love you. I'm not a soccer fan! I do like all that gear though.

  31. Love this! You are too funny!

    Katie & Kelly

  32. This might be sad, but I own THREE of those America tanks/tees you posted. And I have all of them packed for my fourth of July trip. It's an honor, sort of...

  33. I 100% agree with your changes to soccer. I'm not a huge fan but the excitement has been fun. And your tee is AMAZING!



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