Venus Trapped in Mars

20 December 2013

And Here's The Kicker...

Before I start Fan Friday today, I'm here to beg for your help. See it is really important to me because I bolded, italicized and underlined the word beg. Would you just click like on this image? The girls in the lead have 1100+ likes and have way more followers than I do. Please will you help the little man? I never ask for stuff like this, but no better time than the present to start annoying the crap out of everyone! Just click hover your mouse over the Instagram logo and click "view on instagram" and click like. 

Because keep in mind, this is what my hair would look like without the dry bar in my life. Ahh!!

Ok, thank you in advance...

Today for Fan Friday, I'm pulling a post from the way way way back in the archives. You know, those archives when I first started a blog in 2010 then promptly gave up. I think Whitney is the only one who (admittedly) went back and read these, but I think there is some good info to be shared! Plus, I tweaked it a little... because I clearly didn't know what grammar was back then. 

In football there are two different ways for an offense to score. The first option is the traditional touchdown, which we have already gone over here. A touchdown is the highest amount of points a team can earn on a single play and it is worth 6 points.

There is another way to score though...

The other way to score is through your kicker. It's so weird to me how this little shrimpy guy can win (or lose) your team the game, the division and even the super bowl with just one kick. He really has no need for serious athletic ability. He could be a raging alcoholic getting hammered on the sidelines, but as long as he can still stand long enough to run a straight line and kick the ball in the proper direction, pass the kid a double fireball!

To put this in girl terms. Think of all those crazy relationships in Hollywood where the nerdy, scraggly guy gets the bombshell. What parallel universe did we develop where these things become possible?

Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts... um WHAT?

Scuse me... how'd he land her?

Even Steve Urkel managed to land Laura in the end. AHHH Revenge of the nerds.

Well the same parallel universe where these guys get the girl of their dreams, is the universe football kickers play on. Let me just tell you about your hero, the kicker.

Let's take the highest paid kicker in the league, Sebastian Janikowski for the Oakland Raiders.

JK LOL LYLAS, this is the kid from Little Giants... below is Sebastian.

This kid makes $5.3 million a year, that's right, 5 MILLION. OMGGG. All he does is kick a stationary ball. The ball doesn't move, it's not like he has to like jump in the air and kick it or anything. IT. IS. STATIONARY.

And here is the kicker (hah!)...

It is a HUGE PENALTY if you so much as touch the kicker, if you even lay a finger on him, the offense gets the ball back and an entire new set of downs to try and score again. Whaaaaaaaa??!?

So i got off on a tangent. Sorry about that, I'm trying to stay focused. I just get upset with society sometimes, argh!

Like I was saying, the kicker can win the game or lose the game for you on one single kick. The kicker's goal is to hit it through the goal posts. Also known as the uprights. Drunk and disorderly fans also know it as a prime piece of property to vandalize after a game.

The kicker has two ways to score points. The first is after a touchdown. This is worth one point and is called the "extra point". This is should be a very easy kick, just 10 yards away and 9 times out of 10 the kicker is able to get that extra point for his team.

A field goal happens when the offense is either unable to score a touchdown, or they only need 3 points to win the game. Although a team can kick a field goal at any time, it is generally taken on the 4th and final down. They are usually kicked inside the defense's 45 yard line. In other words about 45 yards away from the end zone or less. Any farther away, it becomes too difficult for the kicker.

For the kick to be "good" it must be kicked anywhere through the uprights and over the crossbar at the bottom. If it hits the goal post and goes through, it counts, but if it bounces out, the kick is no good.

The closer in, the easier it is obviously, but the further out the more challenging it gets. Consider wind, cold temperatures and the defense trying to block the kick. Can you imagine kicking to win the game in this?

Ok, so I guess the kicker has it pretty tough. I mean, look at the guy who screwed over the Miami Dolphins, Ray Finkle. He never moved on...

Linking up with Whitney

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  1. that song is awesome. you win.

  2. I <3 the Ray Finkle reference. That is my favorite movie EVER.

  3. This was way too entirely painful for me to read since, you know, I already get all of this stuff. But I would just like to say that I think winning off of a field goal should be banded from all football existence before I strangle my own damn self.

  4. I voted! Woohoo!! Love the song choice! Ray Finkle! I die! Too funny!

  5. Every time I see Ray Finkle all I can think about is "LACES OUT!!!". The Florida Gators this year had the most pathetic kickers...notice the plural...multiple kickers that were all awful. I mean honestly how many students go to can't find one person who can kick a field goal???? It was painful!

  6. i really didn't know a lot of this stuff. i think the kicker is the most interesting player. such a tough job mentally!

  7. "Liked" the photo- good luccckkk!

  8. As a Raiders fan Jano does get paid a lot, but if you ever watch a Raiders game, the reason we score 75% of the time is because of him. If it wasn't for him, we'd have ZERO offense! HAHA, I guess its all about perspective!

  9. I need these posts and you are wonderful. Thank you.

    Sincerely, girl that did not grow up with football.

  10. Ok, so, I totally understand the kicker thing, BUT, the kicker is a different person than the punter? Why are these people different? Is there a different skill set involved in kicking a field goal and kicking the ball ALL the way down to the other end of the field for a return? ASU's kicker was pretty bomb all season, he made like, 18 field goals in a row. But that's neither here nor there. I also was wondering, what the heck is a pooch punt?? Or is it a pooch kick? And the quarterback does the pooch one right? You totally don't have to answer all of these questions, I know I'm throwing a lot at you right now, but all season long, ASU talked about how their "special teams" (what does that include?) was a weakness, and I was always curious about what that entailed. The kicker is special teams right?! ...I'll stop now ;)

  11. Perfect Ace Ventura reference!!

    My favorite player on the Dolphins a couple years ago was Dan Carpenter. He literally won every game we won for a season because our quarterbacks all sucked and all we did was kick field goals. Our motto was "FIELD GOALS, FUCK YEAH!" which was sad and depressing.

  12. He is my all time favorite kicker from FSU like ever!!! They called him the Polish Cannon when he was there and he like seriously never ever missed. And he's all big and hunky and I dig that too:)

  13. I'm definitely one of those people who reads all tehhh archivez ;) And yeah the kicker just as such a high pressure job - ours lost us many a game in the past years, but has recently been redeeming himself, so we're all good!

  14. The kicker has lost me many a games. As a Charger fan, there is not a single saving grace for my team. Not even the kicker. Sometimes I wish I was an NFL player. I can totally kick…and am cool with making 5 million.

  15. I think I'm saving your post for some of the people I go to school when they act like football is a weird game no one watches I'll be able to show them how the kicker works without wanting to run into the wall.

  16. Not even gonna lie, but I kinda totes read your archives months ago! Not just Whit!

  17. Haha I was waiting for a "Laces out!" :)

  18. I can not even think of a post to write now, how can one ever top a Janikowski story....and we got to see him up close and personal on Nov 10th.PS I am an archive creeper so I to must fess up to reading your old posts.

  19. I just want to say that I was the first person to like your picture and I didn't even know what it was for.

    Second, I have a love hate relationship with kickers. It's exactly the same with fantasy football. They can make or break you.

  20. So your hair is pretty in that photo, but I voted anyway! Also I loved your comparison of the celeb couples, so funny!

  21. I think your hair looks GOOD!!!! I only WISH my hair looked like that on a "bad" day. Eeep!
    Lyle Lovette is one scary mo'fo.

  22. I LOVE that there is a picture of my future baby daddy Adam Vinatieri on this post...

  23. OK I literally want to thank you so much for bringing this song back into my life. I completely forgot it existed and I am just like OMG. I still remember every word. I have NO IDEA how I even know it. But I do. and I love it. So thank you.

  24. Little Giants reference.......LOVE YOU

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