While scrolling through old pictures this past weekend, I stumbled on a picture I took in a fitting room about a year and a half ago. I was looking for a dress to wear to my best friend's wedding, I was the MC so I wanted to look fabulous of course!
I remember putting the outfit on and thinking, "Good lord, this looks terrible. I'm so fat."
I was working my ass off, going to the gym 3-5 times per week, eating healthy and my body was perfect. By perfect, I mean, perfect for me. I wasn't thin by most people's standards, but in my mind I was strong and confident.
I texted my mom, showed her the picture and told her what I just told you guys... how fat I remember feeling with that outfit on. And now, how I wish so badly to be back to that size.
She told me three things...
1. First point, you are beautiful
2. Second point you have a plan
3. Third point, you may never be satisfied
She's right. I may never be satisfied.
I kept scrolling through all of those pictures, circa the summer of 2012. It was not my lowest weight in my post high school life, but it was a weight I was very proud of because I lost 20 pounds to get to there. I felt fantastic.
But I remember, clear as day, being at that weight. I mean, it was just over a year ago, and feeling like my legs were too fat, my arms were flabby, I have double chin in pictures..... yadda yadda yadda.
I look at old pictures and wish for my long hair again, but when I had long hair, I couldn't stop thinking about having short hair again. Curly wants straight hair, straight haired people want curly. What if one day I'm looking at my weight now, longing to be at this weight. Good lord I hope not. But it's possible.
When will I be satisfied?