Venus Trapped in Mars

23 December 2013

Don't Focus on the Negative

Friday afternoon I was having my weekly sushi treat (which has actually turned into bi-weekly, and sometimes tri-weekly+) and while scrolling through my Instagram feed, I saw someone I follow from a certain Bravo show posted a picture of her on Millionaire Matchmaker. I have been very clear about how much I dig this fellow Dallas girl, she has fab style and an awesome sense of humor, her friend Tori is the bomb too. They are really great friends to each other! 



Anywho, so back to sushi and Instagramming. When I saw this picture on Insta, I tweeted...
It turns out Patti dubbed her as a millionaire in training, not that it matters though because even though I didn't tag her in my tweet, she must search for her name on twitter and she took to responding to my question directly. 
Holy toledo. I didn't mean any harm. I figured when you reached Bravo status, you would know that people would be tweeting about you. I certainly didn't mean to offend her, I like the girl. So me being the "all in my head all the time" kind of girl I am, I decided to go back through and read her twitter feed as well as any mentions of her on twitter. And I'm so glad I did, because I really had a little life lesson lightbulb (say that 5 times fast) go off.

As I scrolled through her name mentioned on Twitter, I saw so many kind things people were tweeting about her, from how much they loved her hair, to her wardrobe, to her personality, to her style, to her humor... everything about her, people were professing how much they adore this girl.

But she hadn't responded to all the kind things that were said about her. As for the 12 or so negative tweets in the slew of positive mentions, well she had directly responded to each of those, and either retweeted or publicly acknowledged them on her timeline.

This brings me to my lightbulb moment. As bloggers, we have fans too. Fans generally turn into friends, when you thank them for their support.

Have you ever had a big blogger not respond to a positive, kind comment you left them, but then see them go out of their way to publicly acknowledge negative comments left on certain forums? What if they had instead put in the effort to thank you and recognize you, rather than recognizing the people that don't like them. They would have created a fan for life, instead of simply giving further ammunition to someone who already doesn't like them and will never like them.

She could have created a fan for life with me, had she just ignored my comment about MM, which was never intended to be hateful. Or, think about if she had responded to this tweet I sent her instead. What if she had said Happy Birthday back to me? I would have lost my damn mind with excitement and created a fan for life.

This is a really hard thing to do, to not focus on the negative. Once you reach a certain level, whether it is a reality television star on Bravo, or you have 1,000 followers on Bloglovin, or you are freaking Miley, someone is going to be talking crap about you, someone will not like what you're doing. But what about all those people who LOVE what you're doing? Don't forget them, they are your ticket to success!




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75 comments :

  1. Amen to this. I agree 100% with you. you can't focus on the negative. that makes you look spiteful and mean. I don't watch the show. I know of courtney and her blog from living in dallas. Any perception I had of her is now washed away because of what she tweeted you. Why focus on the negative? She went out of her way to find this tweet. So what I'm saying is... great point and you handled this beautifully!

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  2. I always try to focus on the positive...and I try really hard to ignore the negative...In my opinion, no point in acknowleding it because it just makes that person feel like they go to you!

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  3. Fabulous post and completely agree! I love you friend! xoxo

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  4. you are right - I could not agree more!!

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  5. Oh my gosh. I absolutely love this. What a fantastic lightbulb lesson!!! I wish it were as easy as it sounded though. But this is going to be part of my 2014 resolutions list: focus on the positive!

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  6. I completely agree with you (specifically about saying something nice about a big blogger and having them ignore it). Sorry she took your comment in the wrong way and responded to it but didn't respond to any nice Tweets that have been sent her way. By anyone. If anything, this post is a lesson to not only ignore the negative but to not SEE everything negatively. You didn't mean any harm in your Tweet. She could have responded positively instead.

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  7. This is so true! And with every negative situation you can always name about 5 positive things that come from it..I have to learn not to focus so much on the negatives as well.

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  8. I love this! It's a good perspective

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  9. It is sad that she only responded to the negative comments. I haven't watched her new show or the MM episode and probably won't be now.

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  10. There is nothing worse than a Negative Nancy and while you have always liked this girl she turned out to be just another Negative Nancy. I honestly don't think people can take any form of criticism or anything but positive things. While even when those positive things are said, they are never acknowledged.

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  11. sounds like her head is not in the right place. and she's probably only a "millionaire" because she has a show on Bravo. funny how it works, like if she had replied to the birthday tweet I'd be like "aww she's so sweet". but since she only replies to negativity (aka likes to start drama), I'll now always see her as a stuck up bitch.

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  12. This is so true! I've noticed this with reality celebs, and bigger bloggers. Sometimes I've just stopped commenting and tweeting to those bloggers, because it seems like they don't care about the people that actually like/support them but give attention and energy to those that don't. So why waste my time?

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  13. Wow! This is pretty interesting and glad that you posted about it Sarah. I met her briefly at a beauty fashion event because of my fashion blog, but I was not impressed because she didn't make the effort to talk to us little people. It seems her head has gotten big since she made it big and wants to be catty and acknowledge the negative and totally misinterpreted your tweet. I don't think your tweet should have been taken negatively like she took it.

    I think you hit the nail on the head though about people focusing on the negative and not accepting the positive. You rock girlfriend! :)

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  14. I love this! I also think it is hilarious that someone takes the time out of their day to actually focus on the negative intentionally. I would def focus on comments about how hilarious and pretty I am!

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  15. Great post! Also, that's kind of neat that a "celebrity" tweeted at you. Even if it could've been a smidge more positive haha.

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  16. People who are making the decision to appear on TV and be in the spotlight need to take things people say with a grain of salt. It will happen, get over it.

    P.S. I don't even know who she is!

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  17. the first thing i thought about when i read her tweet was "what a biatch". why would she be so snarky like that??

    and you're 100% right: when you have a show or have many followers or get NOTICED anywhere, there WILL BE people who say negative things about you. there will ALWAYS be negative crap everywhere but why focus on that? clearly she feels the need to "defend" herself for some stupid reason but why not show love for those who say amazing things about you and support you? if anything, she's got it backwards - acknowledge your supporters and ignore those who don't.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  18. I love lightbulb moments like the one you had! Great work and great research to get there! A+!

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  19. This is an awesome lesson and definitely one of those moments where you have to learn these things the hard way. I saw that stuff with her on Twitter and I was honestly shocked! You know I have much love for her too, but I did not like her rudeness to you!

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  20. Man, that sucks. It speaks volumes about her character that she found that tweet, took it offensively, and took the time to respond negatively. But, it's great that you came away with it looking on the bright side. You go Glen Coco, all the positive feelings for you Glen Coco!

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  21. I love that you made this negative into a positive!! You're right we should focus more on our supporters and thanking them, fans for life are hard to come by!

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  22. So true! I actually had a small little disagreement with DJ Qualls...it was the same. Ignored the positive but found the negative things.

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  23. It's the most cliche phrase ever but you'll catch more flies with honesy than with vinegar.

    What she respondend with was rude and uncalled for.

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  24. Wow, rude much. I saw the tweet, but had no clue what it was about. I seriously cannot stand rude people, so uncalled for. I'd say you're doing something right, keep your head up because you're so much better than that! xx

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  25. So true! I've always liked her too but was shocked when I saw how she responded to you - you didn't mean anything by it and it seemed like you were genuinely asking a question! Focusing on negative things never gets you anywhere.

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  26. Her behavior in this is just ridiculous. I <3 this post.

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  27. I love this post. It's so true. People ALWAYS focus on the negative. I've seen some bloggers go out of their way to write blog posts about haters, but I don't often see that for kindness. It's weird and I agree, I think everyone should focus on positivity!

    Also, what a rude thing for her to comment back with. So lame!

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  28. lovin' on this hard! negative comments will always be around, no sense in dwelling on them, when there is so much good elsewhere.

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  29. this is so great! it's so true, too, that responding to positives more than negatives goes so much further to make all parties happy and feeling good about life. thanks for sharing this story.

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  30. In all honesty, I started my blog because I used to focus on the negative, and my blog was my way of appreciating the positive. I'm sorry you had such a negative experience though- you've got a friend in me! [cue toy story music]

    xo, Hima
    Hima Hearts

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  31. I love this. I try hard to focus on positive things & ignore the negative, though sometimes it's hard. But I'd never ignore the kind, positive people & only focus on the negative... that's a surefire way to create misery for yourself!

    Jamie @
    The Growing Up Diaries

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  32. so she has time to search tweets about herself, but can't respond or even "favorite" a nice tweet? sheesh. I about died when one of the property brothers responded to one of my tweets once. it definitely made me a bigger fan!
    -- jackie @ jade and oak

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  33. I've been thinking about this a lot lately! People love when they get a positive response from someone they admire, but they may be taken back by the negatives. Do you like Sam Steele Ponder? I love her and she wrote a post in relation to this topic that I thought was fantastic!

    Merry Christmas!! :)

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  34. I love this, especially the part about how focusing on the negative only gives fuel to those who want it, while focusing on the positive can bring you all kinds of good. It's an important lesson to remember, but a hard one to learn.
    - Rachel @ With Love, Rachel

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  35. Excellent! I actually was thinking that my "word" for 2014 would be positivity... Because being positive is something that's rather difficult for me. I'm not sure that your tweet was THAT negative. I would have wondered the same thing, too.

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  36. This is a great post, and I agree that people do focus on the negative instead of the positive, and definitely agree it should be the other way round! I recently discovered a forum (probably the 'certain' one you refer to) and was appalled at what was being discussed on there.

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  37. This is amazing. Why DO we always focus on the negative? Why do we give more attention to the nay sayers and not thanking the people who love us? The best, truest lesson I have read in a long time. Well done, you!!

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  38. I can't believe she would go out of her way to acknowledge the negativity... Especially in the way that she did. Why focus on something negative? Focusing on positivity will only make you happier, and it will make more people like you. I don't want to look up to someone who spends their time searching for something that could be considered "negative" just so she can publicly express her opinions on the matter..

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  39. You are bang on right about this! I had someone write a hateful comment on one of my posts and it irked me because I wondered how often that person read my blog.. I would never know, because he never leaves comments at any other time.. just the one rude one when he didn't agree with something I wrote. Why put forth the effort to be negative?? I don't get it either.

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  40. I always try to focus on the positive! If you only pay attention to the negative things people say, you get too swept up in being defensive and trying to be someone you're not. On a similar not, I think it's amazing how many people brush off compliments. I think we should all be a little more thankful for the kind things people say to us.

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  41. Perfect sister , perfect. I couldn't agree more . Over coming negativity is a big challenge!

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  42. It is so hard to focus on the positive sometimes, but this is a good reminder!!

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  43. I think this post is so on point. We always tend to focus on the negative things and forget all the wonderful things people say or do for us. In blogging world responding to the nice things said to us or about us goes a long way. And responding to the negative just reenforces those negative thoughts. There will always be someone somewhere who doesn't like you or what you have to say. But we shouldn't forget about all the people who do like and support us. Great post!

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  44. What a great reminder of how to be positive and appreciate what we already have. I love that you wrote this post by the way!

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  45. I think this is a wonderful post. It is so easy to get caught up with the negative instead of remembering the positive. Sadly, there is always going to be negative people and it isn't a reflection on us or even define us.

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  46. I was waiting to hear about this on le blog! Wow, I can't believe she responded to all the negative tweets and none of the positive ones... honestly, what a waste of time for her! I don't know anything about the girl and am sure she's fabulous, but hopefully she reads your post and learns to let things go!

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  47. Love this! Such a good reminder! It is easy to focus on the negative rather than the positive. Hey, let the haters hate! lol I need a life after I just said that!

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  48. Its always a bummer when celebs or semi-celebs respond to preteen inane comments but when you write a clever or unique comment there's no acknowledgement (or in your case, unnecessary snark)

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  49. Ugh so disappointed by this! I am (was?) a big fan of Courtney since she was on MEB and have enjoyed her show. I too thought the exaaaact same thing, but then Patti called her a M-I-T. I saw Courtney tweeting other people similar responses throughout the night, I was curious so I just went back and checked and am I blind or did she delete the majority of those tweets including the one to you?? I could be totally blind, but I only see one tweet to a person and then an overall tweet. Such a let down from her!

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  50. I don't comment often, but it love this!! Great post!

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  51. So bang on, personally I find every time a successful blogger responds to a comment they go up 6 notches in my book, its like they are truly vested in their followers, the ones that seem to never respond you begin to wonder why bother. Your illustration to responding to the positive not the negative puts it all in perspective ( plus how hard would one have to search for the negative comment, would that time not have been better served responding to those who were positive.. hmmm

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  52. I follow both of you on The Twitters and saw the tweets you referenced above...When I saw her's I literally thought "WOAH BITCH!" #TeamVenus

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  53. She's rude! Millionaire Matchmaker is for Millionaires, that's the whole point of the show. So why would she get upset when some is confused by a non-millionaire on a show about millionaires. It's a logical question, and more than basic math.

    I'm glad I didn't see it, her and my twitter would have been blocked. It's also extremely sad that people who get into this position of popularity. Somehow would rather focus on negative stuff. I have never receive a comment back from any big blogger. Like ever! As a result I no longer read their blogs. She really dropped the ball on this one, cause people talk about Miley Cyrus all the time and she give 0 F%&^*s about it.

    FYI I have no idea who this person is and I work in television!

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  54. I love this outlook. I try to be a positive person & this is just what I needed. Love it!

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  55. Great story! I agree it's such a wonderful feeling to be acknowledged by someone who you admire their work/blog. What a shame she only responded to the negative.

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  56. I loved everything about this post! :)

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  57. Agreed! Can you imagine how much happier everyone would be if we all focused on the positive and chose to let the negative slide? I've unfollowed a blog that I had previously sponsored when I came to the realization that the author was far too negative for my tastes. An attack on that "certain forum" by that author was what made me click unfollow. Once you start to focus on the positive, it's so much easier to find more of it!

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  58. BEING NEGATIVE SUUUUCCCKS!!!! Let all focus on what really matters being POSITIVE even at our lowest points in life.

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  59. omg!! i saw that episode and i saw that tweet! i didnt realize it was from you, but i was thinking the same thing! and then when i saw her response..oucha!! why so negative?! and maybe im just reading it as a negative tone too... that's the hard thing with printed words you cant tell TONE. anyways i totally agree with you, it's good to focus on the POSITIVE not the negative!!!! anyhoo keep on being positive, you have control on how you respond to things, so i love this message :) xo

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  60. So very true - I often (all the time) let negative (mildly unhappy) things influence me. I need to learn to only respond to the positive!!! Thanks for the reminder :]

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  61. Ok, this post is pretty amazing for a couple of reasons.

    1. You were open and vulnerable about the little twitter thing.
    2. You shared what you learned in such a meaningful way that it drove your point home like a nail!
    3. I love the graphic that you shared at the end!

    But seriously, I get what you are putting down because I've bee guilty of this and when I catch myself doing it I always feel the worst. You are right about needing to focus on the positive, because it takes way too much energy to try and field the bad stuff, ESPECIALLY when the positive things GIVE us energy. It takes less time and energy to be kind and spread the love around then it does to respond with anger to mean comments.

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  62. Such a fantastic point! I'm glad you went Twitter extreme and discovered this. It is an important lesson for us all

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  63. I'm with you. I've stopped following bloggers because of how nasty they've been about a negative comment (one food blogger ranted on her FB page about someone who emailed her saying the recipe didn't work for them- not cool). Some people feed on negativity, and others let it slide. The beauty of the internet (and instafame) is that we get to decide who we follow. So I follow the positive folks, the ones who respond with kindness (or don't respond at all, if they have nothing nice to say). I don't think what you said was mean- I'd be curious too.

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  64. What a great post! I definitely think that we take the negative waaaaay too seriously. I mean, it's important to have constructive criticism, but the good is always something to be thankful for, no matter what.

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  65. I definitely agree with this post. You should focus on all the positive and give back when it comes to comments and compliments. The negative you should ignore and not give it any attention because that's what people want you to do.

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  66. Love this post! You should definitely focus on the positive. You earn more people's respect by being positive than by being negative. It definitely tickles my fancy when bigger bloggers or celebrities of any stature take the time to reply to their good comments

    Jamie
    greyskysaturday.wordpress.com

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  67. I agree! Which makes me sad because it seems like when bloggers become really popular, I tend to stop following them due to similar situations. Some tend to forget that their positive supporters helped them get to be popular!!!

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  68. Yikes. That is really sad. All the money, fame and attention in the world won't make you happy if you are insecure. Too bad.

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  69. LOL at how petty she looks! such a good point you make. I wonder if she read this too...

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  70. wow I'm suprised she responsed to that. and that does suck that she only has "time" to respond to the negative things! I do think it is hard to ignore the negative but when there are tons of positive and a few negative it does make sense to not waste your time on them and interact with the positive things/people!

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  71. Noted! As someone just starting out with trying to build my blog audience, I think this is great advice. Thanks for keeping it real and being so honest.

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  72. Keep posting the articles,useful to every one...linuxrockstar

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