Venus Trapped in Mars

14 November 2013

The 9 people you meet at the dog park

So when Jackie and Karly, two bloggers I just absolutely adore, announced their linkup "Pets are people too" I was totally in. The dog park I take General and Venus in Dallas, Mutts, is fabulous because they serve cocktails, which is totally why I go there! Needless to say, you meet some interesting types of people at the dog park, 9 different types to be exact! 








Is this a dog or a hamster in my purse? You'll never know

I wore spiked stilettos do the dog park and am shocked and disgusted when I step in poo

I will carry my dog around the entire time, too scared to put him down

Other dogs jump up on me, trying to get to the "gerbil" in my hands

I stay 4 and a half minutes then leave







I follow my dog around the entire time, I never sit down

I scream, "STOOOOPPPPPPP! OMG STOP! SOMEOME HELP ME!!" when another dog mounts my dog.

I think every time another dog jumps in the air, sniffs a butt, blinks ---  he is actually about to maul my sweet lou lou.





Ahhh, let em play!

Ahhh, let em work it out!

Ohhhh no big deal, they're just getting to know each other

Ohhh who cares, just a little doggie style never hurt anyone!

Ahhh, whatever man! They sure are cute when they bite each other's faces off!



I like to pick up my dog's poo and inspect it for any foreign objects

I like to watch other dogs that aren't my own, monitor their behavior, diagnose all of their problems, then find their owner and tell them all of my findings.

I know everything, about every dog disease ever. And it has happened to my dogs 8 times, each.

I own 13 dogs.

I'm not a vet, I'm a Market Research Analyst, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.





I bring my own toy to the dog park then act hostile with the other dog that stole my dog's toy

I confront the owner of the dog who stole my dog's toy

I have the only dog in the place that can't learn how to play fetch, but I won't give up. One day he'll learn.

I bring the ball hurler mechanism with me because I'm too big of a wimp to just throw the ball myself.



Oh, you guys must be thirsty!

I brought my own Evian water, just for my dog, no other dogs may contaminate my dog's water bowl with their filth.

Are the 19 bowls I filled already enough, should I fill more water? It is hot out here, y'all need water.




Ohhhh what kind of dog is this?? Aww he is so cute!

And what kind of dog do you have? What's her name? What is her country of origin? Do you have her birth certificate on you? I'd like to look at it! Can I pet her? Can I own her? Can I skin her and wear her as a hat?


Your dog just pooped

Excuse me, did you see your dog pooped over there?

*Whispers (but not really screams)* to the lady next to her, "See her over there, her dog pooped and she DIDN'T pick it up."




Please don't talk to me

I'm just here to Pinterest and tire out the dogs

Can't you see I'm busy?

Ohhh, wine! Yeah, I'll take a glass of wine.

Text, text, text, text, pin, pin, instagram, facebook, tweet, tweet, tweet

Get down Venus. Be quiet General, stop barking.



------
So which one are you? Two guesses who I am!

OH.... and most importantly, I want to say how much it meant to me yesterday that so many of you took the time to write me heart-felt, thought out comments to my post. Really, I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. If you were wondering the same thing as I was, I suggest you read through some of the comments. Great feedback! 
Jade and Oak

46 comments :

  1. i always really enjoy the people who tell me how to train my dog. or the weird old men in grumpy (as in the dwarf) hats that ask me out on dates.

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  2. I have never taken my dog to a dog park! But it looks like it may be fun (or maybe not depending on who you encounter).

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  3. ha! there are helicopter fur mamas too? because the same kind of people exist at the kids park!

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  4. Ha, I've never been to a dog park (being a kitty owner) but this sure sounds like a real fun time!! What a creatively written post :)

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  5. THE VET?!?!? Eww people look through their poop?!?!?!? Is that a real thing? Ick. Its like...OMG this is why I have a cat. I think I'd be somewhere between the under concerned parent and the cell phone parent. Oh God...I'm still thinking about inspecting poop. Why................

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  6. Hah! I love this. I think there's also the "Play Date Parents" - the ones who all meet at the dog park just so their doggies can have a play date together. I once saw about 10 Dachshunds on a play date together.

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  7. Lol im def the cell phone parent..like seriously im just here so that they will take a long nap later

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  8. BAHAHA I love this! Can we please have a dog park blate?! I love Mutts! I would say I'm a mix between the cell phone parent, the 'its clear you're new here' parent (which i'm not actually new), and the unconcerned parent. Haha! So funny!

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  9. You nailed it! Seriously!
    I once watched someone shove my dog away and then, after I walked up to her, say "I just figured your dog might want to play with other dogs". Wasn't that just so thoughtful of her? #fistfightatthedogpark

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  10. ahahahaha omg this is so good. i still need to go to mutts. i'm trying to think which one i am. probably the one staring people down about picking up poop while on y phone. so essentially the worst. ever.

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  11. This is so weird that you posted about this when I just got a scary e-mail from a friend about a dog virus! http://www.foxcarolina.com/story/23950879/special-report-deadly-dog-virus

    I love dog parks though, you definitely meet some interesting people around there!

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  12. HAHA... Love this!

    I'm the type of parent who pets and plays with all the dogs. We used to go almost every week, so we weren't really new... I just couldn't help myself lol. One time, a dog came up to me and I started to pet it. Some random lady asked me, is that my dog? I was like, nope, just petting it. LOL

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  13. but for reals, if you dog can fit in your purse, it's not a dog. it's a rat. sorry, not sorry

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  14. Love this post. Obsessed with the idea. Genius.

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  15. Love this post! I haven't take my dog to a dog park because she likes to nibble and always incites my brother's dog to the point of anger, so I'm kind of afraid for her. I'd probably be a cell phone parent who occasionally morphs into the overly concerned parent. haha

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  16. "Can I skin her and wear her as a hat?" These are the kinds of girls that want to play with Hawkeye, I start to get nervous! I'm the poop nazi for sure. Pick. Up. The. Poop. Seriously.

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  17. perfection! a dog park with wine where I can play on my laptop while my dogs get tired out sounds like heaven. I need to move to dallas. thanks for linking up!
    -- jackie @ jade and oak

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  18. I need a purse dog.
    And to wear heels to the dog park.
    And be rich enough to do all of that and then go drink martini's with my hamster.

    › xo fal • falfindshappiness.blogspot.com

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  19. I need to get myself a dog so I can go meet some of these interesting characters (and I also just need a dog).

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  20. One day I will be apart of this. And then I shall make fun of all the people around me and roll around with doggies

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  21. I almost choked on my sandwich reading the first few lines of this. And yes I am eating a sandwich at 10 am. You would love the dog beach in my town. There are a lot of similarities, and the people watching is maybe just as fun as playing with dogs.

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  22. so i'm obviously the noob parent that just wants to play with everyone else's dog and hear all the crazy stories from their owners. i get more excited about the dog park than my puppy sometimes. fortunately, the dog park i go to is pretty chill and everyone kind of feels that way (for the most part - we do have a few of the characters you mentioned lurking around)

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  23. hahaha love thist! i'm a total helicoptor mom, hovering while i fear my giant clumsy dog will crush a smaller one!

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  24. This is pretty much dead on! And hilarious!

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  25. I'm definitely a hybrid of the overconcerned parent and the "it's clear you're new here" parent. A freaky combo. Seriously, this was such an original and cute idea!!!!! :)

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  26. I would be the overly concerned parent and follow Scout EVERYWHERE. Love the post!

    Ashley @ A Cute Angle
    http://acutelifestyle.blogspot.com

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  27. I love this! My first born has caused me to be a "Bring their own toy" parent. I bring the ball chucker because I throw like a girl. And my lovely fur one will only use the one ball we bring in with us, which makes me the crazy person that follows around the dog that took that ball to get it back. In my defense, getting the ball back for her is better than her standing 6 ft from the dog (or me) barking at them because they have her ball.

    I can also be a mild version of the "underly concerned parent" and the "it's clear you're new here parent." Wish our dog park served wine so that I could be the "Cell phone parent" lol!

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  28. I'm going to go with overly concerned since I have a fenced in yard and my dog has never been to a dog park. It's like a social situation for dogs and I just don't do well in social situations, even if they're for dogs.

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  29. I haven't gone to a dog park because my dog is psycho but one that serves alcohol?! I think I would be the overly concerned parent! I don't want my dog to mount or get mounted or get bitten.

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  30. Haha I'm for sure the over concerned way over protective dog mom! I think that every dog that comes up to my girl is going to hurt her! I hate hit! If they even sniff her wrong, I'm thinking "You better back off!" I only hope I'm not this type of mom when I have kids. I think you're the cell phone parent but in a good way! ;) I see it as a multi-tasker, allowing your dogs to play while getting stuff done!

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  31. Haha. This post is spot on! That place looks legit. How much do they charge? I will def be frequenting there often if I move to Dallas next yr!

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  32. BAHAHA! The "Dog Toy" owner! Seriously, just use your own arm you wussy. I drove by our dog park today and saw a guy with his ball hurler.. Too funny you mentioned it.

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  33. This was amazing and so flipping true it's not even funny. I'm def the same kind as you. And for some reason the "ask too many questions" person is always the one who wants to talk to me...and I leave knowing their dogs whole life story and the story of their dog's mom and dad...

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  34. haha im totally the overly concerned parent im sorry

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  35. This is funny. Wish I saw this link up sooner. I have a post in the works about the types of people dogs attract.

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  36. I'm the "Clearly I'm New Here" parent even though I'm not new. I just can't not grab and hug and squeeze and pet every single dog I can get my hands on. It's a problem. I get it. But I don't ask questions unless someone approaches me like they think I'm a dognapper.
    Btw - you should make a list of the kinds of dogs there are at the park.
    Mine is the "I'm the socially awkward weird kid who sits in the corner eating glue" dog. She wants nothing to do with anything except to sniff grass alone. I hate to admit it but it's embarrassing. I swear I love her though. She' just a little special.

    LittleBirdBlogs

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  37. Found your blog from here and now. Love it! Funny cause we are so alike. I am a Dallas girl. Favorite Teams are the Mavs & Cowboys. (How can you be from Texas and not like the Mavs and Cowboys) Going to start following you. Can't wait to read more.

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  38. I can't handle the people that bring treats to the dog park for their own dog, and then wonder why mine won't leave them alone. I'm most definitely the cell phone parent and may or may not be the vet but I won't find the owners and tell them their dogs problems. Being a veterinary student is a good excuse for this tho, right? Love this post!

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  39. No dog yet. But, soon. Which means I will be visitng some of Nashville's best dog parks and playing the part of newb. ha

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  40. These are hilarious! I've never been to a dog park, we don't have any near by.. and my dogs aren't really very friendly. They are kind of jerks.

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  41. These are hysterical. I'll be keeping my eye out when I finally visit the dog park ;]

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  42. I've met at least 3 of these people at our new dog park. Sad thing, I can't figure out which one I am… which always means it's the crazy one. dammit. I need to find a place that serves alcohol and I won't be such a weirdo.

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  43. Last time I was in Dallas, we went to that dog park to meet up with a friend and his dogs. How crazy! I loved the concept of that place, so fun.

    -AJ
    FitTavelerAJ.com

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  44. You have cocktails at your dog park??! One of ours has a lake and I thought we were doing pretty good with that...

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