Venus Trapped in Mars

10 July 2013

The Art of Handwriting

I once read somewhere that people who switch their handwriting style up a lot have psychotic tendencies. Whelp. 

.... whelp...

...and another whelp...

So I guess I am psychotic. But we may have known that, right? 
When I doodle, I tend to write the exact same phrase every single time (psycho much?) What is that phrase you ask? 

"Chicken Noodle Soup with a Soda on the side." I have that doodled all over my college notebooks. I guess psychotic is another word for awesome. #boom #inyoface

Well I'm here today to make my own handwriting rules. 

Rule #1:
Are you Malibu Barbie? 
Is your date to prom date Zach Morris? Or that manager from the Max?
Do you giggle after every third word?
Do you have a pom pom at the end of your pen?

No? None of those? Ok, well don't use hearts to dot your i. 

Rule #2

Misspelling?
Dated it wrong?
Have an ugly handwriting day?

Throw that thing away. Your ruined it. Hang your head in shame because you really screwed this one up, big time. 

Rule #3
Me: "Hey, would you mind if I borrow your pen?"

Inner monologue as I start writing:
"Oh it feels so good in my hand. I don't have to grip it too hard. Ohhh it has that tip that I love. Oh my gosh, this ink just flows so freely, just the way Snickers Bars flow all over Jessica Simpson's big ole booty. Good lord, it is like these words are writing themselves. I may be in heaven. If I don't steal this pen then I may never see it again? We will be forever separated. What if no one throws the pen a birthday party? What if no one is there to celebrate the pen's bat mitzvah? What if the pen's owner beats it and doesn't leave water out for the pen when she leaves? I better steal this pen and give it a good, warm home." 



Rule #4
If you are going to take the time to write a handwritten note, be sure to really put some effort into it. Your reader will appreciate it. This is just a sampling of ways to spice up your handwriting for your reader. You could also use (but not limited to)...

Bubble letters
Stick figures
Lightning bolts
Chinese symbols
Pig Latin
Clouds
Sunshine coming out of the top right corner
A series of smileys
A billion stars over and over again

Rule #5


Venus Trapped

54 comments :

  1. Thank you for the laugh this morning! :) My everyday handwriting hasn't changed much over the years, but when I doodle I definitely switch it up! And as for hearts over the i's - that drives me crazy too!

    Lauren
    Fizz and Frosting

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  2. Oh gosh ! Hahaha this was too funny :)

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  3. So funny! My hand writing is definitely not another pearl in thread , and doodling , is EEERRR!
    Noor @ Noor's Place

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  4. HAHAHAHA. WHY is boys handwriting sooo small? How do they even write that small? My hand can't move in those small motions. Also, I now want a soda. Thx

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  5. hahahahh this is hilarious. I think my handwriting is different every day.

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  6. I was psychotic as a child then. Literally changed that every day, depending on whose handwriting I liked best.

    Michelle @ Mishfish13

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  7. My handwriting is serial killer handwriting.

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  8. Loved this post! My handwriting = illegible swirls where every 3rd letter connects (This probably says something really terrible about me). My husbands handwriting is Pica block script 5pt. Seriously need a magnifying glass.

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  9. Lol I love your handwriting! And I always want to steal pens when they wrote well! & for what it's worth I've read a LOT of boys v girl handwriting as a teacher and the tiniest handwriting ever was this girl and it was a girl - I just don't get it ! I had to strain my eyes to see what the heck was going on!

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  10. Bwahahahaha! Pretty sure I follow all of your rules. My signature phrase was I like big butts and I cannot lie. Kid you not, wrote that on everything.

    Thanks for the morning laugh!

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  11. haha. I am always being complimented on my handwriting. Also- I have two handwriting styles: neat and clean, and messy. I have been known to switch back and forth from them often.

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  12. In school I was always changing my handwriting. I would change the way I wrote my a's and r's and t's. And I'm pretty sure men should be required to take a class that teaches them how to write bigger. I aint got time to squint my eyes to read tiny shit.

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  13. I must be psychotic with you because I change that shit up on the regular!!!!

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  14. HA! I may or may not have just literally laughed out loud in the office. Not sorry about it!
    Thanks for the laugh today, Sarah! :)

    xo caro

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  15. Guilty of being psychotic. And why the hell do guys write that friggin small?! Not only that but it looks like an 8 year old's handwriting wtf

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  16. I NEVER write on the first page of a notebook. Ever. And if I borrow someone's pen that makes my handwriting pretty, I'm stealing it. No question.

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  17. Apparently I'm psychotic too - my handwriting changes like my clothes: errday.

    I've had people ask me which one was my handwriting and I always say, "well, er, both."

    Psycho handwriters unite!

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  18. You never let me down. That dear diary entry made my day. I think you should be my real life pen pal and send me things like that every day. Hope you're having fun on a boat.

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  19. I love this completely random and wonderful post! Thank you for the great laugh. I am pretty sure I will have, "Chicken Noodle Soup with a Soda on the Side" in my head all day now!

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  20. I've never changed my handwriting, and this post has shown me the error of my ways. Maybe I should start pre-writing beautiful notes to pass during church. Yes. Done and done.

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  21. You are weird and I love it. and let it rain, and clear it out.

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  22. This is so funny! And what the hell is up with chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side?!
    I have the worst handwriting. In 6th grade my teacher told me I needed to be a doctor because my handwriting was already so bad. I became a peon that sits behind a computer all day and doesn't have to write...booyah teach! Oh wait...

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  23. You should design fonts! I love all your type :)

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  24. this is wonderful. I hoard pens and freak out when someone takes/uses one of my good ones

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  25. Haha! My doodles consist of mostly words and I constantly change up my handwriting. (Graphic designer problems) When a college prof told us this was the sign of a serial murderer, I totally looked like a deer in headlights.

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  26. This makes me miss passing notes in class x1,000. So much time spent finding ways to be more creative than just putting dots on the end of letters...

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  27. I'm definitely a pen stealer if I like the way it writes. And then I hoard them like a crazy. I have one pen I only use to sign things because it writes sooo smooth. I HATE ruining the first page of a notebook. It's so upsetting.

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  28. This was awesome! So much to say about such a little doodle. I was expecting to see a tiny chicken drawn next to the work chicken, though. :)

    I guess I don't know you at all.

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  29. HAHAHA! I almost spit out my morning coffee while reading this. And oh man, I am the biggest pen thief. I can't help it! When a pen just works for you, there is no going back. I've even procrastinated grading papers because I couldn't find a pen that seemed suitable.
    But seriously, Chicken soup with a side of soda? What the?

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  30. Ohhh it has that tip that I love. - that's what she said. ...gawd, i am a 13 year old boy.

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  31. ha! If I mess up writing anything I throw the page out and start again, it is fairly annoying, but i cant handle a mess on the page.

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  32. My handwriting is so shitty and I'm jealous of every photo where yours is pretty.
    Also, in birthday cards to my bestie, I always heart the i's. I'm not even ashamed. It's awesome.

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  33. Oh my gosh...these were hilarious... totally appreciate this post and your humor! PS - love the glittery mouse - I need to get me one of those! :)

    Ellie
    www.choosingpeace.wordpress.com

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  34. Hilarious. absolutely. When i find a pen i like, i act as if it isnt 1/32937493 that came from the package with many more of the same. and for some reason i dont have the brains enough to look at what it is, take a picture, i dont know figure out where to get more so i don't have to act like amanda bynes on twitter when it runs out of ink.

    also, seee that little tv williams commit we got last night? #YAHTZEE
    #idontevenliiiiiikedogs

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  35. I went through a stage in high school where I decided that I would write everything in capital letters very neatly and it took me forever to write anything. Now I'm working I just write notes so quickly that I'm pretty sure I've made my own aplhabet

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  36. Freaking LOVE this post so so much. Been doodling words a lot lately, but I stick to my first, middle, and last name along with my hubby's first, middle, and last name and have recently begun including our future kids names. BAHAHA

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  37. It's not being psycho. It's being an artist! And yes. A million times yes to the finding an amazing pen and stealing it rule!

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  39. Honestly I pride myself on my penmanship - it's probably my favorite quality about me! And it's a given, hide yo pens cause if I like it I be stealin' it!!

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  40. I love seeing people's handwriting!

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  41. Rule #3 is me, for sure. I'm a notorious pen thief at work - to the point where people are hesitant to lend me a pen and if one of theirs does go missing they come looking for me first. What can I say, I love a good pen!

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  42. Simply love this post. I love good handwriting... its the teacher in me.

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  43. I am def psychotic. But I'm ok with that. what's with this chicken noodle soup business?

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  44. LOVED this post!! Laughed so hard on #2! I have messed up so many notebooks o the first page....

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  45. Omg, loved this post!!! I hate when I mess up the first page of a new notebook too, SO ANNOYING.

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  46. haha if by "psychotic" you mean "amazing" and "mega talented" then uh yea, duh. you're my favorite.

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  47. Aaaahaha this is so spot on!! And when I first heard that about people with multiple handwritings being psychotic I was like..oh shit. I just could not settle on a way to write anything all throughout school. Then somehow when school was over and I stopped writing so much I guess I figured it out, because when I went back to grad school all of my notebooks looked the same! I guess I was cured!

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  48. I thought I was the only person who felt that way about "the perfect pen." AH HAIIIIIIIIIIIIL nah, my girl Sarah's got my back! I seriously don't know where you come up with this stuff. DYING.

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  49. ahhhhh i'm not alone! i used to practice my handwriting for hours. at one point in my life (5th grade or so) i decided it would probably be a good idea to know how to write backwards and upside down. ya know, just in case.
    total weirdo!

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  50. This is so true, I love it! I had a new notebook I had brought back to France from the States (notebooks in France suck hard... they aren't lined, they're graphed) and I was waiting to use it for something special, and then my dumb husband took it out and wrote on the first page with his stupid boy chicken scratch. I FREAKED OUT! He now thinks I'm psycho but I'm pretty sure you get it :)

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  51. You are freaking HILARIOUS!!! Girls be like + boys be like? Yep, Venus be like RIGHT ON! Haha! And my little pet peeve-- I NEVER EVER write on the first page of a notebook. I always leave it blank :) Always!

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  52. So funny! All true & had me laughing out loud!

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