You: "Let's go jump off a bridge"
Aside from the pizza and wine being promised, I agreed to come with the understanding that the red carpet pre-show being a part of the mix. To keep things brief, here are some thoughts I had during the red carpet pre-show which I embarrassingly watched every second of, starting at noon.
1. Holy red dress boobs. That supermodel -- oh, and don't think I didn't notice they never once called her a "plus size super model" simply, "Supermodel Ashley Graham" which I thought was awesome -- had the most sturdy breasts I've ever seen. I'm sorry but I heard absolutely nothing that was said anytime she was on the screen. CB earned bonus points with me too when he kept going on and on about how hot she was. Good work, CB. Good work. But really she and her giant boobs were super hot.
Ok, I'll keep the rest of my thoughts brief and sum it up into two bullet points:
3. Dress I
hated thought was offensive to all 5 senses: Heidi Klum
4. Dress I want to be buried in: Cate Blanchett
As the red carpet show was wrapping up, we filled out our Oscar Ballot predictions. This was really humorous to me because I hadn't seen a single one of the movies listed, in any category, other than Star Wars. I had no idea what any of the movies were about, and I started making my picks based on totally ridiculous reasoning. This, I imagine, is how many people pick their March Madness brackets... "I have no idea who any of these teams are but I'm going to go with Valparaiso because I really enjoy the way the word Valparaiso rolls off the tongue."
As you can imagine, I got like zero picks correct. Actually, we left around 9:45 and crawled in bed so I honestly don't have any idea how many I got right. Based on the fact that I had no correct selections at the time we turned the television off, and had selected Matt Damon for best actor, I assume I ended the evening by not getting a single guess right.
At least in basketball they give you a hint based on the seed each team is. Someone should have told me that. Some one should have informed me that Son of Saul was a number 1 seed, and Theeb, my selection, was a distant 5th seed that no one in the Academy even bothered to go see. Crap.
So yes, I was asleep before any of the big awards had even been given out. I of course know Leo won, but other than that I have no idea who or what won anything else. Did Christian Bale win? What movie won best picture? I'm sure you guys will tell me and save me the trouble of searching google for what I'm sure will take about a millisecond.
I'll finish this post with two last words: Staci Dash?