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29 February 2016

Like Everyone Else, I Watched the Oscars

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Last night our friend Heather invited us over to her house to watch the Oscars. I can't say I care about the Oscars, like at all, but she said the following words: pizza, wine. When you say those two words you can pretty much get me to do anything. 

You: "Let's go jump off a bridge
Me: "Ew, no."
You: "I'll bring pizza and wine..."
Me: "What time should I be there? What bridge?

CB is the same when it comes to pizza and wine. Although I believe he wanted to watch the Oscars about as much as he'd like to watch an all day marathon of Real Housewives Potomac, he said he would go. We grabbed a veggie tray from the grocery store, because a veggie tray takes every party to the next level, and headed to watch the show. 

Aside from the pizza and wine being promised, I agreed to come with the understanding that the red carpet pre-show being a part of the mix. To keep things brief, here are some thoughts I had during the red carpet pre-show which I embarrassingly watched every second of, starting at noon. 

1. Holy red dress boobs. That supermodel -- oh, and don't think I didn't notice they never once called her a "plus size super model" simply, "Supermodel Ashley Graham" which I thought was awesome -- had the most sturdy breasts I've ever seen. I'm sorry but I heard absolutely nothing that was said anytime she was on the screen. CB earned bonus points with me too when he kept going on and on about how hot she was. Good work, CB. Good work. But really she and her giant boobs were super hot.

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2. Can someone please give the chick doing the interviews by the stairs a lesson on the English language? You had one job, to speak English into a microphone. She goes, "I'm graciously trying to walk down these stairs." Girlfriend. No. I thought she just misspoke, until she said it AGAIN, GRACIOUS, during the interview. The word you're looking for is GRACEFUL. Dear lord. Did anyone else see that? 

Ok, I'll keep the rest of my thoughts brief and sum it up into two bullet points:
3. Dress I hated thought was offensive to all 5 senses: Heidi Klum
4. Dress I want to be buried in: Cate Blanchett

As the red carpet show was wrapping up, we filled out our Oscar Ballot predictions. This was really humorous to me because I hadn't seen a single one of the movies listed, in any category, other than Star Wars. I had no idea what any of the movies were about, and I started making my picks based on totally ridiculous reasoning. This, I imagine, is how many people pick their March Madness brackets... "I have no idea who any of these teams are but I'm going to go with Valparaiso because I really enjoy the way the word Valparaiso rolls off the tongue.

As you can imagine, I got like zero picks correct. Actually, we left around 9:45 and crawled in bed so I honestly don't have any idea how many I got right. Based on the fact that I had no correct selections at the time we turned the television off, and had selected Matt Damon for best actor, I assume I ended the evening by not getting a single guess right. 

At least in basketball they give you a hint based on the seed each team is. Someone should have told me that. Some one should have informed me that Son of Saul was a number 1 seed, and Theeb, my selection, was a distant 5th seed that no one in the Academy even bothered to go see. Crap. 

So yes, I was asleep before any of the big awards had even been given out. I of course know Leo won, but other than that I have no idea who or what won anything else. Did Christian Bale win? What movie won best picture? I'm sure you guys will tell me and save me the trouble of searching google for what I'm sure will take about a millisecond. 

I'll finish this post with two last words: Staci Dash?

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  1. Wasn't happy with the results. Stallone lost. The only reason I cared is that a co-worker's son was writer and director of Creed.

  2. I am SO SO happy for Leo! FINALLY... he got an Oscar. If he didn't get one for the Revenant I was going to riot! The movie was amazing! Beautifully shot (they got Best Cinematography and with good reason the entire film was filmed using ONLY natural light... it blew me away).

    Mad Max took home a TON of awards too - that movie was amazing as well! It didn't get best picture, I think the one that did was an artsy film but Mad Max was awesome.

    I am sad that Star Wars didn't get more of the HIGH UP awards, I'm sure they walked away with something. It was a great flick (as a Star Wars fan, I had to say it).

    The other movies I hadn't seen... the woman who won best Actress I love... you will know her better by her being "Russpen's" O'PARE... in The League. ;) Brie Lawson I think her name is... either way she can do comedy and drama and apparently really well! I only wonder who gave her a "Golden Gate" after the show, I'm sure Pete was too busy ;) haha

  3. I didn't watch (I can't deal with awards shows) but OMG WHAT IS THAT DRESS? I love her as a supermodel (Ashley Graham) but OMG I can't look at anything else - it's too distracting.

  4. I didn't watch any of the pre-show stuff but I am soooo happy that they just called her a supermodel. That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

  5. I didn't watch the Oscars! I was fast asleep! I've been reading up though on everything that happened though! Did you see the tweet confusing Whoopi Goldberg with Oprah?

  6. I didn't watch any of it. I was just so tired after the trip. bi agree- i didn't see any of the movies os like uhh who's picked to win?! that model IS gorgeous. and i love that they just called her a model and not plus size!

  7. best Oscar review yet, I watched Walking Dead not the Oscars LOL

  8. Oscar red carpet is my favorite. I watched and loved the show. I wanted Tom Hardy to win. But at least I got to see him on my tv.

  9. Oh, also, Ashley Graham is gorgeous. Girlfriend's got a great rack, but her boobs were so distracting in that dress.

  10. I missed most of the red carpet, but I loved the show. For the most part. There were a couple of missed moments for me. But whatever.

    I would HIGHLY recommend that you see The Big Short and The Martian. Out of all the nominated movies this year, those are two that I think pretty much anyone with human feelings can enjoy.

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