Venus Trapped in Mars

15 November 2016

Flight Anxiety


I've been flying my whole life. I was a very lucky kid, my parents took me everywhere with them. My dad was a car salesman and a darn good one who won all sorts of trips for hitting sales goals. I always tagged along. My mom's Law Firm had offices all over the world, and I tagged along on those trips as well. To sum things up I've been flying and wearing those "wing pins" with honor for as long as I can remember. 

Well, I've very recently developed this terrible flying anxiety. It has come absolutely out of nowhere, and I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what has caused it. 

At first, I thought the culprit might be that Frontier flight many months ago. The pilot comes on the overhead speaker and says, "Something is wrong, we aren't sure what that is yet, working to get that fixed so hang tight.

Then, about an hour later, the pilot comes on and says, "OH! I think I fixed it. Flight attendants prepare for takeoff."

It was easily the smoothest flight I've ever been on, but I was on the verge of pooping my pants the entire time. YOU THINK YOU FIXED IT???????? I was terrified, shaking and it was the longest hour and a half of my life. 

For the past several months, I've been attributing my flight anxiety to that very moment on Frontier, but it was on an American flight bound for Tampa two weekends ago that it occurred to me that something else might be causing my anxiety. 

For the first time in my life I have everything to lose. I'm just so absurdly happy, because I get to share my wonderful life with my little family in Dallas, Texas. Over the past few years though, I've grown terrified of putting myself in a situation potentially bound to lose it. 

I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS think of the movie Sex and the City when Charlotte freaks out about being pregnant, because she is terrified that she has been given everything in life that she ever asked for. 

That is really dumb, huh? Anxiety over being too happy? I'm glad I wrote this. I'm glad that I now hear how ridiculous I sound. I've never had anxiety before, but now I have it all the time. I have it over flying. I have it over Veenie. I have it over Gee. I have it over watching a drunk girl I have never met climbing up on stage, ruining the band's set with her drunkness. True story, I panicked over someone else being dumb. 

I get anxiety all the damn time, and I don't know how to stop it. 

I'm always poking and prodding at Gee's mouth, to see if he is hurting and needs to go to the vet. I poke at Veenie's belly pretty much daily ever since the Toothpick-Mageddon to see if she is hurting and needs to go to the vet. I wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night CONVINCED that Veenie has thrown up in the bed, when she hasn't. I sat awake last night -- ANXIOUS -- and I couldn't even tell you what was causing the anxiety. 

I'm scared of losing everything I love. I don't want to go back to 2014 Sarah who was so sad and lonely in Dallas. 

Does anyone else get anxiety like this? How do you get over it? How do you talk yourself out of feeling this way? 


 photo signature_11.png

No comments :

Post a Comment

Comments make my heart go boom boom.

I respond to all comments, if you are leaving me comments and not getting a reply, you may be a no-reply blogger. Fix it HERE!