Venus Trapped in Mars

24 August 2016

Not Everyone Likes a Pizza Joke

 My mom called me out a couple of days ago for not having written anything funny lately. Maybe it is because last Friday I was at a silent auction charity event at a local brewery, and one event in particular happened that left me feeling the opposite of funny. Perhaps even borderline repulsive, if we're being honest. 

Here I am, trying to do good for the world by bidding on a few different items. They had lots of Cowboys gear, Blowouts From The DryBar (yes, please!), restaurant gift cards.... yada yada yada. I particularly had my eye on the DryBar auction because I have a wild and crazy mane and I'm highly lazy. 

I put my bid down, went and sat down and waited to see if I won. 

For lack of any kind of buildup, I did not win the Drybar gift card. 

The guy on the microphone told us all to go back, there were several auction items still available with zero bids, and we could probably get them for a steal. I popped up and headed back over to the table. Like everyone else I was eyeing each and every available prize, one by one. 

Fitness - yoga. 

Fitness - personal training.

Fitness - 30 day gym membership

Fitness, fitness, fitness. 

Every single available prize was fitness related. 

For some reason, shy quiet Sarah decided to scream to the 26 or so people standing around the table....

"Fitness? More like fitness whole pizza in my mouth!!!"

Now I understand I did not come up with this joke on my own, but I've whipped it out a few times and gotten lots-o-laughs each time I've cracked it. Well, not only did NOT ONE PERSON laugh, nor did they even smile. 

Several briskly walked -- heck, it might have even been a slight jog -- away from the table. The way you'd walk briskly away from a bum that was babbling too loudly some incoherent nonsense about things that probably happened to him back in 1964 while simultaneously wielding a gun above his head.  

All I did was make a pizza joke. A good pizza joke. Which apparently made everyone around me feel so uncomfortable that they had to Usain Bolt away from me. 

So, anyway -- MOM -- this is why I'm not feeling very funny as of late... 

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