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16 September 2014

When I'm Filthy Stinking Rich

Money is fun. I mean, hello, money buys season tickets, so what's not to like? The vast majority of us would love to be filthy stinking rich, myself being no exception. I like to think I am very driven, wanting to make a name for myself in business. When I graduated college I set a goal to be making six figures by the time I turned 30. Now is that goal gonna happen? Whelp, I've still got 3(ish) years to figure that one out, but a magic eight ball would probably tell me, "My sources say no..."

But what if I hit the lottery somehow, and overnight, became filthy stinking rich? Obviously many things would change, but what wouldn't change?

When I'm Filthy Stinking Rich...

1. I'll still shop at TJ Maxx, Forever and H&M. I'm not much of an online shopper. I'm a patient digger who enjoys flipping the overstuffed, over packed racks, one single item at a time. What can I say, shopping is my cardio.  

2. I'll still ask "do you have any specials" even if it is Saturday night. If there is one thing I've learned about Dallas since moving here, there are never any specials. I find it particularly funny when the server lists some 18 dollar tropical concoction when I ask that question. Yeah, no that isn't a special, that's specialty. Where have all the happy hours gone? Alas, I'll still ask, just in case!

It was pretty funny, when we were in Norman this weekend, I ordered a vodka soda and a shiner for me and CB. The bartender says, "That'll be $7.50..." I made the chick repeat it about 4 times!

Like, for both drinks? No I mean I want to pay for both drinks.... Dang Dallas, home of the $11 cocktails and $6 beers. 

3. I'll still use stubhub for all of my tickets and sit first row upper deck for all games. There is no better seat than first row, upper deck. You can kick your feet up, you have the perfect, unobstructed view of the field, the lines are usually shorter for both beer and bathrooms... what's not to love? 

4. I'll Groupon each time I need a Keratin treatment. They don't work anymore anyway, since they got rid of all the formaldehyde... lame. So why would I spend $300 when I can just hop around on groupon for just $99?!

5. Drink Cheap Wine Because to my very sensitive palette, $5 wine tastes just like $13 wine. Dang, see I already messed that up, rich people think the $13 wine is the cheap wine.... 

Ok, with all that said....

But what about the things I won't do when I'm Filthy Stinking Rich...

1. Pick up my dog's poop. Someone else can walk Gee and Vee, then they can pick up their poop and deliver them back to me to cuddle the rest of the night. No more poop, no more poop, no more poop. 

2. Grocery Shop. The grocery store is the scariest place on earth. Just the other day I spent about an hour looking for grated parmesan cheese. Not in the cheese aisle, not on the cheese shelf, not with the spaghetti sauces, not with the oils or spices.... it ended up that it was just sitting on some random shelf near the fresh fish? WTF?

3. Personally take my car to get an oil change. Because they hose us girls, every single time.

4. I will never straighten/blow dry / curl my own hair. Ever. I'll live at drybar. I plan my whole life around my hair. "I can't go workout I just straightened my hair, sorry." Also, no working out when I'm rich. Because rich people are naturally thin.

5. Hold back at a Sushi Restaurant yes I'll have four of your rainbow rolls, twelve orders of the lobster rolls extra lobster on the side, three of the diamond rolls, six orders of the dallas roll and an order of the edamame. Then just throw it away after five bites. Because, I'm rich now.

What about you guys? What will you do, or not do, when you get filthy stinking rich?

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