Venus Trapped in Mars

19 July 2016

Hopes + Wishes + Goals

I have a very wise friend who turned 40 this past December, just a few days after my birthday. Her approach to turning 40 wasn't to wallow in it, but rather make 39 the most fantastic year possible. She deemed 39 the year of travel! She went on trip after trip, some short, some very long. I really like that approach, the idea of turning something you fear, into something to look forward to. 

I'm fearing 30, but if I really sit back and think about WHY I'm fearing 30, I'm not quite sure. I guess if you had asked me a couple of years ago what was scary about 30, it was because I had romanticized my 20s as this time period where no responsibilities exist. I'd tell you I was scared  to turn 30 because I could no longer get away with the 2am late nights anymore.

My 20s, in my mind, is a place where I can pick up and run away from a life that I don't want, and start a brand new life on a whim. Being in my 20s means I can dance and skip through the streets, holding hands with a boy while my dress flows through the wind. Being in your 20s means you can live a totally carefree life and no one will judge you because... hey... she's just still in her 20s. 

Over the past several years, I always told myself, If something goes wrong, just run away. Leave everything that ails you, and start new. Start clean. Start fresh. I associated moving and having a clean slate with being brave, independent and strong as hell.

I up and moved to Dallas, alone, WOW!....I'd think while congratulating myself. 

I can do anything, I'm invincible. 

Now that I have CB, I no longer find the ability to run away from my life romantic, for lack of a better word. Although I think I'll always have fun and enjoy the bar scene, I don't want to run around hammered drunk at 2am, totally reckless and out of control. Running through the street hand in hand in the middle of the night sounds dangerous and stupid. (I'm looking at you, Pokemonners) 

I love my life, I love our little family, I love our house, I love CB. Maybe outgrowing your 20s isn't so bad. Even crazier, maybe I'll even enjoy the stability and maturity my 30s will bring.

Here are some of my hopes + wishes + goals for turning 30

I'm hoping the fun doesn't stop just because I turn 30. 

I'm hoping I become a little braver in my 30s. 

I'm hoping I let go of stupid insecurities that don't matter in my 30s. Insecurities that I've been holding on to since high school. 

I hope I stop being intimidated by other girls so easily in my 30s. 

I hope I walk into a room knowing that someone will like me, rather than assuming that they won't, in my 30s. 

I hope I stay true to myself in my 30s. 

I hope I build something I'm proud of. 

I hope CB and I stay madly in love. 

I hope CB and I continue to respect one another, no matter what life throws at us.

I hope I can remove the word anxiety from my vocabulary, or at the very least, greatly decrease it.

Until 30 happens though, I think I'll make 29 the most fantastic year possible. Denver, Key West, College Station, Nashville, Knoxville, Raleigh, Nola and NYC... 29 year old Sarah is coming for ya! 

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