I cried out of no where the other night. I cried very, very hard. It was on CB's shoulder, like, literally tears fell onto his shoulder. This blog's broken record is back, but I hate my body. You'd think on National Women's Day, with every female posting pictures inspiring women to BE THEIR BEST SELF and LOVE WHO YOU ARE that I would have taken some of that advice. My body makes me so unbelievably sad. CB tells me all the time that he thinks I'm perfect but I'm simply incapable of believing him.
I hate everything about the way I look and I cannot shake that feeling no matter what someone else says about me. So many women posted online a couple of days ago about loving yourself, how do I do that? I certainly love who I am as a person, but I hate what I see in the mirror, so much that it occasionally brings me to tears.
I've been working out and attempting to eat healthy for months, but for every step forward I make, I take twelve backwards on the weekends.
Yes, I said I (ME, SARAH, NO ONE ELSE) take twelve steps backward. It's just so damn hard. I sound like I'm whining instead of taking action, and that might be the case. I don't have a diary though, just this blog, so I'll
As I've mentioned, I've joined weight watchers for the billionth time. I both love and hate WW. I love the accountability and the program itself, but I hate sitting through those meetings. They swear up and down that the meetings are essential to your weight loss, so I sit there for half an hour as I'm told.
That 30 minute meeting consists of the women (and the occasional male) talking about food. Some ramble about their problems with food. Some bitch that their husbands just "don't understand" and will come home with fried chicken in tow that they simply can't resist. Some ladies talk about snacking on chocolate pie at 2 in the morning.
Then there are the story tellers of the group. Those ladies spend the entire time talking about literally EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of EVERY SINGLE MEAL they ate the entire week.
"Well, on Monday morning I woke up I looked in the cupboard and I grabbed an english muffin and I put that in the toaster. Then I got some laughing cow cheese-----THE REDUCED FAT KIND, HAVE YOU GUYS FOUND THAT ONE AT KROGERS YET?----- and spread that on the toasted english muffin and got out some spinach and threw that on there too. Then around 10am I got eight bananas out to eat. Then for lunch....."
They always lose my attention when they call it Krogers. THERE IS NO S in Kroger!!!!!!
Did I mention that everyone at the meeting is easily twice as old as I am? We don't have the same problems. It's hard to relate, and when I leave I'm just left wanting their husband to bring ME fried chicken.
One thing I always tell people that if every day were a Tuesday, I'd be golden. During the work week I'm a drill sergeant with working out and eating healthy, nothing can sway me. Then Friday rolls around and I swear it's like a challenge to see how much of the work week I can undo.
In my life, our weekend fun revolves around food and booze. This past weekend, we went to Shreveport and had fun eating all the food and booze. This coming weekend I am going to NOLA with my college girlfriends and we will have all the fun eating food and drinking booze. The weekend after that is the St. Pats parade in Dallas which will include all of the fun food and fun booze.
Every weekend. Fun.
Every weekend. Pounds.
I feel dumb AF writing this. I clearly see what I need to do. The problem there is that I see it as STOP HAVING FUN, rather than HAVE FUN, JUST NOT SO MUCH FUN. How do I convince myself that I can still have fun, but not at every single weekend meal?
I don't wanna....
But I also don't want to feel this way when I look in the mirror, or see a photograph of myself.
So maybe I do wanna.