Today in the true spirit of all things boring in college football, all the big matchups today seemingly look like duds! Teams that were slated to be monstrous beasts this season (Virginia Tech) look more like sickly puppies (insert Michael Vick joke here).
Number one Alabama, plays number 1892342384243 Duke. Wow, I know I'll be on the edge of my seat for that one.
Thanks to the dismal performances last week from Georgia and Virginia Tech, there are no RANKED matchups this week. Wait, I take that back, there is one game to be played this week where both teams are ranked. Iowa vs. Arizona. Boy oh boy!
Thanks to the boringness (this is a word I just created) of my game day couch and television, also because I am a bit bitter that I will not be doing tailgating in any form, I am proud to present the first annual Mascot Bowl!
I am going to attempt to pick the winners of each game today based on the mascots. This is the only way I am going to have any fun today, because these games will be so boring.
Boise State vs. Wyoming
Boise State- The Broncos
Right now I am picturing two things.
First thing is a super hot sun kissed skin cowboy with wrangler jeans on (not Bret Favre) holding a rake standing in a large farm. Thanks to Jackie Collins, I'm picturing him shirtless. He takes a break to drink some water as the sweat drips down a bulging bicep. He then sees that I am starring at him and in true cowboy style, he tips his hat, "Well howdy miss! Can I interest you in some of Mama's famous sweet tea?"
The second thing I am picturing is myself back in the early 90s on a plush couch. Curled up with a bucket of popcorn with my mom and dad watching the latest action movie. This movie stars O.J. Simpson and a police brigade. O.J. is on the run from the law in a white BRONCO.
Oh, that wasn't a movie for my entertainment viewing pleasure? Oh my bad.
Well based on the images in my mind I award this game to the Boise St. Broncos. Since Mr. Venus reads my blog (occasionally) I've snagged me a great Mr. Venus already and he is very southern and charming and he makes excellent sweet tea as it is already.
On the other hand, high speed chases from the law, always a good time!
Tennessee Volunteers vs. Florida Gators
Tennessee mascot= Blue tick coon hound named Smokey
Florida mascot= an alligator
What I am picturing:
My sweet little baby boy pup (beagle) who is sitting next to me right now curled up into a little ball wagging his tail while dreaming of running through a field chasing after a big yummy bone. He pauses because a noise startles him. He sniffs around for a bit then disregards the noise to continue chasing after a bone. Then out of nowhere comes an alligator who EATS him! In one bite, just eats my little sweet baby puppy who was just dreaming of Alpo and bacon.
After this horrific scene that played in my mind. I vote for an upset of the Tennessee Volunteers and Smokey over the gators. Tennessee comes out the victor.
Baylor vs. TCU
Baylor mascot- bears
TCU mascot- horned frogs
What I'm picturing:
Well, right now I'm simply trying to picture what a horned frog would even look like. Imagine the budweiser frogs sitting on their lilly pads, only they have giant horns coming from their head.
Did ya'll see that super bowl commerical for Tide spot pen where the guy was supposed to be having a serious interview but he had a stain on his shirt and the stain talked over him the entire interview?
Well I would imagine the budweiser frogs with horns would be something like that.
Weis (MORE HORNSSSSSSS)
Errrr ( AHHH WHY DO THESE FROGS HAVE HORNS?!?)
I'm also thinkging about the Baylor Bears. Did they just go through a list of "B" names that sounded good with Baylor? I didn't know Texas was known for their killer bear population, but I have been a little bit slack on my animal planet viewing lately.
I award this win the the budwe---- I mean the TCU horned frogs! Maybe budweiser will take me up on that commercial idea?
We will see who I picked correctly based on the mascots!
Happy Mascot-ing Venus lovers!