Venus Trapped in Mars

14 September 2010

Basketball 101: Offensive Positions according the the Real Housewives


I just realized I have been writing now for almost two months and I have not done a single post on basketball. I LOVE NCAA basketball, not as much of a fan on the NBA but when I started this blog I promised myself I would stay neutral on all aspects of sports, including my favorite teams.
Now for my vow to my fans: I, Venus, promise my Venus lovers that I will not take sides on any particular sports or sports teams/universities. I also promise my fans that if there is a sport (cough hockey cough soccer cough) that I don't really know much about I will do my best to research and report back to my girls in ways we can understand!

Ok, let's talk basketball! I was debating going over the history of basketball, but then I fell asleep thinking about that and I decided not to make y'all suffer through it. In the future if you are on jeopardy and you manage to get the daily double and the question is regarding the original formation of basketball, if you make it a true daily double, blame it on me and I'll pay ya back!

Lately, I have been on a Real Housewives kick. Well, to be completely honest, it's not lately it is forever and always. What do you guys think about Real Housewives D.C.? I LOVE it. I think that Mary is just the coolest person/mom/friend. Cat is insane but she is so carefree and doesn't care what people think about her, I have nothing but respect for that! I wish I could be more like her.

Then there is Michaele.....


Is there a brain?

I vote no...

Just smile and people will think you know what is going on

or will they?


I have a hard time deciding on my favorite Real Housewives cast. I know what my least favorite is and that is New Jersey. Hello red-headed step child of the Bravo network. I would have to say New York is just fabulous. The women are all so different that I feel I can find something in each I can relate to.

Today I will compare the 5 different basketball offensive positions to 5 different real housewives: Vickie, Bethany, Caroline, Ramona and NeNe

There are three different types of positions in basketball forwards, centers and guards.

The centers are your big dudes. In the NBA they are your 7 footers, huge and beastly. They are the guys on the court that when they dunk the ball the back of the glass shatters.

Forwards are just a bit smaller than the center but they are able to move around faster. Both the forwards and center's primary responsibility is taking short shots around the rim and rebounding a missed shot.

Guards are going to be considerably smaller, quicker and are able to think fast on their feet. They also have excellent ball handling ability. Guards are the guys you see "making it rain" with shots from beyond the three point line.

Fat Joe and Lil Wayne were kind enough to give us an example of making it rain off the court...


These types of players are divided up among 5 positions on offense.

Point Guard. Also knows as the "1" position

The point guard is the leader on the court. He is the primary ball handler for the team and the key play maker. He calls the plays he wants the team to run, makes sure they are executed properly and makes very quick decisions based on the defense. He is usually the shortest guy on the court but the quickest and the scrappiest. Think of him as the coach on the floor and a very vocal leader. Similar to your quarterback in football!

Real Housewives Point Guard: Caroline


Caroline is the leader of her family. She is quick to round the family up and plan an attack on the defense. The defense clearly in this example is Danielle. She makes smart decisions, handles difficult situations with ease and makes sure everyone on her team is on the same page. If someone steps out of line, Caroline is quick to correct the problem.

Shooting Guard. Also known as "2" position.

The shooting guard is still relatively smaller than the rest of the guys on the court, but very very quick. The primary role of the shooting guard is to score points. If you have heard of the term ball hog, the shooting guard is who they were talking about. The shooting guard will tell you the game of basketball would be nothing without them. They shoot long shots with ease and are not afraid to drive the ball to the basket and mix it up with the big guys on the court. They have serious talent and are your go-to player late in a close game. A fan favorite for sure.

Real Housewives Shooting Guard: Bethany



Bethany is always on our t.v. screen for doing something crazy. She hogs the t.v. spotlight all the time, regardless if it is Bravo or not. She is the best Real Housewife in my opinion. No matter how crazy she gets she always wins points with the T.V. audience. She is a fan favorite for sure.

Small Forward. Also known as "3" position

The small forward or the 3 player is the most versatile on the court. He is a mix of every position. He can shoot long jump shots like a guard, drive to the basket like a 2 guard can but he is also slightly larger and stronger and is responsible for rebounding missed shots. A forward also has the responsibility of what is called posting up on the defense. When you post up a defender you stick your backside in front of their body and get a wide stance and basically muscle your way in front of them to receive a pass from your guard. The small forward occasionally will do this maneuver as well. To sum up this position they are a little bit of everything on the court.

Real Housewives Small Forward: Ramona



Ramona is EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME! She is all over the place. She is the master of many different personalities. One minute she is Jill's BFF, the next minute she is Bethany's BFF and hates Jill. Then she is chummy with Alex. Geeze Ramona make up your mind on who you are! Don't get me wrong, I think it is great to be friends with many different groups of people, but when you are with one group you can 't talk badly about your other so-called "friends" behind their back! Not cool Ramona.

Power Forward also known as the "4" player.

The power forward is not the tallest guy on the court but he is usually the strongest. He spends his days posting up and out hustling defenders. The majority of his points come from right around the basket. His longest jump shot is only a few feet back from the rim. If he gets an open shot, there is no excuse not to score. He is also responsible for trying to catch every missed shot and put the ball back up for an easy score.

Real Housewives Power Forward: Vicki


Well, my last two housewives I picked because, well, quite frankly they are beasts. I mean both Vicki and my next housewife are big girls with big personalities. Vicki is a power forward because she works so hard at everything she does. She is a work-a-holic. Just because you work hard doesn't mean you get the spotlight every time. Some hard work goes unnoticed, and instead, the spotlight is awarded to the flashier housewives (like Gretchen) that score all the points with the viewers.

Center or the "5" player.

The center is HUGE. Like I said above your center is just going to be a freak of nature. How did he get hands so big? How does he wear a size 18 shoe? Why is his arm span the size of a football field? He doesn't even have to stand on his tippie toes to dunk! No fair!

The center basically just does his best to out-height his opponent to get the ball and dunk it in for an easy two points. The center is very slow and has a lot of extra body length to lug around with him, so he is generally not the most coordinated player on the court. Their specialty is making dunking look very easy, and making a foul shot (an unguarded, free shot from 15 feet away from the hoop) look very difficult. I think the center is a drama queen and all they want to do is complain about their teammates not giving them the ball enough, but in all actuality, they really aren't doing THAT much work to earn the ball except for being blessed with height.

Real Housewives Center: NeNe


NeNe is a lot of woman. So is Vickie. Good lord they bring a lot to the table (Hah!). NeNe is loud and obnoxious and just wants popularity from everyone. Instead of earning status in Atlanta by doing good for the world, she just wants to run her loud mouth about lord knows what. I think people are just friends with NeNe because the other housewives think that she might eat them.

So there ya go, now you know a little bit about the offense in basketball! More to come, duh!

I wanted to say a special THANK YOU to the Bravo network for making everything on their network just fantastic!

Happy Bravo-ing Venus Lovers!

Images courtesy of from top to bottom:
poptower.com
blog.georgetownvoice.com
tvguide.com
examiner.com
zennie2005.blogspot.com
quimby.shelbyville.ivillage.com
www.celebritybeautybuzz.com


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