Venus Trapped in Mars

05 January 2017

An Honest Review of Soul Cycle

An Honest Review of Soul Cycle

Dallas got its first Soul Cycle about a year ago, and as of my birthday, opened their second location in Uptown. Me being the super hip, posh, cool dude that I am, knew all about Soul Cycle. 

I heard about Soul Cycle from New Yorkers (I listened to Wake Up With Taylor on Cosmo radio for like 6 years- that is what I'm referring to when I say "New Yorkers") and they talked about it all the time. 

From what I had gathered, Soul Cycle was like the DryBar of workouts at $30 a pop, per class. Me being the curly headed, lazy girl that I am, would rather spend my hard earned dollars on a blowout while I sip champagne and watch closed captioning on a chick flick I never got around to seeing, than on a bike that makes my lady parts hurt. But that's just me. 

So when they offered me a few ride for free I said -- BOY, WOULD I?!?! After letting it in my account for a month and come one day from expiration, I decided it was time I tried out Soul Cycle. 

First,  I called to see if they could be used at DryBar instead. 
JK JK JK, jk. 

I had to decide what to wear. They sent me a Soul Cycle tank in the mail but I couldn't possibly wear that on my first day, so I went with my own tank I picked up at TJ's that said LAY-Z, but in the JAY-Z logo font. I felt fly as a mother. 

I walk in and I'm meeting my friend Heather, we are the first two to arrive. The studio is so bright and colorful --- literally the same colors, white and yellow, as Drybar. 

They have me sign a waiver and give me a pair of bike shoes to wear and a water bottle. 

Get this -- THE WATER BOTTLE IS SMARTWATER!?!? Like, what? Feeling real fancy RN. The shoes and the water, all free on my first visit. 

I only splurge on Smartwater if I have a UTI, so this was quite the treat for me. #JenniferAnistonVibes

We get our own lockers for FREE!!! Well, sorta free, remember class is $30 a pop. As I start to change into my bike shoes, in come the crowds. I'm not joking, literally every single person who walked in was wearing Lululemon or Soul Cycle gear from head to literally toe. Even though I'm holding smart water, at this point I'm starting to feel real poor in my target leggings that are 9+ years old. 

The door opens and we all rush to find our bike. I have bike number 22. I'm no stranger to spin class, so I'm able to get my bike setup all on my own. 

I climb on my bike and start to pedal aimlessly while I wait for class to start. Our instructor is HYPED up. He is the most adorable, spunky guy with so much energy. I then remember I'm 30 and he is probably 22 and I cry profusely. Luckily the room is black.... as are my tears.

We get up out of the saddle and turn our resistance. He cranks up the tunes and no more than 26 seconds into the class I realize I've made a massive mistake on the amount of resistance I've added. Not wanting everyone to realize that I'm giving up and decreasing resistance 26 seconds into the class, I try and think of creative ways to decrease said resistance. 

Giving literal meaning to the "thick thighs save lives" expression, I manage to turn the resistance knob to the left with my thigh and I feel like I've just solved Pi. Ahhh, much better and no one knows I'm a total slacker giving up 26 seconds in

The music they play (this class was a mix of EDM and Rap) is not only excellent, it is a thing of beauty timed with the routine. This class was fascinating, it was like spin class meets kickboxing meets zumba meets a choreographed hip hop dance routine. Even though I was dying a slow and sweaty death, I could still appreciate the work someone put into this routine. 

When the beat dropped, we dropped. We essentially did push ups to the beat of the music... WHILE still maintaining a gruesome spin class. It was every much an arm workout as it was a leg workout. Not to ruin my reputation here, might I even add that it was fun? Don't tell anyone I told you that. 

Although it was fun at times, I most certainly wanted to Alex Mack it on out of there by dissolving into a puddle of water and oozing through the room, and out via the crack in the bottom of the door without anyone noticing. Heck, I was already a puddle of water from sweat, I was halfway there. 

Would you believe there are arm weights secured to the back of the bike, and a full on 10 minutes arm weight routine during the class??? We did boxing punches and bicep and tricep lifts, all still timed to the beat of the music. I have what my family refers to as the "Burnette" arm (think a ham hock waving hello) so I won't argue that I needed this part of the workout. 

At one point the instructor told us that anyone who walks through those doors can accomplish anything they put their minds to. They also mentioned to the newbies that it takes 3 soul cycle classes to really get the feel for it. I bet it does, at $30 a pop. 

You know how Planet Fitness' motto is, "No Gymtimidation"? Well, Soul Cycle was the exact opposite of that, just a warning. I was intimidated the entire time, but it was still something I would absolutely do again. 

Soul Cycle was fun, it was exhilarating, it was a party, it was expensive (if I had paid), it was insanely difficult, it was addicting and it was intimidating all at once. The instructor was absolutely amazing, the music was perfect and the routine was outstanding. It was unique and it was nothing like anything you'll ever see offered at your gym's spin studio. 

They sent me an introductory offer after my first class last night, $60 for 3 classes. I'll probably take it because skinny tastes as good as money feels. Or something like that. 

I'll be a broke bombshell in no time! 

   
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