Venus Trapped in Mars

11 September 2015

Where Have All the Sports Bars Gone?

When I lived in Knoxville, we used to go to the BEST sports bar ever. Now for those of you that live in Knoxville and have Google Maps already pulled up on your phone, ready to type my recommendation in, I should note that I haven't lived in Knoxville in 3 years, and after a quick search on Google, turns out it is now closed. 

This sports bar was called Rookies and it was located in a questionable strip mall, but in a decent area of town. On football Sunday, fans would pile in. Team's from all over the country were represented, and every fan was accommodated by a television broadcasting their team's matchup. Not so surprisingly, there were very few Titans fans, despite being in the state of Tennessee.

It didn't matter your race, nor did it matter your gender, all that mattered was that you were ready to polish off a $6 order of cheese fries and split several pitchers of cheap beer with your buddies. It was dirty, it was dark, it was loud and unrefined. There were so many beer guts that it resembled Peter Griffin's fat guy coalition; the NAAFP: National Association for the Advancement of Fat People. 






At the end of the first round of games, nearly all of the tables would free up, and a whole new crew of jerseys flooded through the front doors.  Each time those front doors opened, you were reminded that it was in fact, still very much daylight outside. For a brief moment, you'd feel bad about your life choices for drinking Miller High Life in the dark on a perfectly good Sunday afternoon, but as soon as Romo connected with Witten for their second touchdown of the game to take the lead against the Eagles, that embarrassment left almost as quickly as it arrived.  Yes, in case you were wondering, the Cowboys are very well represented in Knoxville. You don't think my Cowboy fever just suddenly developed as soon as I crossed the Texas border in the U-Haul, do you? 

At Rookies, you could spend an entire Sunday, from the noon game all the way to the final play during Sunday Night Football, and your bill was usually about 25 bucks. 

Rookies is now closed, along with every other dark hole us fans used to be able to crawl in and hibernate for a full 8-10 hours. 

What has taken its place is a new breed of sports bar. A sports bar that looked at the Hooters franchise, and said I'll raise you thongs and $14 "craft cocktails." A sports bar that has already designated what every TV will play throughout the day, labeled each TV with a pice of scotch tape and some word art that says, "Texas vs Okalahoma: 3pm", and WILL NOT change the channel under any circumstance. 

I kid you not, the sports bar that hosts the Tennessee Vol watch parties here in DFW serves SUSHI. 

SUSHI?????? 

Sushi. At a sports bar. 

This new strain of sports bar has very nice televisions. HUGE 4k screens with all the bells and whistles. In fact, they spent so much on their televisions, that they were only able to purchase 6. Six televisions for a weekend in the fall, $14 craft cocktails, sushi.... and you're going to call yourself a sports bar. You should be ashamed.  

Every guide on "The Best Sports Bars in Dallas" are totally off. Don't get me wrong, they are fantastic restaurants with fantastic food and drinks, but they are not true sports bars. They are bright and filled with light from wall to wall windows, cheese fries are $15.99 and if you want a pitcher of beer your best bet is just give up and go to a bowling alley in Arlington. 

For the past 3 years, I've sworn that if I ever come into money, I'm starting a sports bar. The Miller High Life draft will be our top seller, the walls will be lined with dart boards instead of windows, the TV ratio will be 1 to every 2 people, and if you want a martini that's fine, but it will come in a plastic cup and it'll still be the best damn dirty gin martini you've ever had in your life. The servers will probably be predominantly female, because let's face it, that is what sells, and honestly I'm good with that. The girls will wear actual jerseys though, no Green Bay Packers thongs or Colts officially logo'd bikini tops. 
Because hey guess what, you can still be smoking hot and turn all the boys on without wearing a thong while serving my food. Sick. 

So I've just ranted pretty bad, but I have a dream and won't stop until I've either found the solution, or built it myself. If you build it, a Cowboys Super Bowl and Tennessee National Championship will come...... (that's the saying, right?)







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16 comments :

  1. The city I live in doesn't have a single sports bar. Not one. Its terrible. I just don't understand, because everyone knows that the very best way to watch your favorite sport, whatever that is, is out in public with wings or nachos and a pitcher or two of beer.

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  2. Yes! For these reasons exactly, we converted our living room into our own sports bar. We bought a wine cooler, a beer refrigerator, and bright BAR sign with the words spelled in light bulbs, and even a high top pub table. It sounds crazy, but it actually works with our furniture, fireplace, etc. We decided that since watching sports is such a major (fun) part of our lives, we would just go all out with it. Big screen, fireplace, free refills, and our 3 dogs...can't beat it with a stick!

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  3. I truly think the VOLS will be a force this year - my husband and I (both avid Bama fans) have been saying this for the past few weeks. Our VOL pals seem skeptical, and cautious but hopeful at the same time! CHEERS TO FOOTBALL!!!! PS I won't be rooting for the Steelers until Vick is out! Which makes me sad... first year in many moons I will shun the team. I just can't root for him sitting on the bench or gracing the field!!!!

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  4. I love a good sports bar too! Always have - we have plenty in Chicago. Oh and BOOMER SOONER!

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  5. YES! I've come to accept anywhere that lets me sit outside + still watch the game. I don't need fancy cocktails. I need cold beer, chicken wings, + the volume up!

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  6. The "sports bar" that hosts the Vols watch parties here in Birmingham, Al is the same way. I only know that because my husband is an avid Tennessee fan (How does a Bama fan and a Vols fan fall in love and marry? I will truly never know). For that reason alone, he has only been there one time in three years. Bring back the dive bars, America!

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  7. Dallas is Dallas. It tries to be hip and cool but it still is "elite" where only the strong survive. meaning, those restaurants you describe don't last long, unfortunately. Have you been to Stan's Blue note tho?

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  8. I miss a good old sports bar just the same as you do. As much as I like trendy places, sometimes I just want a darn pitcher and some wings.

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  9. I'm not really a sports bar person, mostly because I don't drink alcohol, but I do NOT understand the "sports bar" thing where they have 25 different TVs all playing 25 different games. The sound is off, so you can't hear the commentating, because it would be impossible to hear 25 different TVs at the same time anyway. I just...I don't get it.

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  10. I've always thought serving food in underwear should be against health codes. But that's just me. 💁

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  11. When you open your sports bar, I'll be there! The "hot" place to go here is Buffalo Wild Wings. I refuse to go because their food is gross and people go to be "cool" on Sunday. No thanks, I'll sit at home and watch from there with my own beer and cheese fries :)

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  12. So glad that I'm in NYC. There's a sports bar for every fan during football season!

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  13. I'm a baby so the only sports "bar" we go to is Buffalo Wild Wings! My poor husband has to wait another year for me.
    Morgan - theradwife.blogspot.com

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  14. Yesssssssss! Don't get me wrong, I love a trendy cocktail bar. However on game day, I don't want edible flowers in my drink, I want my drink coming from a questionably clean pitcher with a plastic bag of ice in it. All of our sports bars around us have closed in the last two years, and we have only one left. I'm holding on to that bar with my dear life, hoping they don't shut down.

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  15. Creating and designing a great sports bar for your Man Cave takes time. You cannot just slap a couple sports pictures on the wall behind your bar and call it a sports bar. Take the time to build a true bar to entertain your friends when they come over to watch football, baseball or basketball.

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