For A Smoother Twerk Curve

I had an entire, two-day, two-part post written out and ready to go for when I got to work this morning. I had planned on posting part one today and part two tomorrow. I was really excited about it. I just had to pick an image to use so people could pin the post (aka so I could pin the post). 

I sat down to look through my computer and find an image. 19 months of camera roll images and an hour later... Notta. Nothing. Zilch. I then came to the conclusion that this clearly means I care way too much about blogging. Or that I am horribly obsessive. Probably both. 

I don't do random-thoughts-in-my-head posts very often, but today, two guesses what you're getting. I don't know why I feel like I need a plan for every single post. It is ok to ramble occasionally, right?!

At work, we are building a new website. This is the most gigantic pain ever placed on marketing mankind. As you may know, I work in the marine industry, for a Japanese company that sells outboard boat motors. We produce about 30 different outboards, ranging from 2.5hp to 250hp. I need to come up with different sales blurbs for every single motor. And my brain isn't working. 

I'm really not a boater, but I'm trying really hard at learning to be one because I do love my job! Part of me feels like some extra, hands-on time on the water would help?!?! Don't you think?

You just never know what will be beneficial until you give it a try, right? So back to these sales blurbs. So far, here is what I've come up with, do you think these blurbs will be approved by the big wigs in Japan?

"That's a good lookin' outboard, let me get a better look"

              -- The Smallmouth Bass Now Hooked On Your Line

Let your girlfriend twerk to your torque. - but really, what is torque? I have no idea?

This motor gives you a broader, flatter torque curve..... for a smoother twerk curve-  I'm picturing Miley on the font of the boat while the boat torques, she twerks. I dunno. Help. 

"Can I get a ride on your new Tohatsu" 

            ---Tonight's dinner

"The Walleye can't believe the fuel economy!"

Someone please send help. Does anyone boat? And by boat I mean drive the boat, not sunbathe (or twerk) on the boat. I bet when you saw the title of this post you got really intrigued... I apologize for letting you down. See you tomorrow. 

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Growing up, I was raised Catholic. Traditionally, Catholics give up something for Lent. Oddly enough, I think I was/am the only one in the family who ever gave anything up. I really liked this concept because it made me feel like I was actually doing something religious. I never did bible study or Sunday School, I tried out for chorus once but, oh yeah, I can't sing. 

Even though I don't go to church anymore, I still always give something up for Lent. And by give something up for Lent, I mean give something up for the first 2-6 hours, accidentally eat or do that thing I gave up, then remember, oh crap, I gave that up. Darn. Whelp, there is always next year. 

If I'm feeling particularly dedicated that year, but screw up on the first day, I rack my brain to think of something I hadn't had that day then decide to give that up instead. I think I'm missing the point of Lent.....

Any who, here are my Lent hits and misses... (I think you're really going to be impressed with one of them)

1. Wine (Miss) - I think I made it to 7pm on the first night. "Oh, Champagne is wine?! Crap."

2. Diet Coke (Miss) - "Oh, even if I mix it with whiskey, it still counts as having a diet coke??" Crap.

3. Popcorn (Hit) - One day during the 40 days and 40 nights, the cracker jacks that crossed my path at a gas station in Bucksnort, Tennessee almost got me. Almost. I'm too smart for you, cracker jacks, I know you're popcorn under that molasses flavored candy-coated disguise! Popcorn for the Lent WIN! 

4. Elevators (Miss) - I was a kiddo in college when I tried this. I lived on the 4th floor. I figured it would be challenging but doable. I think I may have forgotten the challenges of coming home drunk at 3am and forgetting that elevators are forbidden. Lent Miss.  

5. Beer (Hit) - I'm serious. I made it! I said beer, I didn't say vodka or gin or vino... or jack or johnny or jose.... Hell no H20! Lent Win! 

6. Public Transportation (Hit) - Ok, so this may sound like one of those, "I'm giving up being an Underground Drug Lord for Lent" kind of scenarios. But I was in college and I took the campus bus everywhere. I took it to class, I took it home, I took it to bars. So I put my walkin' shoes on for 40 dang days! Go me, and go my much-stronger-for-the-experience legs! 

7. Pizza (Miss) - I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it. Say no to drugs say yes to pizza. Lent miss. 

8. Texting (HIT) - YES. I. GAVE. UP. TEXTING. FOR. LENT. My friends were so PISSED. They had to call me on the Zach Morris contraption. I think several friends are still angry with me over that. And guess what, I made the entire 40 days. Can you believe it? How impressed are you right now?!

And for this year's challenge? 

I love love love Starbucks and I go every day on my way into work. So I stopped today on my way in this morning and it will be the last time until Easter Sunday. It is a good thing I didn't ask General to give it up with me... 

Are you giving anything up this year for Lent?