It was only just recently that I realized I have anxiety over seemingly everything. I've always described myself as this laid back, chill girl that can just go with the flow. It has now occurred to me that by "laid back" and "chill" I was predominately referring to my absence of care regarding which bar we'd be going to that night. For some reason, this whole time I've equated my laid back personality with the never needing or even wanting a specific plan.
Last night though, as CB was insisting that I watch YouTube videos on "Skiing 101," my anxiety over the whole thing was shooting through the roof. I was being negative nancy, and sheer panic coursed through my veins.
"Laid back" and "chill" Sarah would've been like, "Yeahhhh, man. Gnarly. Sweet. This will be cool, dawg."
BUT... the only phrase actual Sarah could spit out was, "How many people have you seen get carried off in an ambulance? Like, what's the over/under on me breaking a limb?"
Perhaps it has something to do with being 29, rather than 21. Or perhaps I have always been anxiety prone, I was just in denial. Either way, I thought I'd compile a list of things that send me into an immediate panic. If I've said it once I've said it 100 times, admitting you have a problem is the first step.
1. When someone yells, "Partner Up!" yet I'm there alone
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
2. When my friends are late meeting me at a party, and I don't know anyone else there.
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
3. When someone's dog sniffs my crotch
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
4. Not knowing whether or not you're going to hug someone you've just met at the end of the night.
We started with a handshake, barely talked all night but everyone else is hugging. Do we hug now like besties? I'm going to make this awkward. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
5. The first kiss
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
6. When the airplane dips in altitude suddenly
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
7. A man coming up to ask me for my spare change at the gas station (or anywhere)
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
8. My yearly performance review
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
(Last time I broke out into hives, even though it was a good review)
9. Coming home and seeing the gate open when I know the dogs are outside
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
10. Wearing a bathing suit in front of a group of peers
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
11. When someone (other than my mom) calls my cellphone just to chat.
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
12. Forcing myself to re-watching my snapchats after a night of drinking
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
13. A knock on the front door
It's 2016!!! Who could possibly be at our front door. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
14. Dropping my cellphone on concrete
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
15. My Email Inbox on Monday Morning
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
16. Sunday Night
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
17. Week 4 of C25K (which I start tonight)
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. 18. "Networking"
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
19. Right when I wake up from a dream where CB breaks up with me
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
(Oh, whewww. Just a dream! Yells at CB: "YOU JERK, how COULD YOU??")
20. Ski Trips
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
