Venus Trapped in Mars

31 July 2014

The Pressure's On

Going in for a routine test. 
That is a phrase I've decided to remove from my vocabulary. Whether it be talking about a routine test for myself, or for someone else, in my experience whenever that phrase is used, nothing ever seems to end routinely
Take for example my yearly lady doc visit, which included me going in for a routine test. As I get strapped in for my vital checks, I see the nurse look baffled at my blood pressure reading. "190/117? That must be an error, let me manually check it." 
Then the manual check results.... 190/123

Meanwhile, I'm freaking out. 190 over 123? Doesn't that mean I'm actually deceased? If I'm deceased, can I have that $50 co-pay back? Am I in heaven? I sure hope heaven isn't a gynecologist's office. I pictured heaven to be a land filled with unlimited fields of cheese pizza and streams of craft beer.... all of which have the calories removed. Kinda like that scene from The Sweetest Thing when he removes all the calories from her ice cream sundae, then he does that other thing... every hour on the hour, ok well yeah. I digress.....
The doctor then comes in to do that test, you know, the routine one. Not mentioning the elephant in the room, that my heart could explode at any second. She gets into lady doctor testing position and says quite possibly the worst thing you could ever say while between a young lady's legs...
"Man, something really wrecked you..."

She was referring to the mosquito bites covering my legs. For the record. Errr, at least I think she was. 

Once I remembered the trillion bites I had covering every square inch of my body, I chuckled awkwardly, "Hah, yeah... mosquitos." Really, lady? Let's work on your timing. Although, I think stand-up comedian could be a good backup career path, should this whole doctor thing not work out. Which it might not. 

When finished, she then sent me deeper into panic mode when she insisted I see another doctor right this very second before my heart explodes to figure out the blood pressure situation. 
Long story short (well maybe not, I think I've already made a short story, long) I am the newest member of society with a high blood pressure prescription. Twenty seven, pretty normal weight unless you're from Australia in which case I'm a plus plus plus sized weight, healthy eater if you ignore pizza benders and days that start with S, exerciser.... like, what? 
I even asked the doctor what I should be changing?! His response was to change nothing. I asked if I should stop drinking (lolzzz!)? He said, "Well you're asking a doctor if you should stop drinking."  So I took that as a firm no, and like he also thought that was a hilarious question to ask a doctor, or anyone for that matter. Of course you should continue drinking. Red wine is good for heart health. So is jack, jose, miller light, fat tire, naked grape chardonnay, dirty gin martinis (extra dirty, extra sodium just for fun), vodka, fireball... etc and so on. 
Apparently it could just be hereditary. Or it could be kidney failure. Or it could be my heart's response to recently googling images of Tim Howard in ESPN's The Body Issue? Who knows. 
What I do know is that I now have a high blood pressure prescription. I plan on seeing this as a glass half full. (Half full of low sodium, caffeine free club soda, of course.) Maybe I'll be able to flash my prescription at the movie theatre for the senior discount? Or get into Six Flags for 17 dollars less. Or play two slot machines at once. Or go to Kroger on the first Tuesday of the month for an additional 10% off my grocery bill. 
Or who knows.... Maybe I'll never be able to figure out the self-checkout line or my iPhone ever again, and my coffee will never be hot enough. 
Only time and test results will tell. 
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30 July 2014

5 Tips to Reduce the Appearance of Cellulite

This is a sponsored post not written by Venus Trapped in Mars 

Thigh talk: Keeping the lumps and bumps at bay

The lumps and bumps that appear on thighs are one of the most dreaded changes to a woman’s body. Cellulite, dimples and the ‘cottage cheese’ appearance of lumps and bumps on the thighs drive many women (and some men) to seek the help of expert cosmetic surgeons, such as Dr Joseph Ajaka.

Why does cellulite appear?


Very few women will have no cellulite at all in their lifetime. Cellulite results from problems with circulation and, if you have poor circulation, you are susceptible to cellulite.

Most fat that builds up in other parts of the body is caused by overeating and insufficient activity levels. In contrast, cellulite is toxins, lymph fluid and fat that is trapped in the skin.

Surgery is just one way to treat the problem of cellulite and other lumps and bumps on the thighs. Surgery is usually very effective in redressing this problem; find out more here. However, there are other ways to address cellulite in the thigh area.

Change your diet:


Increasing your consumption of green vegetables, including spinach, celery, broccoli and the superfood kale, is helpful for cellulite reduction. You should also reduce your intake of red meat, poultry, salt, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and dairy to help combat thigh lumps and bumps.

It’s also wise to replace your morning coffee with a mug of hot water and lemon juice, to fire up your metabolism and help with toxin removal. Throughout the day, you should drinks loads of water and herbal tea.

Get active:


There are many different exercises that you can do to help combat cellulite. Jumping is an activity that boosts the lymphatic system and other good exercises to try are: jogging, skipping, bouncing on a trampoline, burpees and jumping squats.

Take care of your skin:


Many people recommend dry body brushing as a way to combat cellulite. Dry body brushing increases your lymphatic circulation, as well as exfoliating your skin. It is recommended that you use a good quality brush on problem areas at least twice daily. Brush your body with gentle sweeping strokes towards the heart.

Cellulite gels and creams can be applied to smooth out the skin and make the appearance of cellulite less apparent.

Enjoy massage:


Other than its enjoyable and relaxing effects, massage can be a quite effective way to facilitate drainage, lymphatic flow and circulation. Of all the various styles of massage, light lymphatic drainage techniques and hot stone massages are the most beneficial.

Aromatherapy:


Many aromatherapists testify that cellulite and other unsightly lumps and bumps may be minimised or improved with essential oils. Essential oils including juniper berry, geranium, rosemary, ginger and cypress blended together and diluted in jojoba, wheatgerm or almond oil, can be effective when massaged into the skin at least two times each day. However, it’s important to get the ratios of essential oils and carrier oils correct.

If cellulite is a problem for you, there’s a very good chance that you want a strategy and remedy for its unattractive visible signs, but also its causes. The good news is that there are solutions, ranging from surgery to dietary, exercise and lifestyle changes that help to combat cellulite.


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Kate Spade Giveaway

Presented By: 
Al
 Katie // Annessa
Karli // Sarah
Alex // Magen
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29 July 2014

A Bug's Life

Hey hey hey, guess who it is!? If you guessed all 783 of Sarah's bug bites are taking over VTIM today to re-cap our Florida trip, that's right, you guessed correctly! By our Florida trip, we of course mean the Florida trip Sarah so kindly let us tag along for. Heck, we are now even getting a free trip to Dallas! Sarah is so nice to host us for such an extended stay, I hope we haven't worn out our welcome. She keeps scratching our backs though, so we all assume she is just as happy to have us as we are to have her! What a doll.

We started bugging Sarah (hah, mosquito humor) at 5am Monday morning. She wasn't wearing bug spray, so we took that as an open invitation to bring the whole family along. We first met Sarah when she sat with her feet dangling off our home, boat slip 21. For us, it was love at first bite. 

After the whole family (yeah, extended cousins and everything! Even Jimmy-Jo Bob came!) ate a heaping back-of-leg breakfast that morning before the sun even had the chance to make a peep, Sarah took us on our first adventure, and first stunning sunrise, of the week at a big beach party! 








Then that afternoon, we went fishing with the locals (by locals we mean the dolphin below. Dude was a little standoffish, rude) down at party cove! 




Then shared a delicious martini with our gracious host, Sarah! 






On day two of the photo shoot, we experienced THE. BEST. SUNRISE. EVER. Sarah told us about this post she wrote for you guys, where she wouldn't shut up about the water. Well, this time, she wouldn't shut up about the sunrises and sunsets. She was all, "Ok, but can we talk about that sunrise though...







 
Then she was all like, "Ok, but can we talk about that sunset though?" So annoying. We know, Sarah, we all have eyes too......











 
But don't worry, she wouldn't shut up about that water though either....

 
We even got to see some time on the camera! Here is a picture where you can't see us with the naked eye, so we took the liberty of pointing us out to you...




 Oh... and hey! Look, see! There we are! Sarah's gonna kill usssss for posting this #sorrynotsorry #welookgood!





What a sucker! (Sorry, more bad mosquito humor....)

We also walked on the beach, found someone else from Texas and did all this other fun stuff too! 



 
And then... guess who we got to meet last night?!? Vee and Gee! Yay, it was so fun, we loved them too and can't wait to go home tonight after Sarah is done working to spend more time with them. 





 
Lots and lots and lots more time with them. We never plan on leaving Sarah. Ever. Oh and, don't be mad at Sarah, but we hear she has a two day work week before she heads off to another beach in North Carolina to see her bestie for the weekend! JK, go ahead and be mad. What a bitch. 
 

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28 July 2014

Healthy Tips for Work Trips

This shop is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group® and Slimfast, but all my opinions are my own. #pmedia #14daystoslim http://my-disclosur.es/OBsstV

This blog is no stranger to a weight loss post (Hi, hello, hey you, sup cuz!, oh and hullo to all of you guys). I love food, hence all of the weight loss/gain struggles. I wish I just LOVED dressing-less salads, I wish that was what I craved all day every day. But instead, I crave pizza. And chips and salsa.

I'm happy to say, since I put my foot down in November, I've lost about 20 pounds. Thanks to couch to 5k and Lean Cuisines I really don't struggle to eat a low calorie diet and exercise when I'm at home. Even though I'm not even close to my happy, sustainable, goal weight, (another 20 pounds to go for that) I'm actually satisfied with the slow weight loss progress since I know it is going to stay off for good. 

Then work trips happen....

Dun Dun Dunnnnnn. 

I am physically incapable at staying healthy during work trips. I'm not being dramatic, I can't do it. Traveling with all men, our lunch stops often include Wendy's, Burger King and McDonalds. Followed by dinners at pizza joints and sports bars. Pizza and sports bars, I tell you! How can I possibly say no to anything on those menus?! I can't. I just can't. So shoot me. 

So for this 11 day work trip to Tampa, Boca Grande and Ft. Myers, (which I'm flying home from today, hoorah!!) I set small goals for myself that I knew I could control and achieve. I was fully aware that there wouldn't be weight loss in these two weeks, but if I could just not gain it would be a huge win. 






Those breakfast buffets. Woof. I'm still always hungry again for lunch, yet I end up consuming so many pointless calories. So I decided to say no to every sit-down breakfast that crossed my path, and instead grab a Greek Yogurt and Honey Slimfast Snack Bar to take and eat when I actually felt hungry. Plus, it meant I got to sleep longer than everyone else! And when you're waking up at 5:30am every day, yeah, sleep is good. 







Each bar only has 110 calories and is part of the Slimfast 14-Day Slimdown. To lose up to 6 pounds in the first 2 weeks, Slimfast recommends swapping two meals daily with a Slimfast® protein shake or meal bar, the third meal must be 500 calories. Enjoy three 100-calorie snacks or pieces of fruit per day, don't exceed 1200 calories per day, do 30 minutes of light to medium exercise daily and drink plenty of water. I also signed up for the Slim Coaching program, to help me stay on track. They also have a great facebook and pinterest page for additional fitspo! 

I got a break each day from around 10am until 5pm, when we picked back up with the afternoon shoot. So I tried to go for a walk/run on the beach each day during that time.  



Like I said, simply not gaining would be a huge win for me, so I'll keep y'all updated on my final outcome when I finally get back to Dallas this evening!  

Oh, and in case you're wondering, this is why we woke up at 5:30am each day...

 
But I'll be back with more of that ^^^ later in the week! 




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24 July 2014

How To: Perfect Hair Waves

Dear Mosquitos,

The all-you-can-eat of Sarah Webb buffet has officially closed its doors. You have eaten everything. Your mosquito bites have mosquito bites. Also, it was my understanding that bathing in OFF! would keep you from feasting. It did not. I will chalk this up to the growing obesity problem among your species. When I have bug spray on, do you just see that as the 5 second rule? 5 seconds probably being 48 hours in mosquito years.? 

"Oh, Sarah put bug spray on. That's ok, because.... 5 second rule!!! Dine on!" 

I hope you're proud of yourself. The first words out of everyone's mouth when they see me is, "Whoaaaa something really has been biting you alive!! Are you wearing bug spray?!" 

Yes. I smell like the inside of King Tut's tomb I've sprayed so much bug spray. So you win. Congratulations. The only thing on my body that doesn't itch are the ends of my hair. 

That is not a challenge. 

With zero love,

Sarah Webb
Chef / Restaurant Owner / Management
Sarah Webb's All You Can Eat Free Mosquito Buffet


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Before I left for mosquito country, I asked Ashley if she would be willing to take over the blog one of the days I was away! She was kind enough to say yes and deliver a phenomenal hair tutorial post that I know you'll love! 


Hey! I am Ashley - but my good friends call me Ash! I write The Grits Blog. If you aren't familiar with my space, it's all about crack dip, hair tutorials, beauty tips, and good ol' life in general. The name of my blog is an ode to where I am from - the South but you can read more about that here

Sarah invited me to guest post today! She suggested a drinking game - but truth be told, I like to test everything I post about and I couldn't even get half way through my drinking game without passing out....so there's that. In case you are wondering, it was a True Blood game (yes, clothing required...or not, whatever your fancy). 

So I thought - what would Sarah's readers like??? Would they like a food post...nooo....a post all about muah.....noooooooooooooo...what would they like?! Then it hit me. Start at what I am good at - HAIR. Not to mention one of Sarah's first tweets to me was about my hair (thank you Sarah), so I figured why not! 

So without further ado:

How To Get Perfect Hair Waves HOT IRON HOLSTER

One hair style that I posted a few times on my instagram is my hair waves.  I actually took a vote to see if you guys wanted a tutorial and it turns out you did! SO this is how I get my Perfect Hair Waves.

Step One - Separate your hair into layers. We will start from the bottom first. Lightly spray with hairspray.

Step Two - Grab a decent size chunk of hair - about an 1-2 inches. Then, using a 1 1/2" curling iron, curl your hair starting at the top of the hair section. Hold for a few seconds and then continue to curl down the hair section. Once you have the hair section completely wrapped up in the curling iron hold for about 7-12 seconds and release in a downward motion. Lightly spray and continue through the rest of the sections. Repeat this step for the rest of your layers. Typically I have about 5 layers (the top section taking up two of those). One key thing to remember when curling your hair is to curl your hair with the barrel. When you curl away from the barrel your hair will kink!

How To Get Perfect Hair Waves


Step Three - Grab the section that you want to pin back - typically I grab the group of hair right above the half way point (at the eyebrow level). Separate into three sections, twist back each section and insert a bobby pin to hold.
How To Get Perfect Hair Waves




Step Four - Tease as necessary. My hair doesn't need it because of all the volumizer I use. Finish with hairspray.

How To Get Perfect Hair Waves


How To Get Perfect Hair Waves











































Step Five - Done! Don't brush the curls out, they will relax into waves throughout the day. Because of the size of the curling iron, your hair won't have tight curls to begin with so don't worry. This is how my hair looks right after it's curled. The second picture shows my hair after a few hours at work. Not bad right?! The trick is not brushing it out after curling.

How To Get Perfect Hair Waves


The tools that I used to complete this look are my curling iron, hair spray, bobby pins, and Hot Iron Holster.
Pin this for later - because you know you will want to come back to it!
How To Get Perfect Hair Waves









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