Venus Trapped in Mars

23 November 2010

Damsel In His Mess

Need a new blog name. The planets Venus and Mars are copyrighted....

Here is my new blog name (unless you guys have some other ideas?!?!?!)

Damsel In His Mess (my top pick)

Also thought of:

Tomboy meets girl

Romo and Juilet (mom's idea)

1st and Tension


I'd love some other ideas though!!!!! I'll keep you updated on my progress of switching the name over. I'm taking this as an opportunity to maybe do some redesigning and make the blog more personal and not so anonymous.

PLEASE please please, if my followers are listening, stick with me through this process, I love writing for everyone!!!!!!

19 November 2010

I thought it wasn't cheating if you are sexting a different area code?

Right now there are several people on the HOT seat so to speak. Tony Parker is target numero uno right now!

Tony Parker

Nothing gets my blood pumping like a hollywood/sports star battle in the media. It is all so entertaining. He said this, she said that, she looked crooked at me, he made a rude hand motion behind my back, blah blah blah. 

Their (Eva and Tony) split stems from reports that Tony has been running up their texting bill. Side effects from this was the discovery of Tony's sexting habit. Tony allegedly was having a sexting relationship with his ex-teammate's gal pal, Erin Berry. Although they were reportedly having a sexting relationship, they claim it is over and they never maintained any form of physical relationship. I have such a hard time typing on my iphone sometimes it just seems like you would have a serious case of carpel tunnel after a sexting relationship (and arthritis is your wrist if you are Tony---- from the follow through of your jump shot I mean!)

What is the deal with all these athletes sexting abuse issues? Bret Farve is doing it so everyone else has to do it too? 

Well, from a girl's perspective, it appears chivalry is dead. It used to be girls were courted for months and a guy would finally get the guts to kiss the young lady goodnight on her front stoop after walking her home. Now a days you don't even get so much as a big mac before pro athletes are texting you pics of their junk. 

If I were AT&T or Verizon I would add a sexting plan. It would be a separate charge for MMS messages that house pictures of their dude parts. When you send this message it will have a warning message before the receiver opens it:

DISCLAIMER: only open if you are a tramp and have no desire to start a family with a respectable man. If you have zero self esteem and no motivation for life check the I accept message button. 

Instead of picture messaging it can be called junk mail!

"You've got Junk Mail!"

 You can cut me a check later AT&T and Verizon. I'll make the app for that.

And the icing on the cake is that Tony Parker has already hired a lawyer for the divorce, the same guy that is representing Brent Berry, Erin Berry's ex! I'd like to go to that Lawyer's client appreciation party!

Happy JMS-ing Venus Lovers!






18 November 2010

Thirsty Thursday: You're Invited!

Cocktail Time!

When: Thanksgiving Day
Time: 12:30, Kickoff of the first football game (Lions vs. Pats)


This year it's just Mr. Venus and myself sharing Thanksgiving together. Our families are each far away which makes me very sad. But I am very happy to get to spend our first married Thanksgiving together! Here are some refreshing cocktails you can share at your Thanksgiving get together. These drinks are meant to be shared with many friends and family over a great football game!

I snagged these drink ideas off Glamour and best of all, in true Venus fashion, they are all under 200 calories!


 Alternate Mudslide

Doesn't this look like a yummy choice in front of a warm, crackling fire with the game on the big screen while you watch your hubby hang the Christmas decorations?

1 splash Peppermint Schnapps
1/3 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream
1/3 oz. Kahlua

Pour the Bailey's first. Then tilt the glass and pour theKahlua in so it slides under the Baileys and forms a distinct sepearte layer. Finally pour the Peppermint Schnapps in last and settle out on top. If done correctly there will be three distinct color layers and the concoction will taste like a peppermint patty.

YUM.



Sour Apple Martini

I had no idea this was lower calorie but it only packs in about 160 calories vs. around 250 or more for the traditional cosmo.

2 oz. DeKuyper Sour Apple
2 oz. Vodka
1 splash 7 up
1 splash sour mix

Shake with ice and strain into a cold martini glass. Garnish with a think apple slice




Champagne

I will personally be toasting life with some bubbly on Thanksgiving. There are so many things I am Thankful for and one is a tasty treat like Champagne with only 85 calories per serving! I'll take seconds please!

Happy Thanksgiving Venus Lovers!

17 November 2010

Workout Wednesday


Here is my selfish attempt at a new weekly post. My post-wedding weight gain has been terrific! And by terrific I mean I look like Michael Moore's evil twin sister.

Ok well maybe that is a tad dramatic but I need to take off these LB's I gained after the wedding. It seemed that I ate healthy for so long and then as soon as the wedding day came I made it a personal goal to eat as many possible calories as I could get my hands on without getting sick. We are talking stuff I never eat, ever! McDonald's, Wendy's, Pizza (scratch that I could eat pizza all day everyday). I think I even managed to convince myself that chips and salsa was a food group. So now, 18 days later it is time to stop this nonsense!

So to inspire myself to go to the gym, I will write about it. After all, power girl needs to look hot while she is schooling all the guys on sports right? What if you look like Susan Boyle while hanging with your favorite guy pal,? If you attempt to talk sports, don't be surprised when he assumes you are that new guy that moved in across the street and tosses you a brewski and a bag of cheese puffs. Not good for your dating life!

When I go to the gym nothing is more terrifying than thinking about getting on that treadmill for 30 whole minutes or trudging through an elliptical workout. Yeah, most gyms now have televisions on each machine which is splendid but unless there is a Real Housewives marathon on it still doesn't motivate me.

What does motivate me is great music. Now great music is different from person to person obviously, but I have a very wide range of music that I love (rap, pop, rock- classic and southern, country etc). I get really mad at magazines like Fitness and Self when they post workout mixes and it has crap like Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. Don't get me wrong, love this song, but if that is a get pumped workout song then slap me across the face and call me Sally.

In this post I want to talk about my favorite RAP workout songs. If you are my mother reading, and you think Rap music is the Devil's plan for world domination, then fear not, I will be posting different genres each week that I like listening to!

Not all Rap music, contrary to my mother's beliefs, is about wife beating and cocaine. Please, most rappers aren't even married ! :)

Rap Music On My Workout Playlist Right Now
(30 minutes ish. This will get you through one good, hard treadmill run)
Feel free to click on the logo and it will take you right to Amazon


Artist: Wiz Khalifa
Song: Black and Yellow  


Get Big [Explicit]

Artist: Durrough
Song: Get Big (remix)
Note: make sure you get the remix because it has a shoutout to my boyfriend, Tony Romo!


Gucci Time (Feat. Swizz Beatz) [Explicit Album Version]
Artist: Gucci Mane ft. Swizz Beatz
Song: It's Gucci Time

Look In The Mirror [Explicit]

Artist: Yo Gotti
Song: Look In the Mirror

Hope She Cheats On You (With A Basketball Player)

Artist: Marsha Ambrosius
Song: Hope She Cheats On You
Power girl's ultimate break-up-get-back-at-that-jerk song


Monster [Explicit]

Artist: Kayne featuring Jay-Z, Niki Minaj, Rick Ross... well just featuring everyone
Song: Monster



Right Above It [Explicit]

Artist: Lil Wayne ft. Drake
Song: Right Above It

Intuition

Artist: Jaime Foxx ft. T.I. and Soulja Boy
Song: Yup That's Me!

Let me know if you have any other go-to rap songs that I need to download ASAP!

Happy Jamming Venus Lovers!

11 November 2010

Thirsty Thursday: Dry Campus My Rear End!

I attended a large division one university for 4 years. By 4 years I mean 4 and a half. Did anyone really think I was going to miss the opportunity for one more football season and free tickets? Heck no! The school I went to was a dry campus. This means no alcohol in the dorms, the stadiums, the classrooms, the fraternity houses, the library... GASP!! Yes, I may or may not have had a cocktail in the library which may or may not have contributed to that last half year. Only kidding, I had a great GPA and I was super studious. I would study for a whole hour a week and 2 hours the finals week! :)

So back to this dry campus dilemma. Most of the time, the university just looks the other way when it comes to tasty cocktails for college students, aka a keg of natty light, especially in the fraternity houses or at football tailgates. But what do you do when they don't look the other way and a police officer is standing there ready to search your bag and find your stash of liquor? For instance, what if it's game day and you need to get those Jack Daniels mini bottles into the stadium. Or it's about to be tip-off at the basketball game and the security guard is checking purses at the gate. You just know he is going to confiscate that flask you had with you on the drive over. What ever is a girl to do?

Here are my fail safe tips and tricks (and also a few things that didn't work!) to sneak your precious booze into your favorite college sporting events!

1. FAIL

I bought this fabulous pair of Burberry sunglasses in the fall of 2007.

Yes I was 20 years old and a college student and not rich, so the $295 we will call an investment in fashion! Carrie Bradshaw once said, "I like my money right where I can see it, hanging in my closet." So I am going to pull that card. Anyways it came with this case...




This case is quite large inside and would hold, I dunno, we will say potentially something the size of about 4 mini bottles. Well me being the logistically-savvy college student I decided, hey! Let's put my mini bottles IN my sunglass case and when they search my purse at the gate they will surely won't ask to check inside there?! Here is where I went wrong: I had the sunglasses on my face so it was clear there were no sunglasses filling my case. And then I failed again: went to the LADY cop on a power trip. UGH.

FAIL: Searched my sunglass case to find 4 bottles of Jack Daniels and they were confiscated on the spot.

2. Pass

This task involves much preparation. Well, not that much but a little more planning that the previously mentioned idea. Do you guys ever get the Clinque  trial samples of eye makeup remover?
Well, these days with the rules at the airport, several companies make little bottles of trial sized makeup remover, face cleanser, shampoo, conditioner, perfume etc. Conveniently, after a quick run through the dishwasher, these serve perfectly as a holder for your clear liquors such as vodka, rum or gin!

PASS: I had a friend in college who swore by this procedure each game day. She kept them in her purse and was never questioned by any guards. She walked right into the stadium and enjoyed a tasty vodka sprite during the kickoff!

3. FAIL/Pass

Every purse I have ever owned has side zippered pockets on the inside lining of the purse. I usually keep my cell phone in there so I can quickly reach for it, but according to Mr. Venus my cell phone is always in my hand while I compulsively text. I am a texting addict. I also keep my keys there or sometimes lip gloss. It zips up nicely so that no one can see the inside pocket. Ding Ding Ding- at a tailgate I thought to myself, duh! Take out that other crap and throw a bottle in there!

Pass: I have several girlfriends who do this religiously and get their mini bottles into the game every time. No one asks them to unzip the pouch and they prance right through.

Where I failed on this one: Well I was already 3 sheets to the wind (those darn 7pm kick offs get me every time) and I thought how on earth can I possibly drink MORE liquor tonight? But beer, beer I can do! So I proceded to insert a full can of beer into my zippered pouch. Then insisted the pooch on the side of the purse blended in. Well that blended in about as much as the girls from Teen Mom blend in at their high school with their oops-pooch. Confiscated. Again.

4. Pass

Now that it is November, temperatures have drastically dropped. It is time to bring out the cable knit Polo sweaters and Northface fleeces. These are bulky and don't give a lot of information away.

Pass: Put the mini bottles in your bra. First of all, it won't be noticeable under your many layers, and second, if a security guard feels your lady parts up, that is a one way pass to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. You can thank Victoria's Secret for that tasty rum and coke you get to enjoy at the game!

5. Pass

I am a big fan of cowboy boots at sporting events. Think how cute this Anthropologie dress would be with a cute pair of cowboy boots?
Or if you are slightly above the Mason Dixon line switch the cowboy for a more city boot like these from Zappos.
I LIKE:
Liat by Eric Michael at Zappos.com
Liat by
Eric Michael
Zappos.com - Powered by Service

Pass: Stick some mini bottles in your boots! You can push them far down by your ankles where the boots are a bit wider and you will have plenty of room to sneak your booze into the big game.

6. Tips

Here are some tips from me to you:

  1. Avoid women guards at all costs. They are usually more thorough than male cops and are out to get the cute girls. Plus your sweet southern charm or fierce confidence will be able to flirt your way out of most situations with male officers
  2. Go at times when there are long lines. Long lines= not as thorough checks of the purse.
  3. Use big purses. I am a fan of the big purse anyways and there is more square footage and, in turn, more hiding places for the liquor
  4. Buy mini-bottles. Flasks are cool to have and come in handy at events where alcohol is LEGAL but it just isn't feasible for sneaking in to a game.
  5. Be 21. Being under 21 and possessing alcohol is just a bad, bad idea so only take my suggestions if you are of legal drinking age!
Happy Booze Sneaking Venus Lovers!

08 November 2010

The WADEing pool for a job just grew by one

It's official, Wade Phillips, the worst coach ever is finially gone from the Cowboys. The Cowboys have started the NFL season 1-7 and the straw that broke the cowboy's back happened last night after a brutal beating by the Greenbay Packers yesterday, 45-7.

According to ESPN, Jerry Jones, the owner of the Cowboys (and part time crypt keeper- I mean have you seen his wrinkles? You are rich, get a night cream!) fired Wade this morning.

Not to mention my boyfriend, Tony Romo, is out for the next several games due to a fractured clavicle. See ya Cowboy's postseason, see ya fantasy football victory...

Woe is me!

Or WADE-is-me, if you will...

I'll be back when my depression wears off Venus Lovers...

06 November 2010

Southern vs. Northern Football

I debated posting this for fear of losing my northern fans. I am just starting out so it is difficult for me to play favorites right off the bat! I'll put it this way, even though I am trying to keep my anonymity, I am from the South. BUT for all my Yankees out there, my dad was born and raised in Rhode Island, and he was a helluva man, so don't write me off just yet!

I just have to share this with you guys. I am currently in a very good mood because my football team, the love of my life, is currently winning and it has been weeks since I have had this feeling. Yes, weeks I tell you.

My team didn't even pull off a win on my wedding day. The nerve! I thought about calling off the wedding since I was so distraught over the loss but I stayed level headed and got hitched last weekend woo hoo! More of those details to come...

But till then, enjoy this comparison of Southern vs. Northern football I got from this fabulous blog I just stumbled upon Southern and Preppy.

Women's Accessories
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, water proof mascara,and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's why we have boyfriends.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Mothers:
NORTH: Don't care if their daughters know what a football is.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to buy a new outfit for Homecoming each year and marry a football player.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Guliani
SOUTH: General Neyland

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, put name on waiting list for tickets, then still have to camp out.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hungover students that might actually make it to class.

Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Week of Big Game:
NORTH: Don't even know who they are playing on Saturday.
SOUTH: Choose outfit + accessories with school colors in mind, make signs to support the home team, get shakers ready, pray for a victory, and bow down or try to high-five football players when you see them in their pre-game "walk".

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV, wondering why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera, cheer tirelessly, and wave banners.

Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Hootie and the Blowfish," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon. Televisions set up with satellite dishes so you don’t miss any football games shown that day.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?"  When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a souvenir plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, illed less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for ourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary {Male Fan}:
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch -tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary {Female Fan}:
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.


After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.