Venus Trapped in Mars

24 October 2010

Football 101: Defensive positions

Growing up I heard this phrase over and over again... "Offense sells tickets, defense wins games." To be quite honest I never understood how defense can win games if they aren't the ones scoring? I especially hated this because my coaches would always utter this phrase right before I heard, "10 suicides, GO!"

All in all though the offense is very important and they can score and score and score, but if your defense can't stop the other team it will be an ongoing blood bath of points (although this would be good for my fantasy team, so once again playing into my theory that I don't like that phrase above!)

Just to continue my rant since I am good at that, my final point is that yes offense does sell tickets and isn't that what it is all about anyway? If you had a defense going around winning games all over the place, but no one is in attendance with their face value ticket price, or higher because they got ripped off by some bum scalper, well then, Mr. Jerry Jones (Cowboys Owner) you don't have a team now do you? So YAY Offense!

I am going to try and put aside my bias for the offense long enough to explain defense 101! There are 3 different groups of people to a standard defense. 

Here is an award winning diagram of a standard defense...




THE FLUFFYs: 4 SEEMINGLY OBESE DUDES--- THEY ARE NOT FAT, THEY'RE FLUFFY!

You have 4 guys lined up that are equivalent to the "Fattys" I talked about in the offensive position post. A Fluffy is basically a defensive fatty. We will call these 4 guys the "Fluffys" because after all they aren't fat, they're fluffy!

On the end of each side are the fluffy's defensive ends. Their job is to make sure none of the hotties get around them on the outside.  Simple as that. They each try to keep their eyes on the ball carrier and either bring them down, or force them back to the middle where they have a fellow fluffy to try and help take the ball carrier down.

Then in the middle for the fluffy's are the two defensive tackles. Their job is to stop any run plays up the middle or to stop any advances from the QB. They try and pressure the QB on any passes he makes as well. 

THE 3 STOOGES ON STEROIDS: 3 massive dudes that could smash your head in.

Image Courtesy of www.shop.dispatch.com


The next 3 guys behind the Flufys are The 3 Stooges On Steroids: aka the linebackers. They have traditional nicknames of Sam, Mike and Will. 

Sam: Strongside linebacker. Mike: Middle linebacker. Will: Weakside Linebacker

The linebackers have a lot of responsibility. Their goal is to stop any run that the fluffys let get through initially. They also are asked to cover any passes that may be delivered in their area of coverage. The strongside is the most important position for the linebackers. They are stationed where the most receivers will be. If they offense has a wide receiver and a tight end on one strong side, they have the responsibility of stopping their run or covering the pass for anyone on their side.



The Bad Boys: 4 guys that are equivalent to your hotties they are just on the other side of the ball (every girl secretly likes the bad boy!)

I love the Hotties on the offense. I mean, they are great, they clearly sell tickets as discussed before. And they are super talented and it takes tons of effort to not try and be a sniveling little girly groupie with your love for the Hotties. 

BUT let's think about this scenario...

I'm going to drop a Glee reference. Since you read this blog I'm sure you were the most popular girl in high school, the cheerleading captain and class president. I bet you dated the quarterback. You were Quinn from Glee!

Image Courtesy of www.fanpop.com
 Finn was your main squeeze. He was clean cut, well-mannered, supported your presidency of the celibacy club and always finished his sentence with yes ma'am! It was a no-brainer that you were perfect together.
Image Courtesy Of www.chauvachines.com

But on the other side of the field was Puck. Puck has a mohawk, a tough exterior, and lives on the wild side. He doesn't have a polite bone in his body. He wears black and probably has a tatoo in some place that wouldn't be acceptable for viewing in a PG-13 movie. Puck lives to make daddy wait up for his little girl to come home from their date cradling a shot gun in his arms. 

Image Courtesy Of www.weendizzle.blogspot.com


So if you are Quinn, you know you should only have eyes for Finn, but why is your mind drifting to Puck? Because of the excitement of that other side and because of the thrill the bad boy gives you when he steals the spotlight from the Finn's of the game! Duh!

SO: Here are your "Puck's" on the field:

Cornerbacks or Defensive Backs: 2 guys that cover the wide receivers. Their only role is pass coverage responsibility. They either have man to man defense coverage meaning they are stuck like white on rice to one specific player or they are in a zone defense where they are responsible for covering a specific area of the field. They are required to deny any pass attempts or intercept QB passes. 

Safeties: They are lined up in the back of the defense. There are two of them. The strong safety is on the strong side of the field where the most offensive players line up. They are the LAST line of defense and must tackle a running back who may have snuck through, or must cover any kind of pass that gets launched downfield.

The other safety is the Free Safety and he has to make sure NO receivers get behind  him. He often makes game changing interception catches. 


Ok Ok Ok... So I guess the defense is pretty important and they work just as hard, maybe even harder than the offense does. But I still love the hotties on the field so maybe we will have a compromise to the old phrase... how about for the Venus lovers out there we change it to...


"Hotties sell tickets but the Bad Boys win the girl--- errr--- I mean game!" 

Watcha think Venus Lovers? Well, till next time, Happy Bad Boy Fantasizing Venus Lovers!

21 October 2010

Thirsty Thursday: Look in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's S----- oh wait, no, it really is a plane...

It is Thursday and BOY AM I THIRSTY. This will be a quick blurb of a post while the wireless in the airport is still on free trial! Tonight I am flying home for my one week paid vacation with my day job! YAY! It is not much, but to me right now it feels like a LIFETIME.

 I'm sitting in the airport right now blogging and it is very funny watching people when they don't realize that someone is looking at them. This one person is picking their nose, and there is another dude that is drifting in and out of sleep and he keeps catching himself snoring and jolts back awake. Hah, loser.

Have you guys seen the movie Love Actually? Love the part where they are filming in the airport and there is love everywhere and people are greeting missed ones at the gates...sigh...I just love that movie. I really wish that the guy who was secretly in love with Kira Nightly got a girl in the end but he didn't :(

Anyways, my goal is to hit the bar up on my layover and have one of these...

I have had a very long day and this is looking very appealing right now to relax me! Vodka and Soda with a lime! I like Skyy Vodka for the price I think it is really good and it is only like 70-80 calories for a shot sized pour and soda water doesn't have any calories! Yummy choice without undoing my whole day!

And maybe while I am sipping my tasty treat I will see a hunky ball player and we will hit it off and I will get his autograph and a free drink out of it?! My layover is in Charlotte so perhaps a cute Carolina Panthers player? Maybe Quarterback Matt Moore? Hmmm with 6 interceptions thrown on the year that could be a bust. He probably would try to give me his number but some other girl at the bar would end up picking it off.



Let's just hope OchoCincos are not on the menu for my own personal safety...

Happy Flying Venus Lovers


Images courtesy of from top to bottom:
margiearbizo.blogspot.com
www.panthers.com

19 October 2010

I'm alive.

So here is my posting complaining about how I have had no time to write. Whenever I complain and make excuses, they are 99% of the time very justified and legit. Here are the reasons I have not been able to write...

1. My computer was attacked by a liger. He broke into my house and shredded it like cheese. Then he slapped me across the face and took my favorite ruffled sweater.

2. My computer was returned back to me days later by his wife, Mrs. Liger. She accused me of cheating with her husband using my sweater as proof of my homewrecker-ness. She yelled at me, "You TRAMP, I never wear ruffles and it says property of Venus. Stay outta my marriage!!!" That was mean.

3. So I sat down to write last weekend then I broke several fingers the keys were so stiff from not being used. They then had to heal.

4. Real Housewives marathon was on.

5. Glee was on.

6. Then I was on a road trip, which was very fun! Downside, I may have had one too many LIT's and I was too fat to fit in the door of my office.

7. I then had to work off the fat and pounds I had gained on my road trip so I could fit in my office. This took several days.

8. I work a full time job at 45 hours a week and last week I worked around 50. SAD FACE.

9. Oh yeah and on top of all that, I am getting married in flipping 11 days!!!!! Worst part about that is I have done nearly the same amount to prep for that lately that I have spent on my blog.


Ok I'm done with excuses. I am here, and here to stay (sorry about cha!)

Now for the good news:

1. My vacation from work starts THURSDAY AT 5 PM!!! So that means lots of time to write and GET MARRIED! So I wonder, if I get married and need to change my name, will this blog be called Mars trapped in Mars? NAHHHHH!

2. I have started working on new tutorial posts (and by popular demand Defensive football positions) as well as some fun new topics to discuss weekly.

3. There is a ton of sports on T.V. we can talk about too. We got football, football and more football. Plus the major league baseball playoffs are on and college basketball starts very very soon! Whoop whoop!

So moral of this story: Get ready to be overwhelmed by the amount of Venus in the Air!

Happy Excuses Venus Lovers!

07 October 2010

Phillies Provide Trip to the Record Books for the Halladay

Yes Columbus day is coming up but that's not the "Halladay" I'm referring to. Roy Halladay is a pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies and he threw a no-hitter shutout against the Cincinnati Reds in his playoff debut!

That means he pitched 28 different at-bat attempts. He walked one of those players, but the other 27 he and his teammates were able to take down. Can you imagine the endurance that would take? A perfect game is when you face 27 batters and take down 27 batters. He was just one walk away from throwing a perfect game. That is incredible, in his post-season debut none the less.

This is only the second pitcher to ever pitch a no-hitter in post-season (aka the playoffs).

Imagine you are the Cincinnati Reds offense. And the coach has instructed you to start dating. So you all go to speed dating. You see 28 different girls. Of all the 28 mini dates you go on you get rejected time-after-time. They say you are too short, your hair line is too receding, your pants are too pleated or you just look like a wimp. Eventually 27 people have rejected you, all but one who reciprocates, but only because you made a mistake in the salary you put down (as in you wrote you make $125,000 a year instead of $25,000). You go on a date and make out a little bit but then she sees your bank statement and the relationship never goes past first.

How deflated must you feel if you are the Cincinnati Reds? Rejected 28 times. Ouch. Here is the bad news, they have to go speed dating with the Phillies AGAIN tomorrow night, then at least one other time in Cincinnati because it is best outta 5.

So here's to you Cincinnati, looks like you will need the support for your receding hair line in round 2 from the Venus Lovers.

Happy Game 2 Venus Lovers!

05 October 2010

Excuse Me, Waiter? My Cereal Has Something Sticky In It...

So I love Ochocinco. For those of you that don't know much about Ochocinco let me give you a little bit of background information you simply must know.

The NFL wouldn't let him put Ochocinco on his jersey unless it was really his last name. So in true Chad (formerly) Johnson fashion, he legally had his name changed. A lot of effort for a uniform you ask? Yes, you would be correct.

He was also the star of the ultimate catch. We talked about him before and his reality endeavours here.

I also follow him on twitter, here are some recent @Ochocinco tweets:

  • Holy #$@#, my pregnant pigeon came back to me.

  • #OCNImHungryNews 1st 85 folks meet at XO Prime Steakhouse for dinner, see you there. dinner on me starts at 6, drink till I get there #1luv

  • Everybody, I love pigeons too, did y'all know someone stole my pregnant pigeon?

  • Oh S.H.I.T= Oh So Happy It's Thursday.

  • Man I've got a flat tire on my Segway, do I go to the gas station for air or buy a new Segway tire, totally p----d.

  • People my pigeon is on nest rest, thank you for your concerns, she's registered at Pet Smart (yes that is how he spelled it) because I'll be having a pigeon shower #gifts.

  • #omgfact I used to date the lady from the funny Progressive Auto Insurance commercials, weird combo I know, trying to get free insurance.
So y'all get the idea!

Well, recently Ochocinco wanted to do something good for a charity he was fond of, Feed The Children. So he came up with the cereal OCHOCINCOs. A portion of all sales would benefit Feed the Children. He even put a number you could call on the box to get more information about donating to the charity... awww....


SKIIRRRTTT.........WRONG NUMBER FOLKS! He put the wrong prefix on the cereal box and it was the number to a sex talk hot line. Whoops!

How did that happen? I was a PR major and one thing I learned was proofreading and verifying all facts before anything goes to print.

Well, after reasoning with this, I have come to the conclusion that Chad applied to be on the Wheaties box, but he got passed over for media whore Peyton Manning as so many pro-athletes do (btw LOVE PEYTON MORE THAN LIFE), he wanted to get revenge on Wheaties, he would make his own cereal.

So he based the box off a Wheaties box, bought photoshop, and started typing along. Once his clever box design, looking just like Wheaties, was complete he poured some cheerios in there, posted it on his website and called it a day.


After all, he is a busy man, he does have a pregnant pigeon to care for...

In response he tweeted:
"Awe man I'm bummed about the cereal number mix up on the cereal, trying to do good and got messed up, of all the numbers why that one!!! Sorry."

Oh Chad!

If you are ever bored and want some fun, venture to his website here or play his NEW GAME and recover his missing belongings all over the country with Mad Chad.

I hear you can even recover a little treat from his pigeon!

Happy Proofreading Venus Lovers!

Image courtesy of

03 October 2010

Tony Romo Fan Club Is Dead

Since I care so much about Fantasy Football, I'm automatically assuming you care as well. Here is the bad news, I'm nearly last in the league because I have paid very little attention to the league thus far. Reasons why I have not paid attention:

1. Week one I was out of town and couldn't focus.
2. Week two I became obsessed with Dexter and had no time to change my lineup. For those of you who don't watch Dexter, go to your local video store or netflix and rent it immediately. Keep in mind though it is quite possibly the most addicting show on the planet and you MUST watch one episode after another. Same with True Blood. Addicting.
3. Yesterday my favorite college football team (they will remain nameless) had the most devastating loss in the history of devastating losses so I was unfortunately paralyzed to the couch unable to move for hours afterwards.  With that said, I was not able to change any of my fantasy players for bye week.

Now that I have made excuse after excuse. I am out of excuses. So I woke up bright and early with a smile on my face to adjust my lineup. I am here to play now.

I first thought, what would make my team better? How can I get outta this slump? Bingo, new name!

So my fantasy team name is now:
When In Romo...
...Do as the Jones-Drew

Hah! Yes I am hilarious.

I also picked up the Jets QB, Mark Sanchez because it is bye week for Romo. I picked up Dwayne Bowe but it is bye week for him too so I started Calvin Johnson and he currently has 19 points for me at half time. I ditched the San Fran defense because they are just too effeminate to be part of my team. I now have Seattle's D. We will see...

Get it When In Romo (formerly Tony Romo Fan Club). 

I'll keep y'all updated on how I do this week. As of right now I'm up 61 to 16 but we will see. I need Ochocinco to not ochocinco my battleship and Jahvid to do is Best. (hah!)

When in Romo Venus Lovers...