Venus Trapped in Mars

31 August 2010

WTF?! Moment of the Day: Golfer sparks an uproar

According to an article I read on ESPN.com...

Saturday was not just another day on the links for a certain golfer, we will call him Smokey. After a tee-shot that was not-so-great, Smokey, the friendly golfer found himself in the rough on his second shot. Anyone knows who plays golf, we have all been in a rough patch in our game!

Well Smokey begins his backswing and his club hits a rock on the way down. This rock sparked, which in turn sparked the very dry ground around it, which sparked a 12 ACRE BLAZE!!!!!

WTF!

So you are telling me there is a little boy scout somewhere in the world right now sitting there with a couple of little sticks in a little campsite in the woods for hours and hours rubbing those little sticks together in the hopes it will get them a little badge from the little spark it may or may not ignite; AND THIS GUY ACCIDENTLY HIT A ROCK THAT SPARKED A 12 ACRE BLAZE?!!??


WTF!


150 firefighters answered the call to help stop the blaze. Our golfer Smokey was quoted saying, "I knew i had gotten fired up about doing well on the back 9, but I didn't think it was contagious!"


No he didn't say that, but again...

WTF!


22 August 2010

Fantasy Football Team Names


It's time to sign up for fantasy football if you haven't already. If I know my girls at all, I bet ya'll twenty bucks you put more effort, thought and creative strength into your team name than your actual team itself. My guess is you have no idea who you will draft nor do you care as long as you have the best name in the league! My team name sucks, but I have had it for 4 years now and I just can't bring myself to change it.

So I'm going to live vicariously through my readers and help you guys pick a team name to stand the test of time (or just 2010-2011 season as the case may be). I know the phrase is don't judge a book by it's cover, but come on, if there is a book that is pink and sparkly and lined with Swarovski crystals, I'm going to pick it up and at least read a few chapters.

Same with your team name, if you have an AMAZINGLY hysterical team name that is better than all the others, you are going to win respect for at least a couple of weeks, unless you draft a kicker in the first round in which opens up a whole other can of worms!

My goal here is to have ya'll spend less time on your team name and more time analyzing your roster, which is the most important part of fantasy after all. Let's show those boys who the real football buffs are!

Step One: Determine what kind of league are you are in.
1. Does your league have dudes? Scroll down to step 2 if yes, step 3 if no.

Step 2: Co-ed: What kind of people are you playing with?
1. Office party - many different types of people all from your work place. Proceed to step 4.
2. ESPN news only channel on t.v.- must take a statistic test from previous NFL season to qualify for league. Proceed to step 6.
3. Friends and family- will grandpa be in your group? Proceed to step 4
4. Frat-tastic - Most perverted name wins. Proceed to step 5.

Step 3: Just us girls
1. Power girls- live in person draft, sporting favorite running back's jersey, full NFL network package in High Def purchased. Proceed to step 6.
2. What did I just give her $10 for? Proceed to step 7.

Step 4: Clean and funny team names: No profanity allowed, no inappropriate references to male/female bodily functions. Must win creativity points with football knowledge and humor.
- I'm thinking RB's (hah! now I want some cury fries)
- Waka Flacco Flame
- Take a Henne, Leave a Henne
- Farve dollar footlongs
- The 40 year old Viking
- forgetting Brandon Marshall
- What would Jones-Drew?
- FaBrees
- I like Hines 57 with my Roethlisberger
- Ochocinco my battleship
- The conVicks
-May the Schwartz be with you
- Home is where the Portis


Step 5: If you can hang in the fraternity house on Sundays in the fall and down beer bongs during the halftime of the pats/colts game with the best of em, you need a strong and severely inappropriate team name to make everyone else in the league uncomfortable, and in turn, view you as a worthy adversary. The dirtier the better. Unfortunately, I know my grandma reads this blog (hi nan!), so here are some funny, and only slightly inappropriate team names to get you started thinking like a frat boy.

- Panti-Raiders
- Love my eX's and hO's
- Romo Witten his pants
-I touchdown there
-Have Bush? Get Barber!
- My Vick in a Box
-Chad lost his Johnson
-2 inches Flacco, 4 inches Huard
- Nice Rackers
- Warner Before You Touch Her
-Kim Kardashian's Bush
- Dezzie Does Dallas

Step 6: You are the fantasy football expert. Your trophies from previous fantasy seasons have been polished, you've been studying training camps day and night, no one can stop you from making this league your BIA BIA! It is your year and Tony Romo Fan Club just won't earn you the respect you need. How bout you try these on for size!

-- You've been cut, clean out Urlacher.
- My Maroney has a 1st name
- Kibbles and Vick
- Berrian the Competition
- Addai Another Day
- The Celek Few
- I make it Dwayne on these Bowes


Step 7: You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into, but these names sound like something you would TOTALLY be interested in!

-Somewhere over Dwayne Bowe
- I'm bringing Hasselbeck
- Orton (hears a) WHO?
- Make it Wayne on 'em
- Rice Rice Baby!
- Casselblanca
- Justin Gaged
- Vince Young and the Restless


Stay tuned for draft tips! Happy drafting Venus lovers!

Image courtesy of:
http://www.footballbabble.com

19 August 2010

Thirsty Thursday

Here is one of the funniest quotes from Sex and the City: Carrie is dating an alcoholic and when she finds out he is in AA he asks her if she minds. She says, "Of course not! I hope to be one someday!"

It is kind of humorous to me how people joke about being an alcoholic. Quotes like the one above, talking about going out and getting all schnockered up and making poor decisions with friends on the dance floor or discussing with co-workers how badly you need to get your hands on a drink as soon as you clock out. Saddest part is I have done all the above! I bet you have too.

These are all very alcoholic sounding things to say but as long as you are NOT an alcoholic, people laugh, agree about how it would be lovely to have a peach margarita on the rocks with salt (yum!) at your lunch meeting for work, and joke with the group, "Hey! It's five o'clock somewhere!"

Well, what if you are an alcoholic.

If you say those things above to anyone you are with that knows you have a drinking problem I seriously doubt anyone will suggest to you that it's five o'clock somewhere, indulge. There is a big difference between sneaking a cocktail with a long time friend you haven't seen in forever on your lunch break, and downing a fifth of jack you packed in your flask for the commute on the subway to work at 7:30a.m.

If you have a drinking problem, your career will inevitably plummet real quick because no one respects you and certainly wouldn't want to sit in a cubicle next to you when your mouth smells like yesterday's news.

Do you really think it is different with an athletic career? Can you imagine being blessed with a tremendous amount of God given athletic ability, getting $10 mil a year to play a game you love and then flushing it down the porter potty because you're an alchy!

So here's to you, former professional athlete, for opening a spot up on my fantasy roster for someone who can handle their booze. DUI, you're NOT my guy! You're rich you freak, yellow cab only costs like 10 bucks home from the bar!

The following are pro athletes who swapped their penthouse suites for a more humble abode, REHAB!

1. Mike Tyson- Boxer. Also known as that guy from the hangover who owned the tiger that wound up in their bathroom the next morning.

2. Donte Stallworth- Wide Receiver with the Cleveland Browns. DUI Manslaughter. At least he wore a suit...



3. Tonya Harding- Figure skater. DUI- 2002.

It's just like I always say, "I'm a much better ice skater after I have been drinking... after a few cocktails my triple Salchow is sick!"





4. Charles Barkley- Legendary basketball player. DUI arrest 2008.

Ran a stop sign. When the officer asked Sir Charles why he ran a stop sign? Sir Charles responded with, "I was in a hurry for oral sex, she is on the corner up there, admit it, she is hott isn't she?" I kid you not, this happened. You just can't make this stuff up! Mug shot to prove it:





5. Joe Namath- No DUI here, just thought we would end with a classic crazy drunk creepy old guy.

Namath is one of the most famous and talented quarterbacks of all time. After 13 years in the NFL, he holds a membership in the football hall of fame to prove his awesomeness.


"Hi, my name is Joe and I like to party." "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii JOEEEEEE!"




Special thanks to youtube user Bradshaw3001 for this gem of a video...


Man, I'm thirsty. Oh shoot! Happy hour started at Applebee's 10 minutes ago. I gotta run.

Promise me one thing, when you think about getting a hooker, pause and remember to obey the law...

Just come to a complete stop at any stop signs before you pick them up on the corner!

Happy drinking Venus lovers!


Images courtesy of from top to bottom:
http://celebsolicit.com/
http://www.haitianmusicindustry.com/
http://www.glamorati.com/
http://www.losangelesduiattorneyblog.com/



17 August 2010

Here's To You Freshies

I was sitting down thinking about school starting and how much I miss college so much. All the little freshies moving into the dorms for the first time.

I remember when I moved in and there were cute fraternity boys lined up waiting to help unpack cars and haul luggage and boxes up 7 flights of stairs in 90 degree temperatures in August. I remember my mom and I looking at each other and being like these boys are so sweet to help us with everything. So this is what southern hospitality is all about.

HAH yeah right, they weren't sweet at all. They were trying to get a running start at recruiting girls to come to their parties. My name is Pete, here is my number if you ever want a "study" partner. Please, how naive were we? Yes, everyone needs a good study buddy at 2am on a Saturday night at a fraternity house.

Anyways, the biggest thing I remember on move-in day was that everyone was talking about the football team. "This is the Year." "Did you hear about the new QB?" "I can't wait until we crush the University of insert school you hate here."

Let me tell you about where I grew up.

The football games at my high school were a joke. You only went to see and be seen. Sometimes we didn't even go in the stadium because we didn't want to pay for a ticket. You know the movie Bring It On? Who am I kidding of course you do, every girl between the ages of 14-40 have seen that movie. Well, that football team was my high school football team. They were just dreadful. I think my senior year they finished with 1 win and 10 losses. The win was against the Virginia school of the blind and deaf. But really...

So when I got to college, I didn't know a darn thing about football. But I quickly found out you either learn to love, breathe, eat, sleep football, or become the biggest loser to ever walk the campus.

So I did just that. I became super fan! And still am to this day. There is no substitue for attending a major university with top sports programs. My best memories of college are from tailgating with my sorority sisters, losing my voice screaming for my team and celebrating the win afterwords.

Best part of being an alumnae now is that I can go back every year and relive my college days. I love my school and I want to wish every new freshman out there good luck. Here is my favoirte quote for you guys...

"You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does..."

---Tom Petty

13 August 2010

Baseball 101: Take Me Out To The Ball Game!

Although football season is coming up, I didn't want you to think I forgot about America's favorite pastime! Baseball! We are currently in the heart of baseball season. Their regular season runs from early April to early October. Starting in October the playoffs start. The playoff games determine who gets to play in the World Series. Winner of the World Series is crowned champions of Major League Baseball for that year. Then that team parties, hard.

"Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard!"


Let's start with the field. Here is another brilliant piece of artwork from yours truly...


The positions for the defense on the baseball diamond are shown. The people at bat are considered the offense. The people in the field are the defense. I will go over each of these positions in detail in their own post. Here are your defensive positions in case you cant read it!

1. First Base
2. Second Base
3. Shortstop
4. Third Base
5. Left Field
6. Center Field
7. Right Field
8. Pitcher
9. Catcher.

There are 9 people on defense at all times. Then there is you, in the stands cheering for your favorite team with some peanuts and cracker jacks.

This was you at a baseball game before you started to read Venus Trapped In Mars...


...And this will be you after!!


Haha just kidding, let's pray you don't end up like Lady Gaga and more like...

The Kardashian Fam! Love them! Just make sure if you have a baseball game to attend in the near future, you have a super cute jersey packed and you are looking the part!

Images courtesy of from top to bottom:

12 August 2010

Thirsty Thursday: 92nd PGA Championship: Why Booze is Not Permitted


Happy Thirsty Thursday Ya'll!
The 92nd PGA Championship is taking place as we speak (August 12-15). This event is the fourth and final major tournament of the golfing year. There are four rounds of 18 holes, so they play Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

This year the contest will be played in Wisconsin. Lame. What is there to do in Wisconsin? Errr I mean JK anyone who is from Wisconsin.

I'm sure Tiger will be able to find someone to do.... ummm errr I mean SOMETHING to do in Wisconsin!

So needless to say, alcohol is NOT permitted during the championship, here are a few reasons why I think this is a good idea!

I don't know about you but I think everyone is the funniest person I have ever met when I have been drinking and my voice gets 20 decibels louder after a sip of a vodka tonic. Then if I see someone I know... "OHHHH MY GOSSHHHHHH LIZ IS HERE MY BEST FRIENDDDD FOR EVER, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGESSSSSS AHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Truth be told, Liz and I probably had lunch together. But after I start drinking I just simply cannot control the VOLUME OF MY VOICE!!


Well, try getting all liquored up at a golf match where you are forced to be quiet by officials! When the golfers are about to take their shot, they usually line up and aim for like 27 minutes and complete silence is required. I think it is hilarious when a bird chirps and the golfer steps back to rethink his shot.

Was that bird really that distracting?? A real man can hit that stationary golf ball through anything. Golf is basically tee ball for adults. Not that hard!

***A beer bong doesn't really go with this outfit!***

Gotta hand it to golf. Super cute and preppy outfits are sported on the sidelines. The idea behind golf is refined, classy, ultra preppy, country club chic! Not...

...Last one to do a keg stand is IT!

Drinking decreases your awareness of what is going on around you. While on a golf course, you must always know your surroundings. Keep your guard up. Have eyes in the back of your head because you never know when....

...Bob Barker is going to kick the crap outta you!!!

And the final reason why it's probably best to not serve booze at the 92nd annual PGA Championships....

Don't Tase Me Bro!

Tiger decided at the last Players Championship that he didn't have room for any more player haters in his life. A man named Travis Parmelee of Jacksonville, Fl thought it would be a good idea to heckle Tiger on the 11th hole of the championship. When he was asked to quiet down by officials, he still continued his rant toward the golfer. So the police stepped in...

When Parmelee was asked how he felt about the violent reaction of Tiger and the police, he said, "Quite frankly, I was shocked!"

HAHA no he didn't really say that, it was just too good to pass on that gem!

So moral of the story is if you are thirsty this Thursday evening (or right now if you are Snooki) I would head to your favorite cocktail hour and ask for a channel change to see the PGA Championship, let's leave the tasers out of this!

Images courtesy of from top to bottom:

11 August 2010

Biggers "Players" In Sports: Part 1

In an effort not to overwhelm you just yet, let's take a break on the sporting tutorials.

Instead, let's talk about the biggest sports "players" on and off the field. These guys are not only in the athletic spotlight, but also in the bright lights on the red carpet. These leading men have won the heart of many of our favorite celebs that grace the covers of our must have magazines like Us Weekly and People.

Ain't no shame in these ladies either, you will see several of your favorites (ahem, Kate Hudson, ahem) linked with a bunch of different athletes. I guess the gals are PLAYING THE FIELD too! Pun intended hah! You have probably caught on by now the pun is ALWAYS intended with me!

Top 10 List: Part 1!

10. Matt Leinart

Quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals: 27 years old.
Fun Facts: Born cross-eyed and had to have surgery to fix. He was made fun of because he was fat when he was a kid (boo hoo).

Now on to the girls that need no introduction!Kristin Cavallari- The Hills Duh!

Paris Hilton- Ooops accidently took her Mug Shot- by no means was this intentional...

9. Flavio Briatore

Ok so I know what you are thinking, and the answer is no, I didn't include hookers in this blog post.
I know you are not going to believe me but this hideous guy has been linked with some of the hottest most famous super models in the world! Yes way!

Flavio Briatore is the king of Formula 1 racing. This is like nascar only less redneck. I'm going to be completely honest with you, I have no idea what Formula 1 racing really is and I'm pretty sure that knowing gobs of info on it will not get you too far ahead in the states.

Here are the women behind the man...Heidi Klum and OMG they had a child. YES, that is right a real life child. They did it. SICK! No judgement though. :)
Naomi Campbell.
Weirdo, yes. Issues with the law, yes. Likes creepy, dirty looking old men, you bet!

8. Alex Rodriguez

Third Baseman for the New York Yankees. 35 years young. Nickname: A-Rod.

Now I Ain't Sayin She a Gold Digger:In December 2007 signed the largest contract in baseball ever (10 years $275 million).

Funny interview Serious Sports News Network (SSNN) had with A-Rod:

SSNN: Now, you and Derek Jeter came into the league together as good friends, but lately that relationship seems to be on the decline. What’s happened between you two?

Alex: I slept with a couple of his girlfriends. And his sister. And his mom. But in my defense, I was drunk when I tapped Mrs. Jeter. And in their defense, I am incredibly attractive and talented. Look, all you need to know is that I love Derek like a brother – me and Derek will always have a deep bond.

Where my girls at...Madonna. Like a Virgin No More!Kate Hudson. I feel like we could be BFF's? No?

Forget Charlie, Cameron Diaz is A-Rod's Angel.


7. Lance Armstrong

38 years old. American professional road racing cyclist.

Survived testicular cancer and is the only man to ever win the Tour de France SEVEN consecutive times.

Big deal, I once had strep throat that lasted for like a week and still went to my sorority's date party that Friday night. Take that LANCE!

It's as easy as riding a bike, right girls?

Sheryl Crow. Was Lance your "Favorite Mistake?"

That's 2 for our favorite gal pal Kate!Ashley Olsen. Insert Full House reference here!


6. Tony Romo

MY MAN! YES TONY ROMO! 30 years old (Perfect Age!) Quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys (America's Team!). Great Butt (I mean that thing is good). Endorsed by Starter so anytime you roll into a WalMart you will see his shining face.


Oh and here are the girls he has been SUPPOSEDLY linked to, whatever! Did my best to find their "best" pictures for you.Carrie Underwood. She won some small contest called American Idol. I have never heard of her...Jessica Simpson. She is a public relations practitioner for Chicken of the Sea Tuna.

Candice Crawford. Ugh, didn't have any bad pictures of her. Miss Missouri USA 2008. "Show Me" something other than her ugly face please.


There are your top six "players"! What do ya think?


Better tune in next week for the top 5 players. Who do ya'll think will be my number one?


Images courtesy of from top to bottom:

http://www.stilettosetsports.com/

http://image3.examiner.com/

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/

http://www.celebritybeautybuzz.com/

http://joeljamescomedy.com/

http://jeffpearlman.com/

http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork.com/

http://www.topnews.in/

http://www.hollywood-stars.info/

http://www.topnews.in/

http://www.hollywood-stars.info/

http://www.blog.rm-uk.com/

http://imstars.aufeminin.com/

http://romomerchandise.com/

http://aslcdn.celebuzz.com/images/

http://img.listal.com/image/

http://www.nbc.com/Miss_USA_2008/

09 August 2010

Football 101: Offensive Positions

Next we are going to go over offensive player positions. This is very in-depth and confusing and you get into variations on the offense, special teams blah blah blah... With that said, I'm going to give you the super-easy-to-understand-impress-the-guys-in-your-life-version! Your welcome!
Let's start with this diagram I made.
Yes, I drew this myself and yes I went to school for art. PSYCH (totally a communications major! hah!)

Ok so see the guys with fat triangles, they are the offensive line. We will call them the "fattys".
Then the guys with no triangles, they are the rest of your offensive players and we will call them the "hotties" because they get all the love and attention from girls and are the most appreciated on the field.

"The Fattys"
So we will talk about the fattys first and get them over with. Duh!

Think of the fattys as wingmen for the hotties. The fattys protect the hotties from danger, but are the total reason the hotties are able to score.

Ok, I'm totally going to drop a Jersey Shore reference to help you understand better.

This reference stars "The Situation"
And "Pauly D"

There was an episode where "The Situation" and "Pauly D" go out together. We will pretend Pauly D is a fatty (even though he clearly would never be the fatty but just go with it) and the Situation is a hottie. Pauly D was on a mission to help The Situation get with this really pretty girl, but the pretty girl had a super ugly friend (aka the GRENADE) that followed her around everywhere she went. Pauly D blocked the grenade from messing up what the situation was trying to do with the hottie. He took a grenade hit for the team!

AKA Pauly D blocked so the Situation could score!

Let's go through the offensive line by each position

Center- Leader of the Fattys. The play starts by him tossing the ball back to the quarterback. Keep in mind this is the guy that sometimes, depending on the play, gets his bootay caressed by the quarterback!
Guards- There is a left and right guard. I bet you can guess who goes where! If you can't then we are in trouble here! They have 2 jobs. Job 1 - on a play where the quarterback is passing, they block the defense from getting to the quarterback (QB) and it gives the QB more time to throw. Or if they are going to run the ball down the field, they attempt to create a hole in the defense for the runner to move through.

Tackles- These dudes are HUGE. Not someone you would want to meet in a dark alley. We are talking 6'6 or taller and 330 pounds or more. Needless to say the Golden Corral turns the open sign off when they see these guys roll up in their parking lot. Their job is to keep the defenders from running AROUND the offensive line to get to the quarterback.

And do you remember this guy?
Well, he is a tackle. The left tackle to be exact. Most quarterbacks are right handed and tend to predominantly look only to their right, thus generally getting hit hard from the left side. The left tackles job is to protect that left side or the QB's BLIND SIDE.... eh eh eh! Get it? Just like the movie! I bet if you had that bit of knowledge you would have not been as confused about what his role was on the team, while you were crying like a sniveling school girl!

Now, the left tackles who are real real good are some of the highest paid on a team. You are looking at 10 million a year. So those looking for a sugar daddy, look up! But if you are going to date a left tackle, I would get yourself a sam's club membership because guuuurl you better learn to cook in bulk!

Tight End- Ok so let's think of the tight end as the comedian of the group. He is not as popular as your hotties are and is still technically part of the fattys but in clutch situations he bails out the QB and is acknowledged as a hottie! Your probably like what?!

So time for another dating reference. Well, who do we generally settle down with ladies? When all is said and done and you dated the hotties like the QB, Running Back, etc. and they didn't work out, don't we all end up wanting to settle down with someone who may not be as attractive as the guys you dated in the past but you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh.

After none of the other guys can come through for you, there is the tight end who may have not been an attractive target in the beginning but he gets the job done in the end when everyone else screwed you over. I want Adam Sandler to be my tight end!

The tight end is a mix of a hottie and a fatty. His number one goal is to be a fatty and protect the quarterback. But, if it looks like the QB is in trouble because of a bunch of grenades running at him, the tight end must then make himself available for a quick pass from the QB. And voila, a fatty gets some love from the crowd

So that wraps up the offensive line... let's move on to some hotties!!!

Quarterback- I'm not going to focus on the QB as much as I am everyone else because I'm sure he is the player on the field you actually do know! He is the leader, the queen bee, the president, the man's man blah blah blah. He is the one everyone loves and knows. He throws long passes, hands off for detrimental runs and calls the shots.

Here are some things you may not know. The quarterback is a pansy and can't get hit. I'm not saying that he can't TAKE a hit he just does everything he can to not get hit. If your QB gets hit and he is out of the game, he is very difficult to replace. With that said, you will RARELY see a QB that will try and run the ball. There are running QBs out there but you are generally taking a risk.... for instance guess who is a running QB............. I'll give you a hint, he doesn't like puppies.

Yes. Michel Vick, can we say risky investment!

Anyways I digressed. But I don't have much else to say about the QB other than he is the heart and soul of your team. You lose him to an injury (or puppy mill) you lose your team. Cough Atlanta Falcons Cough.

Full Back- Lines up behind the QB as you can see in my very detailed drawing. Similar to a Fatty but he gets to be cool and line up with the hotties. Two Jobs. Job 1- if the team is running he runs with the running back and blocks everyone who tries to stop the running back. Job 2- if passing he hangs out right next to the quarterback and blocks anyone who tries to get to him.

Think of your full back as that girl in high school who was always trying to be in the popular crowd. She wants to be popular soooo bad that she is going to be completely possessive and sabotage anyone who tries to get in her way of that dream. The dream of sucking up to the popular kids.

If the running back is the "IT" girl, your full back is there. If the QB has the ball, might as well forget any chance of getting to him because the fullback will be attached at the hip.

Running Back- 2nd most important person on the field next to the QB. First job is obviously to run. If he is handed the ball, he has to find a hole in the defense and move the ball down the field. Second job is if the QB calls a pass play, he will block with the fattys for a couple seconds then make himself available for a pass from the QB. Thats pretty much it, but very important. Him and the QB are BFFs! I don't know if you remember the trend of the friendship necklaces that had the yin and the yang...
...but if you do, the best way to describe this is that the QB would buy the necklace and keep the yin side and give the yang part to the running back to wear! No matter what they always make a promise to come through for each other. Pinkie swear!

Receivers- So the last 2 positions left on my chart are the split end (aka wide receiver) and the flanker.

The split end is that guy on the far left of the field. He gets put way out there on the side so that it spreads the defense out and widens the playing field so on a run play the running back has an easier time finding a hole.

And by that I mean he really gets put all the way out there because there is not enough room for his huge ego and all those fattys to be together in the middle of the field. Just can't fit!

This is the fastest, most athletic guy on the field, and let me tell ya, he knows this. He spends about half the time running to catch the ball and then the other half celebrating how awesome he thinks he is.

Think of him and the QB as dancers. Do you remember when you were in dance as a little girl and you had your routines. You had specific steps you were supposed to take on specific counts. One two three, one two three, one two three. Everyone around you had to take their steps at the right time too. If the girls around you missed a step you would inevitably bumb into each other and the routine would be ruined.Same with the QB and wide receiver. These are called "routes" instead of routines like in dance class. The QB knows to count off his steps backward and knows exactly how many steps back it will take for the wide receiver to get down the field and into the correct position. And vice versa, the wide receiver knows exactly how long it takes the QB to make those steps backwards. Just one wrong move and disaster can happen and he either misses the target completely, or the QB throws to the wrong team!

Then finally is the flanker, another receiver. He is an easy target for the QB to throw to because he usually runs short quick routes and gets the ball a lot. Since he is further back from the offensive line, it makes it harder for the defense to get to him and easier to quickly throw to him for a few quick and easy yards!

Why don't you go share with a guy (dad, boss, boyfriend) that you heard that Santana Moss (FYI plays for the Washington Redskins) was recently moved from split end to flanker and that you think that will really help the 'Skins short game. Let me know what he says! If I were you I would try and change the subject right after that since we are only on like tutorial 3 of football 101! But I promise it will get you some attention! :)
Santana Moss- #89 for the Redskins



So you are over halfway there on knowing the game of football! How do you feel?

Images courtesy of from top to bottom:
Me!
http://image3.examiner.com/
http://static.thehollywoodgossip.com/
http://www.sutree.com/
http://cdn.view.co.uk/
http://www.topnews.in/
http://cdn.cagepotato.com/
http://cn1.kaboodle.com
http://static.guim.co.uk/
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/

05 August 2010

Thirsty Thursday

Every Thursday is Thirsty Thursday!

This Thursday I'm bringing you different yummy concoctions to serve at your next tailgate or party. Training camp and team practices begin this week for both college and NFL. So cool off from the August heat (or from the heat of these hot football players) with a tasty treat!

As a prelude to the next Football 101 tutorial: Positions, each drink is entitled with an important player's position every football savy girl should know!


The Kiss Me Quick Quarterback!
The quarterback is your main man! He is the drill Sargent and play maker. He controls the tempo of the entire offense. He throws passes down the field, hands off for touchdowns and even runs the ball in for a quick score himself. Most of the time he is the cutest one on the field too! This is Tom Brady quarterback for the New England Patriots... or you may better know him as... Mr. Gisele!


The Kiss me Quick Quarterback

Ingredients:

2 oz cranberry vodka
1 oz apple liqueur
3.5 oz tonic water
4 oz apple juice
Ice cubes

How to Prepare:

Combine ingredients in highball glass (or solo cup!) and stir.


Waborita Wide Receiva!
The Wide Receiver is the guy who catches the passes from the quarterback. Every play he tries to out-run his defender and catch the long pass. This is the guy who either gets the AHHHH!! from the crowd or the awww :( from the crowd. They keep us on the edge of our seat when time passes as the ball flies through the air. They have the best victory dances and are also known to be very cocky! This is my favorite wide receiver. T.O. (aka Terrell Owens). Now a Cincinnati Bengal, he is the cockiest of them all!
Waborita Wide Receiva!

Ingredients:

2 oz Tequilla
2 oz Cointreau
2 oz Lime Juice
Ice

How to Prepare:

In a shaker over ice combine the ingredients then pour into a salt rimmed martini glass (again... or solo cup for the ultra classy!) and garnish with a slice of lime.


The Jello-Shot Safety
The safety is a player on the defense that is the last line of defense for the team, and ultimately this makes them the most important! Their job is to cover long passes and tackle offensive players who have managed to get past all the other defensive players. Here is my favorite safety... Troy Polamalu of the Pittsburg Steelers!

Good thing he is doing the tackling instead of being tackled because that is some hair to grab!
The Jello Shot Safety

Ingredients:

6 ounces of Jello (large package)
16 ounces of boiling water
6 ounces of cold water
10 ounces of vodka

How To Prepare:

Mix the jello mis with the boiling water until the powder is fully dissolved. You will then add the cold water and vodka (party time!) Pour the cooling mixture into either shot glasses or paper cups. Put in fridge and serve at your next tailgate!


The Tight End Of The Road
The tight end on the field is a mix of a blocker and a pass receiver. Tight ends usually come through for their teams in short yardage situations. So if you have less than 10 yards to go for a touchdown, keep your eye on your team's tight end (hah!) My favorite tight end is Jason Witten of the Dallas Cowboys!

The Tight End of the Road



Ingredients:

2 oz Frangelico
2 oz Banana Liqueur
2 oz Whipped Cream
3 Nuts

Preperation:

Put all the ingredients in a shaker (except the nuts), add ice and shake well. Pour in a glass and add the nuts on top!


Running Back Bacon Shot
And finally, do you really want to win over the men in your life? Then serve this! The running back on the field is your ball carrier. They usually gain your team the most amount of yardage and they are usually the person's name you hear most often next to the quarterback! You may know this popular running back from Keeping up With the Kardashians, Reggie Bush!)




The Running Back Bacon Shot
Ingredients:

1 part Vodka
1 part water
Bacon Salt (any flavor) to taste

How to Prepare:
Pour vodka and water in a shot glass and top with an ample amount of bacon salt. Enjoy!

Boys will be "running back" for more!

Images courtesy of from top to bottom:
http://blog.themavenreport.com/
http://www.cocktail.uk.com/
http://giftqb.files.wordpress.com/
http://www.whattodrink.com/
http://image3.examiner.com/
http://liclique.com/
http://graphics8.nytimes.com/
http://www.cincodemayococktails.com/
http://www.terezowens.com/
http://xy.ar-cdn.com/